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Cell Phone Flop Out


HOOK'EMHOOAH

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On 4/1/2018 at 7:35 AM, Majorcholas said:

This and the UT pimp are my favs from old shag

Cell phone flop out is from hornfans...helll maybe before that.  There was also a story on HF years ago by some dude named Frogshido, or something like that.  It was about his night out in Dallas years ago...can't remember much about it other than he was conceal carrying and funny as shit. 

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On 4/1/2018 at 3:10 AM, HOOK'EMHOOAH said:

2:25 AM - We order two orders of fried pickles, a Cobb salad, a bowl of soup, two orders of Blueberry blintzes, two Rueben sandwiches, a hamburger, two cheese stuffed potatoes, an order of fries, and an order of onion rings.

 

I bet you can't eat like that anymore without consequences. I miss those days myself.

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On 4/1/2018 at 10:52 AM, bschoolprof said:

Much of that post is embellished no doubt, but the  poster died of a heart attack in his 40s, so maybe that was a typical weekend.  

If I remember right, that guy was also a huge douchebag IRL.  I mean like extreme dumbass clown show.  Still have no clue how that big of a tool could have penned something so awesome as that one magical post.

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2 minutes ago, Landomatic said:

If I remember right, that guy was also a huge douchebag IRL.  I mean like extreme dumbass clown show.  Still have no clue how that big of a tool could have penned something so awesome as that one magical post.

He was a lawyer, right? Pretty much all lawyers are tools.

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12 minutes ago, bschoolprof said:

IIRC, he started a thread on shaggy called something like "the top 10 fails of the little bobby stoops era" and the thread did not go well.  Shoulda quit while he was ahead.  Better to burn out than fade away.  

Yeah not sure if it was that thread or not, but he pretty much went down in a “wanting to fight everyone and telling anyone who would listen that he was the one who originated that one awesome post” blaze of internet glory.

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On ‎4‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 10:52 AM, bschoolprof said:

Much of that post is embellished no doubt, but the  poster died of a heart attack in his 40s, so maybe that was a typical weekend.  

Actually, Bluto Belushi died in his early 30s.

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1 hour ago, bschoolprof said:

IIRC, he started a thread on shaggy called something like "the top 10 fails of the little bobby stoops era" and the thread did not go well.  Shoulda quit while he was ahead.  Better to burn out than fade away.  

Yeah, definitely my favorite thread from the old site. So many classic responses. Here's the original post (unfortunately the formatting got fucked up, which I blame Kevin Morgan for): 

 

10-31-2011 04:34 PM #1
dipshit Array
Join Date
Oct 2011
Posts
45
 

The Top 10 OU Meltdowns in the Little Bobby Stoops Era

Hello Shaggy Bevo-ers:

I have been a recent addition to the site, but LOVE what I see. You guys can BRING IT.  

I thank Jason for allowing me to start this thread, despite the fact that I just joined ShaggyBevo.  

I think I got a "pass" to start this thread because I have a bit of literary "street cred"--at least insofar as it comes to my Texas Longhorns.  

Why?  

Well, my name is J.D. Horne, and I authored the 1999 Nebraska-Texas "GAMEDAY" e-mail that circled the globe a million or so times over a decade ago.  

If you haven't read that e-mail or don't know the story behind it, shame on you. The goddamn e-mail (which I originally sent to ONE HUMAN) changed my life. The least you can do is take 10-15 minutes and read the fucker. Here's a link to it below, if you'd like to have a look---it's like seeing an old friend you haven't seen in a long time.

http://40acresports.blogspot.com/200...for-horns.html

Suffice to say this: I am not a prolific poster, but when I post something, I generally have something worthwhile (or at least mildly amusing) to say.  

