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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

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14 hours ago, Armybrat said:

J’s are the 50s & 60s.

All the decade stations are pretty solid.

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3 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

we signed up for electricity plan that is based on market price.  utility company shows us hourly meter readings, and the market exchange shows us hourly market price for that commodity.

our place apparently uses 50kW*h daily just for heating.  equivalent to 2 water kettles on full boil 24/7.  (24h*2*1000w)

most our lightbulbs are about 5w LED.  so basically 200 lights = 1 water kettle.

its interesting data to analyze, if not atleast just to gaze at.  i dont know why i thought it was a good idea to show it to her.

 

she:

(1) didnt believe hourly-billing was possible ("how can they calculate that it must be impossible algorithm")

(2) got frustrated she couldnt understand that it was just multiplication, of very public data

(3) threw her hands up and walked away remarking "just stop leaving all the lights on".

 

 

So is that how you get them to stop leaving the tv on for the dog when it's at home, inside, on a rainy day?  

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28 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

So is that how you get them to stop leaving the tv on for the dog when it's at home, inside, on a rainy day?  

I told her the TV (that she idly leaves at the Netflix home screen for hours on end) consumes about 130W, which is mathematically more than a 5-10W lightbulb. 

 

She didn't take kindly to that reminder.

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6 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

I told her the TV (that she idly leaves at the Netflix home screen for hours on end) consumes about 130W, which is mathematically more than a 5-10W lightbulb. 

 

She didn't take kindly to that reminder.

Tone.

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Also, were it not for the 50s on 5, I would have never known that The Big Bopper penned George Jones’ “White Lightning”. 

Edited by Kennythetiger

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(1) didnt believe hourly-billing was possible ("how can they calculate that it must be impossible algorithm")
"Baby, it's just like the motel I met you at."

(3) threw her hands up and walked away remarking "just stop leaving all the lights on".

"You first, dipshit."

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3 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

So is that how you get them to stop leaving the tv on for the dog when it's at home, inside, on a rainy day?  

No, you do that by telling her that the reason she couldn't get that la-dee-da Coach purse she wanted is because of the money that has to be spent on electricity...

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I showed my wife the 8-slices vs 12-slices video.

Her: That's stupid.

Me: I agree.

Her: Who would want to eat 12 slices? That's too much.

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On 11/4/2019 at 2:45 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

The "it's not done" concept is one that I struggled with for many years. Because it's NEVER done. A normal person furnishes a room, throws some paintings (or a giant ceramic crab, as the case may be) up on the wall and that's that. But not until it was explained to me that decor is a fluid, constantly changing ideal rather than something that has an absolute beginning and an end, did I truly give up. Good luck Celery. It only gets worse.

And for a more apropos contribution to this thread... my wife has an acquaintance who is a wedding planner. Apparently it is a thing now for there to be a special table at wedding receptions for the bride and groom. And it is apparently now a thing that the bride/groom table be something especially "unique". And it is apparently now competitive among brides in having an especially unique bride/groom table. And guess who has the most unique one-of-a-kind plates, table settings, furnishings, table cloths, nick knacks, etc?

And guess who was offered something like $1500-2000 per weekend to rent this shit out but thinks it's kinda trashy to rent out your personal stuff and doesn't want the hassle of people coming in and removing our stuff and is afraid for something to get damaged because, "That stuff is irreplaceable and they don't make those plates anymore and I don't want my stuff broken. And can you imagine them coming in and removing that loveseat right out of our living room for the weekend?" The most uncomfortable love seat known to man? Not only can I imagine them removing it and hopefully never bringing it back, but I'm pretty sure I would have an orgasm if somebody paid good American dollars for the pain of actually sitting on it. Are you fucking kidding me?

So in the most unbelievable upset in the history of mankind,  I was on the verge of monetizing all some of the ridiculous crap that my wife has procured over the years only to be kicked in the nuts. 

For some reason this post reminded me of this

maxresdefault.jpg

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12 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I hate fucking your wife. 

