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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Wife: I cleared out the vines in the backyard by your wood pile.
Me: There’s a reason that I haven’t touched it. That’s poison ivy.
Wife: No it isn’t, I know what poison ivy looks like.
Me: OK

2 days later:
8ef905b7f79e87bc7804f2c628dcfbf5.jpg

No new pic, but we’re up to one doctor visit, one cortisone injection, three prescriptions, four days of bitching and zero sexytime.
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6 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I wanna know how a person can be that allergic to poison ivy and not fucking know what poison ivy looks like. That's like a grown adult with a peanut allergy going "Snickers? Sure I'll try it." 

Hey man, Snickers are good. And if the EpiPen is about to expire anyways...

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On 10/11/2021 at 9:44 AM, blacklab said:

Update on stair color:

Wife admitted since I spend more time on the first floor than anyone else since my office is there that she should listen to me when picking the color and she painted it yesterday to match the first floor. 

I'm really confused and don't know what to think about this. 

Let us know when you find out who she's banging.

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23 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg
9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg

Does she really think in 30 days these will still have their full inflation & helium content?

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59 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

As I’ve mentioned before, momma is booster president for daughters HS VB team. Just had senior night and all went well. Homecoming parade was postponed this year so it’s still a month away. Guess what she wants to keep to decorate the float……

9ab828418419e6317aa691012cbeff75.jpg
 

Would be a real shame if a random gust of wind caught those while the garage door was open and they floated away...

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More of a vent, because similar exchanges happen far too often, but... (preface, son goes to HS 10 miles away on the way to wife's work, starts 30 minutes later than daughter, whose school is 1 mile away):

Me: "I have a very important 8 am call tomorrow"

Wife: (with severe tone) "So, I'm dropping both kids off tomorrow?!?"

Me: "No, I can drop off May and be back in time"

Wife: "No, I like dropping her off so I can see what's going on at school (i.e. gossip with the other mothers)"

Me:  WTF did you cop a tone if that's what you wanted all along?!

Wife: (seemingly dumbfounded tone) "I was just asking?!"

Cripes

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On 10/13/2021 at 11:30 PM, Wade said:

More of a vent, because similar exchanges happen far too often, but... (preface, son goes to HS 10 miles away on the way to wife's work, starts 30 minutes later than daughter, whose school is 1 mile away):

Me: "I have a very important 8 am call tomorrow"

Wife: (with severe tone) "So, I'm dropping both kids off tomorrow?!?"

Me: "No, I can drop off May and be back in time"

Wife: "No, I like dropping her off so I can see what's going on at school (i.e. gossip with the other mothers)"

Me:  WTF did you cop a tone if that's what you wanted all along?!

Wife: (seemingly dumbfounded tone) "I was just asking?!"

Cripes

Proof that tone is a reflex, not a considered choice.

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7 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 

Actually an interesting insight, thanks PdM.

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I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 
but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 
additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 
I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
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3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I don’t know if you guys realize this, but women establish dominance by asserting their opinion. It goes on between them naturally, as they all freely offer their opinion to each other. 
 

but for most of us, they have to solicit our opinion before they can assert their own. 
 

additionally, in the stairwell painting example above, he happened to have the same opinion as her.  So she goes ahead and asserts dominance by asserting the opposite opinion and then later pivots back to what she really wants in a way that martyrs herself.  So now she is both dominant and magnanimous. Martyrdom is another tent pole of womanhood as they compete with each other to see who can do more- like be booster president for a hs volleyball team AND also help with homecoming float decoration, for instance. 
 

I suspect that in time, the story about painting the house will become how blacklab wanted it painted like upstairs and she insisted on painting it downstairs. 

Sometimes they're just being bitchy.

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Stupid shit husbands and wives do. Had planned a short family trip and the budget carrier was the only one that flies to our destination. Wife was the one planning everything so she booked tickets. 
 

Cause of a family issue she had to fly home to help her mom but she insisted we go anyway. “Don’t worry, I’ll have lots of time there, I’ll check you in and send all the documents.”

 

Morning of the flight she sends screenshots of the “you are checked in” screen but NOT the boarding passes. Did not have phone with her to send the actual passes. I pay the 20 buck “boarding pass reprint fee” for me and the kids.

 

Stupid shit husbands do because I should have insisted she send me all the confirmation number and checked in on my own. 

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25 minutes ago, RamjetFDO said:


 

 


Somewhere, just off-camera, is a flathead screwdriver with a broken tip. Also within reach and hanging on the pegboard is a paint can opener key.

 

She used the paint can key but worked it into the inside ledge on the can’s lid instead of the outside can lid edge.  Didn’t read the instructions.  This is the 2nd can she’s butchered.  
 

Of course, it’s my fault.  

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