For today, and in the wake of yet another HUMILIATING, INEXPLICABLE OU loss to a pissant team, I offer you the "Top 10 OU Meltdowns" in the Little Bobby Stoops era:

The Top 10 dumbfounding, humiliating, visor-tossing losses in the Little Bobby Stoops era:

As an initial note, you should know that with the exception of TWO of these utterly humiliating defeats, OU was ranked in the TOP THREE (as indicated) for every soul-crushing loss. In all 10 games except a couple of games (where noted), OU's opponent was unranked.

Another worthwhile note: during the Mack Brown era, Mack has had a team ranked in the TOP TEN lose to a UNRANKED team a sum total of FOUR times. In 14 years.

Little Bobby has done it 17 times. Alas that I only decided to pick the TEN most degrading losses.

(for the purposes of this exercise, I will omit all of the national championship game beatdowns--they're in a class all to themselves):

10.
Colorado 27
(3) OU 24
(2007)
Oklahoma players strutted their arrogant asses into Boulder for an early season "cakewalk" and the OU faithful moved their trailer park of a state temporarily to the beautiful confines of Colorado, expecting an ass-whipping of epic proportions as a 20+ point favorite. They limped their sorry asses back to Sooner land on the wrong end of the scoreboard to an unranked Colorado team that finished 6-7 that year. Ohhhhhhh, but this was only the first game of a 2007 tit-sucking trifecta, as three of the best Bob Stoops era meltdowns come from 2007. Keep reading.

9.
TCU 17
(7) OU 10
(2005)
I'm sorry. Real football programs just don't lose HOME openers (yes, the game was in Norman) to the fucking unranked TCU Horned Frogs. You just don't. You know how the unranked Froggies celebrated their victory over the mighty Sooners? By losing to SMU the very next week 21-10. SMU finished 5-6 that year, with TCU being the only team SMU played in the Top 50 of the final computer rankings.

8.
Oklahoma St. 38
(3) OU 28
(2002)
Still reeling from their inexplicable loss to an ABYSMAL Texas A&M team a few weeks earlier when OU was ranked #1 (see humiliating loss #7, below), OU had somehow fumble-fucked their way back into the national title hunt and needed to merely beat the very average Cowboys (6-5 at the time) to secure a spot in the BCS Title game for the 2nd time in three years. And it ain't like the fucking Sooners lacked any motivation here, folks. I mean, just the year before, the Sooners had been knocked out of the BCS National Title game by losing to a horrific OSU team IN NORMAN (again, you'll have to wait for details on the 2001 epic gag-job, as it's much higher in the rankings). But for the 2nd time in 3 weeks, an OU team ranked #1 and #3, respectively, lays a big, fat egg against an unranked opponent. And don't even think for a fucking second the 38-28 final is representative of how badly OU was humiliated in this game: they trailed 35-6 in the 3rd quarter. Reports circulated after this second consecutive loss to OSU, that because of a lost wager, Little Bobby Stoops had to attend the post-game press conference with his own visor shoved up his ass and a remote controlled 100-volt electrode attached to each testicle. At the other end of that remote control, you ask? T. Boone Pickens...laughing his ass off.

7.
Texas A&M 30
(1) Oklahoma 26
(2002)
Just weeks before the aforementioned Oklahoma State debacle (Year II), when Little Bobby had to have his visor removed from his ass with a pair of very long needle-nosed pliers by the proprietor of Bobby Joe's Tires, Lube Jobs, and Cold Near-Beer (an establishment on the outskirts of Norman long known for its talent--and discretion --at removing large objects, alive or dead, from Sooner anal cavities), Little Bobby Stoops suffered an even larger indignity. Ranked #1 in every poll and undefeated in mid-November, they probably could've played the 2nd team the rest of the year and made it to the BCS National Championship game, as they did not have a single ranked team remaining on the schedule. So they showed up in College Station (if I may make an obscure "A Few Good Men" -Jack Nicholson reference) in their "faggotty-ass white uniforms" and apparently "asked nicely" if a shitty A&M team led by a freshman quarterback wouldn't mind bitch-slapping them across their faces hard enough to lower their cumulative "football player GPA" of 1.0. Note to OU: 1.0 GPA = bad. 1.0 ranked-team in the nation losing in mid-November to a suckbag Aggie squad = unfathomably bad. Sorry to use big words. Carry a dictionary, Soonerfan.

