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Which cruise lines are trashiest?


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Just now, BHMCruiser said:

I also did the Celebrity Alaskan cruise. It was fine. I never want to do another cruise. The food was pretty good but it was too crowded and my main objection is that cruises are predominantly old retired people who are used to doing whatever they want when they feel like it so lines, getting on and off elevators, shit like that is excruciating. 

We went crabbing and to see glacier bay which was by small boat so it wasn't touristy and we got see whales etc on the way back to Juneau off the cruise ship. That part was cool. Skagway and Victoria excursions were unbearable. 

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https://www.theonion.com/we-don-t-look-so-bad-now-do-we-says-carnival-cruise-1850556812

‘We Don’t Look So Bad Now, Do We?’ Says Carnival Cruise Ad In Response To Missing Submersible

DORAL, FL—In response to a missing submersible intended to take tourists to the site of the Titanic wreckage, a new Carnival Cruise Line advertisement released Tuesday claimed “we don’t look so bad now, do we? “Everyone always said that our ships are floating, disease-ridden hellholes, but with everything going on, it seems like a pretty good deal now, doesn’t it?” said a smiling spokesperson, who stood on the deck of a cruise liner next to a shirtless, overweight Midwestern man vomiting off the side of the ship while saying, “Our passengers almost always live longer than four days.” “Say what you will, but while you might get violent diarrhea from eating room-temperature crab legs on a Carnival ship buffet, at least you won’t be trapped inside a submersible to die a slow death by asphyxiation miles under water. Plus, we have a pool.” At press time, thousands of passengers were killed after a Carnival ship struck an iceberg and sank to the ocean floor.

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You either have to price out of the obnoxious cruiser crowd by taking a luxury cruise line or do a Viking river (people old as the hills but top notch service and food). We did a Germany/Prague cruise and the itinerary was incredible. Regent and Silver Seas is just another level of crowd (think business owners or successful retired/semi-retired professionals).

Sometimes you can use a mass market line and jump on a cruise in more exotic ports at non Spring Break/summer times and have a good time without feeling like you stepped into a drunk Walmart. This generally means by a plane ticket to a better original port and never use Galveston or New Jersey.

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Today in the Wall Street Journal:  

Stomach Virus Spreads Through Cruise Ships at Fastest Pace in Years

CDC has reported 13 norovirus outbreaks through first half of 2023

Cruises are packed as more travelers choose long-delayed vacations at sea. The downside: Higher numbers of those passengers are getting sick.

So far this year, there have been 13 outbreaks of norovirus on cruise ships, according to reports from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That marks the largest number of norovirus incidents on these vessels in a single year since 2012—and the year is only halfway over.

The most recent outbreak occurred on a North Atlantic Viking Cruises sailing that docked in New Jersey on June 20. More than 100 passengers fell ill, according to the CDC, accounting for 13% of all vacationers on the ship. Crew members also contracted the gastrointestinal illness.

Viking Cruises said it believes that the recent outbreak on its Neptune vessel “originated from a shoreside restaurant in Iceland where a group of guests dined during their free time.”

Norovirus is particularly contagious, says Dr. William Schaffner, a professor of infectious diseases at the Vanderbilt University Medical Center, and it thrives in the closed environment of a cruise ship. Health experts say normal sanitary tactics such as using hand sanitizer aren’t effective against norovirus, and people can get sick from ingesting very few particles of the virus.

“The opportunities for close person-to-person spread are so intense on a cruise ship that once this virus is introduced into that population, it has many, many opportunities to spread,” he says.

Taking Precautions

Across the 13 outbreaks among cruises that docked in the U.S., nearly 1,700 passengers reported being ill during their voyages, along with more than 240 crew members. The Cruise Lines International Association forecast that around 31.5 million passengers will go on cruises worldwide this year.

