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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Getting close to having our second and the wife asks me to dig out the Infant carrier from storage and put it in her car. I looked but it's no longer there so I tell her I guess we gave it away to someone but I'll take a look at Craigslist and get one this weekend. That evening she decided that just a carrier won't do any longer and she needs to upgrade to all new stuff (carrier, stroller, extra seats, etc.) It's not until I see the charge happen on my card that I ask and she tells me the stupid UppaBaby stroller we have from a few years ago just won't do anymore since we likely can't find the right adapter for whatever infant seat we get. And get this... the new one has special "summer seats" that are all mesh so the baby doesn't get hot.

Ugh, getting rid of that old seat cost me another $1400!

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 She spends a lot of money on coffee. I guess you could say we do, I get some occasionally.  Not from Starbucks but from sone other little place,  only slightly less expensive. Talked to her about all this this morning, I’ll hear more later but she says she researched this stuff for over a month. I like that. It could end up saving us money if she’s serious about it. I’ll give her a chance to learn how to use it and see where it goes 
Ok so no more ordering out coffee or it'll set you back that much more.
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Getting close to having our second and the wife asks me to dig out the Infant carrier from storage and put it in her car. I looked but it's no longer there so I tell her I guess we gave it away to someone but I'll take a look at Craigslist and get one this weekend. That evening she decided that just a carrier won't do any longer and she needs to upgrade to all new stuff (carrier, stroller, extra seats, etc.) It's not until I see the charge happen on my card that I ask and she tells me the stupid UppaBaby stroller we have from a few years ago just won't do anymore since we likely can't find the right adapter for whatever infant seat we get. And get this... the new one has special "summer seats" that are all mesh so the baby doesn't get hot.
Ugh, getting rid of that old seat cost me another $1400!
We were able to use our car seats/ bases/ stroller for both kids but yea... it sucks but I'd rather buy new for baby safety vs getting a hand me down seat from some stranger.
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1 hour ago, Burt said:

I coach our high school girls' softball team and pretty much all of my weekends have been tied up since the end of February and will continue to be through the end of the school year.  My wife has been itching for a weekend trip to Billings just to get out of town and shop.  I finally got tired of hearing about it and told her to shut the fuck up whining about it and go....but she had to take our daughter with her. 

Against my better judgement, I let her take my truck so she could get it serviced Monday morning before they headed back home.  Its a 300 mile trip one way to Billings and I had nothing but dread leading up to them leaving, and worried while they were en route.  She's already driven off the edge of the highway and sideswiped a couple of highway markers  on the way back from there once before awhile back while looking for house keys in her center console (75 miles from home....as if she could unlock the house that far from home!).

She called while pulling into the Sonic lot as soon as she got into town. About 30 seconds into the conversation she said, "let me call you back."  I didn't think anything of it as I thought she was ordering.  I didn't hear from her again for about 6 hours.  Again, didn't think anything of it as I figured she was just getting her "big city" shopping in.

Fast forward to Monday morning...I called to see if the dealership has said anything about my truck.  She said, "no, but I have something to tell you."  I knew right away she'd fucked up my truck.  She said that when she was talking to me as she pulled into Sonic that she sideswiped the stall on the passenger side.  Instead of just stopping and backing up like a normal fucking person would do, though, she powered right through leaving dents, scrapes , and yellow paint down the entire passenger side.  And to prove she was committed to completely fucking it up, she dented the driver's side front fender trying to back out!

She asked if I wanted her to send photos and I told her if she did she better never return home.  I was so pissed by then that seeing what it looked like would have only made it worse.  It took me 45 minutes to even go out and see what it looked like after they got home.  She said the Sonic manager told her they put in new stalls last year and that they are smaller.  Bullshit!  I was just there in October and they were the same ones they've always had.  No one does that kind of work up here in the winter.  Its easy to tell how it happened - she took a narrow approach instead of a wider right turn into the stall.  

I paid the truck off a little over a year ago and told her I'd dropped the coverage to liability only and that the damage was $9500.  In reality, its fully covered with a $1000 deductible (and the damage was 'only' $7000), but I'm gonna make her sweat for a couple of weeks before telling her the truth.  I haven't parlayed this into a blow job yet (been sick the past couple of days) but I have gotten breakfasted cooked for me at 6 am the past two mornings.  

Here's the damage....

