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PossumHollerKid

Prevent Farting on Planes

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This part really cracked me up.

“If there is any one given irritant that makes people fight on board, it is the fart. It is terrible within the plane.”

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8 hours ago, PossumHollerKid said:

https://www.secretflying.com/posts/kenyan-politician-wants-to-end-farting-on-planes/

 

Kenyan politician wants to end farting on planes

 

What's the fuss?  It sounds like a reasonable objective even if the implementation is a tad shaky.

Took the nonstop from London to Austin last summer. The Indian lady sitting on my left was served her special request meal shortly after we reached cruising altitude, then she proceeded to emit smelly farts all the way across the Atlantic.

I’m surprised there is still any ice left in Greenland.

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Doesn't that give more credence to the emotional support critters lobby? Not the folks with genuine needs/disabilities, but the passengers who just want to fly with their Komodo dragons and miniature horses.

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3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Took the nonstop from London to Austin last summer. The Indian lady sitting on my left was served her special request meal shortly after we reached cruising altitude, then she proceeded to emit smelly farts all the way across the Atlantic.

I’m surprised there is still any ice left in Greenland.

Whoever smelt it dealt it

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2 hours ago, miguelito said:

From there to here

From here to there

I have farted

Everywhere

 

 - Dr. Seuss, PhD

Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
Tocopilla, Barranquilla, and Padilla

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11 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
Tocopilla, Barranquilla, and Padilla

I fart everywhere man

I fart Everywhere.....

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“There are passengers who literally irritate fellow passengers by passing bad smell and uncomfortable fart (sic)

 

It -is- uncomfortable farting on a plane. For starters the seats don't give you enough wiggle room to fully open up the butt cheeks. My M.O. has
always been to air it out in the aisle. This is best done if you can find a human shield to follow on the way to the bathroom. Benefits include
crop dusting a large portion of the passengers on the plane whilst having plausible deniability - no one knows if it was you or the other person
who did it. 

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I figured people would appreciate the freshness of my farts, as opposed to their nasty, hungover, BO infested selves piling on the plane after not showering or changing clothes for the past 3 days.

Catch the wave...

Edited by Iceman

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I'd like to see the loud but odorless variety on the list of acceptable farts.  The silent but deadly have to go.  

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1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

I'd like to see the loud but odorless variety on the list of acceptable farts.  The silent but deadly have to go.  

The morning thunder farts can be like this. Typically the result of swallowed air overnight while sleeping. They can lift a leg up off the ground, but don't typically send the children running for the hills like a post steak dinner bomb.

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There are few things better than letting a few really rancid farts go while on a family road trip.  It's especially awesome of you can lock their windows. 

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As part of my job, I'm on intercontinental flights A LOT.  The whole plane is farting, the entire time.  This is known:  https://www.thesun.co.uk/travel/3595151/this-is-why-people-fart-more-on-planes-and-the-bizarre-way-you-can-stop-the-stink/

It's a common hazard for the flight crews:  https://www.thesun.co.uk/travel/3381319/flight-attendants-fart-crop-dusting-planes/

It would be a far greater risk to make everyone on the plane stay bottled up for a 12-16 hour flight.  Can you imagine a plane full of cramping idiots?

Edited by nnm

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47 minutes ago, Hate said:

There are few things better than letting a few really rancid farts go while on a family road trip.  It's especially awesome of you can lock their windows. 

Don’t forget to turn on the heater 

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On 9/18/2019 at 1:46 PM, Hate said:

There are few things better than letting a few really rancid farts go while on a family road trip.  It's especially awesome of you can lock their windows. 

 

On 9/18/2019 at 2:34 PM, strangulation! said:

Don’t forget to turn on the heater 

 

lock the windows, furtively crank the heater, casually lean forward in seat and lift ass before pushing out scorching hot methane at an inaudible level, and wait for the panic of your unfortunate passengers.  hot car is one of my favorite games.  but I’m an asshole. 