6.
Texas Tech 34
(3) OU 27
(2007)
This is "Game 2" of the Terrible OU Trifecta of 2007. Well, terrible for every fat, myopic Sooner fan. Absolutely marvelous for those of us that root for injuries and meltdowns every time OU straps on the Crimson and Cream and steps on the football field. Even though the Sooners had lost a couple of hundred Twinkie-eating 300-pounders after the Colorado loss earlier in the year, they had somehow squirmed their miserable asses back into the BCS title hunt, needing only to get by a weak Texas Tech squad to "stay the course." And, to be precise, I'm not referring to 300-lb football players here. I'm talking fat-ass fans lost in the despair of the post-Colorado-loss doldrums. Through a tragic combination of suicides (let me ask you this: have you EVER seen more people CRYING in the stands after OU takes their near-annual ass-whipping from a mediocre-bad football team?? It's absurd. And fucking hilarious), trailer pile-ups on the Interstate, and a few tragic incidents of "OU Fan Waffle House Syndrome": a relatively rare ailment exclusive to Sooner fans in which they half-choke, half-drown themselves in a 7-lb plate of 14 fried eggs and hash browns smothered, covered, bruised, battered, buttered, and devoured. But I digress. Blow-U had actually managed to get back into the title game picture, only to YET AGAIN get ass-reemed by an unranked Tech squad. Absolutely awesome job, Little Bobby "Whoops."

5.
(11) West Va. 48
(3) OU 28
(2007)
Which segue ways beautifully into the Third Game of the OU 2007 "Suckfest" Trifecta. Now, OU had just admittedly punked a #1 Missouri team to knock them and their midget quarterback out of the BCS title game and claim yet another meaningless Big 12 Championship. Soonerfan loooooooooves to talk about their Big 12 Championships. Why? Because it deflects attention from their utter failures and cataclysmically bad record in BCS Title Games and BCS bowl games. Lemme give you a hint, Soonerfan: in modern football, no one gives a FLYING FUCK about "conference championships," unless they're a means to an end: the BCS National Championship--the Holy Grail (and the only thing that matters) in modern college football. In a day and age where teams change conferences like high school crushes, no one (except you) gives a SHIT about winning the conference title, except that it's generally a precursor to get into the BCS Title game (but see: Nebraska [2002] and OU [2008]). And you've won like 14 "Big 12 Championships" in 11 years, parlayed those into 4 appearances in the "Big Game," and what do you have to show for it?? Precisely one National Title. ONE. You're like the Atlanta Braves of major college football. And in those 4 games, you're a SOLID 1-3 in BCS Title games and an almost equally stellar 1-2 in "standard" BCS games. "WAIT A MINUTE" (I hear the cries from Norman already)!!!! We're 2-2 in "standard" BCS games!!!! I'm sorry, Blow-U, you don't get credit for beating UConn in 2011. Beating the shit out of 5 guys wearing tank tops, shorts, and Air-Jordans just does not count as a legitimate BCS football bowl game victory. Fuck off. But, again, I digress. This game--other than the USC national game--was quite simply the biggest "laydown" job of a supposed top 5 program in the short history of BCS bowls and showed the complete lack of character of you OU fuckholes. Coming in as a two-touchdown favorite against a collection of 5'9" white-guys-sons-of-coal-miners with 4.6 40-speed and four junior college transfers, you were absofuckinglutely bludgeoned by a half-rate team from a fifth-tier state. If the good Lord were going to give the USA a well-needed enema, he'd either stick it in West Virginia or Oklahoma. With this fucking dismal performance, you made the choice easy for him. PATHETIC.