“Because cruise ships report illnesses to the CDC, there is more visibility and faster reporting to health authorities, which should not be confused to mean a higher incidence rate onboard,” a spokeswoman for the Cruise Lines International Association said.

The CDC reports outbreaks when 3% or more of passengers or crew report symptoms of gastrointestinal illness to the ship’s medical staff on voyages under their jurisdiction. The ships also must have more than 100 passengers and sailings between three and 21 days long for an outbreak to be reported. In the five years before the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, there were an average of around 11 outbreaks of gastrointestinal illness a year on cruise ships, based on data from the CDC. 

“We’re returning to what the norm was,” says Ross Klein, a researcher who has tracked health and safety incidents on cruise ships.

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On 6/9/2023 at 1:27 AM, rage-a-holic said:

Book a cruise with a first stop in Cozumel. Go to Buccanos.  Drink, have fun on the beach, snorkel, etc. Accidentally "Forget" what time the cruise ship leaves.

Stay in a nice hotel/airbnb for a few days. Fly home. You'll cut out the amount of time you have to be around cruise ship people by 80%.

ahem...

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48 minutes ago, Your Mom said:

Update:

I’m here. With a few thousand shitty people. It’s crowded. This sucks.  Anyone who likes this shit is fucked. 

No reason it has to suck for us. Don't skimp on the photos and norovirus anecdotes. 

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Forgot about this thread. We did the trip around Hawaii at the end of June and thoroughly enjoyed it. Sure enough, on day 3 the ship suddenly had required hand sanitizer everywhere and the buffet went from being self service to only crew-served. They never made a ship announcement but some crew member told us there was a spike in illnesses so it operated like that the rest of the cruise.

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On 8/26/2023 at 7:17 PM, Lurch said:

Forgot about this thread. We did the trip around Hawaii at the end of June and thoroughly enjoyed it. Sure enough, on day 3 the ship suddenly had required hand sanitizer everywhere and the buffet went from being self service to only crew-served. They never made a ship announcement but some crew member told us there was a spike in illnesses so it operated like that the rest of the cruise.

We did that cruise in early July, and God was it horrible.  The food was bad; the service was worse.  And mind you, I was in a goddamned suite.  So things should've been pretty nice.

The cherry on that particular shit sundae was the captain's parting 1MC address the morning of disembarkation, which concluded "you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."  That pretty much gives you the tone of the entire voyage.

 

 

 

One nice thing is that I actually lost weight on the cruise.  The food was really shitty, so there wasn't much inducement to overeating.  But going down to the buffet in the morning and seeing the fats load their plates with waffles and bacon works as a good appetite suppressant.  Morning after morning, I went down, checked out that show, and concluded that I'd just stick with coffee.

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58 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:

Spent an hour people watching yesterday at the cruise ship dock in Sitka, AK. Why would anyone do that to themselves on purpose? It looked like hell. All the waiting, getting on buses packed in like sardines. That's a no for me, dawg.

To be honest, a cruise ship is about the best way to see Alaska if you don't have much time.

Are you just hanging out in Sitka? I thought that was a great spot. But yes, the cattle call for the busses into town sucked.

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56 minutes ago, Ghost of LL said:

We did that cruise in early July, and God was it horrible.  The food was bad; the service was worse.  And mind you, I was in a goddamned suite.  So things should've been pretty nice.

The cherry on that particular shit sundae was the captain's parting 1MC address the morning of disembarkation, which concluded "you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."  That pretty much gives you the tone of the entire voyage.

 

 

 

One nice thing is that I actually lost weight on the cruise.  The food was really shitty, so there wasn't much inducement to overeating.  But going down to the buffet in the morning and seeing the fats load their plates with waffles and bacon works as a good appetite suppressant.  Morning after morning, I went down, checked out that show, and concluded that I'd just stick with coffee.

To follow up on my experience, I also went on my cruise in early July.