 

20190425-092105.jpg

20190425-092110.jpg

20190425-092113.jpg

20190425-092116.jpg

20190425-092050.jpg

20190425-094755.jpg

 

giphy.gif

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1 hour ago, Burt said:

I coach our high school girls' softball team and pretty much all of my weekends have been tied up since the end of February and will continue to be through the end of the school year.  My wife has been itching for a weekend trip to Billings just to get out of town and shop.  I finally got tired of hearing about it and told her to shut the fuck up whining about it and go....but she had to take our daughter with her. 

Against my better judgement, I let her take my truck so she could get it serviced Monday morning before they headed back home.  Its a 300 mile trip one way to Billings and I had nothing but dread leading up to them leaving, and worried while they were en route.  She's already driven off the edge of the highway and sideswiped a couple of highway markers  on the way back from there once before awhile back while looking for house keys in her center console (75 miles from home....as if she could unlock the house that far from home!).

She called while pulling into the Sonic lot as soon as she got into town. About 30 seconds into the conversation she said, "let me call you back."  I didn't think anything of it as I thought she was ordering.  I didn't hear from her again for about 6 hours.  Again, didn't think anything of it as I figured she was just getting her "big city" shopping in.

Fast forward to Monday morning...I called to see if the dealership has said anything about my truck.  She said, "no, but I have something to tell you."  I knew right away she'd fucked up my truck.  She said that when she was talking to me as she pulled into Sonic that she sideswiped the stall on the passenger side.  Instead of just stopping and backing up like a normal fucking person would do, though, she powered right through leaving dents, scrapes , and yellow paint down the entire passenger side.  And to prove she was committed to completely fucking it up, she dented the driver's side front fender trying to back out!

She asked if I wanted her to send photos and I told her if she did she better never return home.  I was so pissed by then that seeing what it looked like would have only made it worse.  It took me 45 minutes to even go out and see what it looked like after they got home.  She said the Sonic manager told her they put in new stalls last year and that they are smaller.  Bullshit!  I was just there in October and they were the same ones they've always had.  No one does that kind of work up here in the winter.  Its easy to tell how it happened - she took a narrow approach instead of a wider right turn into the stall.  

I paid the truck off a little over a year ago and told her I'd dropped the coverage to liability only and that the damage was $9500.  In reality, its fully covered with a $1000 deductible (and the damage was 'only' $7000), but I'm gonna make her sweat for a couple of weeks before telling her the truth.  I haven't parlayed this into a blow job yet (been sick the past couple of days) but I have gotten breakfasted cooked for me at 6 am the past two mornings.  

Here's the damage....

 

20190425-092105.jpg

20190425-092110.jpg

20190425-092113.jpg

20190425-092116.jpg

20190425-092050.jpg

20190425-094755.jpg

 

giphy.gif

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4 hours ago, GotThatFire said:

 She spends a lot of money on coffee. I guess you could say we do, I get some occasionally.  Not from Starbucks but from sone other little place,  only slightly less expensive. Talked to her about all this this morning, I’ll hear more later but she says she researched this stuff for over a month. I like that. It could end up saving us money if she’s serious about it. I’ll give her a chance to learn how to use it and see where it goes 

The "baristas" at your basic Starbucks can't make a decent espresso to save their lives.  A high end system will make the stuff SBx sells taste like crap.  Kudos for upping the espresso game at your house. 

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4 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

The "baristas" at your basic Starbucks can't make a decent espresso to save their lives.  A high end system will make the stuff SBx sells taste like crap.  Kudos for upping the espresso game at your house. 

 She seems pretty excited about it, and to be honest it’s kind of cute. So I’m gonna check out of the thread unless it goes bad 

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19 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

The "baristas" at your basic Starbucks can't make a decent espresso to save their lives.  A high end system will make the stuff SBx sells taste like crap.  Kudos for upping the espresso game at your house. 

Looks like Mach 1 and GTF's wives are gonna start a coffee business together.  Pay close attention to how many landscape companies come by in the mornings for their fill

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3 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Your wife thinks she invented a plastic lid? 

I'll let her respond:

No, you don't understand. It's not a (finger quote) plastic lid, it's a mobile cup cover for music festivals.  I mean, it doesn't need to just be for concerts but you could take it to football games! So whenever you pour your flask into the plastic cup no one will see what you're drinking.  We could even put logos on them, geez, how many colleges are out there? 

And it will be environmentally friendly unlike the (finger quote) plastic lid that most everyone else (narrator - in their right mind) uses - and fails to recycle, by the way.  

This could be big.  Easy to use, flexible, folds inside your pocket ... no brainer.

