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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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1 hour ago, General Specific said:


Or mine that thinks of the volume capacity, not the total weight one can put into a trash bag…

Me: Just because you can put more into it, does not mean it can support a metric ton of stuff dear (said with much love and affection after the garbage bag rips open)!
Her: tone…

Just be thankful she didn’t put it all down the garbage disposal.

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Trip like that needs to be left unplanned with only a general idea of where you are going.
Well, we wanted to hit a lot of the big stops - Palo Duro, Mt Rushmore, Yellowstone, Redwoods, Bryce Canyon, Grand Canyon, Carlsbad - so we had to find a way to fit it all in and still be back home by mid-July so the kids can get swim lessons in before school starts again. I've got campgrounds or hotels booked for all 34 days, but extra stuff is mostly "Okay, we saw what we came to see and still have time left before we have to get to the next place. What else is around?" That's her job to look shit up and have suggestions ready if we need something to do for a few hours. And with 5 days left before we leave, she really hasn't done anything related to that. So I'll end up looking shit up on my phone like usual.
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Going to Yellowstone in the summer with no plans means you are staying 50+ miles from a park entrance.
We're staying near Cody which is about 3 hours from Old Faithful on the other side of the park, but we only plan to make that drive one day of the 3 we plan to be there. We'll spend the other days near the east side.
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1 hour ago, Modessit said:

Well, we wanted to hit a lot of the big stops - Palo Duro, Mt Rushmore, Yellowstone, Redwoods, Bryce Canyon, Grand Canyon, Carlsbad - so we had to find a way to fit it all in and still be back home by mid-July so the kids can get swim lessons in before school starts again. I've got campgrounds or hotels booked for all 34 days, but extra stuff is mostly "Okay, we saw what we came to see and still have time left before we have to get to the next place. What else is around?" That's her job to look shit up and have suggestions ready if we need something to do for a few hours. And with 5 days left before we leave, she really hasn't done anything related to that. So I'll end up looking shit up on my phone like usual.

That's sort of what we did last year. One month and hit ten National Parks. We started out heading west through the Grand Canyon and then on to Giant Sequoias/King's Canyon, up the coast because Yosimite was almost impossible to get into, Redwoods, Crater Lake, Glacier, Yellowstone, Tetons, Arches, Black Canyon and Sand Dunes with a whole slew of national forests tossed in the mix. We didn't make any reservations or plans beyond "this is the general direction we want to go and places we want to see." Most of those areas there is plenty of free dispersed camping on public land if you know how to find it, so camping wasn't really a problem, but we had a big van with a rooftop tent, so we could set up pretty much anywhere.

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2 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

Buy an $80 trash can for the kitchen. WTF!

Wait until it breaks and you have to buy another one.   I’ll give it a year since she’ll compact it with shit until that one day you go to take the trash out and it tears the entire top off.   I’ve heard about this happening.  

Edited by Trey3216
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We are now the owners of this pod holder thing, which is exactly like the container they come in. But this one is clear, which is important for some reason 
 
20210531_170401.thumb.jpg.b862986e9b4c2a31cc612a9b56edff8f.jpg
I understand your pain my bro. This was just from one pantry. I could do this all day. 5f5863c1e984b86770d8e4baf22c7ec9.jpg

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On 6/6/2021 at 1:20 AM, ROFL BOX said:

Went to the theater tonight to see the new Statham movie (Wrath of Man, I give it 6.5 ~ 7.0).  Wife didn't want to go, nor daughter.  Took Monster & met up with a friend.

Get home from flick, wife says "I was bored while YOU TWO went out to a movie."

Me:  "Guess who doesn't give a shit - you could have done anything else you wanted & taken ROFL-ette with you.  We DO have 2 vehicles."

Her:  dead stare - tone, etc.

Me:  Don't G.a.F...

 

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On 6/7/2021 at 5:46 PM, Frank The Tank said:

Seriously, how fucking hard is it to anticipate that we’re about to get out of the car? You know where we’re going, it’s not a surprise trip and I didn’t fucking blindfold you. All it would take is to see the turn or parking lot entrance and then put your phone down, slip your shoes on, do whatever the hell else it is that you couldn’t do while I was busy driving us everywhere all the damn time, and be ready to go when I put it in park.
 

Instead, I join the rest of you as we all just stand in the parking lot, fully dressed, waiting for them to get out so we can lock the damn car. 