Easily the worst vacation of my life, including ones I've gone on with my fucking parents. I will never go on a cruise ever again until I'm retired and it's a viking river cruise. And we also had a suite. I wouldn't go for free. I don't even think I'd go if someone fucking paid me. 

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3 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

To follow up on my experience, I also went on my cruise in early July.

Easily the worst vacation of my life, including ones I've gone on with my fucking parents. I will never go on a cruise ever again until I'm retired and it's a viking river cruise. And we also had a suite. I wouldn't go for free. I don't even think I'd go if someone fucking paid me. 

I did go for free.  My mother wanted all of her kids/grandkids on a vacation.  

I still wouldn't do it again.

 

But I'll tell you--I'd definitely do a SilverSea cruise or a Crystal cruise.  Crystal was just bought by the guy who started SilverSea.  They're both extravagantly expensive.  But they're both very nice if you have any interest in being on a ship.

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To be honest, a cruise ship is about the best way to see Alaska if you don't have much time.
Are you just hanging out in Sitka? I thought that was a great spot. But yes, the cattle call for the busses into town sucked.


We went fishing for 3 days up there. Got home last night.
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8 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:


 

 


We went fishing for 3 days up there. Got home last night.

 

Damn, where is home that you can take a 3-day trip to Alaska? I assume Seattle?

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You can even get to most of SE Alaska in a day pretty easily from Austin.  The direct flights to Seattle leave early, so with the time change you are there by mid morning and the connections to SE Alaska are short flights.

Edited by kevwun
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3 minutes ago, kevwun said:

You can even get to most of SE Alaska in a day pretty easily from Austin.  The direct flights to Seattle leave early, so with the time change you are there by mid morning and the connections to SE Alaska are short flights.

Yep.  My flight on the way there left DEN at 6 am.  That was a long morning but we were in Sitka by 2pm.

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21 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

To follow up on my experience, I also went on my cruise in early July.

Easily the worst vacation of my life, including ones I've gone on with my fucking parents. I will never go on a cruise ever again until I'm retired and it's a viking river cruise. And we also had a suite. I wouldn't go for free. I don't even think I'd go if someone fucking paid me. 

Did the kids have fun?

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21 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

To follow up on my experience, I also went on my cruise in early July.

Easily the worst vacation of my life, including ones I've gone on with my fucking parents. I will never go on a cruise ever again until I'm retired and it's a viking river cruise. And we also had a suite. I wouldn't go for free. I don't even think I'd go if someone fucking paid me. 

 

3 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Some days yes, some days no. 

This has me super excited for October. At least it's free, and I'm getting paid. but damn.

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1 minute ago, SydneyCarton said:

If you're single, under the age of 35, or in a position where you can just get start to finished drunk every day, your experience might be different from mine. 

36 and married. But I think this is the wife and I's plan. Kid is staying with grandparents

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6 minutes ago, UnivTex34 said:

36 and married. But I think this is the wife and I's plan. Kid is staying with grandparents

Well, the kid was definitely part of our PITA, which also prevented drunkeness to a level it would take me to enjoy it. But if you plan on gambling I hope you're a smoker or lost your sense of smell in a tragic accident. The casino smells like the carpet at a cigarette warehouse that caught on fire. You can smell it from 1-2 floors up. 

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9 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

Well, the kid was definitely part of our PITA, which also prevented drunkeness to a level it would take me to enjoy it. But if you plan on gambling I hope you're a smoker or lost your sense of smell in a tragic accident. The casino smells like the carpet at a cigarette warehouse that caught on fire. You can smell it from 1-2 floors up. 

fantastic.

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In April, will be doing 14 straight days on boats. Hawaii to Vancouver, then Vancouver to Alaska. Not a vacation, just a way to get from Hawaii back to the mainland, see Alaska, and pay for room and food for 2 weeks. I go in knowing what it is all about. I actually liked the dining room food on Royal Caribbean the one time I went. I would not do this on Carnival though.

