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The Things Olds Do


T’Boo Ted Marshall

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Oh fuck off. You and your inbred family want to keep giving each other free labor and handjobs? Neat. STFU and don't lecture the rest of us who aren't poor trailer trash.
My BIL owns a large commercial landscaping company. Not for a second would I consider asking him to come fix my yard for free.
My older brother does expensive custom woodwork. I would also not ever consider asking him to spend one of his weekends designing and building me a new fireplace mantle if I just paid for the wood.
My older sister is a dentist. She would laugh at me if I asked for free dental work.
So again, go fuck yourself with the "free family labor" shaming attempts. 


So you’re saying your family sucks at being a family? Gotcha. Or maybe it’s just you they wouldn’t do shit for? It’s not a lecture douche drip, it’s just the way I was raised and so were a lot of people. Taking care of the older family members is expected. It honestly would never occur to me to charge an elderly family member for a service I’m able to provide. My BIL? Sure, but I’d probably give him a deal and I don’t even like that asshole. My grandparents or a widowed aunt in her 70’s? Not so much… And I can’t imagine that you have teeth, and definitely not a fireplace that’s not a 55 gallon drum out back of whatever bedbug infested storage unit you live in for that matter, so I can easily see where your siblings wouldn’t come into play. But by all means continue to say “Fuck you, you figure it out” to the old people in your family. Probably goes a long way in explaining why you’re such a miserable little fuck.
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16 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

 

 


So you’re saying your family sucks at being a family? Gotcha. Or maybe it’s just you they wouldn’t do shit for? It’s not a lecture douche drip, it’s just the way I was raised and so were a lot of people. Taking care of the older family members is expected. It honestly would never occur to me to charge an elderly family member for a service I’m able to provide. My BIL? Sure, but I’d probably give him a deal and I don’t even like that asshole. My grandparents or a widowed aunt in her 70’s? Not so much… And I can’t imagine that you have teeth, and definitely not a fireplace that’s not a 55 gallon drum out back of whatever bedbug infested storage unit you live in for that matter, so I can easily see where your siblings wouldn’t come into play. But by all means continue to say “Fuck you, you figure it out” to the old people in your family. Probably goes a long way in explaining why you’re such a miserable little fuck.

 

There is a reason with friends it's called the "Brother in law price". You still want to honor their commitment and time with money, but they acknowledge your friendship and don't charge list or full price.

Immediate family gets it free, extended family at cost.

Probably this is all explained in the Torah somewhere too. Proverbs at least.

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Post less. That leaves you more time for sister fucking and free family septic tank cleaning.

If you don’t understand familial responsibility I can’t teach it to you. The fact that you’re upset I mentioned it says there’s some shame in there somewhere. You go deal with that issue until you reach manhood while you and cousin Geek Squad swap chose chokes and laugh about what an easy mark grandma was.
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On 7/26/2023 at 2:35 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

They sit around and take up tables at restaurants bullshitting all morning so the rest of us that want to eat lunch can’t because they’ve been there all morning

We don’t because after having breakfast out somewhere I have to go home and take a shit on my own toilet.

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1 hour ago, McCroskey said:



Lately, he’s gotten an itch to travel the world and my mom doesn’t like to, so as his only son I often go with him. His favorite thing to do when boarding planes is telling the flight attendants where he’s going. He also likes to get to the airport 4 hours early.

Man oh man... embrace those experiences! Each and every trip. Each and every moment. That is an incredibly special gift you two are sharing.

Years from now, when your grandkids look up at you and ask, "what was great grandpa like?" the richness of life stories you will be able to tell will be special.

Undoubtedly, your grandkids will at first be like, "Whatever...." But even though their ears may not be listening, their hearts will be. And their souls.

Pass it forward.

And as for being at the airport 4 hours ahead of time... that is what TSA Pre and Clear is for. That is what the Admiral's Club is for. And the Centurion Club.

Enjoy!

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58 minutes ago, McCroskey said:


Damn right!!

I made him get Global entry last year, he tried having a conversation with the customs agent about his travel before the interview when we landed and the guy wasn’t having any of it. He finally admits these “government” folks aren’t very social.

We drive separate to our home airport, though I can usually wake up around 5am for a 7am flight and open Find My and already see him sitting in the terminal, knowing he’s happy as a clam. It makes me smile.

Last year we did the Monaco GP and watched on a yacht, and I’ll just say Dad and I are very different personality’s but I had some ladies on the boat indulge him for some attention and a picture. He had the absolute time of his life. My mom isn’t so crazy about it but I’m thrilled I’ll have these pictures forever. He wore that lipstick like a king for the rest of the day.

b36453b2052fe0809ff8f766536824f3.jpg

You are my new hero! What mammaries... no wait... Memories!