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1 hour ago, futureman said:

lock the windows, furtively crank the heater, casually lean forward in seat and lift ass before pushing out scorching hot methane at an inaudible level, and wait for the panic of your unfortunate passengers.  hot car is one of my favorite games.  but I’m an asshole. 

The old POS Family Truckster station wagon we had growing up had a vent that shot air right into the driver's crotch.

An unexpected blessing during August drives was air conditioned balls. The counter-curse was when dad would rip ass in January with the heater on full bore and windows up.

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The practice is so common among flight attendants that they even have a special word for it – crop-dusting.

Get the fuck out of here, they didn't invent this phrase.

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4 hours ago, PilotsError said:

 

 

Get the fuck out of here, they didn't invent this phrase.

How would you know?  Are you a pilot?

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Was on a road trip, to Cali, with family and we were in two 15 passenger vans.  My uncle driving the lead van was begged by a few of my aunts and cousins to pull over.  So they pull over on i10 in barren west Texas somewhere between Ft. Stockton and El Paso.  I'm sitting in the navigator seat of the second van wondering wtf is going on as everyone is pulling out luggage and looking under the seats for something.  So i get out to ask what is going on.  Apparently, my aunt is convinced that at our last stop a small animal must have crawled in a died because their is something rancid.  Gag inducing rancidness.  Everyone was convinced of this.  Nothing was found and later that night upon arriving at our destination for the night my uncle comes up to me and proceeds to tell me that he ate too much salsa and jalapenos at the previous dinner stop and was embarrassed and uncontrollably was ripping the most rancid hot farts.  We laughed so hard and still do to this day we've never told anyone.    Ha!

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1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

still do to this day we've never told anyone.    Ha!

Um ....

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When I fly I get drunk, rip ass, and wake up with a boner after passing out.  It’s my inalienable right. 

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Took the family out to eat the other night, and it was my turn to have some drinks while the wife handled the driving.  Mexican food.  Those beans traversed my GI tract faster than the average Jester meal, and I quietly let one out as we were enjoying a pleasant drive home.  About 5 seconds later my wife rolls my window down, to which I said "why'd you do that?" and she replied "because you farted and it's gross".  "I didn't fart."  "Yes you did, it had to be you."

At that point I went turncoat on my teenage son and said "HE did it, he's been farting all night" to which he responded with genuine shock and anger "I didn't do it, Mom, I swear".  "Right."

The thing is, he pretty much knew I farted, and I (obviously) knew I farted, and he knew I set him up.  It's a Dad's right.  He's still pissed.  Too bad, son.

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A few years ago I wrapped up some meetings with the Navy in Charleston and afterward they insisted on taking me to some "BBQ" place, where I had pulled pork, a big bowl of beans, and a couple of beers.  The meal wasn't terrible, but it fermented.  A lot.  My afternoon flight back to Austin wasn't too crowded and I ended up in a row by myself, with a couple ladies in front of me.  I proceeded to put on headphones and watch a movie.  About halfway home, I was getting really uncomfortable, and decided I'd just sneak a few silent ones out.  After all I had the row to myself, nobody would know who did it.  The first one was uneventful, so I let out a second, more powerful one, and the lady in front of me turned around and looked.  No biggie, I thought.  So I did it again.  This time she turned around and GLARED at me.  It was at that point I remembered I had headphones on, so my "silent" farts were silent to me, but for everyone else not so much.  

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You can barely even smell farts on a plane with the ventilation systems they have in place. I'm an expert. I've probably farted 10,000 times on airplanes. 

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3 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

You can barely even smell farts on a plane with the ventilation systems they have in place. I'm an expert. I've probably farted 10,000 times on airplanes. 

First I ever flew commercial was in the late 70's. Breaking wind was entertainment then. I had no idea we'd gotten so rigid as a society that a little gas would upset the masses so much.

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If you have ever worked in a cube farm, crop dusting as you walk down the aisles is very satisfying. 

Then turning around at the end of an aisle you just violated to observe the chaos as people look for someone to blame.

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