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Posted
Wouldn’t doubt it.  It was huge in Belgium.  Changed everything regarding genital-powertool law in Brussels.  
Assuming said genitals were ritualistically shorn and breathtaking.
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Posted
32 minutes ago, Born to Run said:
1 hour ago, YGIFS said:
Wouldn’t doubt it.  It was huge in Belgium.  Changed everything regarding genital-powertool law in Brussels.  

Assuming said genitals were ritualistically shorn and breathtaking.

Yeah, your mom gave my scrotum the ol’ Belgian Grip.  I mean Sip.  I mean Dip.  Dammit, I had something for this.  

Posted
1 hour ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  spacer.png

Looks like Trump’s neck. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

The funnier thing is that was likely manufactured at a facility a few blocks from my office, off Burleson Rd here in Austin.   Nothing like mingling with both fleshlight, tesla and TPWD employees while I’m trying to pick up a sandwich for lunch.

Just don't confuse the fleshlight warehouse for an Arby's when you're out for that sandwich and you'll be fine. 

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Posted
10 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I hate paper discovery (other than production) far worse than depositions.  I actually rather like depositions.  You can practice listening to answers and going where it takes you in a relatively safe environment.

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

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Posted
17 minutes ago, CTC2 said:

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

My arms are crossed and I’m leaning forward in my chair, I am not combative! 

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Posted
2 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  spacer.png

So somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, Hope Solo is treading water without a pelvis and you assholes are just cracking jokes and not trying to save her?  Fucking assholes.  

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Posted
7 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

So somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, Hope Solo is treading water without a pelvis and you assholes are just cracking jokes and not trying to save her?  Fucking assholes.  

I will laugh at a hope solo pussy joke every time. Needed this laugh today!

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Posted
52 minutes ago, CTC2 said:

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

Welp, I guess it's time to dust off this classic and remind everyone who our playing field is named after:

 

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Posted
26 minutes ago, Bullneck said:

Welp, I guess it's time to dust off this classic and remind everyone who our playing field is was named after:

 

FIFY

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Posted
48 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

So somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, Hope Solo is treading water without a pelvis and you assholes are just cracking jokes and not trying to save her?  Fucking assholes.  

I heard she was on the beach.

 

image_026c3344.gif

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Posted
11 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 

oh, now I have a pic.  spacer.png

razor clam?

Posted
I don’t have the pic, but a friend of mine in Corpus who is down there fishing this week, found a flesh light washed up on the beach.  Some poor bastard on an oil rig is having to make do with his calloused, cancerous hand.  
 
oh, now I have a pic.  IMG-5591.jpg

Pro tip: brush that sand off before using.

Just…trust me on this.
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Posted
16 hours ago, safe sex said:

Having read so many casual ramblings from Surly lawyers, I'd be very interested in reading some legal writing from them, just to compare and contrast. 

Wake me up when they can hand over the tapes of their Supreme Court questioning.

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Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, CTC2 said:

I at least would consider un-retiring if all that was expected of me was to go take depositions. I absolutely used to love doing it.   Really listening like you said, is a developed skill. Being able to detect non verbal body language was also fun. 

You wanna go outside and fight, Fatty?

Edited by RomaVicta
Somebody beat me to it.
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Posted
16 hours ago, safe sex said:

Having read so many casual ramblings from Surly lawyers, I'd be very interested in reading some legal writing from them, just to compare and contrast. 

IMG_2417.gif.2c3e2521f0050e03eddcae26cc79630e.gif

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Posted
6 minutes ago, RomaVicta said:

You wanna go outside and fight, Fatty?

Last night, while I was driving some clients from a client dinner, we drove by one of two courthouses in this state where I have come THIS close to getting into a fistfight.  Didn't start either confrontation....but I was ready to finish 'em.  It's Texas, that shit happens from time to time.

1 minute ago, Gatorubet said:

IMG_2417.gif.2c3e2521f0050e03eddcae26cc79630e.gif

I bet you lean heavily on "heretofore, "whereas," and "in the instant question."  Supra.

Posted
1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:


Pro tip: brush that sand off before using.

Just…trust me on this.

And mind the crabs.