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On 7/26/2023 at 3:43 PM, nbmishoid said:

Getting there old here.  Our issue also is the volume of books.  We’ve taken a thousand away.  Still have about  9 bookshelves full here in the house, recent stuff, like within 25 years.  Plus library type cases in the room over the garage, old technical books, monographs, SPE transactions volumes, etc.hate to toss that “important” (read impotent) stuff.

We also have 3 sets of fine china.  We will leave some stuff for the kids to deal with.  Much less than ours made us deal with.  They need the experience.

 

Generational feelings toward china:

60 to 100 years old - has china, uses it for Thanksgiving and Christmas

30 to 60 years old - has china in a cabinet, talks about using it but doesn't use it

0 to 30 years old - does't want it

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43 minutes ago, zman13 said:

 

Generational feelings toward china:

60 to 100 years old - has china, uses it for Thanksgiving and Christmas

30 to 60 years old - has china in a cabinet, talks about using it but doesn't use it

0 to 30 years old - does't want it

Correct.  I've been married for 27 years and the china we received as wedding gifts has never been removed from the original boxes.

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5 hours ago, zman13 said:

 

Generational feelings toward china:

60 to 100 years old - has china, uses it for Thanksgiving and Christmas

30 to 60 years old - has china in a cabinet, talks about using it but doesn't use it

0 to 30 years old - does't want it

Truer words have never been written.

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4 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

Correct.  I've been married for 27 years and the china we received as wedding gifts has never been removed from the original boxes.

I'm selling my house and in cleaning up found the never used china my ex in-laws insisted we take.  Ex didn't want.  Nobody I know wanted it.  Goodwill begrudgingly took it.  I hope there's some family eating Mac and cheese off of it.

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On 7/27/2023 at 4:02 PM, McCroskey said:


Damn right!!

I made him get Global entry last year, he tried having a conversation with the customs agent about his travel before the interview when we landed and the guy wasn’t having any of it. He finally admits these “government” folks aren’t very social.

We drive separate to our home airport, though I can usually wake up around 5am for a 7am flight and open Find My and already see him sitting in the terminal, knowing he’s happy as a clam. It makes me smile.

Last year we did the Monaco GP and watched on a yacht, and I’ll just say Dad and I are very different personality’s but I had some ladies on the boat indulge him for some attention and a picture. He had the absolute time of his life. My mom isn’t so crazy about it but I’m thrilled I’ll have these pictures forever. He wore that lipstick like a king for the rest of the day.

b36453b2052fe0809ff8f766536824f3.jpg

That is awesome.  I bet mom was pleased, though you may have screwed yourself because she's going with on next trip.

Just curious, do you do things for free for your father or do you charge him?  And if the latter, how much?  This thread needs to know.

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On 7/15/2023 at 7:25 AM, LebongJames said:

He also doesn’t understand click bait articles. He called me all mad the other day and was like “can you believe some guy on the internet is calling the Manning kid a bust.” 

He’s old.  Just pick some minority group to blame it on and he’ll be fine.

”Well dad, what do you expect. It’s the Uzbeks.“

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On 7/25/2023 at 9:58 PM, Brothahorn said:

My mom is a stalker. She will call me and keep calling until I answer the phone. One Saturday she called me 11x in 3 hours. And she always leaves the same message, "You could answer your damn phone." But when I call her back, she can't remember what she wanted!

 

And it doesn't  matter if I'm at work or on my death bed, if I say I need to go her response is " There was something else I needed to tell you but I can't remember." Which extends the conversation to 5-10 more minutes.

this is crazy, but maybe tell her to leave a message about what she’s calling you about.

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Starting to clean up parents house, effin hell the candles and holiday decorations stored away. And the set of 1967 encyclopedias (put this in perspective there’s no entry for the moon landing) and the dozens of UT cactus yearbooks. and the cheapass exercise equipment. 

“hey I’m chunking this pile of stuff”

’well that’s still in the plastic box’

”clearly you haven’t needed or used this handheld am/fm radio in the last 10 yrs. If something comes up later I’ll order you a new one in 24 hours”

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14 hours ago, Gatorubet said:

this is crazy, but maybe tell her to leave a message about what she’s calling you about.

Tried that already, she just likes being ornery. Besides, when she calls like that, she really doesn't want anything. It will be for something like where is the tire pressure gauge? 

 

When it's serious she won't call. Last March she fell off the porch and fractured some bones in her neck. She just sent me a text that she fell the day before.

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11 hours ago, bluto said:

Starting to clean up parents house, effin hell the candles and holiday decorations stored away. And the set of 1967 encyclopedias (put this in perspective there’s no entry for the moon landing) and the dozens of UT cactus yearbooks. and the cheapass exercise equipment. 

“hey I’m chunking this pile of stuff”

’well that’s still in the plastic box’

”clearly you haven’t needed or used this handheld am/fm radio in the last 10 yrs. If something comes up later I’ll order you a new one in 24 hours”

I've got a set of 1938 encyclopedia's in the attic. Germany's an economic success but some are having doubts about that Hitler fellow.  

