Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[EE2B 1561]

My wife put in a grocery order for pickup last night. This morning she went to pick it up since she was off. While she’s out, she takes the kids by Chick-Fil-A to pickup breakfast. About 3.5-4 hours after getting back home she remembers the groceries are still in the car. Guess who got to pickup another $60 grocery order on the way home? While I was waiting on it, I texted her and asked if she could wanted me to bring it in when I got it home or leave it in the car. Tone.

[Anastasis 23329]

Kids wanted to watch wizard of oz. 

pull it up on iTunes after dinner and start rolling.

movie starts in Kansas.  

“Why did you rent the black and white version instead of the technicolor remastered version?”

pours another strong drink.  

[Anastasis 23329]

I expect questions about midgets before we get too far along here.  

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3867]

6 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

That's an easy fix. Plus you can clean out 12 years of lint and it will be running better.

Damn you’re good. Dryer was heating fine.  Zero output at exterior vent. Unhook exhaust hose from back of dryer and it is a blowing and a going. 12’  clean out brush on way. 

Edited April 19, 2019 by ShaggyBevo RIP

[Anastasis 23329]

“I don’t think I ever saw the monkeys before”

fuck my life. 

[chikin23 384]

"Are the Spurs playing in San Antonio?"

[MNLonghornFUKM 8795]

“I don’t think I ever saw the monkeys before”
fuck my life. 

Just have her look for the munchkin who hung himself in the forest so she'd shut up for the rest of the movie

[VolenteHawk 495]

1 hour ago, Anastasis said:

Kids wanted to watch wizard of oz. 

pull it up on iTunes after dinner and start rolling.

movie starts in Kansas.  

“Why did you rent the black and white version instead of the technicolor remastered version?”

pours another strong drink.  

You didn’t tell her Kansas is in black and white? Missed opportunity.

 

[mulletpelini 5209]

It's only like 6% black

[Archer 474]

3 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

My wife went through a horrible period with migraines. Tried new eyeglasses, meds, you name it. The Dr had upped her meds to the point where she almost couldn’t function. Her boss sent her to his massage guy. Immediate relief.

[Pato del Muerto 52233]

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

1 hour ago, Anastasis said:

“I don’t think I ever saw the monkeys before”
fuck my life. 

Just have her look for the munchkin who hung himself in the forest so she'd shut up for the rest of the movie

That’s really early on though, so don’t actually point it out to her. 

[Anastasis 23329]

"Are they really monkeys if they have wings"

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

10 hours ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

Damn you’re good. Dryer was heating fine.  Zero output at exterior vent. Unhook exhaust hose from back of dryer and it is a blowing and a going. 12’  clean out brush on way. 

My bill will arrive next week. 

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

13 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

My wife went through a horrible period with migraines. Tried new eyeglasses, meds, you name it. The Dr had upped her meds to the point where she almost couldn’t function. Her boss sent her to his massage guy. Immediate relief.

We were able to wean her back off all the meds except for her daily dose she had already been on before all of this happened. She goes every couple of months and no migraines.

She sent me. I cussed up a storm for an hour and was sore for two weeks afterward. Hadn’t felt that good in a while.

 

"Don't forget to drink a lot of water" 

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

My wife is going to a function at our kids school today without me, she called me this morning and this is the actual conversation-

 

Me- Hello

Mrs Hoffa- Where should I park today when I go to school?

Me- Um, in the parking lot

Mrs Hoffa- Well it's going to be super busy what do I do if it's full?

Me- Park in the back parking lot

Mrs Hoffa- What if that is really busy too? 

Me- Well then you might have to park on one of the side streets across from the school and walk

Mrs Hoffa- Ok, Thanks!

 

 

The best or worst part is my wife is smart as shit, common sense sometimes however......

[mulletpelini 5209]

The smarter they are the dumber they get.  I swear the kids are more parasitic on those brains and boobs than medically reported.

[ztejas 43190]

Breaking the rules a little bit here (coworker) but this was just too good to not share...

[BearMace 2183]

25 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Breaking the rules a little bit here (coworker) but this was just too good to not share...

Which side is the stupid one?

Edited April 19, 2019 by BearMace

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

Who's on first?

[ztejas 43190]

36 minutes ago, BearMace said:

Which side is the stupid one?

Looking back it needed more context to be funny(ier)? 

I will punish myself accordingly. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8795]

3 hours ago, ztejas said:

Breaking the rules a little bit here (coworker) but this was just too good to not share...

