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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

Mitsuwa's pricing is generally...quite premium.

 

She bought me some meat that was $20/lb. Still expensive, but the kids couldn't tell the difference. My daughter actually preferred the "cheap" meat. But then again she doesn't have the gourmet tastebuds that my son has developed.

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16 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Bad idea. If the friend is that cheap she won't pay 100 no telling what she is going to get Ms Biff Tannen to pay for. Ms BT will end up covering the hotel and all meals and the friend will cover the Uber from the airport to the hotel and back.

Ms. Biff gets a prepaid debit card or low-limit card that Biff controls for the girls' trips.

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On 7/27/2023 at 3:52 PM, Biff Tannen said:

Ok, I need to know if I'm being the asshole here because the wife certainly thinks I am.

We went on a trip with friends to wine country last weekend.  Us plus two other couples, so 6 people total.  We rented a 3BR airbnb and my wife and I fronted the cost.  I figured out the money owed today (one couple only stayed 2 nights instead of 3, so it wasn't all the same).  My wife is now saying that since we chose the "refundable" amount when we booked, which was about $300 more than the non-refundable amount, that we should eat that extra $300.

To me, choosing the refundable amount was a) the smart thing to do and b) also was to the benefit of everyone on the trip, if we had had to cancel last minute for some reason.

The amounts that I calculated were splitting the total cost of the airbnb, including that $300.

Am I wrong?

You were wrong for telling your wife that you paid $300 more for refundable.  

When she asked you what it cost, why the hell didn't you just tell her what it cost?

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On 7/27/2023 at 5:53 PM, ABSR said:

You are right.  Imagine they paid you their share up front and you paid the cancelation fee separately.  If the trip was canceled and they knew you got your money back for the total cost would they expect to get a refund?  Of course, because the three couples were equal partners in this and that includes liabilities etc.

And if the 2 night couple did not make it clear upfront they were only doing 2 nights they should be paying a 1/3 share.

This advice is even better if you read it in Larry David's voice.

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On 7/27/2023 at 9:34 PM, Biff Tannen said:

That’s exactly my point. The split with the $300 is like 1350 vs 1250 without, so I don’t know why the wife is putting up such a fuss about it.  The only reason I can think is the one whiny friend. This is the same person who lived with us for a few months who would look at me like I shot her dog when I asked to to pay her share of the bills. 
 

For me, it’s the principle.  The $300 was part of the fucking cost which all three parties agreed to split. 

So let's say you get the extra $100 back from each couple.  What happens next?  I'll tell you what's going to happen -- your wife is going to buy a new fucking purse or something stupid with that $200, so why do you even care?

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10 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

You were wrong for telling your wife that you paid $300 more for refundable.  

When she asked you what it cost, why the hell didn't you just tell her what it cost?

She booked it.  Strike that, she booked a place, had buyer's remorse, then canceled the first one and booked a second one.  Then she had buyer's remorse on the second one, but it was past the cancellation window that we paid $300 extra for.

In the end, the $300 was split between the 3 couples, as it damn well should have been.

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12 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

We are at the AAU Jr Olympics waiting for my son to throw the shot put. Son is in the second flight so he’s waiting too. He texts that he’s hungry. Mrs CL walks off and comes back with… a tub of popcorn. 
 

Son says “no thanks”. Mrs CL gets all swollen up that he’s being ungrateful. I apparently used the wrong tone when I told her I agreed with him that it wasn’t a particularly good choice before an athletic event. 
 

Mrs CL stomps off and says she’ll watch from a different location. 

He needed pasta. Duh. 

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Here's one that 1) happens regularly, and 2) just happened again.  The other night, my wife and I watched the new documentary on the James Webb telescope on Netflix.  We really liked it.  I presume she wants to recommend it to a friend, because she just texted me "What was the name of that documentary on the James Webb telescope that we watched?"

She LITERALLY FUCKING TYPED THE GOOGLE QUERY AND SENT IT TO ME INSTEAD, SO THAT I WOULD EITHER REMEMBER IT OR GOOGLE IT FOR HER.