  And then you have a daughter, and they both do it.....

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Or mine that thinks of the volume capacity, not the total weight one can put into a trash bag…

Me: Just because you can put more into it, does not mean it can support a metric ton of stuff dear (said with much love and affection after the garbage bag rips open)!
Her: tone…

This. When we moved, my wife didn’t bat an eye at filling a toilet paper box with books. First off, not a sturdy box to begin with- secondly, was too heavy to lift.

Her other annoying habit was overfilling boxes to where you couldn’t close them to stack other boxes on them.

This is why when we move the next time, I’m going to burn the house down so we can start anew.
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25 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:


This. When we moved, my wife didn’t bat an eye at filling a toilet paper box with books. First off, not a sturdy box to begin with- secondly, was too heavy to lift.

Her other annoying habit was overfilling boxes to where you couldn’t close them to stack other boxes on them.

This is why when we move the next time, I’m going to burn the house down so we can start anew.

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Like most people, we have a small waste paper basket in our bathroom that can hold several weeks worth of tissues/cotton swabs/whatever before it needs to be emptied.
It also can hold exactly 1 Starbucks cup before needing to be emptied. 
Every. Fucking. Time.
To prevent too much 'fluff' from overtaking the bathroom can, one at a time I stuff the tubes, one tube after another.

I do this until it won't hold any more. Usually 6 or 7 will stuff & re-stuff, I think.

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We're staying near Cody which is about 3 hours from Old Faithful on the other side of the park, but we only plan to make that drive one day of the 3 we plan to be there. We'll spend the other days near the east side.
2 summers ago, we did Yellowstone & the Tetons
Hostel in Jackson, convenient & low priced.

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2 summers ago, we did Yellowstone & the Tetons
Hostel in Jackson, convenient & low priced.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

Most of those places are booked thru next year's summer already.

We originally were going to take a week's drive up to Alaska, spend 2-3 weeks up there, then a week's drive back. But then Canada closed the border due to Covid so we had to readjust and didn't have time to book better sites. Looks like they might open the border soon but it's too late now to change plans. We might end up doing the Alaska road trip next year.

And no, we can't afford to fly us all up there and rent a vehicle/RV.

Wife was actually looking up things to do at the various stops today. She's made it as far as Seattle so far.
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8 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:


This. When we moved, my wife didn’t bat an eye at filling a toilet paper box with books. First off, not a sturdy box to begin with- secondly, was too heavy to lift.

Her other annoying habit was overfilling boxes to where you couldn’t close them to stack other boxes on them.

This is why when we move the next time, I’m going to burn the house down so we can start anew.

Wtf is a toilet paper box? 

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9 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

To prevent too much 'fluff' from overtaking the bathroom can, one at a time I stuff the tubes, one tube after another.

I do this until it won't hold any more. Usually 6 or 7 will stuff & re-stuff, I think.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Good for you. You stuff your tubes, dude. Make Richard Gere proud. 

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9 hours ago, Modessit said:

Most of those places are booked thru next year's summer already.

We originally were going to take a week's drive up to Alaska, spend 2-3 weeks up there, then a week's drive back. But then Canada closed the border due to Covid so we had to readjust and didn't have time to book better sites. Looks like they might open the border soon but it's too late now to change plans. We might end up doing the Alaska road trip next year.

And no, we can't afford to fly us all up there and rent a vehicle/RV.

Wife was actually looking up things to do at the various stops today. She's made it as far as Seattle so far.

FYI, the absolute best camping spot we stayed in last summer was just outside of the Grand Teton National Park off of the Pacific Creek Road heading towards the USFS Pacific Creek campground. As soon as the road leaves the National Park boundaries there is a sign that shows several official dispersed camping spots. These are primitive spots with no amenities, but there are several right next to the creek (which is big enough to be classified as a river in the mountain states). The setting was much better than anything you would see in any official National Park campground, and with the creek right there you could filter as much water as you needed. It's also close enough to Yellowstone to make it a base of operations for a combined Tetons Yellowstone trip without having to spend any money on campsites. The only catch is that the roads aren't really good for any sort of trailer and you have to be up for primitive camping.

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On 6/8/2021 at 4:03 PM, conVINCEd said:

Just be thankful she didn’t put it all down the garbage disposal.

