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Longboard Horn

Shit you have heard in a bar

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On 3/31/2018 at 11:25 PM, Stunns38 said:

This happened a while back and I could have sworn I saw someone post it on our former site.

Random guy at bar talking to his friend. “When you fuck a girl in the ass, you have the upper hand but when you come in her ass, you own her soul”. He said it loudly and there were some pissed off female bystanders. Lulz


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On 4/2/2018 at 11:45 AM, lateshow said:

The guy makes an excellent point. 

No soul and a tore up hole.......

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Overheard from a 55 y/o hippie that was bald with a ponytail 

 

“This is the worst time in American history, the Civil War was probably bad but this is worse”. 

 

I half wanted to choke him out for his stupidity but I was too fat from fajitas and an ice cream sandwich to feel like getting up. 

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58 minutes ago, Archer said:

Overheard from a 55 y/o hippie that was bald with a ponytail 

 

“This is the worst time in American history, the Civil War was probably bad but this is worse”. 

 

I half wanted to choke him out for his stupidity but I was too fat from fajitas and an ice cream sandwich to feel like getting up. 

Have you visited the cloak room?

 

I seen it! 

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48 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Have you visited the cloak room?

 

I seen it! 

No CR...

 

I just couldn’t believe anyone would believe what we are dealing with now is worse than 620,000 Americans being killed. 

 

I’ll go ahead and let this die so I don’t fuck up a Lulz thread. 

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Just now, Archer said:

No CR...

 

I just couldn’t believe anyone would believe what we are dealing with now is worse than 620,000 Americans being killed. 

 

I’ll go ahead and let this die so I don’t fuck up a Lulz thread. 

Mine was meant in a lulz at CR intent.

Totally agree.

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Bit of a Random conversation:

“Dude, I cannot believe you went to a regular masseuse thinking it was a massage parlor and asked for a happy ending. No wonder you got the cops called on you.”

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Bit of a Random conversation:

“Dude, I cannot believe you went to a regular masseuse thinking it was a massage parlor and asked for a happy ending. No wonder you got the cops called on you.”

21c0c8c0b5c7b9358b10b2397be55dbb.png

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1 hour ago, Stunns38 said:

Bit of a Random conversation:

“Dude, I cannot believe you went to a regular masseuse thinking it was a massage parlor and asked for a happy ending. No wonder you got the cops called on you.”

you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

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15 hours ago, Stunns38 said:

Bit of a Random conversation:

“Dude, I cannot believe you went to a regular masseuse thinking it was a massage parlor and asked for a happy ending. No wonder you got the cops called on you.”

You hang out with Rocko?

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"I'm like so spiritual now"

"When my ex-husband cheated on me I got this tattoo..."

"You haven't acheived enlightenment yet, you have so much to let go."

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On 8/25/2018 at 7:47 PM, Archer said:

Overheard from a 55 y/o hippie that was bald with a ponytail 

 

“This is the worst time in American history, the Civil War was probably bad but this is worse”. 

 

I half wanted to choke him out for his stupidity but I was too fat from fajitas and an ice cream sandwich to feel like getting up. 

How the fuck I get fajitas and an ice cream sandwich at a bar. Not the one I’m at now anyhow. 

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Two chicks talking. Sadly, I missed the first part of the conversation, but one of them said, "I would rather fuck my brother than do THAT?". Regrettably I never learned what THAT was.

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5 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Two chicks talking. Sadly, I missed the first part of the conversation, but one of them said, "I would rather fuck my brother than do THAT?". Regrettably I never learned what THAT was.

Butt seks.

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1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

Two chicks talking. Sadly, I missed the first part of the conversation, but one of them said, "I would rather fuck my brother than do THAT?". Regrettably I never learned what THAT was.

They were probably daring each other to pick you up

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There's an older guy with a couple of cougar looking women sitting next to me.

Guy to one of the women: you can't leave yet.

Her: I need to get home

Him: you have someone to have sex with at home?

Her: nope, no one.

Him: what about Bob, the battery operated boyfriend.


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1 hour ago, DallasHorn26 said:

There's an older guy with a couple of cougar looking women sitting next to me.

Guy to one of the women: you can't leave yet.

Her: I need to get home

Him: you have someone to have sex with at home?

Her: nope, no one.

Him: what about Bob, the battery operated boyfriend.

 

giphy.gif?cid=4bf119fc5be3a46a65324b4563

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I was at the bar of a steakhouse last night, tying one on after the loss, and a waiter comes to put in a drink order "lady says she wants a bloody mary hot, but not spicy."

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20 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

I was at the bar of a steakhouse last night, tying one on after the loss, and a waiter comes to put in a drink order "lady says she wants a bloody mary hot, but not spicy."

When I bartended in college, nothing pissed me off more than someone ordering a Bloody Mary at night time.   Good Lord people, that’s a before 2 PM beverage 

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Out at the VFW playing some pool, watching the games, and inebriated dude begins chatting up my gf. She mentions something about the music playing, he tosses her his phone saying " I've got lots of credits for the juke box. My phone code is 2517."  By the time she was done with his phone he had no credits, but quite possibly getting lucky with several Tinder dates and plenty of random messages sent out to contacts.

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While drinking with a female friend last night for New Years we run into one of her friends and her friends’ new bf. They have a few drinks with us and then go to the dance floor. While watching them, my female friend leans over to me and says, “if she fucks the same way she dances I feel sorry for that guy.”

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10 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

While drinking with a female friend last night for New Years we run into one of her friends and her friends’ new bf. They have a few drinks with us and then go to the dance floor. While watching them, my female friend leans over to me and says, “if she fucks the same way she dances I feel sorry for that guy.”

 

giphy.gif

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On 12/3/2018 at 10:58 AM, LarryTT said:

Out at the VFW playing some pool, watching the games, and inebriated dude begins chatting up my gf. She mentions something about the music playing, he tosses her his phone saying " I've got lots of credits for the juke box. My phone code is 2517."  By the time she was done with his phone he had no credits, but quite possibly getting lucky with several Tinder dates and plenty of random messages sent out to contacts.

I have a hard time believing that there's a VFW hall with a jukebox that can be controlled with a smartphone.

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14 hours ago, luke duke said:

I have a hard time believing that there's a VFW hall with a jukebox that can be controlled with a smartphone.

TouchTunes... I'll take a pic next time I'm there. (and this is in a town of only 3k residents)

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On ‎8‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 10:32 PM, Stunns38 said:

Bit of a Random conversation:

“Dude, I cannot believe you went to a regular masseuse thinking it was a massage parlor and asked for a happy ending. No wonder you got the cops called on you.”

And that was how I met Patriots owner, Robert Kraft.

 

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1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

You work in a massage parlor?

 

25 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Cum towel washer

maybe i'm in charge of refilling the hand sanitizer dispensers?
i think brat is fishing to see if i can get him an employee discount

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"There's a dude selling Quaaludes in the bathroom." Mother Blues circa 1982

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10 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

And that was how I met Patriots owner, Robert Kraft.

 

yeah, there's a comment that seems relevant today

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10 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

 

maybe i'm in charge of refilling the hand sanitizer dispensers?
i think brat is fishing to see if i can get him an employee discount

giphy.gif

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Table next to me on the patio yesterday.

"So apparently my daughter is going to be on a fundraising calendar for the Children's Miracle network.  She's such a pretty girl but her eating disorder almost killed her when she was little.  She's still skinny, but not Dachau skinny. The free NFL and NBA tickets are kinda awesome too. "

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