4.
(13) Kansas St. 35
(1) OU 7
(2003)
Love or hate the BCS system, in roughly 15 years of operation, it has crowned a unified, undisputed national champion every year. Save one. And guess the ONLY college football team in BCS history to fuck it up and cause a split national championship. You guessed it: the Oklahoma Sooners. They tweaked the system after this year, of course: rebooted their asshole computers, revoked the privileges of voters and computer programmers, and took similar measures so that you land-thieving assholes could NEVER back your way into a title game again, predictably get your asses whipped, and steal half a National Championship from two actual worthy teams. Had you a single ounce of self-respect, you would have voluntarily withdrawn from the BCS Title game and gone to the Sun Bowl or the Poulan Weedeater Bowl where you belonged. Kansas State lost to the Aggies in a similar scenario in a Big 12 Championship Game (except the game was close--in fact, it went to overtime if memory serves) and they tumbled from the BCS title game to the fucking Alamo Bowl. The same fate was deserved by you cocksuckers. So now LSU has to have a constant pissing match with USC over 2003. The sports writers--who were the only ones smart enough to vote USC ahead of an LSU team who just beat an OU team that wasn't even a conference champ and lost by FOUR touchdowns to a decent, albeit 2nd tier Kansas St team--get ostracized from the entire BCS process. Because of you assholes. You should have been ashamed and humiliated to even take the field against LSU (thus the #4 ranking for this game in the LONG list of OU humiliating losses). Had you lost 21-20 on a missed extra point, a fluke play, or crazy circumstances, then MAYBE I see you making the argument that you belong in the title game. But THIRTY-FIVE to SEVEN. Fuck off, Little Bobby, you groveling worm. You got what you deserved in the title game: a good ass-whipping and generations of hatred from two more states: Louisiana & California. Not that we'd need them as allies if Texas ever decided to just take your pissant state. If I had ONE spec of desire to own Oklahoma, I'd just troll around on opening day of deer season, get about 15-20 truckload of drunk guys with rifles, drive over the Red River, and you'd roll over like France inside 48 hours.

3.
Oklahoma St. 16
(3) OU 13
(2001)
OH
MY
GOD....
I have SUCH a hard time not putting this epic OU meltdown at #1. The fact that there are two losses by OU that are MORE humiliating than this debacle I hope will finally stick a fork in the notion that there EVER existed a "Big Game Bob." The evidence suggests quite otherwise: that "Little Bobby Stoops" is a fraud and perhaps the most overrated coach in the country. Little Bobby does ONE THING well--most every year, he outcoaches a very average University of Texas coaching staff, and every third year or so, he beats the ever-loving shit out of Texas (I'll say it: I remember 63-14, 65-13, and this year's 55-17). Apparently, that's enough in Oklahoma to satisfy the fat, sweaty masses. Hell, it's enough to build statues of Little Bobby. I can tell you one thing: Texas just doesn't give NEAR that much of a shit about OU. Don't get me wrong, I despise OU with all my soul, but if a University of Texas head coach had an 8-5 record against OU, but posted the 10 losses on this list, PLUS the national championship game meltdowns, the other BCS bowl meltdowns, PLUS the numerous losses that were AWFUL but didn't make this list (because I cut it off at 10), Texas Nation would be screaming for his head on a plate and I would be leading the chants. But for OU Nation, so long as Little Bobby is 8-5 against Texas, his bowel movements are floral scented and he can do no wrong. Personally, as a Texas fan, 5-8 against OU in the last 13 years is painful, but acceptable. We had ALL 13 years under an abysmal offensive coordinator in Greg Davis and a revolving door of serviceable defensive coordinators. And he's only up 8-5 on Texas? Thank God for Vince Young and Colt McCoy: without two of the best quarterbacks to ever play the game, Little Bobby might be 11-2 against Texas. I'll GIVE you assholes that. Bob Stoops and his staff can outcoach the FORMER staid and stiff UT coaching staff (but watch out you fuckers, let's see where we are in about two years when Harsin and Diaz have their feet underneath them and their own recruits). But yet again, I digress. Let's get to ALL the reasons why I CANNOT believe this is NOT the #1 most humiliating loss in the Little Bobby Stoops era:

