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Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity


GhostOfTomJoad

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4 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

A common request on this board, but it ain't happening. They're not identical but definitely looked similar when younger. Mrs GOTJ is still stunning (exercise, good diet, takes care of herself, etc.) Her sis has had 2 kids and pretty much let herself go after that.

That actually brings up an epic fuck up by the FIL. About 15 years ago at a family gathering just as we're sitting down for dinner, drunk FIL says to his daughters "xxxx I'm glad you're fatter than xxxx. It's easier for me to tell you apart. "

SIL burst into tears and ran out of the room. MIL slaps FIL hard across his back. BIL is mortified, turns red and runs after his wife to calm her down. And it was all I could do not to spit take my wine all over the table.

GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

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Damn, GOTJ winning this thread before a slice of turkey has even been thrown at a cousin. 

A friend just bought a giant ranch house outside Fredericksburg and wants me out there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. There will be horseback riding, gun shooting, and booze drinking. 

There will be extended family of his out there I've never met, but says they are all fun to be with. He made a point of excluding the shit heads, but they may show anyway. 

So who knows.

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Going to Alaska for 16 days with my gf. She hasn't been home in 4 years so the plan was do some tourist things on our own since I have never been but Thanksgiving week was going to focused on her parents as her dad is pretty old and has had some health issues. Well now the sister that doesn't get along with everyone is telling her in-laws and other family we are coming and now we have another thanksgiving with that family and it is starting a bunch of shit  I guess there is family drama that has gone on in the past 4 years that no one knew about. I don't know much of the drama and try my best to stay out of it while nodding my head and saying "damn that is crazy", working well so far but I am sure the sisters drama is going to blow up while we are visiting

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1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

Whoever had that story about going to their mother's house in Nashville and having the kitchen sink having to be turned on and operated with a wrench had me dying! 

I wonder if the wrench is still used or if they finally fixed it. 

Going back to this, I think it was @Knoxtnhorn

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11 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Going to Alaska for 16 days with my gf. She hasn't been home in 4 years so the plan was do some tourist things on our own since I have never been but Thanksgiving week was going to focused on her parents as her dad is pretty old and has had some health issues. Well now the sister that doesn't get along with everyone is telling her in-laws and other family we are coming and now we have another thanksgiving with that family and it is starting a bunch of shit  I guess there is family drama that has gone on in the past 4 years that no one knew about. I don't know much of the drama and try my best to stay out of it while nodding my head and saying "damn that is crazy", working well so far but I am sure the sisters drama is going to blow up while we are visiting

Get the popcorn ready 

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29 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Damn, GOTJ winning this thread before a slice of turkey has even been thrown at a cousin. 

A friend just bought a giant ranch house outside Fredericksburg and wants me out there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. There will be horseback riding, gun shooting, and booze drinking. 

There will be extended family of his out there I've never met, but says they are all fun to be with. He made a point of excluding the shit heads, but they may show anyway. 

So who knows.

Maybe the shithead is...you?  In relative terms, of course.

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My dad told my sister that he'd like to host Christmas at his house. The issue is that my sister's adult son (29 & unemployed) lives with our dad and is a slob. She's going to try to talk dad into having Christmas at her house instead. 

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2 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

That actually brings up an epic fuck up by the FIL. About 15 years ago at a family gathering just as we're sitting down for dinner, drunk FIL says to his daughters "xxxx I'm glad you're fatter than xxxx. It's easier for me to tell you apart. "

SIL burst into tears and ran out of the room. MIL slaps FIL hard across his back. BIL is mortified, turns red and runs after his wife to calm her down. And it was all I could do not to spit take my wine all over the table.

