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Quagmire

Itchy asshole - revisted

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I remember a thread about having an itchy asshole, I never read it because I didn’t suffer from it, but recently I have had the problem.

 

Started using baby powder to keep it less moist, but what else is there?  I can’t shit every 5 minutes as that’s been the best method to get relief.

 

 

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The most common symptom of pinworms is an itchy rectal area. Symptoms are worse at night when the female worms are most active and crawl out of the anus to deposit their eggs. Although pinworm infections can be annoying, they rarely cause serious health problems and are usually not dangerous.

 

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4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

You're going to need 30 eggs, 29 lemon sugar cookies, and a hammer. 

Where the hell's my lemon sugar cookie?

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I remember one time I had an itchy asshole. I went to the doc. He asked me to pull my whites down. I did. He asked me to roll onto my side and bring my knees up to my chest (fetal position). I did. He looked into the depths of my soul and told me I had 2 exterior hemorrhoids and 2 internal ones.. yeah... he checked inside too. 

So im going about life dealing with an inflated, itchy, asshole for the next few days... bleeding when I shit and seemingly tearing my asshole apart when I shit. I’m doing fine other than that. Then one day comes where I have to stand up and be a man. A day that I didn’t know would come when I have what feels like fire ants crawling all over my chili ring. I had the prime opportunity to do some hood sliding on a friends chevelle that was going in for new paint. We took it out for a spin and getting back in the car I slid a perfect hood slide. My ass couldn’t have been better positioned it was awesome. Until I hit the ridge over the passenger side fender. I kept sliding but my trailing asscheek caught and I ripped my asshole so bad it started bleeding. 

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2 hours ago, Jhawk said:

I remember one time I had an itchy asshole. I went to the doc. He asked me to pull my whites down. I did. He asked me to roll onto my side and bring my knees up to my chest (fetal position). I did. He looked into the depths of my soul and told me I had 2 exterior hemorrhoids and 2 internal ones.. yeah... he checked inside too. 

So im going about life dealing with an inflated, itchy, asshole for the next few days... bleeding when I shit and seemingly tearing my asshole apart when I shit. I’m doing fine other than that. Then one day comes where I have to stand up and be a man. A day that I didn’t know would come when I have what feels like fire ants crawling all over my chili ring. I had the prime opportunity to do some hood sliding on a friends chevelle that was going in for new paint. We took it out for a spin and getting back in the car I slid a perfect hood slide. My ass couldn’t have been better positioned it was awesome. Until I hit the ridge over the passenger side fender. I kept sliding but my trailing asscheek caught and I ripped my asshole so bad it started bleeding. 

I just clenched.

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True story.

When I was married, the stress and tension of being with a bitch of epic proportions drove me a little crazy. She was highly critical of almost everything I did. The asshole itch became a thing for me. I'd gone to see doctors about it to see if I had the worms. None were found, but the itch still occurred.

Irregardless, my anus hasn't itched since the day I got a divorce. I don't know if it's a common "thing" but my butthole problems were likely a result of some psychosomatic bullshit.

The lesson here is don't marry an overly nagging, highly critical bitch and your starfish won't itch. 

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On 3/28/2018 at 12:02 PM, lateshow said:

Have you tried scooting your ass across the carpet?

I've seen this work before. I may need to get my dog a username so she can post on this thread.

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On ‎3‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 2:00 PM, Deej said:

Time to take yourself to the vet and get your anal glands emptied.

My vet didn't find it funny when she walked in and I had my pants down to my ankles, just sitting on the examing table. 

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Reminds me of that new farmer who had no stock and went to an old farmer to buy some chickens and a mule.   Proceeds to ask for a rooster, a hen and a mule.   Old farmer says “son that’s all fine and dandy but around these parts we call them a pullet, a cock, and an ass.  By the way that ass is ornery.  If he up and stops, don’t try to whip him, just scratch him and he’ll go again. “

Fellow is walking home and on a bridge he meets a nice looking farmers daughter coming the other way, and all of a sudden the mule stops.  With his hands full, he proceeds to tap the lady on the shoulder and say “m’am, could you grab my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass?”

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On 3/30/2018 at 1:43 PM, bolverk said:

True story.

When I was married, the stress and tension of being with a bitch of epic proportions drove me a little crazy. She was highly critical of almost everything I did. The asshole itch became a thing for me. I'd gone to see doctors about it to see if I had the worms. None were found, but the itch still occurred.

Irregardless, my anus hasn't itched since the day I got a divorce. I don't know if it's a common "thing" but my butthole problems were likely a result of some psychosomatic bullshit.

The lesson here is don't marry an overly nagging, highly critical bitch and your starfish won't itch. 

she was pegging you every night with an old dildo after you fell asleep

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