Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

Recommended Posts

12 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

So, it's the GF, not the wife:

We're out running errands on Saturday, and we decide to grab a bite to eat.  We stop at a local pub that has good food.  They have TVs, and there are some games on.  One of the ballgames on TV, they zoom in on the pitcher just as the GF looks up.  She says "OMG, that pitcher looks so young...he looks like he's 12". 


Yes, it was the LLWS on the TV. 

She's not wrong 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So, it's the GF, not the wife:
We're out running errands on Saturday, and we decide to grab a bite to eat.  We stop at a local pub that has good food.  They have TVs, and there are some games on.  One of the ballgames on TV, they zoom in on the pitcher just as the GF looks up.  She says "OMG, that pitcher looks so young...he looks like he's 12". 

Yes, it was the LLWS on the TV. 

Wait until she sees the 30 for 30 on Danny Almonte
Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, gmr548 said:


But have you ever been accosted for “changing speed too rapidly” on cruise control?

Not that one, but I did get chastised for suddenly breaking as cars before me all stopped suddenly.  I was told I hit the brakes too quickly. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My wife loves this move: 

Her to the 2yo: "Hey buddy do you want some chicken nuggets?" 

2yo: "Yeah chicken nugget!!" 

Me thinking: Oh good. That's easy. 

 

I get up to go make nuggets. 

 

Her: "Or do you want Beanie Weenies?" 

Me: Oh God what did you just do? NOOOOO

2yo: "Beanie Weenie! No! Chicken Nugget! No! Beanie Weenie!" 

 

I then end up making both which he won't eat. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
  • Rage+1 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

32 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Not that one, but I did get chastised for suddenly breaking as cars before me all stopped suddenly.  I was told I hit the brakes too quickly. 

Damn what did you break? I think I've seen a prescription med commercial for Sudden Breaking Disorder,  sounds like it sucks 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

My wife loves this move: 

Her to the 2yo: "Hey buddy do you want some chicken nuggets?" 

2yo: "Yeah chicken nugget!!" 

Me thinking: Oh good. That's easy. 

 

I get up to go make nuggets. 

 

Her: "Or do you want Beanie Weenies?" 

Me: Oh God what did you just do? NOOOOO

2yo: "Beanie Weenie! No! Chicken Nugget! No! Beanie Weenie!" 

 

I then end up making both which he won't eat. 

What am I missing here?  Chicken nugget prep involves putting presumably frozen nuggets on a baking sheet and turning the oven on.  Beanie Weenies involves opening a can and pouring said contents of the can into a pot and turning the stove on.  Or maybe you make Beanie Weenies from scratch and cut up hotdogs into a can of beans?  That's a real Herculean effort.

They both border on child abuse if you're feeding that to your 2 year old.

  • Haha 1
  • Fuck You 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

Yeah you clearly have never had a 2 year old in your house. 

 

The issue isn't making the food. The issue is that the kid was locked in until she threw him another option for no good reason. 

I've had 3 of them actually.  We dictate what's for dinner, not the other way around.  I guess I find it funny that you're complaining about potentially having to call an audible and switch from Lazy Option 1 to Lazy Option 2, when you hadn't even started either.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

You clearly didn't read my 2nd post either, Karen. 

Next time I'll go down to Whole Foods and put together an organic charcuterie board for him. 

 

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

My wife loves this move: 

Her to the 2yo: "Hey buddy do you want some chicken nuggets?" 

2yo: "Yeah chicken nugget!!" 

Me thinking: Oh good. That's easy. 

 

I get up to go make nuggets. 

 

Her: "Or do you want Beanie Weenies?" 

Me: Oh God what did you just do? NOOOOO

2yo: "Beanie Weenie! No! Chicken Nugget! No! Beanie Weenie!" 

 

I then end up making both which he won't eat. 

Wife does this. She offers up an item which is enthusiastically approved by daughter, Then for no apparent reason she offers up another item after the first item was agreed upon. Then an even more baffling move is when the second item is vetoed, she asked if she is sure that she doesn't want that. Our kid is a teenager now and has picked up on it. The other day she said mom, please stop. We already said the first thing was good. You do this all the time. Wife looked at me with that "see what your child just did" look, so I had to pretend to scold her for bumping chests with her mom.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Thatguy said:

 

Wife does this. She offers up an item which is enthusiastically approved by daughter, Then for no apparent reason she offers up another item after the first item was agreed upon. Then an even more baffling move is when the second item is vetoed, she asked if she is sure that she doesn't want that. Our kid is a teenager now and has picked up on it. The other day she said mom, please stop. We already said the first thing was good. You do this all the time. Wife looked at me with that "see what your child just did" look, so I had to pretend to scold her for bumping chests with her mom.

Damn I was hoping you high fived the kid :D

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Thatguy said:

Who let their wife use the laptop?

I almost made this joke with a different wording. 

He went 3/3 on non picky eaters. Congrats. My mom was 2/2 before my sister came along. You can parent all you want, some kids just won't bend to your demands. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, Thatguy said:

 

Wife does this. She offers up an item which is enthusiastically approved by daughter, Then for no apparent reason she offers up another item after the first item was agreed upon. Then an even more baffling move is when the second item is vetoed, she asked if she is sure that she doesn't want that. Our kid is a teenager now and has picked up on it. The other day she said mom, please stop. We already said the first thing was good. You do this all the time. Wife looked at me with that "see what your child just did" look, so I had to pretend to scold her for bumping chests with her mom.