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10 minutes ago, Mach 1 said:

I'll let her respond:

No, you don't understand. It's not a (finger quote) plastic lid, it's a mobile cup cover for music festivals.  I mean, it doesn't need to just be for concerts but you could take it to football games! So whenever you pour your flask into the plastic cup no one will see what you're drinking.  We could even put logos on them, geez, how many colleges are out there? 

And it will be environmentally friendly unlike the (finger quote) plastic lid that most everyone else (narrator - in their right mind) uses - and fails to recycle, by the way.  

This could be big.  Easy to use, flexible, folds inside your pocket ... no brainer.

This is amazing.  

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4 hours ago, Burt said:

I coach our high school girls' softball team and pretty much all of my weekends have been tied up since the end of February and will continue to be through the end of the school year.  My wife has been itching for a weekend trip to Billings just to get out of town and shop.  I finally got tired of hearing about it and told her to shut the fuck up whining about it and go....but she had to take our daughter with her. 

Against my better judgement, I let her take my truck so she could get it serviced Monday morning before they headed back home.  Its a 300 mile trip one way to Billings and I had nothing but dread leading up to them leaving, and worried while they were en route.  She's already driven off the edge of the highway and sideswiped a couple of highway markers  on the way back from there once before awhile back while looking for house keys in her center console (75 miles from home....as if she could unlock the house that far from home!).

She called while pulling into the Sonic lot as soon as she got into town. About 30 seconds into the conversation she said, "let me call you back."  I didn't think anything of it as I thought she was ordering.  I didn't hear from her again for about 6 hours.  Again, didn't think anything of it as I figured she was just getting her "big city" shopping in.

Fast forward to Monday morning...I called to see if the dealership has said anything about my truck.  She said, "no, but I have something to tell you."  I knew right away she'd fucked up my truck.  She said that when she was talking to me as she pulled into Sonic that she sideswiped the stall on the passenger side.  Instead of just stopping and backing up like a normal fucking person would do, though, she powered right through leaving dents, scrapes , and yellow paint down the entire passenger side.  And to prove she was committed to completely fucking it up, she dented the driver's side front fender trying to back out!

She asked if I wanted her to send photos and I told her if she did she better never return home.  I was so pissed by then that seeing what it looked like would have only made it worse.  It took me 45 minutes to even go out and see what it looked like after they got home.  She said the Sonic manager told her they put in new stalls last year and that they are smaller.  Bullshit!  I was just there in October and they were the same ones they've always had.  No one does that kind of work up here in the winter.  Its easy to tell how it happened - she took a narrow approach instead of a wider right turn into the stall.  

I paid the truck off a little over a year ago and told her I'd dropped the coverage to liability only and that the damage was $9500.  In reality, its fully covered with a $1000 deductible (and the damage was 'only' $7000), but I'm gonna make her sweat for a couple of weeks before telling her the truth.  I haven't parlayed this into a blow job yet (been sick the past couple of days) but I have gotten breakfasted cooked for me at 6 am the past two mornings.  

Here's the damage....

 

20190425-092105.jpg

20190425-092110.jpg

20190425-092113.jpg

20190425-092116.jpg

20190425-092050.jpg

20190425-094755.jpg

 

And judging by the diagram, she drove into Sonic from the wrong direction.

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Getting close to having our second and the wife asks me to dig out the Infant carrier from storage and put it in her car. I looked but it's no longer there so I tell her I guess we gave it away to someone but I'll take a look at Craigslist and get one this weekend. That evening she decided that just a carrier won't do any longer and she needs to upgrade to all new stuff (carrier, stroller, extra seats, etc.) It's not until I see the charge happen on my card that I ask and she tells me the stupid UppaBaby stroller we have from a few years ago just won't do anymore since we likely can't find the right adapter for whatever infant seat we get. And get this... the new one has special "summer seats" that are all mesh so the baby doesn't get hot.
Ugh, getting rid of that old seat cost me another $1400!

Wait until your wife discovers Clek car seats. Only 800lbs each.

My uppa stroller survived 3 kids, our crib worked for all 3 kids, and the Bob jogger also worked for all 3.
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Even better, order some, give them to her and tell her you had some prototypes made up.

Start with Saran Wrap and a rubber band first. Then tell her you hired an outside consultant for $3000 and 18% and he came up with the prototype a week later.
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16 minutes ago, Nivek said:


Start with Saran Wrap and a rubber band first. Then tell her you hired an outside consultant for $3000 and 18% and he came up with the prototype a week later.

Then......SHARK TANK!

 

youll be rich, sell the company for $10B and retire to an island somewhere. 

