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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Going to Disneyworld in a few weeks. Wife suddenly wants to watch Star Wars in chronological order for the first time in the 11 years I’ve known her. I’m not a SW nerd by any means, but I’ve went to a SW movie here and there and it’s fine.

I bet you can guess how far she got into the phantom menace(I know we’re not supposed to watch it so spare me) before she was on her phone.

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17 minutes ago, SuperSport said:

It had been at least 24hrs since Amazon delivered something to our house, so the wife decided to buy me a spare battery organizer...didn’t need it, but whatever, it’s the thought that counts I guess. Anyway, it comes with a little voltage tester...

“Hey babe, can you check those AAAs on the counter? Pretty sure they’re dead.”

 

51EF9496-6681-44A1-8C09-D29480174ECE.jpeg

Bless her heart.

 

Btw I fucking love my battery organizer and tester.  I'm a dork

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14 minutes ago, Colonel Sanders said:

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious, but they have really good deals on car seats.  They are cheaper than I've ever seen them before, by a lot.

Me:  Googles qdwcz.com.   Yeah it looks like this is a scam, don't buy anything from them.

My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already bought two.

The good news is you probably got some underage scat pics in that deal. 

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My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious, but they have really good deals on car seats.  They are cheaper than I've ever seen them before, by a lot.
Me:  Googles qdwcz.com.   Yeah it looks like this is a scam, don't buy anything from them.
My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already bought two.

Look who’s waiting 7-10 days for a new credit card...


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1 hour ago, Colonel Sanders said:

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious, but they have really good deals on car seats.  They are cheaper than I've ever seen them before, by a lot.

Me:  Googles qdwcz.com.   Yeah it looks like this is a scam, don't buy anything from them.

My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already bought two.

Because if there’s any place you want to maximize your savings, it’s car seats.

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On 2/27/2021 at 3:50 PM, Nivek said:

Of course she is married.  Notice how she couldn't admit she was wrong?

My parents divorced in 1973 and the next time I hear my mom admit she was wrong will be the first. This is an actual quote: “I may have made mistakes but I was never wrong at the time.”

I don’t support my dad dumping her but I sort of understand. 

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On 2/27/2021 at 12:02 PM, Post Oak said:

Bless her heart.

 

Btw I fucking love my battery organizer and tester.  I'm a dork

I just drop them.  If the bounce/flip they are depleted.  If they have a dampened response they are good.

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15 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Boy's 2nd birthday today. Wife takes a ton of pics on her phone and sends them to me. Tells me to post on Facebook. I post. 

"Why are there never pics of me and him?"

Avatar checks out

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15 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Boy's 2nd birthday today. Wife takes a ton of pics on her phone and sends them to me. Tells me to post on Facebook. I post. 

"Why are there never pics of me and him?"

Tell her “It’s him and me.”  

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15 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

Boy's 2nd birthday today. Wife takes a ton of pics on her phone and sends them to me. Tells me to post on Facebook. I post. 

"Why are there never pics of me and him?"

Did she tell you that she did send some of him with his father?

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On 2/28/2021 at 9:22 PM, Colonel Sanders said:

My wife:  I just texted you a website that looks kind of suspicious,

Me:  Googles website.   Yeah, it looks like this is 100% phishing & virus laden, don't click there.

My Wife:  Oh, it's too late, I already looked all over it to see what they were selling.  That's how I got the website address to email over to you.

I was looking for a different kind of punchline..

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Mrs. Rox calls, on the way home from work:  "What's for dinner?"

Me:  "Shrimp scampi / pasta thing... I'm adding xtra shrimp & pasta so it will feed 4."

Mrs., goes to pan for serving herself:  "Is there garlic in this?"

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I witnessed a ton of women doing stupid shit at my complex during the snowpocalypse:

Pouring hot water on frozen wind shields

Exposed fires on patios inches from door ways

Scraping ice off cars with metal spatulas.

Attempting drive out the exit which is up hill and so icy one can't walk up it without falling or sliding back down

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17 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I witnessed a ton of women doing stupid shit at my complex during the snowpocalypse:

Pouring hot water on frozen wind shields

Exposed fires on patios inches from door ways

Scraping ice off cars with metal spatulas.

Attempting drive out the exit which is up hill and so icy one can't walk up it without falling or sliding back down

Which one was your wife? 

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On 3/2/2021 at 9:08 PM, MissingInAction said:

I witnessed a ton of women doing stupid shit at my complex during the snowpocalypse:

Pouring hot water on frozen wind shields

Exposed fires on patios inches from door ways

Scraping ice off cars with metal spatulas.

Attempting drive out the exit which is up hill and so icy one can't walk up it without falling or sliding back down

Well if you had scraped the ice off the car she wouldn’t have had to use hot water or a spatula, would she? 

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53 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

I found that a spatula worked pretty good to scrape ice off of my windshield.  Living in Houston we don't generally keep ice scrapers in the car.  What should I have used otherwise?

piss

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4 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I found that a spatula worked pretty good to scrape ice off of my windshield.  Living in Houston we don't generally keep ice scrapers in the car.  What should I have used otherwise?

Plastic spatula is fine, it’s metal you don’t want to use. You can scratch your windshield to hell.  Best is to get an early start, crank the heater up all the way on defrost, and use a brush to get rid of it after the shell stuck to the glass melts. 

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6 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I found that a spatula worked pretty good to scrape ice off of my windshield.  Living in Houston we don't generally keep ice scrapers in the car.  What should I have used otherwise?

Credit cards work.  Best to just let it warm up and melt. 

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2 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Plastic spatula is fine, it’s metal you don’t want to use. You can scratch your windshield to hell.  Best is to get an early start, crank the heater up all the way on defrost, and use a brush to get rid of it after the shell stuck to the glass melts. 

 

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2 hours ago, markstanco said:

So, the youngest asked mom the other day if she could get him a safe. He's 10, so gotta protect that $38 he has for chores and leftover Christmas.

This just came in: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01L7U3SXW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_E52AZYC3KAS0SS342SYW?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Son: I can't find the keys to my safe and I cannot remember the code or find the paper with the code written on it.

Wife: I was cleaning up and I put them in a safe place.

Dad: Where is that?

Wife: I can't remember.

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