--OU was ranked #3 in the nation, they were the defending national champions, with still a chance to make the national title game and defend their title with a victory.
--This was quite possibly the single worst Oklahoma State team of the last quarter-century. They entered the game 3-7, with victories over Louisiana Tech, Northwestern State, and Baylor to their credit. A veritable "murderer's row" in the victory column.
--OSU's win over Baylor was the week before the OU game. OSU squeaked out a comeback win against the Bears, whose loss to OSU was their EIGHTH consecutive loss in a 2-9 campaign.
--Had OSU not beaten the Bears to extend Baylor's losing streak to 8, OSU would have brought their own 6-game losing streak into the game in Norman.
--Yes, you read that correctly: the fucking game was in Norman. The #3 Sooners against an andolutely atrocious 3-7 Cowboy team in NORMAN.
--OU was favored by more than 30 points.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????

2.
Texas Tech 41
(1) OU 38
(2011)
For about the 19th time in 13 years of the Bob Stoops era (and I’m almost not exaggeratingâ€â€because I’m counting the time the dumbass lost to a shitty team yet somehow worked his way back into the national championship conversation), Oklahoma controls its own destiny to the BCS national title game. For about the 15th of those 19 times, Little Bobby Stoops loses a game that is so astounding in its scope, that words simply cannot explain it. Here we are in mid to late-October, the beginning of the stretch run, and OU can conceivably put it on cruise control until what is expected to be a CLASSIC matchup of an undefeated OU team against an undefeated Oklahoma State team on December 3. They passed the early test against a clearly overrated #5 ranked Florida State club early in the season. They pummeled Texas. They still have to play decent to average Big 12 teams mind you: road tests at a decent Kansas State club and a dangerous Baylor team and Iowa State and a decent Aggie team, but they get the last two in Norman. And, anyway, OU’s coaches have surely figured out the easiest way to beat A&M: give them a 17 point lead or higher in the 3rd quarter and watch them melt down (SEC doormats, here we come!). But down to brass tax: OU will be at LEAST two touchdown favorites in every football game they play until Oklahoma State. And the rankings are taking care of themselves. OU is ranked anywhere from #1 to #4, depending on who you talk to, but Alabama and LSU play each other in early November and, of course, OU will play OSU in what the arrogant Sooners (and strangely arrogant Cowboys) are already touting as the “biggest game in the history of Oklahoma.†Win out, and play in the BCS title gameâ€â€likely against the winner of the LSU/Alabama showdown. Texas Tech wasn’t supposed to be a blip. OU was favored by 30 points. The game was in Norman. Tech is struggling mightily to adjust to Tommy Tuberville after 10 years of video game bullshit under Mike Leach. This is the kind of game OU takes 65-0. Because if Little Bobby Stoops isn’t losing to utterly inferior talent, he’s embarrassing them. I remember the 77-0 unnecessary pounding of the Aggies in Norman (as I’m sure the Aggies do). Little Bobby either bullies the little piece of shit teams, or he outright loses to them. Now, OU’s national title hopes are completely in the shitter. They have too many teams to wade through, and all because they can’t take care of a THIRTY POINT underdog at home. You have to understand, peopleâ€â€this is CLASSIC Little Bobby Stoops. Yes, he beats Texas more than he loses. But that’s ALL HE FUCKING DOES. Say what you want about Mack Brown and Texas and all the (admittedly) sketchy coaching of the last dozen years, Mack has NEVER lost to a 30 point dog at home. Little Bobby does it every couple of years. Scratch thatâ€â€he’s actually only lost 3 or 4 times in Norman in 13 years, but at least 2 of them kept the Sooners out of the title game. So when Little Bobby’s Sooners lay an egg, they lay a DOZEN ROTTEN ones. To be fair, Texas lays its eggs (and most of them in last year’s disastrous meltdown of a season). But Mack just does not lose to utterly inferior opponents with the frequency or on the scale that OU does. In other words, with Mack as Captain the ship, Texas has blown a few props. Since Little Bobby took over and has been Captain of the OU ship, he just flat out sinks the fuckers. I meanâ€â€you might as well “go Titanicâ€Â, eh, Bobby? WOW. And I was conflicted whether to put this as high as number 2 in humiliating lossesâ€â€because I think OU’s an over-rated team this year anyway and are just NOT in the same area code as LSU or Alabama. The best they could have hoped for is to back in to another national title game and get kicked in the teeth by another SEC team. That actually would have been funny. BUTâ€â€when the SAME Texas Tech team that marched out of Norman with a victory against the Sooners got their ass handed to them by Iowa State 41-7 (yes, FORTY-ONE to SEVEN) the very next week, I had no choice but put this game at number two. Iowa State is abysmal. Tech is 34 points worse than Iowa State. And OU lost at HOME to the Sand Aggies. Inexcusable.  