 

1 hour ago, Zepol87 said:

Going to Alaska for 16 days with my gf. She hasn't been home in 4 years so the plan was do some tourist things on our own since I have never been but Thanksgiving week was going to focused on her parents as her dad is pretty old and has had some health issues. Well now the sister that doesn't get along with everyone is telling her in-laws and other family we are coming and now we have another thanksgiving with that family and it is starting a bunch of shit  I guess there is family drama that has gone on in the past 4 years that no one knew about. I don't know much of the drama and try my best to stay out of it while nodding my head and saying "damn that is crazy", working well so far but I am sure the sisters drama is going to blow up while we are visiting

 

57 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

...This Tgiving, we get to go back to E TN.  Cool, except for that my SIL is going with us.  She's a pharmacist that works from home taking calls EXCEPT for that she claims to have a throat condition.  This is her 2nd stint using some ADA law so that she doesn't have to work, but still gets paid.  She's perfectly fine and guaranteed to talk the entire 14 drive up and back.

I'm prepared, though.  Noise cancelling headphones.  I don't give 2 shits about appearing rude.  

13cec72ff575eb8bf489da24f73e8400.gif

 

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54 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

But here's the kicker, he has no job and has had no job for his entire life.  Like, if you look at his "resume", it's blank.                               

Maybe he just went Kerouac on everyone's ass.

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I remember when I was in college and my wife (then girlfriend) was telling me how screwed up her family was.  I said "Oh yeah? Try me".  I won.  I haven't spoken to my brother in 10+ years and he hasn't spoken to my parents in that long either.  That is not because of me.  I've attempted to reach out but stopped about 5 years ago after my son was born.  The entire side of my mom's family is either a) raging alcoholics who are either in the process of dying, or dead, b) serial narcissists who have more spouses than I have dress socks, c) been incarcerated multiple times (both of her brothers - one for possession and distribution of meth, the other for shady dark web shit) or d) drug addicts (see 3)).  It's kinda odd how "normal" my mom is, all things considered.  The history of alcoholism that runs in my family is why I don't drink (one or two drinks per year).

I REALLY try to limit spending time with my mom's side of the family for the reasons above.  They just aren't good people to be around, especially with a 5 year old in tow.  My parents are fantastic folks though.

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My whole family is going to Maui for thanksgiving, not married so brother and sister and dad and their families.  All planed months ago and told to me without inviting me, well until today.  My dad text and said you can stay at our condo if you want.  Yea I’m probably going to go to the day after thanksgiving game and getting shitty at the surly tailgate instead….   

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1 hour ago, pearlandhorn said:

Weedwacker string dude.  Close. 

Whole different ballgame this year.  Thanksgiving will consist of two meals.  One on Thursday with my parents (and crazy aunt and uncle) and the other with my in laws on Friday which will be much more chill (well...as chill as it could be given my sister-in-law and brother-in-law).

A few weeks ago, much to my disapproval, my mom invited her sister (and her husband) and her brother (and his wife) to thanksgiving at their house in Tyler.  Now, my aunt has been married 6 times (I believe - my dad says he has to use two hands to count now).  This husband is a retired life insurance actuary with a wine problem.  Weird thing is...they keep tabs on each other constantly.  If my mom and her sister go somewhere to eat, he will call in the middle of the meal and ask her what she's eating.  She'll call him when he orders a pizza and has it delivered because she will monitor the front door cameras religiously.  My mom's brother who is coming to thanksgiving was arrested about 15 years ago for possession (I won't say what of - he's on the registered sex offender list) but has apparently turned his life around.  GTFO of here with that shit.  I really enjoy talking with his wife though.  She's very down to earth and chill.  That whole shindig will be my parents, my dad's sister, those two couples, and my family (wife, son & I).

