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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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21 hours ago, dbagg said:

My wife just ordered a 10 ft tall plastic skeleton Halloween yard decoration that cost a mere $300.  We live in the country and have never had a trick or treater.  

If it is the one my wife tried to buy they also weigh like 80lbs.  

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Every time we drive somewhere separate my wife parks on the opposite side of the parking lot for some stupid reason. I’m typically always the first one there and will park where there are spaces together, she never parks there.

She wanted help loading a new Christmas tree today, so she followed me over there on my way back to work. I pull in, park near the store exit with spaces all around for easy out like a normal person, she goes down past the entrance to the far side of the lot and parks. She did offer me a ride back to my vehicle, I just walked off.

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My BIL had/has health issues, so he's always looking for things to improve his health, from osteopathy, acupuncture, specialized chiropractic care... the list is long and distinguished. My wife listens and usually wants to try what he's doing, which often means $$$ wasted.

His most recent discovery is working out on special machines that are tailored EXACTLY for the person. Every workout requires a technician there, doing body scans, adjusting the gear settings. Gym membership is only $350/month. Of course my wife wants to try it as well.

Me: "Why do you always want to try what your brother is doing?"

Her:

Nuclear Explosion GIF - Nuclear Explosion Bomb - Discover ...

 

I walked right into that one, especially since I know she's hypersensitive about me talking about her and her family. So imagine her reaction if she ever reads this. Haha.

If I die, please clear my browsing history and the contents of nightstand bottom drawer.

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Had a bit of a moment this morning.  I was making olive relish for muffulettas .  I got lectured on how to wash dishes and realized you know what, the moment you criticize something I’m doing,  it’s yours.  Don’t like it?  Do it yourself.  I’m still washing dishes but I feel better about it.  

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It’s fall/thanksgiving decorations season. 

We went to the storage unit today to get the fall/Thanksgiving decorations.

When we went to the unit today, oddly, all the fall/tgvng stuff wasn’t all in one place. 2/3 of the unit had to be emptied to get them all, including 4/5 of the Xmas stuff. Kids and sons-in-law weren’t here today, so it’s all on my back. 

Mrs. NNM has been present for the holiday decoration shuffle every season since and including last year’s Christmas decoration takedown/storage.

We had all the kids and sons-in-law here for new year’s, so they all helped us take down Christmas last year and we all went together (including Mrs. NNM) to stack them in the storage unit. She supervised that operation. 

Today, when we discovered that the fall/tgvng stuff was a bit dispersed, Mrs. NNM got frustrated and said at least three times “I have a system.”  

When I proceeded to methodically (with a bit of a surly attitude) empty the unit to a degree that all the fall/tgvng stuff could be found, she said “why are you being passive aggressive?”  

I was not gruntled. 

Edited by nnm
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1 minute ago, nnm said:

It’s fall/thanksgiving decorations season. 

We went to the storage unit today to get the fall/Thanksgiving decorations.

When we went to the unit today, oddly, all the fall/tong stuff wasn’t all in one place. 2/3 of the unit had to be emptied to get them all, including 4/5 of the Xmas stuff. Kids and sons-in-law weren’t here today, so it’s all on my back. 

Mrs. NNM has been present for the holiday decoration shuffle every season since and including last year’s Christmas decoration takedown/storage.

We had all the kids and sons-in-law here for new year’s, so they all helped us take down Christmas last year and we all went together (including Mrs. NNM) to stack them in the storage unit. She supervised that operation. 

Today, when we discovered that the fall/tgvng stuff was a bit dispersed, Mrs. NNM got frustrated and said at least three times “I have a system.”  

When I proceeded to methodically (with a bit of a surly attitude) empty the unit to a degree that all the fall/tgvng stuff could be found, she said “why are you being passive aggressive?”  
 

I was not gruntled. 

You keep decorations in a fucking storage unit?  I’m apparently doing Amurica wrong.  

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25 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Had a bit of a moment this morning.  I was making olive relish for muffulettas .  I got lectured on how to wash dishes and realized you know what, the moment you criticize something I’m doing,  it’s yours.  Don’t like it?  Do it yourself.  I’m still washing dishes but I feel better about it.  

I figured out the best way to get out of "helping" around the house is do a crappy job of whatever requested. She gets mad and says "If you can't do it right, I'll do it myself". 

