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Texas washing over me like a wave


Brisketexan

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Good Stuff, Brisket.  Texas is a complicated place, and I have a complicated relationship with it.  I haven't lived in the state for nearly three decades, but I've never gone more than 12 months without at least a short visit. 

Three years after leaving Texas, I found myself drunk in a tattoo shop in Pacific Beach, CA getting the Texas flag embossed over my heart to symbolize how deeply the state was embedded in my heart.  The ink has faded over the years in perfect correlation with how strongly I feel connected to the state.

When I first left, there was no doubt in my mind that someday I would return to live there again.  Around 2012, I started to feel some doubt about ever living in Texas again.  In 2021, when my wife and I decided to leave CA, she asked me if I wanted to move to Texas.  I answered without hesitation, "Hell no."

I can't put my finger on a specific reason other than it feels "mean" and "angry" after I'm back in Texas for a bit.  I used to feel proud to be from Texas, but that pride has been tempered greatly, almost to the point it shades towards embarrassment.  I hate that feeling.

That said, I'm always happy to return for a visit.  But sadly, I'm always happy to leave again.

 

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10 minutes ago, Guadaloopy said:

 

I can't put my finger on a specific reason other than it feels "mean" and "angry" after I'm back in Texas for a bit.  I used to feel proud to be from Texas, but that pride has been tempered greatly, almost to the point it shades towards embarrassment.  I hate that feeling.

That said, I'm always happy to return for a visit.  But sadly, I'm always happy to leave again.

 

 

This is me, I get back several times a year to visit family and its nice to see them especially the ones getting up there in age, but I usually have a deep sigh of relief when the plane takes off back to California.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, troph said:

 pa-la-see-os sounds like palashus..."

My mom's hometown and you haven't lived until you're an 11-year-old sitting on the pier fishing in 39-degree weather because you're heading back to CenTex once Christmas break is over. Yeah it might be cold right now but that Alamo Bowl between Northwestern and Nebraska is on the television tonight and we're going to warm up some tamales from last week and fry some shrimp for the game because who knows Northwestern might stun the world and there sure as hell isn't anything else to do unless you want to drive to Port Lavaca and their two-screen theater (the ate her). 

 

 

Quarter of a century later and the only family left there is buried, and lord knows when the next time I'll get to visit will be.

 

 

Edited by SimonBolivar
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Posted (edited)

I got a state of Texas shaped tattoo in my mid 20s. It was after my solo trip through Europe. Most everywhere I went, Europeans and especially the younger people LOVED Texas. It inspired me to get the tattoo.

Trip to Greece 2 summers ago. Upon asking, when I responded that I was from Texas, 3 different times the response was, "Ahh, guns." My daughters were embarrassed. I just thought, "eh, we've earned it."

Edited by crash_davis
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Well, I had a buddy back in '81 and we made ourselves a pact We were heading for the new pipeline we were never coming back Well we worked 80 hours making time and a half But La Grange was too damn hot We drove back home at the end of that week and we spent it all on pot

So I'll see you in Houston If I ever get out that way I'll see you in Dallas but I won't have long to stay If you're ever out west son and your feeling like slowing down I'll see you around, around my hometown

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4 minutes ago, BabaYaga said:

Well, I had a buddy back in '81 and we made ourselves a pact We were heading for the new pipeline we were never coming back Well we worked 80 hours making time and a half But La Grange was too damn hot We drove back home at the end of that week and we spent it all on pot

So I'll see you in Houston If I ever get out that way I'll see you in Dallas but I won't have long to stay If you're ever out west son and your feeling like slowing down I'll see you around, around my hometown

RIP Charlie.

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20 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Not sure where to put this.  But had to write it down.  Here seems as good a place as any.

Work took me to S. Texas the last couple of days, and while I was down there (and especially on the drive), a whole lot of family history – both old, and ongoing – washed the hell over me.  Hard, like "pounding me into the sand till I come up wet and sputtering."  My family roots in S. Texas are deep as hell, from before Texas was just Texas.  My daughter and I spent much of this past Sunday with my dad, recording stories and looking over family history, photos, and documents.  Looking at a particular document my dad pulled out of an old box, I realized that I had family here when it was “Coahuila y Tejas” (also reminding me that my Texan family history and Mexican family history overlap like hell).  GGGG uncle was big in the Mexican gov’t, had to work with Santa Anna to get shit done (and was one of the first Mexican officials to support deposing him).  True to family form, he died penniless.  My parents both grew up in S. Texas, and met and married there.  We'd visit the area often when I was a kid.  So being down there hit me hard with a “holy shit, this is where I’m from” reminder – sledgehammer hard.