2019 clubhouse leader

[Hate 20095]

My wife likes to take products out of their original container and put them in other containers. Then she has a smaller container for that product so that it will fit in our cabinets.

[bluto 4861]

Bra-fucking-vo to hate's wife, the username makes sense now

Edited April 20, 2019 by bluto

[Thatguy 8393]

46 minutes ago, Hate said:

My wife likes to take products out of their original container and put them in other containers. Then she has a smaller container for that product so that it will fit in our cabinets.

   Wow! I would lose my shit on that for sure.

[Dennis Taylor 18644]

13 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

2019 clubhouse leader

No way...

Phone isn't working since the door won't unlock story ftw

[MNLonghornFUKM 8795]

1 hour ago, Hate said:

My wife likes to take products out of their original container and put them in other containers. Then she has a smaller container for that product so that it will fit in our cabinets.

tell us more about those kitchen sink handles that belong in a bathroom 

[Chewbacca 7666]

My wife likes to take products out of their original container and put them in other containers. Then she has a smaller container for that product so that it will fit in our cabinets.

Folgers and stevia? Come on, bro. Take back your house.

[luke duke 6366]

   Wow! I would lose my shit on that for sure.

Me too. There’s no reason to ever buy Folgers.

[Player 4575]

Live look-in at the Hate household...

[Llano Estacado 1257]

Live look-in at the Hate household...

Or

[Kennythetiger 9325]

I'm more interested in the midget scoop for coffee.  That's got to be his wife's, too.  Wouldn't a kitchen spoon work just as well?

[mulletpelini 5209]

My lovely was looking over my shoulder, said "wtf is that shit?".  Damn I love her.

[OWLVIS 557]

9 hours ago, Hate said:

My wife likes to take products out of their original container and put them in other containers. Then she has a smaller container for that product so that it will fit in our cabinets.

Oh 'dammit

[Beau Vine 53846]

Hate wins this page in a landslide.  

[Hate 20095]

Folgers and stevia? Come on, bro. Take back your house.

I’m Surly 99%. I don’t care anything about fancy coffee.

[Chewbacca 7666]

I’m Surly 99%. I don’t care anything about fancy coffee.

But stevia?

[Hate 20095]

Don’t want the sugar diabetes.

[thunderlounge 7700]

On 4/18/2019 at 8:20 PM, Anastasis said:

Kids wanted to watch wizard of oz. 

pull it up on iTunes after dinner and start rolling.

movie starts in Kansas.  

“Why did you rent the black and white version instead of the technicolor remastered version?”

pours another strong drink.  

 

When my daughter was 3 or 4, a d Wizard of Oz was her goto movie at the time, she didn’t think Dorothy was really Dorothy until she “turned into color.”

 

[mulletpelini 5209]

46 minutes ago, Hate said:

 

I’m Surly 99%. I don’t care anything about fancy coffee.

 

I'd like to see under that folgers lid, to test a theory.

[tbone_ 14016]

 

I’m Surly 99%. I don’t care anything about fancy coffee.

Costco coffee in the brown can is what you want.

[Hate 20095]

tell us more about those kitchen sink handles that belong in a bathroom 

That’s a “vegetable” sink. I often forget it’s even there. It is not the kitchen sink, but your point about the handles stands.

[HenryJames 65848]

Negged for eating vegetables. - Surly probably

[Armybrat 40648]

Maybe Mrs. Hate uses it to wash off cucumbers?

[Beau Vine 53846]

[MNLonghornFUKM 8795]

7 hours ago, Hate said:

 

That’s a “vegetable” sink. I often forget it’s even there. It is not the kitchen sink, but your point about the handles stands.
 

 

[Thatguy 8393]

37 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

  Yeah, the kitchen handles are a bit odd. They look like those old school crystal door knobs in Victorian style homes......

 

 

[Eugene11 375]

On 4/5/2019 at 7:36 AM, retread said:

and changing the locks to ones that actually work.

I didn’t read on but I bet it’s entirely possible she turned WiFi or Bluetooth off to save battery or some such. Just saying. Wives and stupid...

[txhorns 2405]

I was gone all day yesterday.  Got home at 10:05.  Pulled up and my wife's SUV was in the driveway instead of the garage.  The driver's door was open as was the back door.  Wife's wallet and keys were sitting on driver's seat.  Went inside and wife was asleep, 3 year old was still awake, 2 lights on and all doors unlocked.

[burntorangebongos 10681]

was she drunk?

[EE2B 1561]

She was worn out from fucking the neighbor/Dyer repair man.