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Spur08

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

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34 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

My hearing is pretty much shot.  No fucking way am I getting hearing aids.  I have a built in excuse to ignore anything that is said to me from another room.

cross posting from the commercials thread...this is fantastic. watch til the end

 

 

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watching Hacksaw Ridge last night

Wife- if we ever go to Hawaii I want to go see all that stuff

Me- you want to go another 5000 miles away to a sparsely inhabited volcanic rock island that was the site of one of the bloodiest battles of all time? 

Wife- No to the museum thing

Me- ??

Wife- Where the ship sank

Me- Pearl Harbor?

Wife- Yeah where the planes flew in and bombed everything

Me- 

spacer.png 

 

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On 5/16/2020 at 10:34 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:


So you had a foursome?

Five if you count the jar of peanut butter.

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1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

This is my fucking pet peeve. Don't yell at me down the stairs. If something is important, tell me to come to you or come to me. If it's not important, wait until I'm in front of you.

How else are they going to be able to plausibly lie about "telling you last week".

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1 hour ago, HoffaJimmy said:

Daily "you need to get your hearing checked", "you aren't listening to me", etc. 

Maybe just maybe you wait until I am not in the shower, the garage, downstairs, in another room, etc. before you ask me a question.....................

Mrs. Brat knows that i’ve been half deaf for several years, yet she always starts talking when I walk into another room.

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44 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

She's thinking of Ben Affleck.

No, she wants to go to Germany.

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2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

This is my fucking pet peeve. Don't yell at me down the stairs. If something is important, tell me to come to you or come to me. If it's not important, wait until I'm in front of you.

Did you say something?

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2 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

cross posting from the commercials thread...this is fantastic. watch til the end

 

 

X,2,1,X

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I could draw a decision tree on the things I do when she calls to me from another room. Usually I ignore her but if it’s something that I heard and do want to answer, I answer at the same volume because if I can hear her then she can hear me, right?  But if i get “what” back, I will project/yell to be sure she hears me the second time so that there is no third time. Which always leads to “stop yelling at me.”  Hey honey, you’re the one that wants to talk  50 feet and 2 walls away. And you heard me that time, didn’t you?

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the other night, I was digging the grill pan out from under a stack of other cast iron gear, so some noise, but not a lot.  as I'm doing this, wife comes breezing through the kitchen and tells me to make sure and do some obvious task I can't remember, now.  she was out of the room by the time she finished her thought, so I said nothing and continued about my business.  she returns and repeats it at elevated volume and intensity.  

I'm like, 'yup, got it'.

her:  why didn't you acknowledge me before?

because you left the room and I didn't figure you'd hear me.

her:  tone

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4 hours ago, You don't know me said:

My hearing is pretty much shot.  No fucking way am I getting hearing aids.  I have a built in excuse to ignore anything that is said to me from another room.

Fucking.this.right.here^^^^^^^

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8 hours ago, Armybrat said:

No, she wants to go to Germany.

She’s not trying to bake cookies 

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Consumer Reports ditched the luxury class this past year and stated there wasn’t enough difference between fully loaded trim lines and luxury anymore.
 
Take the Subaru Ascent, the upper trims have extra sound deadening, acoustic glass, second row captain chairs, plus cooled as heated leather seats. The Subaru likely has superior safety engineering than many ‘luxury’ brands.
Maybe. But I still wouldn't puck up a customer at the airport in a Subaru.

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I have tinnitus & while I have been professionally tested by an audiology doc, I'm not deef even if the wife says I am.  Too many years of working in clubs with no hearing protection.

That said, there are plenty of occasions where her inability to understand how sound waves travel & I can't hear her because maybe she's speaking too rapidly is the problem.

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Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

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On 5/21/2020 at 3:47 PM, wd40 said:

the other night, I was digging the grill pan out from under a stack of other cast iron gear, so some noise, but not a lot.  as I'm doing this, wife comes breezing through the kitchen and tells me to make sure and do some obvious task I can't remember, now.  she was out of the room by the time she finished her thought, so I said nothing and continued about my business.  she returns and repeats it at elevated volume and intensity.  

I'm like, 'yup, got it'.

her:  why didn't you acknowledge me before?

because you left the room and I didn't figure you'd hear me.

her:  tone

This is my life, day after day. 

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Me - Half asleep in the bed as my wife fucks around upstairs

Wife - “Is it OK if I read a little bit?”

Me - “Sure, what’s a little bit?”

Wife - “I dunno, half an hour?”

Me - “I suppose”

Wife - Turns on the light, plays with the dog, “washes her face” for 30 minutes then returns to bed to read “for a little bit”

Fuck me... I should start taking Valium so I can violently snore through this nonsense.

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6 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

Wow you know what day it is. We’re so impressed. For the rest of it, it’s Sutsday the 67th of Marchtober 

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Daily "you need to get your hearing checked", "you aren't listening to me", etc. 
Maybe just maybe you wait until I am not in the shower, the garage, downstairs, in another room, etc. before you ask me a question.....................


I purposely ignore anything my wife says to me from another room.

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16 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

You should just made a a brand and sent her looking for it. 

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17 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

 

1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

You should just made a a brand and sent her looking for it. 

Missed a golden opportunity

 

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On 5/25/2020 at 12:05 AM, Party_Taco said:

Me - Half asleep in the bed as my wife fucks around upstairs

Wife - “Is it OK if I read a little bit?”

Me - “Sure, what’s a little bit?”

Wife - “I dunno, half an hour?”

Me - “I suppose”

Wife - Turns on the light, plays with the dog, “washes her face” for 30 minutes then returns to bed to read “for a little bit”

Fuck me... I should start taking Valium so I can violently snore through this nonsense.

