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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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2 hours ago, Crapinon said:

We are hitting our 40th anniversary next month. I learned a valuable lesson from her dad after their 65 years of marriage. Quit listening. His wife always accused him of needing hearing aids but the reality was he was ignoring her criticizing and harping. I do it now. My wife is not sure whether I am ignoring her or really can't hear her but it's a win for me. I call it male pattern deafness. 

This is the way.  

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I rarely tell my wife any of my infrequent ailments, because as soon as I do, it begins a litany of things she wants me to try, take, do, don't do, reasons why I got this ailment, why it's my fault, and better living would prevent it.  So I don't do it.  Ever.  

My wife is a nurse. I learned a long time ago not to say shit about any ailments.
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4 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Have y’all reached the point yet where you don’t tell your wives things because you know it will lead to a lengthy and pointless conversation?

Friend of mine calls this “Need to know basis”. Does she really “need to know this”? Is there some danger or serious outcome if she doesn’t have this information? If she doesn’t “need to know” then just keep quiet.  There’s nothing good to come of it otherwise. 

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9 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

My wife has gotten teenager-level obsessed with her cell phone.  She comes home from work, and other than maybe using the elliptical, she's playing with her phone till we go to bed.  I actually said something about it one day and she went nuts on me, and as she was yelling at me, I thought, "You shouldn't have said anything about her phone, dumbass.  This is the alternative."

Mine has done this with FB games and the Hallmark channel (with an occasional trip to HGTV). She is streaming some dumbass show called Drop Dead Diva whose story line is so stupid I can't even explain it. She works from home and when I walk in she is watching it until she goes to bed. I told her she was wasting the rest of her life watching tv, playing meaningless games and then received the alternative you mentioned.........

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8 hours ago, Not that Bob said:

Friend of mine calls this “Need to know basis”. Does she really “need to know this”? Is there some danger or serious outcome if she doesn’t have this information? If she doesn’t “need to know” then just keep quiet.  There’s nothing good to come of it otherwise. 

1. Does she need to hear this?

2. Does she need to hear this right now?

3. Does she need to hear this right now from me?

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10 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

My wife has gotten teenager-level obsessed with her cell phone.  She comes home from work, and other than maybe using the elliptical, she's playing with her phone till we go to bed.  I actually said something about it one day and she went nuts on me, and as she was yelling at me, I thought, "You shouldn't have said anything about her phone, dumbass.  This is the alternative."

Need to crush that candy.

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32 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

I hope this one doesn't belong to anyone here.
 

 

 

 


Not everything needs to be on the internet.

 

 

20 seconds into that video, she announced that “I’m a Virgo,” and I just noped the fuck out. Anytime someone announces that they are some way because of the planets, fuck you. Credibility borked.

Not justifying the dude but astrology shit is rough if you’re getting it at home. 

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21 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I rarely tell my wife any of my infrequent ailments, because as soon as I do, it begins a litany of things she wants me to try, take, do, don't do, reasons why I got this ailment, why it's my fault, and better living would prevent it.  So I don't do it.  Ever.  

Yep. I mention nothing till I am too sick for her to notice.  And I still hear about how it’s my fault. 
 

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On 3/17/2023 at 7:40 PM, SHOOTER12 said:

 

That's on you boys for allowing that insanity. 

Ha.  Her money, her closet, her time.  She does the same thing with:  onions, shallots, 'essential' oils, olive oil and any number of things.  But I pick up an extra bottle of hot sauce..."WE HAVE ONE IN THE FRIDGE".   I look at the basket of shallots in the corner and shrug.  

Women just aren't built to be happy or content.  If you don't fuck it up for them, they they will fuck it up for themselves.  Just how it works.  

 

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19 hours ago, Crapinon said:

We are hitting our 40th anniversary next month. I learned a valuable lesson from her dad after their 65 years of marriage. Quit listening. His wife always accused him of needing hearing aids but the reality was he was ignoring her criticizing and harping. I do it now. My wife is not sure whether I am ignoring her or really can't hear her but it's a win for me. I call it male pattern deafness. 