What got to me most was the drive.  I stayed the night in Beeville.  Beeville, where my mother, poor as hell having just fled an abusive family situation in NOLA with her mother, landed in 1950 or so.  At one point, they bought a mangy old horse, which she rode to school, as other kids did back in those days.  I remember as a child going to visit family in S. Texas, and seeing the landscape of brush and thorns out my car window, broken up by spring wildflowers, took me right back.  My parents’ lives in S. Texas weren’t easy, and often weren’t happy.  Life was fucking hard there.  I'm sure it still is for plenty of folks.  But it was where their lives were lived, nonetheless.  It helped make them who they became.  And it’s where they met and ended up together.  So the place became part of my life.  The scenery rolling by as I drove home had childhood memories unrolling in my mind, like a highlight reel.  Mesquite thorns in my heel, fishing in the bays, sitting on a shaded patio while the adults smoked and drank and I eavesdropped, the smell of the summer dust, and the voices of people long-dead. 

I saw lots of oilpatch activity around Karnes City.  My family was oilpatch.  I know those people.  Those people raised me.  I don’t know what will come of the Texas oilpatch, long-term, but there’s no denying that it’s part of our identity.  I remembered visions of dirty boots, rough hands, the smell of hot vinyl car seats and dust as I tagged along with my grandfather to read meters.

Instead of plugging in my phone’s playlist in the car, I did something I like to do on long drives – hit “scan” on the radio, and see what’s up.  Lots of Spanish language radio.  Plenty of religious radio.  A mix of pop, hip-hop, the usual.  And plenty of country.  Including a station playing classics.  The very stuff we listened to in my dad’s old Lincoln as we drove down there during the heat of summer to see family.  I let some of the music take me back, as it can do.  I just rode the wave.  I remembered my mother’s laugh in the front seat of the car as my dad cracked some sort of joke.  My mom died almost three years ago.  Fucking hell I miss her.

Lost reception of that station.  Scanned over to another station, playing a mix of country, old, new, Americana.  Caught a song that sounded Robert Earl Keen-ish (but wasn’t).  But it got me in an REK mood.  So I popped that playlist on from my phone.  Goddamn I love me some REK.  Played some songs I love – songs most fans know well.  But then I went down the rabbit hole, and played some deep cuts.  Played a couple from the Live Album.  Got to “If I Were King.”

I started to sing along.  But I choked up, and couldn’t go on.  I just listened, as fat tears rolled down my face, I couldn’t stop ‘em from coming.  It’s the song I sang over and over to my infant daughter as a lullaby.  I’d hum the fiddle parts, and sing the words as she looked up at me and smiled, refusing to go to sleep as she was so wont to do (she was our lousy sleeper baby).  I’d sing it again.  And again.  Till her eyes got heavy, and finally closed.  Then I’d walk the floor with her a little more, just humming the tune softly till I knew she was out.

Tomorrow, we put that girl on a plane to London, where she is moving to find work, and hopefully start to find her way in life.  She graduated college in May, and since then, has been a bit lost.  She’s been working here, making money, and trying to figure out what’s next.  She wants to do something that utilizes her multi-language skills, and London has such jobs in spades.  She was eligible for a two-year blanket visa, so she activated it as of last week, and will be there tomorrow.  Maybe it’s where she’ll live and make her life.  Maybe not.  She’s not keen on Texas, and for her skillset, I doubt Texas is in her future; I probably don't want it to be, for her.  It struck me that our family has been in Texas for over 200 years, and away she goes, away our family goes, maybe never to return.  Until recently, that had never occurred to me – that our family’s run in Texas may be coming to a close.  Such is the way of the world.

I spent the drive with ghosts riding shotgun, listening to echoes, and pondering history.  Texas has been so formative to me.  I’m a child of its dirt, its people, its food, its flaws….all of it.  But my girl's getting on a plane, and from now on, maybe Texas is just a place she comes back and visits.  That hit me fucking hard.  That Texas is going to be in the rearview mirror.  It’s just a piece of dirt.  But goddammit, it’s my heart.  It’s so much of my heart.  And it always fucking will be.  And so will she.

 

that’s nice and all I guess, but the pics aren’t loading

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14 hours ago, RPM said:

I lived in Refugio for a year. That's all I got.

I have 150+ acres of land outside of Refugio. Never spent anytime in Refugio nor wanted to because it's Refugio. Mainly just head down there for hunting or just somewhere to shoot, drink and stand around a fire pit.

 

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16 hours ago, DaysOff said:

Your story reminded me my dad rode a horse named Rex to school in the 30s in a town east of Palacios Bay that no longer exists.

Texas isn't going anywhere. She can always come back.

My parents have similar stories of riding horses to school in the 40s in Goliad County. Our family history isn't much different than Brisket's except we are from SE Texas and both families were ranching families.

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1 hour ago, SimonBolivar said:

My mom's hometown and you haven't lived until you're an 11-year-old sitting on the pier fishing in 39-degree weather because you're heading back to CenTex once Christmas break is over. Yeah it might be cold right now but that Alamo Bowl between Northwestern and Nebraska is on the television tonight and we're going to warm up some tamales from last week and fry some shrimp for the game because who knows Northwestern might stun the world and there sure as hell isn't anything else to do unless you want to drive to Port Lavaca and their two-screen theater (the ate her). 