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5 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

You keep decorations in a fucking storage unit?  I’m apparently doing Amurica wrong.  

Yes, because I haven’t yet built the outbuilding.  We moved out here 2 years ago. We’ve had to do massive renovations to the house and I haven’t gotten around to building my storage outbuilding. It needs to be big enough for the riding mower and side-by-side, plus at least 4 rows of floor-to-ceiling shelving for the holiday stuff. And be weathertight (but I’m not putting a/c in there. Yet.)

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4 minutes ago, nnm said:

Yes, because I haven’t yet built the outbuilding.  We moved out here 2 years ago. We’ve had to do massive renovations to the house and I haven’t gotten around to building my storage outbuilding. It needs to be big enough for the riding mower and side-by-side, plus at least 4 rows of floor-to-ceiling shelving for the holiday stuff. And be weathertight (but I’m not putting a/c in there. Yet.)

You need a separate bay for the fake tits, then you’re all set.  

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58 minutes ago, nnm said:

Yes, because I haven’t yet built the outbuilding.  We moved out here 2 years ago. We’ve had to do massive renovations to the house and I haven’t gotten around to building my storage outbuilding. It needs to be big enough for the riding mower and side-by-side, plus at least 4 rows of floor-to-ceiling shelving for the holiday stuff. And be weathertight (but I’m not putting a/c in there. Yet.)

I still can’t get over this.  There are kids coming over the border because their parents can’t afford to buy them tortillas, and we are putting decorations in storage units.  Happy fucking Hanukkah indeed.  

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2 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Had a bit of a moment this morning.  I was making olive relish for muffulettas .  I got lectured on how to wash dishes and realized you know what, the moment you criticize something I’m doing,  it’s yours.  Don’t like it?  Do it yourself.  I’m still washing dishes but I feel better about it now I'm also not having sex.  

 

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8 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I still can’t get over this.  There are kids coming over the border because their parents can’t afford to buy them tortillas, and we are putting decorations in storage units.  Happy fucking Hanukkah indeed.  

Both my wife and I work for a nonprofit providing free lifesaving and life changing health care to people in Africa. Tangibly caring for others and having holiday decorations in a storage unit are not mutually exclusive. 

Edited by nnm
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34 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I still can’t get over this.  There are kids coming over the border because their parents can’t afford to buy them tortillas, and we are putting decorations in storage units.  Happy fucking Hanukkah indeed.  

Something that’s very frustrating to me is when people who can’t afford to have children…have children. 

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11 minutes ago, nnm said:

Both my wife and I work for a nonprofit providing free lifesaving land life changing health care to people in Africa. Tangibly caring for others and having holiday decorations in a storage unit are not mutually exclusive. 

Why can’t you work at providing healthcare and life changing shit here at home?  Fuck Africa.  Do I look like Sally fucking Struthers and have Sarah McClaughlin shooting out of my dick?  Sorry, I’ll get back to washing dishes.  

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On 9/30/2023 at 1:38 PM, Kennythetiger said:

Something that’s very frustrating to me is when people who can’t afford to have children…have children. 

If everyone waited until they thought they could afford kids to have kids, there would be very few kids.

5 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

That was my immediate take as well.  How much money do people pay each month to keep shit that they don't use enough to keep in the house?

Welcome to the wives thread, first time visit? On a serious note, there is a reason storage units are going for astronomical multiples right now. People have too much shit combined with an annuitized billing methodology means 14x multiples.

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On 9/29/2023 at 2:14 PM, PvilleStang said:

What is it with wives and Christmas Trees in September?!  I've already been asked multiple times if we can put ours up now.  I'm really leaning towards a 10' skeleton just to push back the tree questions.

Shit, went to Lowes 3 days ago and it's Christmas stuff wall to wall. Screw that shit. 

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Yesterday wife went to the grocery store.  When I heard the garage door open I went out to help carry stuff in the house.  We had briefly discussed dinner plans earlier in the day.

Me:  So, do you want me to grill that chicken for dinner?

Her:  Oh! I put it in the freezer earlier!

Me:  Don't worry.  I took it out. (Because we had discussed cooking it.)

Her:  Well, I bought these southwest salads at the grocery store...

Me:  Just yes or no, please.  Do you want me to grill the chicken?

Her:  Tone.

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