 

12 hours ago, Lobo said:

I'm hate fucking your wife. 

 

11 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

I love hate fucking your wife 

giphy.gif

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Been a while since I posted so thought of this thread today.

Unloaded the dishwasher (the appliance) today and noticed out of the 30-40 prongs on the bottom tray, at least ten are noticeably bent.

It’s not the kids, don’t think they know we even have a dishwasher.

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I had a medical emergency about a month ago and the doctor has told me I can't drive until Christmas. Gentlemen, please get the wreath fund filled up because I may not make it until the end of the year with my wife's driving. I tried to tell the doctor that me having a seizure behind the wheel is still much safer than my wife's normal driving. He didn't agree, but then again he hasn't driven with her yet.

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5 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

Been a while since I posted so thought of this thread today.

Unloaded the dishwasher (the appliance) today and noticed out of the 30-40 prongs on the bottom tray, at least ten are noticeably bent.

It’s not the kids, don’t think they know we even have a dishwasher.

Anyone else notice when they pull the cleaned top drawer out all the heavy ass mugs are in the front and all the light plastic cups are in the back?  Logic man, logic.

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Anyone else notice when they pull the cleaned top drawer out all the heavy ass mugs are in the front and all the light plastic cups are in the back?  Logic man, logic.

Or in the few times I’ve watched her unload it, she pulls the bottom drawer out, doesn’t unload anything, then pulls the top drawer out so the plastic crap drips water on the bottom rack?

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I’m working at my desk at home, she says “come out side and smell, it stinks.” I ask is it the trash because we “forgot” to take it to the curb last week, she said “no it smells different, it smells like nuclear war.”

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6 minutes ago, troph said:

I’m working at my desk at home, she says “come out side and smell, it stinks.” I ask is it the trash because we “forgot” to take it to the curb last week, she said “no it smells different, it smells like nuclear war.”
 

She's seen smelled some shit.

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I’m working at my desk at home, she says “come out side and smell, it stinks.” I ask is it the trash because we “forgot” to take it to the curb last week, she said “no it smells different, it smells like nuclear war.”



That is odd af.

Can I ask an honest question?

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1 minute ago, tbone_ said:


That is odd af.

Can I ask an honest question?

I looked at her with the "wtf" look for sure.  she's rarely a candidate for this thread, but damn that comment was super odd.

you can ask, sure.

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"What does nuclear war smell like?"

If you stop to think about that question in an even halfway serious frame of mind, you come to realize it's a lot like a Zen koan. If you're close enough to nuclear war to smell it, you won't smell a thing. If you're far enough away from it to still have olfactory nerves that process smells, you will more than likely smell a lot of dirty, smelly refugees fleeing the blast zone in hopes that their limbs don't fall off before they find an open hospital.

And, of course, it also raises an interesting question, what is smell, anyway? Does it exist outside of the frame of reference of a creature who can sense it? Sure, the particles that we physically experience as "odor" are there, but if they don't reach a nose, do they still "smell"?

The grand irony, of course, is that I asked my wife just now "what do you think nuclear war smells like?" and she said, "That reminds me. <Daughter's name>! Take out the trash!"

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And, of course, it also raises an interesting question, what is smell, anyway? Does it exist outside of the frame of reference of a creature who can sense it? Sure, the particles that we physically experience as "odor" are there, but if they don't reach a nose, do they still "smell"?


If a tree falls in the forest and your wife isn’t there to hear it, are you still an asshole?

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"What does nuclear war smell like?"
If you stop to think about that question in an even halfway serious frame of mind, you come to realize it's a lot like a Zen koan. If you're close enough to nuclear war to smell it, you won't smell a thing. If you're far enough away from it to still have olfactory nerves that process smells, you will more than likely smell a lot of dirty, smelly refugees fleeing the blast zone in hopes that their limbs don't fall off before they find an open hospital.
And, of course, it also raises an interesting question, what is smell, anyway? Does it exist outside of the frame of reference of a creature who can sense it? Sure, the particles that we physically experience as "odor" are there, but if they don't reach a nose, do they still "smell"?
The grand irony, of course, is that I asked my wife just now "what do you think nuclear war smells like?" and she said, "That reminds me. ! Take out the trash!"