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Posted
2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Last night, while I was driving some clients from a client dinner, we drove by one of two courthouses in this state where I have come THIS close to getting into a fistfight.  Didn't start either confrontation....but I was ready to finish 'em.  It's Texas, that shit happens from time to time.

I got to watch a "video record" once where it almost went down in court and one of the good-old-boy attorneys strode over to the exit and demanded that opposing counsel come outside to figure things out.  Sometimes, that cold, dead, appellate record heats up.

Posted
Just now, dcbc said:

I got to watch a "video record" once where it almost went down in court and one of the good-old-boy attorneys strode over to the exit and demanded that opposing counsel come outside to figure things out.  Sometimes, that cold, dead, appellate record heats up.

Yeah....in one of mine, we were on a break in the hearing where the judge had ordered us all into the jury room to see if we could work out a resolution.  The party on the other side was a W. Texas oilpatch dude who was very used to getting his way, and was ripshit pissed that he wasn't getting it in that case.  I was sitting in a chair, leaned back and offering our terms.  He came at me, fists balled up and ready to go.  I remember watching him and thinking "he's gonna punch me while I'm sitting here in this chair.  That'll hurt.....but goddamned if we won't be in the driver's seat on this case after that."  His attorney also grasped what was going on, and jumped to his feet to steer his client away.  Not sure if I'm glad he did....woulda made for a cooler story if he followed through and left the court in handcuffs.

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Posted
5 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I bet you lean heavily on "heretofore, "whereas," and "in the instant question."  Supra.

“Moreover, Respondent’s brief is full of shit and he e-files like a fag….my dude is big hurt and wants a ton of moohla to like - pay me - and some left for the doctor shit….so he quits crying all the time…that’s annoying!”

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Posted

My personal favorite is "inter alia." I had a partner that couldn't seem to resist throwing that into factual and other narratives and it kind of drove me nuts as an adherent of:

OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS

He was otherwise a solid writer and great lawyer. 

Posted
2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Yeah....in one of mine, we were on a break in the hearing where the judge had ordered us all into the jury room to see if we could work out a resolution.  The party on the other side was a W. Texas oilpatch dude who was very used to getting his way, and was ripshit pissed that he wasn't getting it in that case.  I was sitting in a chair, leaned back and offering our terms.  He came at me, fists balled up and ready to go.  I remember watching him and thinking "he's gonna punch me while I'm sitting here in this chair.  That'll hurt.....but goddamned if we won't be in the driver's seat on this case after that."  His attorney also grasped what was going on, and jumped to his feet to steer his client away.  Not sure if I'm glad he did....woulda made for a cooler story if he followed through and left the court in handcuffs.

I've had that thought (not in court) of maybe if he punches me, I can leverage the shit out of this.

 

Another video record of a family law proceeding resulted in the client's losing his shit in open court and fighting tooth and nail as the deputies and bailiffs hot tied him and carried him out to the patrol car.  Lots of additional bodycam footage of that one.  Zero remorse or concern as to how this might effect the outcome of his case.

 

Of course, few things beat car chase videos.  I've posted on Surly before about one I saw that took place in Lufkin.  A close second is the guy who had warrants who tried to drive his S-10 Blazer down the boat ramp  and skip it across the Sabine river like that 3rd cousing Cannonball Run movie.  He almost made it.  Then, as his girlfriend exited the car with her hands up, he just floated on down the river to freedom (until the game warden picked him up about 4 miles down river.  Good times.

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Posted
1 minute ago, TwiceHorn said:

My personal favorite is "inter alia." I had a partner that couldn't seem to resist throwing that into factual and other narratives and it kind of drove me nuts as an adherent of:

OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS

He was otherwise a solid writer and great lawyer. 

Nothing makes me giggle like when someone drops ipse dixet into a brief.

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Posted
10 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

“Moreover, Respondent’s brief is full of shit and he e-files like a fag….my dude is big hurt and wants a ton of moohla to like - pay me - and some left for the doctor shit….so he quits crying all the time…that’s annoying!”

I revise my previously stated position if this is the content. 

Posted
8 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

My personal favorite is "inter alia." I had a partner that couldn't seem to resist throwing that into factual and other narratives and it kind of drove me nuts as an adherent of:

OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS

He was otherwise a solid writer and great lawyer. 

