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Shit My Kid Says

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Got this from my kids main teacher this evening:

Today in class:
Son - *throws ball across class out of nowhere *
Female Teacher - "see this is why I don't have balls!" *immediate internal groan *
Son - "well that's not true. You don't have balls because..."
Teacher - “STOP! I get it. Anyway..."

He’s 8.

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Today we drove to Dallas for the weekend. We were almost to Rockwall and both kids had been asleep. The sever year old wakes up and says:
“Can we go to the App Store while we’re in Dallas?”
Holy shit I almost wrecked from laughing. She had no idea why we were laughing.

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Reminds me of the time I asked my parents if we could go to General Foods for dinner after seeing their brief "this program is sponsored by General Foods" blurbs a million times during Saturday morning cartoons. 

 

GeneralFoodsOldLogo.png

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

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My 6-yr-old thinks commercials are real life. He was recently telling my wife about Smart Dogs and how they knock your phone out of your hand while you're driving.

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So.... 11-yr old and I are riding home from tennis practice. We stop at a light at a major intersection. There is a beggar with a sign begging...

 

"Dad, you know what, there is a job doing exactly what the guy is doing. Actually, that place RIGHT THERE (tax place across the street) pays people to stand where he's standing and do what he's doing?! Why doesn't he just go work for them?"

 

Me: "Remember when you asked me why I don't give money to people on the street corner? You're 11 years old and you found him a job. He makes more money begging."

 

Son: "Yeah! Like the guy with no legs at Wal-mart! He's been there longer than I can remember... But he drives a Jeep."

 

Me: Exactly.

 

 

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Yesterday, the 13yo, Mrs Snacks, and I are at lunch... We start discussing reading...

13yo: "I want a book on quantum mechanics."

Puzzled looks...

"Ok. Check please."

Straight to Half-Price Books, grabs a book on Quantum Mechanics... "Yeah, I'll be done with this in 3 days."

Me: "how about this one?" (it's all equations)

Son: "I don't want to solve it, I just went to understand it.v

Me: "Oh. My bad..."

So we grab some other thick ass QM book and head out with the two books.

Nerdz.

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Sounds like my son when he was that age.  Asked his mathematician grandfather for a book on advanced calculus, and his psychology prof grandfather for a book on psychology for Christmas.  By the middle of January he was calling them up and discussing new (to him) concepts with them.  Tickled them both to pieces.

Edited by Scheiss Meister

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Talking about a neighbor...

Mrs Brown: “think she’s a good lay?”

Me: “Nah. Not a chance.”

13 YO from the other end of the fucking house: “is it because she’s short?”


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Talking about a neighbor...

Mrs Brown: “think she’s a good lay?”

Me: “Nah. Not a chance.”

13 YO from the other end of the fucking house: “is it because she’s short?”



You and your wife talk about fucking the neighbors?

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7 minutes ago, Modessit said:
14 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:
Talking about a neighbor...

Mrs Brown: “think she’s a good lay?”

Me: “Nah. Not a chance.”

13 YO from the other end of the fucking house: “is it because she’s short?”


 

Read more  

You and your wife talk about fucking the neighbors?

Of course.  Gotta have the neighbor women rankings public just in case Mrs Brown ever gets a wild hair and wants to invite one of them to join us.

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Of course.  Gotta have the neighbor women rankings public just in case Mrs Brown ever gets a wild hair and wants to invite one of them to join us.
Or if she gets invited to join them.

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On 2/18/2020 at 11:07 AM, Snacks said:

Yesterday, the 13yo, Mrs Snacks, and I are at lunch... We start discussing reading...

13yo: "I want a book on quantum mechanics."

Puzzled looks...

"Ok. Check please."

Straight to Half-Price Books, grabs a book on Quantum Mechanics... "Yeah, I'll be done with this in 3 days."

Me: "how about this one?" (it's all equations)

Son: "I don't want to solve it, I just went to understand it.v

Me: "Oh. My bad..."

So we grab some other thick ass QM book and head out with the two books.

Nerdz.

 

How to Teach Quantum Mechanics to Your Dog by Chad Orzel.

 

Newish book without all the math. He might like it. Just skip all the annoying dog stuff.

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On ‎2‎/‎18‎/‎2020 at 12:51 PM, Scheiss Meister said:

Sounds like my son when he was that age.  Asked his mathematician grandfather for a book on advanced calculus, and his psychology prof grandfather for a book on psychology for Christmas.  By the middle of January he was calling them up and discussing new (to him) concepts with them.  Tickled them both to pieces.

A book on psychology for Christmas? We have an annual thread devoted to that subject. Kid's got future Surlist written all over him.

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Shit my kid writes:

The Hungry Poem

I was doing school and I was hungry and

everybody was petting a bunny and everybody was being

funny and nobody wanted to play with me

because I was hungry.

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