1.
(9) Boise St. 43
(7) Oklahoma 42
(2006)
This is the second greatest football game ever played. The first, of course, is Texas 41, USC 38, when Vince Young and company came to California and bitch-slapped the “greatest college football team ever assembled†(as many pundits called USC). With their two Heisman winners in the backfield. The two-time defending national champions. Something like 38 games in a row they’d won. And Pete Carroll strolls his arrogant ass out onto the field like he’s playing UCLA in a scrimmage. Then he got a little taste of Vince Young up his ass. But damnit, I digress yet again. Sorry, OU. I’ll get to why this is the 2nd greatest football game ever played. And you know what? I’ve never seen the entire football game. I’ve only seen the last 45 seconds. But I’ve seen the last 45 seconds about 500 times. I actually tuned in live because I got a call from a friend that Boise St. was about to beat the Sooners and, being an connoisseur of OU humiliations, I flicked it onto the channel. Unfortunately, I tuned in JUST at the moment that OU was intercepting a pass and running it back to tie the score, and then almost immediately scoring its go ahead touchdown to make it 42-35, with like 35 seconds left in the game, and Boise St. either low or out of time outs. “Fuck meâ€â€those rotten land-thieves are going to get out of this game with a win.†The OU bench and the OU kickoff team assholes were dancing around and hollering and beating their chests like Mel Gibson and his fellow Scotsman after they beat the English at Stirling. What a spectacle. You guys get your ass kicked for 58 and a half minutes of the game, the Boise State quarterback has one “brain fart†and you’re Kings of the World? Act like you’ve been there, Blow-U. Oh…wait, I thought. This was a big, hairy deal for OU. They hadn’t won a BCS game in like three decades, back when they were running the wishbone. Ohâ€â€how the mighty have fallenâ€â€they have to act like they’ve won the Super Bowl when they beat a Boise State team they were 22 point favorites to beat. Anyway, I’m watching the game out of the corner of my eye, about to change channels. Boise State has moved it up to around mid-field, but there’s only 4 seconds left, so we’re just going to get the heave-ho into the end zone and it’ll be over. And then, my friends….then, just at that exact momentâ€â€other than Vince scampering into the end zone on 4th and 5 against USC to win the National Championship, the single greatest two minutes (4 seconds of game clock) in the history of college football ensues. First, OU falls for the “Hook and Lateral†(or “Hook and Ladder†as it’s known in these southern parts). No time left on the game clock, a Boise St. midget catches ball at the 40 yard line and laterals it to a smaller midget running like a streak of blue and white. OU is apparently trotting towards the locker room already, because midget #2 doesn’t see another OU player until he gets to about the 10 yard line, where he cuts at an angle and dives into the corner of the endzone by the pylon. OH. MY. GODDDDD. We’re going to OVERTIME. I