Almost every woman I know will do this in one way or another. Its a dominant gene, it also manifests itself by announcing what she wants to order, then second guessing the decision after the waiter is waiting pad in hand, scanning the menu, then ordering the first thing. 

  • Haha 2
  • Rage+1 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So I'm not a Surly 1%'er.  Wife's car is 9 yrs old, and has a spot on the front part of the roof that has some paint lifting off.  The more you mess with it the more comes off.  I've showed it to her before.  Sometimes when we travel, we attach a space case to the roof racks. 

My wife re-noticed the patch this morning, and texted me a picture saying

Mrs CTX:  "what's up with this?"

CTX:  "missing paint due to crappy Honda paint of that era vehicles"

Mrs CTX:  "I think it's from the space case"

CTX:  "No,  just where the sun, wind, rain, beat on the paint, and might have had a chip from a rock or something"

Mrs CTX: "Still suspicious of the space case"

CTX:  "ok"

  • Rage+1 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

So I'm not a Surly 1%'er.  Wife's car is 9 yrs old, and has a spot on the front part of the roof that has some paint lifting off.  The more you mess with it the more comes off.  I've showed it to her before.  Sometimes when we travel, we attach a space case to the roof racks. 

My wife re-noticed the patch this morning, and texted me a picture saying

Mrs CTX:  "what's up with this?"

CTX:  "missing paint due to crappy Honda paint of that era vehicles"

Mrs CTX:  "I think it's from the space case"

CTX:  "No,  just where the sun, wind, rain, beat on the paint, and might have had a chip from a rock or something"

Mrs CTX: "Still suspicious of the space case"

CTX:  "ok"

Dammit, you don't respect her.  She's SUSPICIOUS of the space case.  

That's her truth man.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, NorthLoop said:

Damn I was hoping you high fived the kid :D

 

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:


This. You weren’t getting any anyway.

  I don't know about you guys, but I like the other half of my shit too. Also, took pride in knowing my daughter might not have that gene.

Edited by Thatguy
Link to comment
Share on other sites

40 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

I know its not a wife story, but his response reminded me of this first date I went on about a year ago (during that second covid downswing in late  Aug of last year).

We go to Jack Allen's, she takes like 10 mins to decide what she wants while we small talk and I have to tell the waiter we need more time... twice.   she finally tells me she wants one of the salads (like cobb or ceasers or similar) .  and Im like ....  yo garçon  come take our order finally!!! (not really)  

left her at the table. deleted her number and moved on. 

Edited for instructional purposes.

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

      My brother stayed with us briefly while they were waiting for their house. Once the house was ready the moved in. They left a few random things around the house, and one of them was some liquid Tide. My wife is out of town for her cousin's wedding so I do my once a year turn doing laundry. I decide to use the Tide sitting there since it's just going to go to waste. Wife comes home and walks into the laundry room....

Wife- Ugh, you used Tide?

Me- Yeah(shrugs shoulders)

Wife- Tide is gross and disgusting. Your brother was supposed to come pick that up along with the rest of their stuff.

Me- It was going to waste so I used it.

   Wife has bougie membership to Melaleuca so any other cleaning supplies are clearly beneath her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Thatguy said:

 

Wife- Tide is gross and disgusting. Your brother was supposed to come pick that up along with the rest of their stuff.

Me- It was going to waste so I used it.

   Wife has bougie membership to Melaleuca so any other cleaning supplies are clearly beneath her.

So she your wife is thatgirl.

Edited by Hook1997
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, Thatguy said:

      My brother stayed with us briefly while they were waiting for their house. Once the house was ready the moved in. They left a few random things around the house, and one of them was some liquid Tide. My wife is out of town for her cousin's wedding so I do my once a year turn doing laundry. I decide to use the Tide sitting there since it's just going to go to waste. Wife comes home and walks into the laundry room....

Wife- Ugh, you used Tide?

Me- Yeah(shrugs shoulders)

Wife- Tide is gross and disgusting. Your brother was supposed to come pick that up along with the rest of their stuff.

Me- It was going to waste so I used it.

   Wife has bougie membership to Melaleuca so any other cleaning supplies are clearly beneath her.

Solid move. Fucking up the laundry so you can continue not doing laundry. You aren't sliding that one past us packaged up in that little narrative. 

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, ztejas said:

Solid move. Fucking up the laundry so you can continue not doing laundry. You aren't sliding that one past us packaged up in that little narrative. 

  “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist”—Charles Baudelaire.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Almost every woman I know will do this in one way or another. Its a dominant gene, it also manifests itself by announcing what she wants to order, then second guessing the decision after the waiter is waiting pad in hand, scanning the menu, then ordering the first thing. 

Wife and I have a favorite restaurant, we go twice a month for date nights, at least. We have a favorite table/waitress and both are great. We know the menu backwards and forwards. We come often enough that they know our names and have our menus ready to go when we enter the place.The waitress knows us and we damn near send her a family Christmas card.

Wife spends the short drive over talking about what she’s going to eat. How much she can’t wait to eat it.  

Yet, here we are at nut cutting time and…

Me: Hello, Mira, good evening. We’ll have the usual bottle of wine and I’ll have the chicken parm. 
 

Wife: …I’m… I’m just not sure. Do you have any…? (Asks for something she knows isn’t on the menu and they don’t make it.) 

[this is the part that pisses me the fuck off the most]

Wife: Oh? Hmmmm… (waitress and I look at each other and back at wife) hmmmm… well, I guess I’m going to need a minute. 
 

Me: Thank you, Mira. We may need two bottles tonight. Hahaha. 
 

Wife: I should probably just get what I said I’d get in the car. SMGDH

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...