Now, I didn't get mad, and I answered her question.  Because we had a nice time together yesterday evening after dinner and a coupla drinks.  But...FFS...she does this all the time (texts me a question that she could just type into google and get the immediate answer).  WTF?  WHY?

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3 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Here's one that 1) happens regularly, and 2) just happened again.  The other night, my wife and I watched the new documentary on the James Webb telescope on Netflix.  We really liked it.  I presume she wants to recommend it to a friend, because she just texted me "What was the name of that documentary on the James Webb telescope that we watched?"

She LITERALLY FUCKING TYPED THE GOOGLE QUERY AND SENT IT TO ME INSTEAD, SO THAT I WOULD EITHER REMEMBER IT OR GOOGLE IT FOR HER.

Now, I didn't get mad, and I answered her question.  Because we had a nice time together yesterday evening after dinner and a coupla drinks.  But...FFS...she does this all the time (texts me a question that she could just type into google and get the immediate answer).  WTF?  WHY?

I literally bought my wife an Alexa a couple of months ago because she continually asks me questions that I couldn't possibly know the answer to.  "What's the population of Columbus, Ohio?" was the one that snapped me.

Postscript: She still asks me these questions and I just point at the Alexa.

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8 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I literally bought my wife an Alexa a couple of months ago because she continually asks me questions that I couldn't possibly know the answer to.  "What's the population of Columbus, Ohio?" was the one that snapped me.

Postscript: She still asks me these questions and I just point at the Alexa.

A corollary of this is the texts/calls that are tech support questions.  I used to get them from all three family members, but now that the kids have lived in inconvenient time zones, I get fewer messages from them.  But shit like "hey, my Outlook is routing emails to my spam folder from a sender I want to get messages from -- how do I fix that?"  Fuck if I know, I'm just going to google it.....so, HOW ABOUT WE SKIP THE FUCKING MIDDLEMAN?  I am no tech guru.  Not even close.  So, leave the grumpy old man alone, and solve the goddamn problem yourself.

Edit: also, you should start giving her definitive, precise answers....about shit that you have ZERO idea.  Population of Columbus? Easy.  275,372.  [I just looked....I was off by 3X -- but that's my point, who gives a fuck?  Treat me like Google, get the quality you should expect from "ignorant google, not the real Google"].  Once she starts embarrassing herself by telling her friends shit like "did you know that Columbus, Ohio only has 275k people, and was founded by aborigines fleeing Australian oppression?", then maybe she'll stop coming to you with stupid questions.

Edited by Brisketexan
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1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Here's one that 1) happens regularly, and 2) just happened again.  The other night, my wife and I watched the new documentary on the James Webb telescope on Netflix.  We really liked it.  I presume she wants to recommend it to a friend, because she just texted me "What was the name of that documentary on the James Webb telescope that we watched?"

She LITERALLY FUCKING TYPED THE GOOGLE QUERY AND SENT IT TO ME INSTEAD, SO THAT I WOULD EITHER REMEMBER IT OR GOOGLE IT FOR HER.

Now, I didn't get mad, and I answered her question.  Because we had a nice time together yesterday evening after dinner and a coupla drinks.  But...FFS...she does this all the time (texts me a question that she could just type into google and get the immediate answer).  WTF?  WHY?

If I could pinpoint one thing in my life that makes me the most upset, this is almost it.  Which to be fair means I have a pretty good life.  

The only reason this isn't 1 is because my wife asks me these every day, multiple times a day.  She comes to me because I know things, or know how to find them and she doesn't.  However, if I just give a random piece of info that I happen to know, I'm being a know it all.  So which is it, do you think I know enough to have answers to your questions only, but not to stuff I actually do know??  The amount of times she asks me for something and I give her the answer, that she then asks me "how can you possibly know that" is incredible.  

