Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

Recommended Posts

22 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Just watched someone else’s wife back out of the driveway and straight into a car parked on the opposite curb. She hopped out and exclaimed, “Dammit! Second time this month!”

Her husband is kind of an asshole, so I chuckled.

You know she’s mad that people keep parking in her back up area, and not at all aware that she is in the wrong. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just almost got smoked driving with my son through River Oaks by some dumb bitch in a huge Mercedes SUV. I’m sure it had a backup camera but she didn’t pay attention. I’m at a stop sign and can’t move. She backs up at about 20 mph out of her driveway with ZFG. I lay on the horn and she gives me a pissy face. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know she’s mad that people keep parking in her back up area, and not at all aware that she is in the wrong. 

But that's also why I never park directly opposite someone's driveway. 

 

My wife absolutely got into an affirmation text conversation with the other mom about how people shouldn’t park opposite a driveway.

 

This incident happened at a kids birthday party. There were cars coming and going constantly. But ok, let’s blame the parked car.

 

Edit: almost forgot my favorite part...she left a nice imprint of her backup sensor in the fender of the other car.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

My wife absolutely got into an affirmation text conversation with the other mom about how people shouldn’t park opposite a driveway.

This incident happened at a kids birthday party. There were cars coming and going constantly. But ok, let’s blame the parked car. 

Edit: almost forgot my favorite part...she left a nice imprint of her backup sensor in the fender of the other car.

I don't do it to be courteous. I do it because people are idiots and I don't trust them not to back into my car. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,

”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”

Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”

tone.

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just almost got smoked driving with my son through River Oaks by some dumb bitch in a huge Mercedes SUV. I’m sure it had a backup camera but she didn’t pay attention. I’m at a stop sign and can’t move. She backs up at about 20 mph out of her driveway with ZFG. I lay on the horn and she gives me a pissy face. 
Was she hot?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,

”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”

Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”

tone.

SEC? SEC?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, You don't know me said:

Weekend hen gathering is complete, right?  Have you called your insurance company yet?  We need an update.

It's done any supposedly the boat is safe and on the lift, though I have my doubts.  Wasn't planning on going out next weekend, but probably will to take inventory of the damage.

She did send a pic that they somehow scratched the back of the boat but don't know how.  Sounds like bullshit to me, there was no scratch before.

IMG_9102.jpg

I also had to endure numerous drunken calls on Saturday as I had to walk them through putting the boat up in the slip, lowering the tower, lifting the list, etc.  That may have been the greatest test of patience I have ever gone through.

Her: "Does the canopy on the tower need to be sticking up before you lower it?"

Me: "Yes, it needs to be up before you lower it"

Her: "No it doesn't"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

It's done any supposedly the boat is safe and on the lift, though I have my doubts.  Wasn't planning on going out next weekend, but probably will to take inventory of the damage.

She did send a pic that they somehow scratched the back of the boat but don't know how.  Sounds like bullshit to me, there was no scratch before.

IMG_9102.jpg

I also had to endure numerous drunken calls on Saturday as I had to walk them through putting the boat up in the slip, lowering the tower, lifting the list, etc.  That may have been the greatest test of patience I have ever gone through.

Her: "Does the canopy on the tower need to be sticking up before you lower it?"

Me: "Yes, it needs to be up before you lower it"

Her: "No it doesn't"

Holy hell.  I hate the question, followed by my answer, followed by her assertion that I'm a complete idiot and wrong.

Edited by You don't know me
Grammar and such
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, You don't know me said:

Weekend hen gathering is complete, right?  Have you called your insurance company yet?  We need an update.

As an insurance agent, all you'd have to do is call me and say "My wife and her friends took the boat out this weekend."

Me: "I got you, fam."

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

It's done any supposedly the boat is safe and on the lift, though I have my doubts.  Wasn't planning on going out next weekend, but probably will to take inventory of the damage.

She did send a pic that they somehow scratched the back of the boat but don't know how.  Sounds like bullshit to me, there was no scratch before.

IMG_9102.jpg

 

Is it just me or is that quite a bit more than a scratch?  Hard to tell how big it is without context.

I have a feeling you might find just a little bit of "normal wear and tear" on the rest of the property.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Next subject:

You would think that someone would appreciate it if you warned them that you are in a foul mood that has nothing to do with them, and now might not be the best time to talk.

But nooooooo...

 

Preaching to the choir.  Another on the greatest hits album:

"I had a bad day at work.  I don't want to talk about it."

"What happened?"

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!?!??!"

Tone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,

”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”

Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”

tone.

i hate to break it to you but neither does UT. the Gutenburg Bible is in the Harry Ransom Center.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, TKthunder2 said:

The Harry Ransom Center is an archive, library and museum at the University of Texas at Austin, USA

Yes but not a Presidential Library, it is a technicality but they are different places and about as far apart as possible but still being on the same campus. (still both better then anything Tenn has). 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Fine then.  LBJ Library and Harry Ransom Center = two libraries better than that in Knoxville.

Tennessee’s main library also has a centaur skeleton.  Having been to both schools, No fucks given about a library, but I liked that old blind man who served food to me and he loved Texans.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My wife is always getting on my case about me farting, and without a gall bladder, they’re pretty bad.  She keeps on me to go to the bathroom if I have to fart.  So, I went to the bathroom when one came up and she started to bitch at me because she walked in on it.  Go figure.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Library talk not going away....

Last night, my son had a strings performance in the basketball gym at Blossom Athletic Center in San Antonio. Right next to the gym is the football stadium where all the teams from the Northeast Independent School District play. I explain all of this to my wife and tell her about how I used to go to the football games there when I was in high school and also tell her about how the Spurs used to hold training camp in the basketball gym where we were sitting. About midway through the performance, while sitting inside the basketball gym, she turns to me and says, "They play football games in here?"

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Couple of nights ago I'm up late working at the dining room table. Its quiet, kids are asleep, wife is asleep. Wife wakes up, comes into dining room, we exchange pleasantries. She goes to bathroom, gets some water from the kitchen, sits on the couch for five minutes while she looks at her phone, goes back to bed.

I get up and turn off the kitchen light, bathroom light, and two lamps in the living room that she turned on and left on.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

I have no idea what you’re talking about or why you’ve decided to personally attack me (and JamesLaw).  I’m a damn fine teacher, and JamesLaw does quite well with his own company.  

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,
”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”
Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”
tone.


They have a better basketball coach. (Runs and hides)
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

Chill, knoxtnhorn isn't the only dude fucking your wife. No need to send all the rage his way. Spread it out.

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

You seem like a dick. Did I fuck your wife or something? 

 

Also, I'm not an educator nor have I ever claimed to be. Knox and his wife are and the shit they've done for their students is pretty fucking amazing. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...