am cackling like a rooster with pneumonia. I am literally laughing so hard that OU fell for the Hook n’ Ladder that I injure a rib because my laughing leads to coughing which leads to a rib injury. Then they show Little Bobby Stoops on the sideline. He is moving that visor back and forth, moving his head from side to side looking for SOMEONE to explain to him what the fuck just happened. I’m not sure Little Bobby thought the Hook n’ Ladder was a legal play as he was (a la Billy Martin) asking the referee to check the football for too much Pine Tar. Then Little Bobby just crosses his arms like the little bitch petulant child that he is and stares in disbelief at the concept of going in to overtime. I sit my ass down in the chair, still holding my sides laughing. HOLY SHIT. They’re not kicking it. HOLY SHIT. They’re going for TWO. No fucking way. This little pissant school from pissant city from pissant state (but, for the record, I’d work at a McDonald’s in Boise before I lived in Oklahoma) is about to put it ALL ON THE LINE on one play against Little Bobby Stoops. Seeâ€â€this is something “Big Game Bob†would do, if there ever was a fucking “Big Game Bob.†This prick never existed. And these last FOUR seconds of the 2nd greatest college football game EVER proved it. He was outcoached, outplayed, outclassed, outhustled, and outsmarted. And then, as a cherry-on-topâ€â€they trick-fucked him on the two-point conversion and dusted off the Statue of Liberty play. I’m fairly certain that other than at my daughter’s flag football games, I had seen the Statue of Liberty play run exactly….ZERO times in my roughly 35 years as a football fan. LITERALLY. I had never seen the play run, and Boise State calls it against Little Bobby Stoops to WIN THE GAME on a two-point conversion. No overtime. No coin flip. Fuck you, Bob. We’re the Boise State Broncos and we’re about to shove this potato right up your ass. Predictably, since no OU athlete had ever seen the Statue of Liberty play, been prepped to defend it, and never mind actually watching film (film just makes OU players sleepy), the Boise State running back scampered untouched into the end zone. Boise State wins. Little Bobby’s visor went airborne and he stood there with the most absolute classic “WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?†look on his face, it was my screen saver for two years. But I’m not done. Oh, no. Guy that scores the winning 2-pt conversion runs straight over to the cheerleading squad, drops to a knee, and proposes to his cheerleader girlfriend. On national TV. While Little Bobby is skulking off the field, still bitching about Pine Tar. Yes, Blow-Uâ€â€I know you’ve been beaten by lesser teams. MANY times. Yes, I know you’ve gotten humiliated in countless national championship games. Yes, I know I’ve chronicled what I think are the 10 most humiliating OU losses in the Bob Stoops era, and you may be asking yourself how this game can possibly be number one? They weren’t ranked much apart (although OU was a 17 point favorite). No national championship implications. But here’s the deal:

When you actually figure out how to fuck it up so badly and lose a game:

1) When the opponent is clearly inferior;
2) You have a 7 point lead;
3) There is 4 seconds on the game clock;
4) The other team is at midfield with ZERO time outs;
5) You’re such dumbasses that you’re likely all standing back there staring at the sky waiting for the “Hail Mary†while a little guy runs right past you using the Hook n’ Ladder;
6) He scores almost untouched;
7) You still have a chance to salvage victory by stopping a gutsy two-point conversion call;
8) But you fall for the Statue of Liberty;
9) The FUCKING Statue of Liberty;
10) I just CAN’T STAND IT: the GODDAMN Statue of Liberty (shit, there goes another rib);
11) And while you’re all running one wayâ€â€the running back walks untouched into the corner of the end zone that you’ve just vacated. 
12) And that’s not even the end of it;
13) While you’re all standing around with your hands on your hips looking like the assholes you are (asking each other asking each other “Why the fuck is Coach is yelling about Pine Tar?â€Â);
14) The guy that just drove the final nail in your coffin is on bended knee, holding a football and a ring, proposing to his girlfriend.  
15) Boys and girlsâ€â€it just doesn’t get ANY better than that.  

I look forward with GREAT anticipation to the next OU meltdown with Little Bobby Stoops at the helm. Coming SOON to a football stadium near you.  

Giddy Up.

 

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It was an awesome shit show!  Started out with the above post and ended in the OP challenging a sooner to a spelling be for $100,000 and someone taking pictures of the OPs gut at an underground poker tournament in Austin.  There was a bunch of other funny shit in there as well, I have no clue how that thread never made it into classics.

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6 minutes ago, Landomatic said:

Was just reminded of that time that one poster went missing and in a totally unrelated post, everyone realized the poster was the person who was killed in Dallas with his wife or something.  Damn that was some creepy shit.

It was his girlfriend I think and they went joyriding with a guy they met in a bar.  A creepy and tragic story, and a bizarre shag to real-world connection second only to the "txtow is the rock thrower; rock thrower is txtow" connection.  

Edited by bschoolprof
  • Hook 'Em 1
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Poster called txtow starts a thread about sticking it to towing companies, largely based on towing signage that does not comport with the law.  He quickly becomes a shag hero because fuck the police and fuck the man.  Sure, he seems a little off, but the thread is entertaining. His real name comes out and someone finds out he's been arrested or convicted of child molestation/sexual assault.  He disappears and shag has lost a hero.

Meanwhile, around the same time, there's a series of rock throwing incidents (at cars, causing serious injury and death) across Austin that go unsolved.  It's all over the news.  There's a long thread devoted it to it.  They guy is finally arrested by police and wait . . . is that the pedo txtow guy from the towing thread?  Sure as fuck is.  Holy shit.  Post arrest he claims he has AIDS and is crazy.  Peak shaggy.  

 

Edited by bschoolprof
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At Black Sheep Lodge, we were having a pretty big Shaggy HH and it was loud in that back room. Ank ordered 24 or some odd Jager shots for a memorial rally Jager in honor of Kenny and Kaat. Waitress comes back with some tater tots. Apparently, it was so loud she misheard him. "Why the fuck would I order 24 tater tots? Jager! JAGER!" She was a good sport about it.

RIP Kenny

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18 hours ago, Eastwood said:

At Black Sheep Lodge, we were having a pretty big Shaggy HH and it was loud in that back room. Ank ordered 24 or some odd Jager shots for a memorial rally Jager in honor of Kenny and Kaat. Waitress comes back with some tater tots. Apparently, it was so loud she misheard him. "Why the fuck would I order 24 tater tots? Jager! JAGER!" She was a good sport about it.

RIP Kenny

Reminds me of this: 3UHI.gif

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18 hours ago, GlenFromTheMailRoom said:

I can't be the only person thinking this....

"1:30 PM - I begin the walk to the Alamodome, somehow managing to stuff the "Traveler" and 11 cans of beer into my pants."

How the hell did you manage this? Obviously cargo pants right?  

This was the era of JNCOs, it was more than possible.

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5 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Wait, someone called ABIA to page Nick Saban just to fuck with everyone? If so, that's awesome.

 

Yeah, it was one of the greatest shaggy moments of all time.  Pretty sure some legit news places even picked it up.  I remember hearing about it (I think outside of shaggy) and someone jokingly asking which one of us assholes did it.  Turns out it was one of us assholes.  Can't remember which one, though.

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At least the 2nd time I've read this, but i'm not hungover, so it may not be as new next time. It feels appropriate to listen to "neon moon" about 10 times consecutively to honor this degenerate cocksucker and the rise and fall of the shag.

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