And if she meant it rudely or mean it would be a problem.  But she really is just asking me to explain my info.  Which just annoys me, because then that gets questioned too.  So either I know shit or I don't.  But don't bombard me to cite my sources lol

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1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Every "tech guru" I know is really good at Google Fu. 99.9% of their answers come from there.

I run an office of tech consultants.  We have been having tests on coding to hire new people but the test doesn't allow you to go to another site or cut and paste.  I contend that it's idiotic because I expect people to give me solid, working code.  Not to have said code memorized to the nth detail.  So if you can write the code from scratch in 2 hours, but find it and use open source in 10 minutes, shouldn't I prefer option 2 as long as you can also explain what that code does and why?

Edited by uoftorange
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On 7/27/2023 at 7:30 PM, BearSchlong said:

I didn't realize “refundable vs non-refundable” was a thing. I figured that was why they offered travel insurance as an add-on.

I fronted our last beach trip AirBNB and the other dad showed up with an envelope full of Benjamins and my beef with him was why couldn't he just zelle me like an adult.

Who doesn't like cash???

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2 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I literally bought my wife an Alexa a couple of months ago because she continually asks me questions that I couldn't possibly know the answer to.  "What's the population of Columbus, Ohio?" was the one that snapped me.

Postscript: She still asks me these questions and I just point at the Alexa.

Man. “I don’t know” has never come from me. My theory is “Often wrong, never in doubt.”  

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1 hour ago, uoftorange said:

My ex wife would add a "you always have to be right" after that, and that's a big reason she's my ex.  

Just like Daniel Tosh said:

Quote

She got so mad. She hated I that always corrected her. And I told her: “How do you think it made me feel? Knowing I was dating someone who was always wrong?”

 

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1 hour ago, uoftorange said:

And if she meant it rudely or mean it would be a problem.  But she really is just asking me to explain my info.  Which just annoys me, because then that gets questioned too.  So either I know shit or I don't.  But don't bombard me to cite my sources lol

Man....when I was a kid (up through high school) living at home, my mother used to do this shit.  She'd be calculating some expenses, and ask me "hey, what's 325 plus 423?" - I'm pretty quick with arithmetic in my head, I'd answer "748," and she'd THEN proceed to punch it into the calculator.  I'd ask "why are you doing that?"  "To check your answer."  I remember one time pushing back "what the hell?  I told you an EXACT number.  Do you think I just made it up?  I didn't give you AN answer.  I gave you THE answer.  If you ask me the answer to a math problem, and I give you an answer, it's the right answer.  If you just want to do it on the calculator, don't ask me."  (I was a bit of a smartass with my mother in my high school years -- she made sure to remind me of that frequently in later years).

If you ask me a question and I give you an answer, it's the answer.  If I don't know, I'll tell you.  If it's a matter of opinion, I'll preface with "well, my opinion is...."  But if you ask me if Jupiter is the biggest planet, or what 325 plus 423 is, or if Hyundai is a Korean company, the answer I give you is direct and correct.  

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31 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

My wife never asks me those questions, because she sees it as admitting that I know something that she doesn't, which essentially deduces down to me calling her stupid in her mind. 

Mine still asks me stupid questions and also does the mental gymnastics of it meaning I'm calling her stupid.  I also try to politely explain when she butchers a cliche' ('weather permitted' is a common example) or says something else stupid that I'm trying to keep her from looking stupid in front of other people so she should appreciate it. 

She fails to appreciate it. 

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22 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

"Well, anyway... I bumped into Bettie Sue Giggleheimer.  You remember Bettie Sue, she's the lady who used to buy all those MZ Wallace purses from Dillards, but then Dillards tried to charge her more than the marked price, and she asked for the manager, and the manager said that the price on the purse was incorrect, so they had to charge another price, so now she doesn't shop at Dillard's anymore.  He was so rude.  I can't believe how far Dillard's has fallen.  I was more of a Foley's person back in the day, but then Macy's bought them, and it's never been the same.  Bettie Sue's son went to A&M....or was it Texas State?  It was one of those schools where you can get an education degree.  Texas State?  Maybe North Texas?  Could be Texas Tech.  He majored in economics.  I think he married a girl from Colorado.  They really liked her, she was really nice to his grandma at a family picnic when they were first dating.  I can't remember, when was the last time we had a family picnic?  It was before Uncle Steve died, because I remember seeing him there.  He always used to bring that sharp cheese dip that he liked to make.  I really do need to get that recipe.  ANYWAY, I ran into Bettie Sue, and guess what?  They're selling their house and downsizing!"

i sense....