This process has started with me too.  She knows it.  She accuses me of tuning her out, zoning out and pretending to listen.  It's not intentional; it's a defense mechanism.  I've just come to realize that easily 85% of the shit she says to me is either plain wrong, shit I don't want to hear or unnecessary filler.  It's like, instead of telling me, "I went to Costco today," she tells me all the roads she took to get there.  Why do women do this?

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15 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

This process has started with me too.  She knows it.  She accuses me of tuning her out, zoning out and pretending to listen.  It's not intentional; it's a defense mechanism.  I've just come to realize that easily 85% of the shit she says to me is either plain wrong, shit I don't want to hear or unnecessary filler.  It's like, instead of telling me, "I went to Costco today," she tells me all the roads she took to get there.  Why do women do this?

Jesus, ALL of this post hits home.  I'm in the same boat and we're hitting 10 years in June. 

Most of the things she criticizes me about are things she's actually worse at (every accusation is a confession), and I'll sometimes point this out after a lengthy screed against me, which is always responded with "this isn't the time to turn it back on me" to which I inevitably ask "when is the appropriate time to bring this up to you?" which is obviously never and I'm a dick for even suggesting it.

My wife's also bad about adding pointless filler to anything she's trying to explain or story she's trying to tell.  It would be possible to explain how her cousin works for the city of Seattle without a 5 minute rundown of the venue in which said cousin's wedding was held, in Brooklyn, 14 years ago.  I've suggested many times that she try to edit these digressions, but you can imagine how well received that is.

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My wife likes to have phone conversations with me in the same room where I can hear both sides of the conversation because of her insane phone volume. Then she'll come back an hour later and tell me about the call, going through everything that was said word for word.

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32 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Ha.  Her money, her closet, her time.  She does the same thing with:  onions, shallots, 'essential' oils, olive oil and any number of things.  But I pick up an extra bottle of hot sauce..."WE HAVE ONE IN THE FRIDGE".   I look at the basket of shallots in the corner and shrug.  

Women just aren't built to be happy or content.  If you don't fuck it up for them, they they will fuck it up for themselves.  Just how it works.  

 

Damn...I stand corrected, although I'd blow a gasket over the one hot sauce situation. 

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Just now, Cheeseweasel said:

How hard did you bite your tongue? 

Yeah, pretty damn hard. These weren’t the type of women that grab most men’s eyes, let’s say and that was obvious. It was just a lot of pettiness that I was indeed done with the story once she got past “I saw a lot of toads.” 

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5 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Yeah, pretty damn hard. These weren’t the type of women that grab most men’s eyes, let’s say and that was obvious. It was just a lot of pettiness that I was indeed done with the story once she got past “I saw a lot of toads.” 

I mean, regardless of what they looked like, or the conversation topic, it seems like you were just being polite to co-workers.

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4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

20 seconds into that video, she announced that “I’m a Virgo,” and I just noped the fuck out. Anytime someone announces that they are some way because of the planets, fuck you. Credibility borked.

Not justifying the dude but astrology shit is rough if you’re getting it at home. 

Both of my exes are Libras.  If you marry a Libra you deserve your fate

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4 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

TF is hot sauce doing in the fridge?

My wife puts everything in the fridge, regardless of whether it needs to be refrigerated or not.  Heck, if one of her friends said to put salt and pepper in the fridge, she would.  For the most part, this really does no harm.  Whenever i see something in there that doesn't belong, I just laugh to myself and go on about my day.  

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4 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Pro tip: when she starts in on a ramble, after about the second sentence just interrupt and say, Is this going to be a “long” story?

That should do the trick nicely.

or say "can you start with the end of the story first please"

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11 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Don’t let these pricks talk you into asking “Can you just tell me the end part first?”  They did that to me about 10 years ago. 

And to punish him his wife stayed married to him.   True story!

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