One of my lawyer buddies was known as “vis-à-vis Val.”  

I asked one of our new associates whether they still read “Plain English for Lawyers” in law school writing. He told me no. I told him to go get a copy.

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Posted
21 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Yeah....in one of mine, we were on a break in the hearing where the judge had ordered us all into the jury room to see if we could work out a resolution.  The party on the other side was a W. Texas oilpatch dude who was very used to getting his way, and was ripshit pissed that he wasn't getting it in that case.  I was sitting in a chair, leaned back and offering our terms.  He came at me, fists balled up and ready to go.  I remember watching him and thinking "he's gonna punch me while I'm sitting here in this chair.  That'll hurt.....but goddamned if we won't be in the driver's seat on this case after that."  His attorney also grasped what was going on, and jumped to his feet to steer his client away.  Not sure if I'm glad he did....woulda made for a cooler story if he followed through and left the court in handcuffs.

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

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Posted
12 minutes ago, Red Five said:

I dropped my dixet into your mom's briefs last night.

She described it as ipse-bitsy.

Posted
Just now, Gatorubet said:

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

Did you offer the defendants a 7-10 split settlement?

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Posted
5 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Did you offer the defendants a 7-10 split settlement?

So many ways to go with this.

 

life-on-the-fast-lane-s01e09-v0-7t06103d

 

It's not quite breakfast.  It's not quite lunch.  But it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end.  You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you get a good meal!

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Posted
16 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

The funnier thing is that was likely manufactured at a facility a few blocks from my office, off Burleson Rd here in Austin.   Nothing like mingling with both fleshlight, tesla and TPWD employees while I’m trying to pick up a sandwich for lunch.

Interviewed there for a Mnt Technician position early 2000s.  I guess me asking if we get to sample any products was a deal breaker. 

Posted
1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

Did you offer the defendants a 7-10 split settlement?

it was the worst of all worlds. Wife, like Maggie, got to tell the jury  “Tanks fur nuttin”.  

The jury found for the injured husband in an amount that was extremely low - but not low enough to be outside their discretion.  

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Posted

Thought there might be news. Silly me. It's all beach fleshlights and lawyer talk.

Posted
8 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Thought there might be news. Silly me. It's all beach fleshlights and lawyer talk.

Don't make us take this thread where it was always meant to go......

17b7e8ee8518f167e2defa48e1910766-1.jpg

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Posted
56 minutes ago, dcbc said:

Nothing makes me giggle like when someone drops ipse dixet into a brief.

I tend to remain studiously ignorant of the meaning of most of these Latin terms. It reduces any temptation to use them. 

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Posted
3 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

I tend to remain studiously ignorant of the meaning of most of these Latin terms. It reduces any temptation to use them. 

Res Ipsa Loquitur means “your fancy expensive expert won’t say the product is defective” in Latin. 

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Posted
54 minutes ago, Gatorubet said:

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

The rule of this site is that you must post pictures of any woman in a story. I wish there was some sort of funny movie quote that I could use to illustrate this point. If said quote fit the theme of bowling, that would be even better. But, alas, I cannot think of one.

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Posted
1 hour ago, Gatorubet said:

The closest I’ve been to a fistfight in court was between my two clients. The husband was legit injured, and his wife had a consortium claim as well. They were both avid bowlers involved in leagues together and that was a big part of their lives.

We wondered why the Ds would not settle as we went to trial.   The wife was crossed and said she gave up interest in bowling once her husband could not participate. Then we all had to sit back and make popcorn and watch Defendant’s surveillance videos (made from behind the pins in the lane), showing the wife using an alias and bowling with another man.  She was banging him too, but I think the bowling part was the breach of trust.  

What’s the video ended he stood up to go at her, and I had to restrain him.

Narrator: this was not a plaintiff payday

walter14-jpg.420106

Were you able to hammer out a joint custody agreement for the pomeranian?

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Posted
18 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I think I’d rather have my testicles unexpectedly secured to one another via nailgun than read such things. 

Screen_Shot_2020-10-05_at_11.51.58_AM.pn



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