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2 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

Tried that already, she just likes being ornery. Besides, when she calls like that, she really doesn't want anything. It will be for something like where is the tire pressure gauge? 

 

When it's serious she won't call. Last March she fell off the porch and fractured some bones in her neck. She just sent me a text that she fell the day before.

Thoughts and prayers Brotha

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Starting to clean up parents house, effin hell the candles and holiday decorations stored away. And the set of 1967 encyclopedias (put this in perspective there’s no entry for the moon landing) and the dozens of UT cactus yearbooks. and the cheapass exercise equipment. 

“hey I’m chunking this pile of stuff”
’well that’s still in the plastic box’
”clearly you haven’t needed or used this handheld am/fm radio in the last 10 yrs. If something comes up later I’ll order you a new one in 24 hours”

Lulz. 1966 World Book checking in.
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I think the encyclopedias at the parent’s house are circa 1983.  I don’t believe they have an older inherited set, but I’ve been wrong before.  It’s a lovely leather bound set that will be sold by the pound to half price books for less than the gas it takes to get them there.

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10 years ago, this old woman in my office retired and I took over her position. She didn't clean out the cabinets in the cubicle, just took her personal shit and left. So I'm going through the drawers and cabinets and I found a 1977 agency phone directory. I still have that fucker and have no plans to get rid of it. 

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I think the encyclopedias at the parent’s house are circa 1983.  I don’t believe they have an older inherited set, but I’ve been wrong before.  It’s a lovely leather bound set that will be sold by the pound to half price books for less than the gas it takes to get them there.

Cleaning out my grandparent’s house and my aunt actually came prepared to fight for that 1970’s set of never been cracked Britannica’s. She didn’t find one.
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1 hour ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Please tell me hes got a paper ticket and boarding pass 

I travel a fair amount for work, and I just don't get this common "lol, olds!" perception about paper boarding passes. I find them so much more convenient than the app. 

It's so much easier to just glance at the scrap of paper in your pocket and then jam it back in there whenever you need to confirm your gate and/or boarding time. So much easier than opening the app and fighting to wade through the near-universal shitty user interface and organization. And leaving the app open in the background is always a great way to fuck your battery charge while traveling and we all know that the seat back chargers aren't always reliable. 

Also, for shit I need to remember to include on my expense report (WiFi, snacks, etc.) it's nice to have a scrap of paper to scribble a note to myself on since in-flight purchases don't come with paper receipts, and can sometimes be hard to find in your inbox. 

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10 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

I still get paper boarding passes. I’m always worried that my phone is not going to work just when I need it the most. 

I've had that happen (had the paper as backup luckily). Phone decided to get stuck in reboot loop.  Apparently they can look you with ID no problem, but I'm in Houston and the airport workers in Houston are some of the meanest, most unhappy people on the planet so I try to minimize the risk.

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35 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

I still get paper boarding passes. I’m always worried that my phone is not going to work just when I need it the most. 

 

32 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I travel a fair amount for work, and I just don't get this common "lol, olds!" perception about paper boarding passes. I find them so much more convenient than the app. 

It's so much easier to just glance at the scrap of paper in your pocket and then jam it back in there whenever you need to confirm your gate and/or boarding time. So much easier than opening the app and fighting to wade through the near-universal shitty user interface and organization. And leaving the app open in the background is always a great way to fuck your battery charge while traveling and we all know that the seat back chargers aren't always reliable. 

Also, for shit I need to remember to include on my expense report (WiFi, snacks, etc.) it's nice to have a scrap of paper to scribble a note to myself on since in-flight purchases don't come with paper receipts, and can sometimes be hard to find in your inbox. 

 

23 minutes ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

I've had that happen (had the paper as backup luckily). Phone decided to get stuck in reboot loop.  Apparently they can look you with ID no problem, but I'm in Houston and the airport workers in Houston are some of the meanest, most unhappy people on the planet so I try to minimize the risk.

I'm not judging, just saying...they make commercials about this syndrome.  Do you read books about tanks while you're waiting for your flight? 

(LOL I kid, I kid) 

 

 

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31 minutes ago, Parliament said:

Screen shoot the qr code.  Saves you from opening the app.

1. Retrieve phone from pocket 

2. Open/awaken phone with thumb, code, face, anusprint, etc. 

3. Scroll and fiddlefuck around to get to images

Or

1. Reach in pocket 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
Now two replies back to back without merging posts? That's some old person shit.
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27 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

1. Retrieve phone from pocket 

2. Open/awaken phone with thumb, code, face, anusprint, etc. 

3. Scroll and fiddlefuck around to get to images

Or

1. Reach in pocket 

4. Yell at clouds

5. Tell those damn kids to get off your lawn

 

This reply just added 10 years to how old I thought you were  lol

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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