 

pain in this post

 

do you need a hug?

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7 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Mine still asks me stupid questions and also does the mental gymnastics of it meaning I'm calling her stupid.  I also try to politely explain when she butchers a cliche' ('weather permitted' is a common example) or says something else stupid that I'm trying to keep her from looking stupid in front of other people so she should appreciate it. 

She fails to appreciate it. 

All of y'all need to show your wives the Nate Bargatze "one fell swoop" bit

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At least once a week: 
Her:  Guess who I saw at the store?
Me:  Wayne Cranford
Her:  You always say that.
Me:  That's my guess.  

My husband does some similar shit.

Him: “Please tell me you didn’t leave the door unlocked.”
Me: “You didn’t leave the door unlocked.”

Fuck the condescension.
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50 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

"Well, anyway... I bumped into Bettie Sue Giggleheimer.  You remember Bettie Sue, she's the lady who used to buy all those MZ Wallace purses from Dillards, but then Dillards tried to charge her more than the marked price, and she asked for the manager, and the manager said that the price on the purse was incorrect, so they had to charge another price, so now she doesn't shop at Dillard's anymore.  He was so rude.  I can't believe how far Dillard's has fallen.  I was more of a Foley's person back in the day, but then Macy's bought them, and it's never been the same.  Bettie Sue's son went to A&M....or was it Texas State?  It was one of those schools where you can get an education degree.  Texas State?  Maybe North Texas?  Could be Texas Tech.  He majored in economics.  I think he married a girl from Colorado.  They really liked her, she was really nice to his grandma at a family picnic when they were first dating.  I can't remember, when was the last time we had a family picnic?  It was before Uncle Steve died, because I remember seeing him there.  He always used to bring that sharp cheese dip that he liked to make.  I really do need to get that recipe.  ANYWAY, I ran into Bettie Sue, and guess what?  They're selling their house and downsizing!"

We both work multiple jobs, and traveling once a month or so is our hobby. It used to frustrate and insult me that when we finally got away from the responsibilities of our home lives, she would spend on the phone with her mom an hour or two of our alone time together. I complained about this, and she respected my request to spend time together. What I very quickly learned is that every day her brain has 15,000 words that are going to be vocalized to someone, and she doesn’t care to whom. 
Now, when she starts in on whose cousin she saw at the grocery store, I very gently interrupt her and ask, “When is the last time you talked to your mom?  You should call her while we’re on this boring road.”  
Then I queue Mr. Seger’s “Roll Me Away”. 
 

Edited by Kennythetiger
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3 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

Sharp cheese dip you say?

"Yeah, like the pub cheese we can get at Trader Joe's, but not whipped like that.  It's thicker.  And not the horseradish kind.  I kind of like that flavor, but horseradish is iffy - some places use too much, and it overwhelms the taste of everything else.  And you know I like horseradish -- that and wasabi, those are the only 'spicy' things I really like.  When you cook and use too much jalapeno, it hurts my tummy.  Not everything needs to be all mexican.  Although the enchilada sauce from Trader Joe's is pretty good.  Someone brought enchiladas to the family picnic once, which I thought was weird because none of us are mexican, and enchiladas are hard to serve and eat at a picnic.  Those little taquitos are good, though.  The beef ones, though.  The chicken ones are too stringy.  My aunt Gladys...wait....maybe it was Aunt Linda.  It's the one who used to have a lake house on lake Livingston, we used to go there in the summer sometimes.  They had a rope swing rigged up on their dock, and we loved jumping in the lake off of that.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure it was Aunt Linda, she made these homemade taquitos with chicken and they were okay because the chicken wasn't as shredded.  I wonder if Trader Joe's has ever made taquitos?"