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14 minutes ago, po elvis said:

In April, will be doing 14 straight days on boats. Hawaii to Vancouver, then Vancouver to Alaska. Not a vacation, just a way to get from Hawaii back to the mainland, see Alaska, and pay for room and food for 2 weeks. I go in knowing what it is all about. I actually liked the dining room food on Royal Caribbean the one time I went. I would not do this on Carnival though.

As someone that gets violently seasick, suicide sounds like a better option to me.

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Some of ya'll seem like some high maintenance vactioners.  You've got alcohol within 50ft, they will even come by to take your order and deliver it. Women in bikinis, food served 24/7, room cleaned daily, shows every day/night, place to drop off the kids, spa/sauna, workout facility, gambling, water rides and they drop off/pickup from different destinations every day.

I think we need to break this down between people bringing younger kids and those who are not.  (Bringing late teen and older kids is great IMO)

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1 hour ago, Da Fino said:

Ooof. That's not good enough if you are stuck on a boat. I've got in-laws trying to talk us into this and this thread has been very helpful for my side of the argument. 

My son is 5, so he can have fun doing most things. Of course his idea of fun is the pools. Ok, great. That literally means a parent (me) sitting in the kiddy pools for hours at a time as he wants to play, keeping any eye on him while rotating water guns squirt me in the face because there is no avoiding them. Every 20 minutes he'd want to go in the whirlpool. Then back to the other pools. It gets old fast

We tried to do a mayan excursion, he melted the fuck down when we took away his game system when we arrived and lost his shit in a mayan jungle. My wife had to stay back and they just stared at each other for an hour, both pissed the fuck off. Maybe your kids aren't a fuck that day, so again, other's mileage may vary. The dolphin excursion was fine, but it's expensive for basically an hour of basic tourist cattle call bullshit. I will say a couple of the shows were ok/good, the ice show and the water diving show. But so many of the other kid activities cost money, book up immediately, or both. Arcade? More money. Any of the free adult stuff, like trivia? Better get there 30-45 minutes early if you want to sit down. 

My take on cruises is that it's a floating fremont street. If Fremont St in Las Vegas still works for you, well that's cool. If you've moved on to anything else? Stay away.

To top it all off, because you're in a giant tube for a week, indoors half the time, my kid and my wife both got sick the last two days. 

A cruise is like a C- version of things you'd want to do, crammed into one location. Third rate pools and slides, third rate zip lines (30 yards), third rate wall climbing, 9th rate casino, mediocre food, and booze aplenty if you pay for the daily pass, which I did, although they do try to throttle your consumption. Shitty Snorkeling for an hour, shitty dolphin excursrion for an hour, shitty shopping at the ports where every single one has a fucking diamonds unliminted duty free store. Personally, I'd rather go to a badass island beach, id rather go to las vegas, Id rather not eat at a luby's. But again, I have a kid and that's my thoughts, others might be at different points in their lives.  

And Im pretty sure the price I paid, I could have flown the whole family round trip to Europe and lived like a king for a week. 

 

44 minutes ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

Some of ya'll seem like some high maintenance vactioners.  You've got alcohol within 50ft, they will even come by to take your order and deliver it. Women in bikinis, food served 24/7, room cleaned daily, shows every day/night, place to drop off the kids, spa/sauna, workout facility, gambling, water rides and they drop off/pickup from different destinations every day.

I think we need to break this down between people bringing younger kids and those who are not.  (Bringing late teen and older kids is great IMO)

I think I saw maybe 3 women I'd be interested in fucking the entire cruise that werent staff, and sadly the staff weren't wearing bikinis. But the ice show girls and the high diving gymnasts were solid. Other than that? Wasteland of fats, olds, and poors. I hope that everyone else has much better luck. 

Edited by SydneyCarton
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I have never been on a cruise but about 12 years or so back I was on a train in Poland and talked to these guys who were in a Polish death metal (or some kind of extreme metal, sorry, I don’t know all the sub-genres) band. Their experience with America was getting booked on a cruise out of Miami called “Barge to Hell” that was a non-stop metal concert on a boat. 
 