Pregnant wife made a huge pot of lentils. Folic acid, fiber, other B vitamins, etc. Didn’t season them at all so of course they were disgusting. For those unfamiliar, lentils are commonly used as a thickener for soups. We are now on our 3rd conversation about what does or does not go down the disposal. *hint.. it’s nothing

and yes, it was still my fault

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13 hours ago, Trevor Belmont said:

Pregnant wife made a huge pot of lentils. Folic acid, fiber, other B vitamins, etc. Didn’t season them at all so of course they were disgusting. For those unfamiliar, lentils are commonly used as a thickener for soups. We are now on our 3rd conversation about what does or does not go down the disposal. *hint.. it’s nothing

and yes, it was still my fault

This thread has a bunch of lentil recipes that look great. 

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3 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Text exchange with my wife earlier:

Her: "You locked me out of my car"

Me: "Well, that's impossible, you were literally driving it when I left." (She had to move her car because she had blocked the driveway)

Her: "Well my keys are somehow locked inside."

Me: "I really don't know what you tell you other than I'll be home in a couple hours."

Her: "Nevermind, all the doors were locked except the driver door."

I’ve become convinced that keyless start is a conspiracy of the car industry to punish husbands. My wife has gotten in the habit of locking the door using the switch in her door to lock her car so she doesnt have to physically locate the key fob in her backpack. She’s only locked herself out twice, both times to no consequence, fortunately.

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12 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Text exchange with my wife earlier:

Her: "You locked me out of my car"

Me: "Well, that's impossible, you were literally driving it when I left." (She had to move her car because she had blocked the driveway)

Her: "Well my keys are somehow locked inside."

Me: "I really don't know what you tell you other than I'll be home in a couple hours."

Her: "Nevermind, all the doors were locked except the driver door."

THIS bit of brilliance is why this thread was started.  Bonus points awarded. 

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13 hours ago, McCroskey said:

Text exchange with my wife earlier:

Her: "You locked me out of my car"

Me: "Well, that's impossible, you were literally driving it when I left." (She had to move her car because she had blocked the driveway)

Her: "Well my keys are somehow locked inside."

Me: "I really don't know what you tell you other than I'll be home in a couple hours."

Her: "Nevermind, all the doors were locked except the driver door."

Holy shit. This one actually made me mad. 

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6 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

there is nothing I can do that's so trivial that my wife won't express a way it could be done differently, whether it's the way the spoons are put in the dishwasher or which pouch in our daughter's back pack her snack goes in

That is the reason a lot of guys just give-the-fuck-up and quit doing stuff around the house.  If the females complain or redo everything the male does, why even try.  

I no longer load the dishwasher or wash any of her clothes for this reason.  You don't like the way I do something or redo what I've done.....feel free to do it yourself. 

This week, after living in our house for 25 plus years, she decides the drawer with the utensils and the drawer with the towels needed to be switched.   grrrrrrrr

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there is nothing I can do that's so trivial that my wife won't express a way it could be done differently, whether it's the way the spoons are put in the dishwasher or which pouch in our daughter's back pack her snack goes in

I only lasted 19 years with this behavior.
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6 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Drawer with the utensils is always the drawer closest to the cabinet with the plates.  Drawer with the towels should be next to the sink. Any other way is incorrect and you probably wear flip flops on an airplane

Disagree. Utensils should be closest to the stove so you can quickly grab stuff while you're cooking....

And I wear flip flops, cargo short and a fucking Fedora when I fly.

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12 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

there is nothing I can do that's so trivial that my wife won't express a way it could be done differently, whether it's the way the spoons are put in the dishwasher or which pouch in our daughter's back pack her snack goes in

Smack her in the mouth and see if she likes the way it was done. 

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23 hours ago, OrangEngr said:

I’ve become convinced that keyless start is a conspiracy of the car industry to punish husbands. My wife has gotten in the habit of locking the door using the switch in her door to lock her car so she doesnt have to physically locate the key fob in her backpack. She’s only locked herself out twice, both times to no consequence, fortunately.

We got a hybrid.  On day 2, she came home from work and left the car on.  

On day 4, she remembered to turn the car off, but left it in drive.

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3 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

We got a hybrid.  On day 2, she came home from work and left the car on.  

On day 4, she remembered to turn the car off, but left it in drive.

I'd do this if every time before I drove I took a massive bong rip. And I'm not sure that's even a good excuse for her. 

Edited by ztejas
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