Jump to content
Jordan Washington chats with Bobby for Burnt Ends ×

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1747

Posted
Posted
On 4/2/2018 at 4:38 PM, Angry Gorilla said:

My wife is having a girls' weekend at the lake house, and has finally realized she doesn't know how to do anything out there besides drink craft beer and boss me around.  While we were out there last weekend she wanted me to show her how shit works out there.   I was showing her how to drive the Mule we have to take the trash to the dumpster.  

There is a parking brake handle to the left of the steering wheel and a gear shift on right with...

L
H
N
R

She asked where the "D" for Drive was, which was stupid but I don't fault her too much for that.  I tell her to put it in "H" and we drive to dumpster.  She then puts it in "R" and starts to open the door to get out.  I ask what the hell she's doing and she said "What??  I put it in "R" for Park."

She is on her girls' weekend, and needs to take the Mule to take some trash to dumpster.  Not sure why as she has only been there 12 hours but that's a different topic.  I just got this text...

 

""I turn the car on then put it in neutral then start to drive right?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 22.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1747

Posted
Posted

I could probably add a couple of pages to this thread just with the texts I will get over the next couple of hours.  They want to take our new boat out and against my better judgement I said ok.  One of the girls has a boat an apparently drives it all the time.

 

Last time we were both out there my wife wanted to take a video of me getting the boat ready to take out (taking cover off, lowering the lift, turning battery on, raising the tower).  We got 30 seconds in and she says "hold on, I just got a text" and for some reason it couldn't wait.  After she responded, I had to start over.  She then tells me to hold on again and I glance at her phone and it's on Instagram.  I lost it and just walked away before I shoved her in the lake.  It took her 5 minutes to realize I wasn't there anymore.

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17263

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I could probably add a couple of pages to this thread just with the texts I will get over the next couple of hours.  They want to take our new boat out and against my better judgement I said ok.  One of the girls has a boat an apparently drives it all the time.

 

Last time we were both out there my wife wanted to take a video of me getting the boat ready to take out (taking cover off, lowering the lift, turning battery on, raising the tower).  We got 30 seconds in and she says "hold on, I just got a text" and for some reason it couldn't wait.  After she responded, I had to start over.  She then tells me to hold on again and I glance at her phone and it's on Instagram.  I lost it and just walked away before I shoved her in the lake.  It took her 5 minutes to realize I wasn't there anymore.

Username checks out

Link to comment
Share on other sites
markstanco

markstanco 12424

Posted
Posted (edited)

Laying in bed last night almost asleep.  Wife comes in and says "I think there is a pipe bomb on the front patio!" I talk for a few seconds to calm her down but shes having none of it.  I asked her if the guy who checked on the septic system may have left something and she says no.  Finally I get up and go outside to investigate the bomb.  It was a broken one of these:

broken-sprinkler-head-featured.jpg  

Edited by markstanco
  • Like 4
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
EE2B

EE2B 1560

Posted
Posted
Laying in bed last night almost asleep.  Wife comes in and says "I think there is a pipe bomb on the front patio!" I talk for a few seconds to calm her down but shes having none of it.  I asked her if the guy who checked on the septic system may have left something and she says no.  Finally I get up and go outside to investigate the bomb.  It was a broken one of these:
broken-sprinkler-head-featured.jpg  

I know where all my broken sprinkler nozzles are going now.
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I could probably add a couple of pages to this thread just with the texts I will get over the next couple of hours.  They want to take our new boat out and against my better judgement I said ok.  One of the girls has a boat an apparently drives it all the time.

 

Last time we were both out there my wife wanted to take a video of me getting the boat ready to take out (taking cover off, lowering the lift, turning battery on, raising the tower).  We got 30 seconds in and she says "hold on, I just got a text" and for some reason it couldn't wait.  After she responded, I had to start over.  She then tells me to hold on again and I glance at her phone and it's on Instagram.  I lost it and just walked away before I shoved her in the lake.  It took her 5 minutes to realize I wasn't there anymore.

I cannot say with any certainty that I would have been able to resist snatching the phone out of her hands and throwing it in the fuckin' lake.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
lateshow

lateshow 1303

Posted
Posted
32 minutes ago, SimonBolivar said:

Her- "Do you remember what shirt I wore last Friday? I can't remember but I don't want to wear the same one"

Me- "No, but if you don't remember then no one else does either"

Tone apparently

Oh, I get that one a lot. She'll say, but there are pictures. Will you look back on my facebook/instagram and see? Like all her friends and acquaintances are really scouring the internet and comparing what you wore then to what you're wearing this evening.....