Anyway, it apparently hasn’t sailed since 2013 but I think this needs to relaunch even if only a grift in the spirit of Fyre Festival. 
 

https://www.bargetohell.com

 

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Sydney, what ship and itinerary where you on? That can also make a big difference. 

Given that you said water diving and ice show, I'm guessing a 7-day on Allure of the Seas out of Galveston?

There's also a pretty stark difference between sailing from somewhere like Miami where everyone cruises and Galveston as far as the crowd.

 

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I've never been on a cruise, but I did have kids.  When they were young (hell even now), it's tough to manage everybody's interests and find common ground to keep the peace all the time.  I would assume that a cruise ship magnifies all that.  My wife and I are looking forward to our trip to Seattle - just us, for the first time in 20+ years without kids.  Hell my wife and I have different interests and levels of stamina, so everything is some kind of compromise.  

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21 hours ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

Some of ya'll seem like some high maintenance vactioners.  You've got alcohol within 50ft, they will even come by to take your order and deliver it. Women in bikinis, food served 24/7, room cleaned daily, shows every day/night, place to drop off the kids, spa/sauna, workout facility, gambling, water rides and they drop off/pickup from different destinations every day.

I think we need to break this down between people bringing younger kids and those who are not.  (Bringing late teen and older kids is great IMO)

No.  I mean I might be a high maintenance vacationer but this would still suck if I wasn’t. 
Alcohol… I like drinking but I’m well past the age of wanting to do it all day. A couple beers in the afternoon and a couple cocktails at night is more than plenty for me. I can get that anywhere on any vacation without being crammed on a boat with a couple thousand people. 
Women in bikinis… this can’t be a serious statement or you’ve never been on a cruise. I’m typing this from the pool deck of Royal Caribbean and I’ve seen maybe 5 in the last 4 days that warrant a second glance. The rest are fat, old, or white trash, more often than not it’s all 3. 
The gym has been nice. But even so, it’s on par with the basic gym you might find in any nice hotel.  
Gambling… not my thing. But even if was, the person above who described the smoke fill room had it right. It’s almost unbearable to walk through. 
We’ve been to 2 shows. Meh. A shitty comedian and a low budget Broadway musical variety pack thing.  Neither was something you’d feel good paying for out in the world. 

We went on a Mayan ruin excursion. That also included the infamous tequila tasting. My brother in law took it hook, line, and sinker and spent $500 on 2 bottles of organic extra anejo tequila that “they don’t sell in the US and they are SO local they don’t even have a website!!” He was annoyed at me when I found the same swill available online for $129 and full of bad reviews about fake coloring and artificial sweeteners and cruise ship excursion scams. 

The other excursion was a day in Cozumel with a historical tour and a couple hours at a beach club. Having been to cheap Mexican beach clubs before I had an idea of what to expect. The rest of the family was certain we were on our way to blue water, coral reef, palm trees etc…. No. It was a basic Mexican restaurant, the tacos were good. The “beach” was jagged rocks, no sand, and seaweed everywhere. The family was shocked that the people hawking this shit on the cruise ship didn’t told us it would be like this. 

Today is day 4. At sea, headed back. Get to see the ice skating show after lunch. Yay. That’s something I’d never pay a dime for in other circumstances. 

Food has been underwhelming. To me it’s kind of like Torchys.  It sounds good on the menu. It’s spiced up and seasoned well. But under it all you can tell it’s cheap shitty basic ingredients, cheap cuts of meat, etc… Last night they had enchiladas made with flour tortillas. I had the carne asada that came out like a dry brisket with no bark. I will say I liked the Indian dishes a couple nights earlier. 

Just gotta power though one last day. Then never again. 