Friday, I'm smoking 4 racks of ribs at my in laws.  I might even do a pork belly.  We'll see.  My MIL just finished up her chemo and radiation about 2 months ago.  My FIL just wants someone to cook and hang out with as he hates his other son-in-law.  Like, literally hates.  My sister-in-law (the one who is coming to thanksgiving) and her husband are the most worthless human beings on the face of the planet.  Well, mainly just her husband.  They are both raging alcoholics and the husband has to have control over everything she says, does, the way she looks, etc.  But here's the kicker, he has no job and has had no job for his entire life.  Like, if you look at his "resume", it's blank.  He freeloads off his parents.  They have been without running water since the freeze last February.  Yes, you read that correctly.  They "shower" with the garden hose.  They have no way to do their own laundry so they borrow other people's washer and dryer.  His dad is building them a house right next door to their house in Conroe.  It should be finished by December (so that's almost a year without running water).  He has conditioned her in to thinking that it's all normal and not out of the ordinary.  Yet, there are people in fucking Africa and the Amazon that have better living accommodations than they do.  So anywho, I'm taking my son to the deer lease the Sunday before thanksgiving and hunting with my FIL, processing deer Wednesday with my in laws, smoking meat on Friday and watching football with my FIL.

As for Christmas - stay tuned.

What I imagine it’s like for the BIL taking a shower

 

image.jpeg

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2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Yep.

Mother in law.  Her "husband" had all these great stories about how great he is but, the dumb mothereffer left a wrench on the sink for at least 5 years.  Last time up, he was trying to convince me that, in 5 years of working a booth at some Nashville 4th of July celebration, he had served 10 million people.  My wife gave me a "just let it go" look.

This Tgiving, we get to go back to E TN.  Cool, except for that my SIL is going with us.  She's a pharmacist that works from home taking calls EXCEPT for that she claims to have a throat condition.  This is her 2nd stint using some ADA law so that she doesn't have to work, but still gets paid.  She's perfectly fine and guaranteed to talk the entire 14 drive up and back.

I'm prepared, though.  Noise cancelling headphones.  I don't give 2 shits about appearing rude.  

If they still have that wrench on the sink please send pics! I gotta see that!

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11 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

If they still have that wrench on the sink please send pics! I gotta see that!

Well, sadly she passed a month ago of colon cancer.  The reason we're going up there is to spread her ashes in the Smokies (where they're all from).  I no longer have to associate with Dale.  F's sake, even the name makes me cringe.

We were at Cracker Barrel about 10 years ago over the holidays.  He's telling me some b.s. story about how he had a full scholarship to KY, but went to Western South KY of the Hills or somesuch as a favor to the dean of his community college.  I just walked away in mid-sentence. I did the Adam Goldberg "no" from Dazed and Confused and left the room.   My daughter still laughs about it.

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7 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

 

Thanksgiving will be back at our house with my co-dependent sister joining & her latest online boyfriend joining the two of us for the feast.

THIS is how you kick off the season.  Bravo, sir.

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8 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Bring it. 2021 can't be worse than 2020, right? RIGHT?!?

Let's see, we're going to do an early Thanksgiving the weekend before at the MIL's place. This is her first holiday cycle since the FIL died last January so who knows what's in store? Mrs. GOTJ's brother & sister (twin) decided that rather than one large gathering we would all go and visit her in flights over a couple weekends so she's not overwhelmed & so we can take hand off ranch chores that need to be handled. We're in the first flight so hopefully the MIL isn't in full emotional roller coaster at that point. 

Thanksgiving will be back at our house with my co-dependent sister joining & her latest online boyfriend joining the two of us for the feast. This is the same sis who was almost suicidal last Christmas eve over her 10+ year live in boyfriend dumping her. We had a long talk w/ her that night about her need to see a therapist & work on the underlying issues that have plagued her for most of her adult life. And she did seek help...for all of two weeks! Then the lure of finding a complete stranger online to complete her took over, and she's been in a serious relationship with this guy since last January. This will be our first time to meet him, and all we know is he's got similar traits to her ex-husband (dominant, very opinionated, center of attention-type). Polar opposite of her last boyfriend (quiet, passive, nice guy). Which means sis will be wanting our complete approval of her new boyfriend & will be hyper alert to all of our words & actions for the slightest hint of us not liking the new guy. Probably a 50-50 chance the day before my sis will ask if her two adult children can join us (we always plan for it), and a  75% chance she gets drunk on two glasses of wine & bursts into tears before dessert.