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8 hours ago, Chewbacca said:

She's truly a terrible driver.  Lives on 35 acres in east Texas and runs into shit all the time because she doesn't pay attention to where she is going.  She has hit every car my BIL has owned in the past 10 years.  Usually hits them in reverse because she doesn't fucking look in her mirrors or at the camera screen when she backs up.  About 6 months ago she backed up into a ditch on her rental property's front yard.  Missed the driveway on the way out because (shocker), she wasn't looking.  

Still trying to get used to Lufkin drivers here.

I hope I’m not driving the same roads as she is.....

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8 hours ago, Burt said:

I coach our high school girls' softball team and pretty much all of my weekends have been tied up since the end of February and will continue to be through the end of the school year.  My wife has been itching for a weekend trip to Billings just to get out of town and shop.  I finally got tired of hearing about it and told her to shut the fuck up whining about it and go....but she had to take our daughter with her. 

Against my better judgement, I let her take my truck so she could get it serviced Monday morning before they headed back home.  Its a 300 mile trip one way to Billings and I had nothing but dread leading up to them leaving, and worried while they were en route.  She's already driven off the edge of the highway and sideswiped a couple of highway markers  on the way back from there once before awhile back while looking for house keys in her center console (75 miles from home....as if she could unlock the house that far from home!).

She called while pulling into the Sonic lot as soon as she got into town. About 30 seconds into the conversation she said, "let me call you back."  I didn't think anything of it as I thought she was ordering.  I didn't hear from her again for about 6 hours.  Again, didn't think anything of it as I figured she was just getting her "big city" shopping in.

Fast forward to Monday morning...I called to see if the dealership has said anything about my truck.  She said, "no, but I have something to tell you."  I knew right away she'd fucked up my truck.  She said that when she was talking to me as she pulled into Sonic that she sideswiped the stall on the passenger side.  Instead of just stopping and backing up like a normal fucking person would do, though, she powered right through leaving dents, scrapes , and yellow paint down the entire passenger side.  And to prove she was committed to completely fucking it up, she dented the driver's side front fender trying to back out!

She asked if I wanted her to send photos and I told her if she did she better never return home.  I was so pissed by then that seeing what it looked like would have only made it worse.  It took me 45 minutes to even go out and see what it looked like after they got home.  She said the Sonic manager told her they put in new stalls last year and that they are smaller.  Bullshit!  I was just there in October and they were the same ones they've always had.  No one does that kind of work up here in the winter.  Its easy to tell how it happened - she took a narrow approach instead of a wider right turn into the stall.  

I paid the truck off a little over a year ago and told her I'd dropped the coverage to liability only and that the damage was $9500.  In reality, its fully covered with a $1000 deductible (and the damage was 'only' $7000), but I'm gonna make her sweat for a couple of weeks before telling her the truth.  I haven't parlayed this into a blow job yet (been sick the past couple of days) but I have gotten breakfasted cooked for me at 6 am the past two mornings.  

Here's the damage....

 

20190425-092105.jpg

20190425-092110.jpg

20190425-092113.jpg

20190425-092116.jpg

20190425-092050.jpg

20190425-094755.jpg

 

What kind of a hit has your insurance taken to fix the damage to Sonic?  I'm sure that is information that she needs to know.

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17 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

Let me help with internal and external monologue.

daughter: MOOOOOM!

wife: Honey, let's not tell your father quite yet. it will just make him upset and he'll worry while we're shopping. I'm so glad Sonic has these drinks for $1 during happy hour.

Edited by Nolacycling
not enough whining.
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19 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

The "baristas" at your basic Starbucks can't make a decent espresso to save their lives.  A high end system will make the stuff SBx sells taste like crap.  Kudos for upping the espresso game at your house. 

Image result for winston wolf coffee gif

So excited that for once that my wife isn't the one spending four grand on a fucking coffee maker. Thank god she's happy with the freeze dried Taster's Choice shit we put through our Keurig.

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57 minutes ago, Mach 1 said:

 

 

I just ordered them.  Not sure how I'm going to play it yet, but I'll report back with the details.

If I were you, I’d check to make sure hotel rooms are readily available for the day you plan to spring this on her. 

Maybe just buy some solo cups and start using the kids in front of her, see when she notices. 

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On 4/25/2019 at 1:44 PM, Burt said:

I coach our high school girls' softball team and pretty much all of my weekends have been tied up since the end of February and will continue to be through the end of the school year.  My wife has been itching for a weekend trip to Billings just to get out of town and shop.  I finally got tired of hearing about it and told her to shut the fuck up whining about it and go....but she had to take our daughter with her. 