Edited by Your Mom
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I passed on a free cruise about 5years ago.  Parents were paying. My sister went because free vacation.  She texted me the first day.  “I normally make good choices, this was a very bad choice.”  My “work issues” that prevented us from joining them worked themselves out nicely, and we spent a long weekend in Charleston a few weeks later.  

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6 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Sydney, what ship and itinerary where you on? That can also make a big difference. 

Given that you said water diving and ice show, I'm guessing a 7-day on Allure of the Seas out of Galveston?

There's also a pretty stark difference between sailing from somewhere like Miami where everyone cruises and Galveston as far as the crowd.

 

You sir, are correct. 

4 hours ago, Your Mom said:

No.  I mean I might be a high maintenance vacationer but this would still suck if I wasn’t. 
Alcohol… I like drinking but I’m well past the age of wanting to do it all day. A couple beers in the afternoon and a couple cocktails at night is more than plenty for me. I can get that anywhere on any vacation without being crammed on a boat with a couple thousand people. 
Women in bikinis… this can’t be a serious statement or you’ve never been on a cruise. I’m typing this from the pool deck of Royal Caribbean and I’ve seen maybe 5 in the last 4 days that warrant a second glance. The rest are fat, old, or white trash, more often than not it’s all 3. 
The gym has been nice. But even so, it’s on par with the basic gym you might find in any nice hotel.  
Gambling… not my thing. But even if was, the person above who described the smoke fill room had it right. It’s almost unbearable to walk through. 
We’ve been to 2 shows. Meh. A shitty comedian and a low budget Broadway musical variety pack thing.  Neither was something you’d feel good paying for out in the world. 

We went on a Mayan ruin excursion. That also included the infamous tequila tasting. My brother in law took it hook, line, and sinker and spent $500 on 2 bottles of organic extra anejo tequila that “they don’t sell in the US and they are SO local they don’t even have a website!!” He was annoyed at me when I found the same swill available online for $129 and full of bad reviews about fake coloring and artificial sweeteners and cruise ship excursion scams. 

The other excursion was a day in Cozumel with a historical tour and a couple hours at a beach club. Having been to cheap Mexican beach clubs before I had an idea of what to expect. The rest of the family was certain we were on our way to blue water, coral reef, palm trees etc…. No. It was a basic Mexican restaurant, the tacos were good. The “beach” was jagged rocks, no sand, and seaweed everywhere. The family was shocked that the people hawking this shit on the cruise ship didn’t told us it would be like this. 

Today is day 4. At sea, headed back. Get to see the ice skating show after lunch. Yay. That’s something I’d never pay a dime for in other circumstances. 

Food has been underwhelming. To me it’s kind of like Torchys.  It sounds good on the menu. It’s spiced up and seasoned well. But under it all you can tell it’s cheap shitty basic ingredients, cheap cuts of meat, etc… Last night they had enchiladas made with flour tortillas. I had the carne asada that came out like a dry brisket with no bark. I will say I liked the Indian dishes a couple nights earlier. 

Just gotta power though one last day. Then never again. 

Oh hai, we basically did the same cruise. 

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43 minutes ago, SydneyCarton said:

You sir, are correct. 

Oh hai, we basically did the same cruise. 

I’m here having a weak old fashioned in the Star Lounge at Harry Potter trivia if you want to join me.  You could walk up and and say, “Hi Mom, it’s me your anonymous friend from the internet.” and we’d still be the most normal people in the room. 

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7 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

There's also a pretty stark difference between sailing from somewhere like Miami where everyone cruises and Galveston as far as the crowd.

 

Never set foot on a cruise ship, but I seriously doubt a Carnival cruise ship sailing from Miami is attracting a different crowd than Galveston. It's all lowest common denominator at a certain price point I would imagine. 

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Allure is the least fun of the big Oasis-class ships. I think it's set to be overhauled soon. 

But if you seriously aren't having a good time, I'd head to Central Park and just surf the Internet. 

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