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I am about to fucking lose it.

We went to Colorado a couple of weeks ago.  Wife told family friends that they could stay at our house.  When she asked me if that would be OK, I said, "I guess, but I really worry about them breaking the AC.  When it's over 100, you cannot have the AC blasting 24 hours a day or it's going to break.  They can't set the thermostat below 78 during the day."

Y'all already know what happened, but we got a text this morning: "The thermostat is set on 74, but it's 81 in the house.  Is something wrong?"

Wife confessed that she didn't tell them not to set it below 78.  I went off.  Then she pivoted to "I don't remember you telling me to tell them that."   Then she pivoted to "YOU keep the thermostat at 76!"  "Yes, *AT NIGHT*, when it's not over a hundred degrees out!"

I have not been this mad in a long time.  

 

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2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

"Well, anyway... I bumped into Bettie Sue Giggleheimer.  You remember Bettie Sue, she's the lady who used to buy all those MZ Wallace purses from Dillards, but then Dillards tried to charge her more than the marked price, and she asked for the manager, and the manager said that the price on the purse was incorrect, so they had to charge another price, so now she doesn't shop at Dillard's anymore.  He was so rude.  I can't believe how far Dillard's has fallen.  I was more of a Foley's person back in the day, but then Macy's bought them, and it's never been the same.  Bettie Sue's son went to A&M....or was it Texas State?  It was one of those schools where you can get an education degree.  Texas State?  Maybe North Texas?  Could be Texas Tech.  He majored in economics.  I think he married a girl from Colorado.  They really liked her, she was really nice to his grandma at a family picnic when they were first dating.  I can't remember, when was the last time we had a family picnic?  It was before Uncle Steve died, because I remember seeing him there.  He always used to bring that sharp cheese dip that he liked to make.  I really do need to get that recipe.  ANYWAY, I ran into Bettie Sue, and guess what?  They're selling their house and downsizing!"

Too soon.  

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31 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I am about to fucking lose it.

We went to Colorado a couple of weeks ago.  Wife told family friends that they could stay at our house.  When she asked me if that would be OK, I said, "I guess, but I really worry about them breaking the AC.  When it's over 100, you cannot have the AC blasting 24 hours a day or it's going to break.  They can't set the thermostat below 78 during the day."

Y'all already know what happened, but we got a text this morning: "The thermostat is set on 74, but it's 81 in the house.  Is something wrong?"

Wife confessed that she didn't tell them not to set it below 78.  I went off.  Then she pivoted to "I don't remember you telling me to tell them that."   Then she pivoted to "YOU keep the thermostat at 76!"  "Yes, *AT NIGHT*, when it's not over a hundred degrees out!"

I have not been this mad in a long time.  

 

What hotel did your wife book and pay for to make up for the inconvenience to your family friends?

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30 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I am about to fucking lose it.

We went to Colorado a couple of weeks ago.  Wife told family friends that they could stay at our house.  When she asked me if that would be OK, I said, "I guess, but I really worry about them breaking the AC.  When it's over 100, you cannot have the AC blasting 24 hours a day or it's going to break.  They can't set the thermostat below 78 during the day."

Y'all already know what happened, but we got a text this morning: "The thermostat is set on 74, but it's 81 in the house.  Is something wrong?"

Wife confessed that she didn't tell them not to set it below 78.  I went off.  Then she pivoted to "I don't remember you telling me to tell them that."   Then she pivoted to "YOU keep the thermostat at 76!"  "Yes, *AT NIGHT*, when it's not over a hundred degrees out!"

I have not been this mad in a long time.  

 

Then after claiming she didn't remember, next time when something similar comes up and you repeatedly remind her that there is only one thing that matters that must be conveyed to the tenants- "stop treating me like a child!"

Ask me how I know.

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