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1796

Posted
Posted
16 minutes ago, lateshow said:

Oh, I get that one a lot. She'll say, but there are pictures. Will you look back on my facebook/instagram and see? Like all her friends and acquaintances are really scouring the internet and comparing what you wore then to what you're wearing this evening.....

Ha!  Regular guys like most of us wouldn't do that, but gay men and uptight chicks actually do this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
PhillyD

PhillyD 1245

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Last time we were both out there my wife wanted to take a video of me getting the boat ready to take out (taking cover off, lowering the lift, turning battery on, raising the tower).  We got 30 seconds in and she says "hold on, I just got a text" and for some reason it couldn't wait.  After she responded, I had to start over.  She then tells me to hold on again and I glance at her phone and it's on Instagram.  I lost it and just walked away before I shoved her in the lake.  It took her 5 minutes to realize I wasn't there anymore.

The boat or the wife?

Edited by PhillyD
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1796

Posted
Posted

My wife is always dressing our children inappropriately for the weather.  I'll come downstairs, ready to take the kids to school and they'll be wearing shorts and t-shirts and it's 55 degrees outside.  She just outright doesn't believe in rain jackets.  I ask about warmer clothes and I get a glare because she takes it as a criticism (which it should be, but I withheld it and get blamed for it anyway).  That's the way it is now.  It used to be I'd look at how the kids were dressed and ask her, "Don't you know it's cold outside?"  She acts like *knowing* the weather is akin to *predicting* the weather.  I'm like, "Why don't you just open the fucking door and step outside?  You know the weather changes in Texas all the time.  There are some patterns."  She acts like I'm asking the impossible.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1747

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I could probably add a couple of pages to this thread just with the texts I will get over the next couple of hours.  They want to take our new boat out and against my better judgement I said ok.  One of the girls has a boat an apparently drives it all the time.

 

Last text as they are getting boat ready to take out...

"Do I take the plastic thing off the thing?"

  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Eugene11

Eugene11 375

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, lateshow said:

Oh, I get that one a lot. She'll say, but there are pictures. Will you look back on my facebook/instagram and see? Like all her friends and acquaintances are really scouring the internet and comparing what you wore then to what you're wearing this evening.....

you dont understand women yet sir...

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
BearMace

BearMace 2172

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, Enchubben said:

My wife is attractive, not what she was pre-kids, but attractive.  (No pics, not sorry)

Not nearly the level of hot that you would expect coming from the stupid shit that comes out of her mouth.

So just hot enough to still enchubben?

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sawbonz

Sawbonz 26736

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I could probably add a couple of pages to this thread just with the texts I will get over the next couple of hours.  They want to take our new boat out and against my better judgement I said ok.  One of the girls has a boat an apparently drives it all the time.

 

Last time we were both out there my wife wanted to take a video of me getting the boat ready to take out (taking cover off, lowering the lift, turning battery on, raising the tower).  We got 30 seconds in and she says "hold on, I just got a text" and for some reason it couldn't wait.  After she responded, I had to start over.  She then tells me to hold on again and I glance at her phone and it's on Instagram.  I lost it and just walked away before I shoved her in the lake.  It took her 5 minutes to realize I wasn't there anymore.

Sorry for the loss of your boat 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
BearSchlong

BearSchlong 7965

Posted
Posted
Two new car payments. Seems smart.
Paid for by mileage checks from our respective jobs. I will probably keep my paid for Accord and drive it until it dies and buy a used truck. Her mom and stepdad own a very successful automotive repair shop which certainly factors in to the arrangement.

 

 back on track as to why I even broached the subject - men will comparison shop and analyze an auto purchase while women just fall in love with something and buy it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 51914

Posted
Posted
11 hours ago, lateshow said:

Oh, I get that one a lot. She'll say, but there are pictures. Will you look back on my facebook/instagram and see? Like all her friends and acquaintances are really scouring the internet and comparing what you wore then to what you're wearing this evening.....

Narrator:  they are. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 51914

Posted
Posted
51 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
3 hours ago, BearSchlong said:
I've just been holding back because I'm cheap.

And we are not comingling funds in our marriage. Did that the first time, never again.

Two new car payments. Seems smart.

I don’t recal him mentioning financing for either the rogue or the truck. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...