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Getting Laid 2020

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On 1/24/2020 at 7:57 AM, Hank_Hill said:

This might be my longest consecutive streak ever. Curious who’s going to tap out first.

If you ever get tired...

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Ringing the bell again and making up for the dry spell of last year's divorce.
Have you bought her a ring yet?

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6 minutes ago, DaysOff said:
2 hours ago, South Austin said:
Ringing the bell again and making up for the dry spell of last year's divorce.

Have you bought her a ring yet?

Saving the ring for your mom, if she'll take me.

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42 minutes ago, 4th and 5 said:

She seems ....naughty

@Hank_Hill please pick up the white courtesy phone, we need an update

Haha I actually had a dream last week that she found this thread through a friend and never talked to me again so I’m taking that as an omen for now. Too good to risk.

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On 1/10/2020 at 6:38 PM, Hank_Hill said:

B190-A84-C-A280-4835-8077-B2-A253-B202-F
 

Helped the Brazilian choose swimwear this morning between patients, which obviously led to a nooner when I got off.

 

On 1/10/2020 at 6:54 PM, Steel Shank said:

That's nice work, Hank.

Surely not in front of the b-o-y Hank...

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5 hours ago, markstanco said:
17 hours ago, South Austin said:
Saving the ring for your mom, if she'll take me.

South Austin doing mom jokes again?

Did I stop?

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On 2/10/2020 at 11:13 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

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Is it a sign of old age that the first thing I thought when reading this was what exactly is the back stretch and how can I get one?

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My birthday is on Valentine's Day.  Sex is guaranteed.  And don't even need to go out and spend a ton of money on dinner that will cost half as much tomorrow night.

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On 2/10/2020 at 11:17 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

 

On 2/10/2020 at 11:13 AM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

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On 2/14/2020 at 1:15 PM, BigDHornfan said:

My birthday is on Valentine's Day.  Sex is guaranteed.  And don't even need to go out and spend a ton of money on dinner that will cost half as much tomorrow night.

Cock blocked your dad many years then.

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7 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

How can you tell if they're a whore or a lawyer?

Lawyers fuck people for money. Strippers just dance for money (sometimes)

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8 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

How can you tell if they're a whore or a lawyer?

If they're dead in the middle of the road, there will be skid marks before you get to the whore. 

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Most whores have three holes that are interchangeable and lawyers usually only have two. 


User name checks out for one of the holes.

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Reporting in.

4 nights in a row...and the wife just texted me a bit ago and told me she wanted to go for 5 this evening.

Life's good, gents.  Carry on.

 

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23 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

She definitely has an ulterior motive

I'm guessing she just went on a huge shopping spree that hasn't yet hit his credit card bill.

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She definitely has an ulterior motive


Or she’s eyeing that new Lexus (especially if y’all are from Dallas).

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1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

Reporting in.

4 nights in a row...and the wife just texted me a bit ago and told me she wanted to go for 5 this evening.

Life's good, gents.  Carry on.

I hate you.

Girlfriend of 5 years started losing interest in sex almost a year ago.  She swears up and down it's not me or anything I've done and thinks it might be the start of menopause. I'd stick around and be patient in this but the problem is that she does fuck all to 'help me out' yet she expects fidelity... and she has gotten it. 

Broke up with her on Sunday. I had to tell her the truth, "I've come to realize that my best chance of having sex again begins with breaking up with you.". 

She agreed it's not fair....said she even considered letting me have a gal on the side if the idea didn't make her so jealous. I'm sure in a year or a few months or whenever
this thing passes she'll wanna do the wild thing 5 times a day but I won't be around for it. FML. 

Edited by Marfa Low Crown

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1 hour ago, South Austin said:

I'm guessing she just went on a huge shopping spree that hasn't yet hit his credit card bill.

 

Nah, she has a job and her own credit (and we don't co-mingle finances).  She may have done something similar, but I would never see the bill.

 

1 hour ago, Stunns38 said:

 


Or she’s eyeing that new Lexus (especially if y’all are from Dallas).

 

 

Now, that's a possibility.  It's getting time to upgrade her ride.

 

54 minutes ago, Marfa Low Crown said:

I hate you.

Girlfriend of 5 years started losing interest in sex almost a year ago.  She swears up and down it's not me or anything I've done and thinks it might be the start of menopause. I'd stick around and be patient in this but the problem is that she does fuck all to 'help me out' yet she expects fidelity... and she has gotten it. 

Broke up with her on Sunday. I had to tell her the truth, "I've come to realize that my best chance of having sex again begins with breaking up with you.". 

She agreed it's not fair....said she even considered letting me have a gal on the side if the idea didn't make her so jealous. I'm sure in a year or a few months or whenever
this thing passes she'll wanna do the wild thing 5 times a day but I won't be around for it. FML. 

 

Been there, done that (with the ex, but that wasn't the reason she is an ex).  Good for you being honest with her, and good luck.

 

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On 2/21/2020 at 11:15 AM, Marfa Low Crown said:

I hate you.

Girlfriend of 5 years started losing interest in sex almost a year ago.  She swears up and down it's not me or anything I've done and thinks it might be the start of menopause. I'd stick around and be patient in this but the problem is that she does fuck all to 'help me out' yet she expects fidelity... and she has gotten it. 

Broke up with her on Sunday. I had to tell her the truth, "I've come to realize that my best chance of having sex again begins with breaking up with you.". 

She agreed it's not fair....said she even considered letting me have a gal on the side if the idea didn't make her so jealous. I'm sure in a year or a few months or whenever
this thing passes she'll wanna do the wild thing 5 times a day but I won't be around for it. FML. 

This guy...this guy is a fucking MAN.  

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Should we split this thread into a single and married edition?  For the same reason as the new car thread has 4x the posts as the classic one?  

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Unless it's something interesting like banging the old lady in the driveway on the hood (bonnet) of your car, or in a three-way with your hot Au Pair, who really wants to hear about you pounding the wife for the thousandth time.

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34 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Unless it's something interesting like banging the old lady in the driveway on the hood (bonnet) of your car, or in a three-way with your hot Au Pair, who really wants to hear about you pounding the wife for the thousandth time.

[raises hand]

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