Against my better judgement, I let her take my truck so she could get it serviced Monday morning before they headed back home.  Its a 300 mile trip one way to Billings and I had nothing but dread leading up to them leaving, and worried while they were en route.  She's already driven off the edge of the highway and sideswiped a couple of highway markers  on the way back from there once before awhile back while looking for house keys in her center console (75 miles from home....as if she could unlock the house that far from home!).

She called while pulling into the Sonic lot as soon as she got into town. About 30 seconds into the conversation she said, "let me call you back."  I didn't think anything of it as I thought she was ordering.  I didn't hear from her again for about 6 hours.  Again, didn't think anything of it as I figured she was just getting her "big city" shopping in.

Fast forward to Monday morning...I called to see if the dealership has said anything about my truck.  She said, "no, but I have something to tell you."  I knew right away she'd fucked up my truck.  She said that when she was talking to me as she pulled into Sonic that she sideswiped the stall on the passenger side.  Instead of just stopping and backing up like a normal fucking person would do, though, she powered right through leaving dents, scrapes , and yellow paint down the entire passenger side.  And to prove she was committed to completely fucking it up, she dented the driver's side front fender trying to back out!

She asked if I wanted her to send photos and I told her if she did she better never return home.  I was so pissed by then that seeing what it looked like would have only made it worse.  It took me 45 minutes to even go out and see what it looked like after they got home.  She said the Sonic manager told her they put in new stalls last year and that they are smaller.  Bullshit!  I was just there in October and they were the same ones they've always had.  No one does that kind of work up here in the winter.  Its easy to tell how it happened - she took a narrow approach instead of a wider right turn into the stall.  

I paid the truck off a little over a year ago and told her I'd dropped the coverage to liability only and that the damage was $9500.  In reality, its fully covered with a $1000 deductible (and the damage was 'only' $7000), but I'm gonna make her sweat for a couple of weeks before telling her the truth.  I haven't parlayed this into a blow job yet (been sick the past couple of days) but I have gotten breakfasted cooked for me at 6 am the past two mornings.  

Here's the damage....

 

20190425-092105.jpg

20190425-092110.jpg

20190425-092113.jpg

20190425-092116.jpg

20190425-092050.jpg

20190425-094755.jpg

 

What did she order?

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Yes!  Yes!

Was literally clicking on threads on this board when I hear my wife yelling.  At first I thought it was something serious.  She comes running into the room.  Apparently she had her allergy meds in one hand and my son's ADHD meds in the other.  Guess which pill she swallowed.  Now she's mad because I did the 

Image result for yes gif old school

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27 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Yes!  Yes!

Was literally clicking on threads on this board when I hear my wife yelling.  At first I thought it was something serious.  She comes running into the room.  Apparently she had her allergy meds in one hand and my son's ADHD meds in the other.  Guess which pill she swallowed.  Now she's mad because I did the 

Image result for yes gif old school

awesome. 

 

"pen man...you've got a fucking epi pen in your neck"

Edited by MNLonghornFUKM
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Yes!  Yes!
Was literally clicking on threads on this board when I hear my wife yelling.  At first I thought it was something serious.  She comes running into the room.  Apparently she had her allergy meds in one hand and my son's ADHD meds in the other.  Guess which pill she swallowed.  Now she's mad because I did the 
giphy.gif

The only thing I got out of that story is that his wife swallows
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Joke may be on me.  Of course the first thing she does is call her drama-queen, pharmacist sister who tells her to try and throw it back up.  It's a half-dose of a pill for my 6 year.  Not one effing thing is going to happen from a 1st-dose pill @ the strength of what my boy takes.

I just now got the following from my son's STEAM challenge, 

Quote

I feel so weird.  Super aware of everything and talking fast.  Trying to appear normal in front of the other teachers.

 

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32 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Joke may be on me.  Of course the first thing she does is call her drama-queen, pharmacist sister who tells her to try and throw it back up.  It's a half-dose of a pill for my 6 year.  Not one effing thing is going to happen from a 1st-dose pill @ the strength of what my boy takes.

I just now got the following from my son's STEAM challenge, 

 

this is hilarious. Keep us updated throughout the day. I imagine shes like this kid

 

giphy.gif 

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On 4/26/2019 at 11:31 AM, Nolacycling said:

daughter: MOOOOOM!

wife: Honey, let's not tell your father quite yet. it will just make him upset and he'll worry while we're shopping. I'm so glad Sonic has these drinks for $1 during happy hour.

In my mind I imagine her beating someone to the stall and laughing inside a little about it right before......

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