Valium is a bit light. You may as well develope a full blown opiod addiction and just main line some heroin. Upside is maybe you puke on her or die. 

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On 5/24/2020 at 7:24 PM, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

I absolutely lol'd on this one.

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On 5/24/2020 at 8:24 PM, blacklab said:

Wife: What kind of whysky should I get Erika for her birthday?

Me: Liquor stores are closed today

Wife: No they aren't, what should I get her

Me: How long have you lived here?

You should check in with Angry Gorilla.   His wife could offer some fantastic suggestions. 

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We had a contractor at the house tonight, we had agreed on the price a couple of weeks ago. As he was finishing up, my wife and I went inside and she asked "Should I ask him how much I should write the check for?". I said WTF, don't ask him, you practically asking him to raise the price. Write the check for the amount we agreed upon. She goes out and asks him "So how much was it?" To his credit he looked at me and said "uhhh, whatever we said the other day". Fucking hell.

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I’ve been in bed for 30 minutes and noticed it doesn’t feel like the room is cooling down.  I go to the thermostat and yep, set to heat instead of cool. 

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Well, there was that front blowing through earlier.  

"Getting down to 63 tonight...should we turn the Air off?" /her

"Well, if the 78 degree air magically gets sucked out of our home tonight, then sure...yeah."  /me 

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1 hour ago, Lobo said:

Well, there was that front blowing through earlier.  

"Getting down to 63 tonight...should we turn the Air off?" /her

"Well, if the 78 degree air magically gets sucked out of our home tonight, then sure...yeah."  /me 

Nothing is getting sucked in your home tonight

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11 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

I’ve been in bed for 30 minutes and noticed it doesn’t feel like the room is cooling down.  I go to the thermostat and yep, set to heat instead of cool. 

Did you call a divorce attorney this morning?

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9 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

Nothing is getting sucked in your home tonight

Aw snap.  actually it was my birthday at midnight so she let me do that one thing even your wife gave me push-back on.  ;)

I digress.  This weather has been crazy and is certainly testing relationships.  

 

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On 5/26/2020 at 10:32 PM, Biff Tannen said:

I’ve been in bed for 30 minutes and noticed it doesn’t feel like the room is cooling down.  I go to the thermostat and yep, set to heat instead of cool. 

I have legitimately told my daughter probably 30x to NOT turn the AC fan to "ON" - don't EVER touch that button / setting & instead, the one to be concerned about is the "Auto / On" setting.

I 100% know it's not the boy & my wife only concerns herself with the temperature.

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We recently replaced all of the cable boxes in our house and they have a voice control.  For about 2 weeks she has watched me say, into the remote, "Outlander ** on Netflix".

Bless her heart...last night, she gave it a try.  "Outlanders on NextFlick".....3 times....then she just chunked the remote at me.  I felt sorry for her.  There are several words she pronounces differently.  I rarely correct her unless it is a word that might be embarrassing to say in front of strangers.   Most of them are due to spelling but some I can't figure out why she pronounces them a certain way.  And to her credit, she apparently, FINALLY looked at the logo on the screen and said, "Oh....NET Flix".

Fascinating = FASC-i-nating (this is a spelling issue)
Waxed = Wax-ed  (no idea)
Farted = Fart-ed-ed (no idea)
But words like Worked, she says correctly.  But Fart-ed-ed cracks me up every time.

OH....also, we dog sit Baboso's dog from time to time.  To get her to go outside, the dog knows "Go be quick".   But my wife miss-heard it, so she says, "Go get a quickie".  Every fucking time...I giggle.  

**  If you haven't watched this titty-fest, so yourself a favor and invest some time.

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I too switched to voice commands for our main TV. Works great when my wife, 6 year old boy, and 1 year old are all talking at the same time. Then they can't understand why dad stood up and said "Can yall shut the fuck up for 15 god damn seconds???"

 

okay, well, the one year old probably doesn't understand. But the other two should know. since we go through it every.single.god.damn night

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I can’t imagine what a shit show that would be and how many fights it would cause. The buttons always fucking work. (Unless the batteries are dead)

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22 minutes ago, EE2B said:

I can’t imagine what a shit show that would be and how many fights it would cause. The buttons always fucking work. (Unless the batteries are dead)

Yeah, it was a dumb idea. Especially since our living room is open to the kitchen. So using voice commands is pretty much impossible. 

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We recently replaced all of the cable boxes in our house and they have a voice control.  For about 2 weeks she has watched me say, into the remote, "Outlander ** on Netflix".
Bless her heart...last night, she gave it a try.  "Outlanders on NextFlick".....3 times....then she just chunked the remote at me.  I felt sorry for her.  There are several words she pronounces differently.  I rarely correct her unless it is a word that might be embarrassing to say in front of strangers.   Most of them are due to spelling but some I can't figure out why she pronounces them a certain way.  And to her credit, she apparently, FINALLY looked at the logo on the screen and said, "Oh....NET Flix".
Fascinating = FASC-i-nating (this is a spelling issue)
Waxed = Wax-ed  (no idea)
Farted = Fart-ed-ed (no idea)
But words like Worked, she says correctly.  But Fart-ed-ed cracks me up every time.
OH....also, we dog sit Baboso's dog from time to time.  To get her to go outside, the dog knows "Go be quick".   But my wife miss-heard it, so she says, "Go get a quickie".  Every fucking time...I giggle.  
**  If you haven't watched this titty-fest, so yourself a favor and invest some time.

She sounds dyslexic. There’s a visual kind that you typically think of but also an auditory kind where you can’t distinguish phonemes.

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