I was having a pretty dull day...appreciate the intricacies of this thought process.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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3 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

"What does nuclear war smell like?"

I liked your answer.  Looked like something I'd write.

What does it smell like?  Not sure.  In my mind though, it smells like Louisiana

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The other day, we were in her car and I noticed my flip flops were in there. Asked her why, she said she used them the other day. That's fine but why didn't you bring them back inside. (Aside form the fact that she had to walk to or from her car without shoes at one point....)

Saturday rolls around and we take her car into the shop the inspection/oil change. They said it was going to be a couple of hours. Told them that I would pay now. and they could just lock the keys in the car and I would pick it up Sunday afternoon.

Sunday morning:

Me (needing to go outside to feed the chickens) : Sure do wish I had my flip flops.

Her : Fine! Do you want me to walk outside and get them for you?

Me : Yes, yes I would.

She walks outside

6 year old: But Dad....

Me : Wait for it......

Her walking back in and slamming the door. Me and boy die laughing : You're such an ass!

Edited by Jameslaw121

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25 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

The other day, we were in her car and I noticed my flip flops were in there. Asked her why, she said she used them the other day. That's fine but why didn't you bring them back inside. (Aside form the fact that she had to walk to or from her car without shoes at one point....)

Saturday rolls around and we take her car into the shop the inspection/oil change. They said it was going to be a couple of hours. Told them that I would pay now. and they could just lock the keys in the car and I would pick it up Sunday afternoon.

Sunday morning:

Me (needing to go outside to feed the chickens) : Sure do wish I had my flip flops.

Her : Fine! Do you want me to walk outside and get them for you?

Me : Yes, yes I would.

She walks outside

6 year old: But Dad....

Me : Wait for it......

Her walking back in and slamming the door. Me and boy die laughing : You're such an ass!

Your marriage sounds like it's regressing nicely...

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If a woman posts nonstop about how great her guy is, and then damn near a countdown to the wedding day, and then how great her “Hubby” or “hubs” is along with all the god is great stuff...and then 18 months after the wedding is posting memes like I was married but I’m better now and girl power stuff and her status is single, is it wrong for me to find one of those old posts and ask her what happened?

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Just now, Pato del Muerto said:

If a woman posts nonstop about how great her guy is, and then damn near a countdown to the wedding day, and then how great her “Hubby” or “hubs” is along with all the god is great stuff...and then 18 months after the wedding is posting memes like I was married but I’m better now and girl power stuff and her status is single, is it wrong for me to find one of those old posts and ask her what happened?

Only if you don't report back to the group

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1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

If a woman posts nonstop about how great her guy is, and then damn near a countdown to the wedding day, and then how great her “Hubby” or “hubs” is along with all the god is great stuff...and then 18 months after the wedding is posting memes like I was married but I’m better now and girl power stuff and her status is single, is it wrong for me to find one of those old posts and ask her what happened?

spacer.png

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The other day, we were in her car and I noticed my flip flops were in there. Asked her why, she said she used them the other day. That's fine but why didn't you bring them back inside. (Aside form the fact that she had to walk to or from her car without shoes at one point....)
Saturday rolls around and we take her car into the shop the inspection/oil change. They said it was going to be a couple of hours. Told them that I would pay now. and they could just lock the keys in the car and I would pick it up Sunday afternoon.
Sunday morning:
Me (needing to go outside to feed the chickens) : Sure do wish I had my flip flops.
Her : Fine! Do you want me to walk outside and get them for you?
Me : Yes, yes I would.
She walks outside
6 year old: But Dad....
Me : Wait for it......
Her walking back in and slamming the door. Me and boy die laughing : You're such an ass!
All I got out of this is either she has big feet or you have small feet. My wife wears a size 5. I wear a size 15. She's not wearing my flip flops anywhere.

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