Christmas will be quiet as we've had a long standing rule that we will be home xmas even and morning doing our own thing. Mrs GOTJ's 50th birthday is the weekend before & we've got a VRBO in Lajitas booked and plans to hike Big Bend (our first time there). Her twin sister's husband sent a text last weekend asking about our plans because he has this crazy idea that the they have to be together for milestone birthdays. We accommodated this for 30 and 40, but my wife is D-O-N-E with that shit. She spent her entire childhood being forced to share that day with her sister (and it was often combined with xmas) and not being able to do what she wanted to do and she's put her foot down. When I told the BIL we already had plans and wouldn't be meeting them he got pissed because we were "breaking tradition." And yes, he's a fucking aggy. So he's trying to get me to coordinate a surprise party somewhere in San Antonio (where they all grew up; they live in  Houston, we're in Austin) on Dec 23rd. RIIIIIGHT. I told him that ain't happening because we're not going to turn around the day after getting back from BB to try & squeeze in a party with mostly his wife's friends on xmas eve-eve. Aggy BIL is now double pissed because apparently this is something he's been wanting to do for twenty years. Dude's a drama queen who is happiest when everyone in the family has exerted maximum effort & hardship for his enjoyment. 

Bring it on, y'all. There's comfort in sharing the pain.

After reading that, I have a relatively perfect life and family and will thank God tonight during my prayers.  You my friend and your family will be included in those prayers.🙏🙏🙏

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My 3 brothers will be at my house this year, 2 with wives so 6 peeps total. We'll do lunch (I'm cooking), the guys will pull out the guitars and do some pickin' and grinnin'. We'll watch the first half of the Cowboys game and they'll all head home and leave me in peace at halftime. 

We're a boring bunch. 

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My 3 brothers will be at my house this year, 2 with wives so 6 peeps total. We'll do lunch (I'm cooking), the guys will pull out the guitars and do some pickin' and grinnin'. We'll watch the first half of the Cowboys game and they'll all head home and leave me in peace at halftime. 
We're a boring bunch. 
First year in the new house, right?
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7 hours ago, BearSchlong said:
10 hours ago, El Diablo said:
My 3 brothers will be at my house this year, 2 with wives so 6 peeps total. We'll do lunch (I'm cooking), the guys will pull out the guitars and do some pickin' and grinnin'. We'll watch the first half of the Cowboys game and they'll all head home and leave me in peace at halftime. 
We're a boring bunch. 

First year in the new house, right?

Yep. With our mom dying last year I'm the only one left in our hometown and it's centrally located to the others (DFW and Houston) so it just makes sense. I've been in my house 4 months now and it'll probably be this time next year before I'm totally settled in but I'm in good enough shape to host a few folks.

I told them up front that this invitation was just for the siblings/spouses (sister can't make it, she'll be entertaining her kids/grandkids in Kansas).  Uncts upon a time we'd all be at our parents house here in town, 20 or more of us, never any drama, very Norman Rockwell. Mom & dad liked that but I ain't got time for that shit. Maybe another year.

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Well I just acquired mushrooms AND had a work trip right after thxgiving canceled so surely I will be able to create some treasured family memories over the long weekend. Luckily all the racist crazy family from ETX think we are now pedophile baby eaters so we don’t have to worry about any of them showing up. 

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13 hours ago, El Diablo said:

My 3 brothers will be at my house this year, 2 with wives so 6 peeps total. We'll do lunch (I'm cooking), the guys will pull out the guitars and do some pickin' and grinnin'. We'll watch the first half of the Cowboys game and they'll all head home and leave me in peace at halftime. 

We're a boring bunch. 

You should hire a stripper to act as your new girlfriend, just to liven things up.

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Yes.   Basically Momma, the wife,  my boys, and relatives are the only ones unmuted.  Oh...and my boss.

LOL at y'all remembering that horseshit from last year.

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