 

 

Quarter of a century later and the only family left there is buried, and lord knows when the next time I'll get to visit will be.

 

 

I love this.

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59 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

RIP Charlie.

One of the first.  Bridged a gap between Willie/RWH, Asleep at the Wheel, REK, etc. and the "new breed" such as Pat Green, Corry Morrow, etc.  Saw him @ Gruene Hall with my now wife when he was just starting out.  

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I'm from Abilene, Texas and so is my mom.  My dad's from near Rising Star.  Both sides have been in Texas 4 generations plus.  I don't ever think I will move back (and certainly not the fuck back to Abilene), but I want to be buried there someday.  The dirt gets in your blood.

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1 hour ago, Smax said:

 

This is me, I get back several times a year to visit family and its nice to see them especially the ones getting up there in age, but I usually have a deep sigh of relief when the plane takes off back to California.

 

1 hour ago, Guadaloopy said:

Good Stuff, Brisket.  Texas is a complicated place, and I have a complicated relationship with it.  I haven't lived in the state for nearly three decades, but I've never gone more than 12 months without at least a short visit. 

Three years after leaving Texas, I found myself drunk in a tattoo shop in Pacific Beach, CA getting the Texas flag embossed over my heart to symbolize how deeply the state was embedded in my heart.  The ink has faded over the years in perfect correlation with how strongly I feel connected to the state.

When I first left, there was no doubt in my mind that someday I would return to live there again.  Around 2012, I started to feel some doubt about ever living in Texas again.  In 2021, when my wife and I decided to leave CA, she asked me if I wanted to move to Texas.  I answered without hesitation, "Hell no."

I can't put my finger on a specific reason other than it feels "mean" and "angry" after I'm back in Texas for a bit.  I used to feel proud to be from Texas, but that pride has been tempered greatly, almost to the point it shades towards embarrassment.  I hate that feeling.

That said, I'm always happy to return for a visit.  But sadly, I'm always happy to leave again.

 

+1  Left Texas quite a while ago and have lived in DC, Denver, Seattle and now SoCal.  Have loved all of those places.  I loved Texas.  I thought it had the best sports (maybe), best food (possibly), people, and even scenery.  I also scoffed at people who said Texas was only populous because it was cheap.

 

I love the fierce Texan independence.  Loyalty.  But I've seen it's ugly side.  While not as bad as the deep south, I've seen and heard my share of racism and homophobism.  I'm sure it's not quite as common now.  But still, I view Texas and florida as the conservative stalwarts and California and New York it's liberal counterparts.

 

There are beautiful parts of Texas but I think objectively most of the areas I lived were prettier.  But there's just something really enthralling on gazing at the chapparal on a drive from San Antonio to the coast or valley.  I truly believe Texas has the best sunsets.

 

That being said, I haven't been back in two years and other than food and family I'm not sure I miss that much.  If I were smart, I should just move back to Texas and relax.  Cali is pricey as fuck, but I just can't.  Not right now

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2 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

Good Stuff, Brisket.  Texas is a complicated place, and I have a complicated relationship with it.  I haven't lived in the state for nearly three decades, but I've never gone more than 12 months without at least a short visit. 

Three years after leaving Texas, I found myself drunk in a tattoo shop in Pacific Beach, CA getting the Texas flag embossed over my heart to symbolize how deeply the state was embedded in my heart.  The ink has faded over the years in perfect correlation with how strongly I feel connected to the state.

When I first left, there was no doubt in my mind that someday I would return to live there again.  Around 2012, I started to feel some doubt about ever living in Texas again.  In 2021, when my wife and I decided to leave CA, she asked me if I wanted to move to Texas.  I answered without hesitation, "Hell no."

I can't put my finger on a specific reason other than it feels "mean" and "angry" after I'm back in Texas for a bit.  I used to feel proud to be from Texas, but that pride has been tempered greatly, almost to the point it shades towards embarrassment.  I hate that feeling.

That said, I'm always happy to return for a visit.  But sadly, I'm always happy to leave again.

 

Pacific Beach ain't the prettiest  but they got some great taco joints within walking distance of the beach.  Awesome

 

where do you live now?

 

For me, a return to Texas would feel like a step back......in time.

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13 minutes ago, Keef said:

I'm from Abilene, Texas and so is my mom.  My dad's from near Rising Star.  Both sides have been in Texas 4 generations plus.  I don't ever think I will move back (and certainly not the fuck back to Abilene), but I want to be buried there someday.  The dirt gets in your blood.

"Good country music from Amarillo and Abilene.  The friendliest people and the horniest women you've ever seen.... "  

 

-The lucky occasional lyric switch that is a damned fact.  

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8 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

where do you live now?

Tulsa.  Oklahoma is still batshit crazy, but it's within a half day's drive of both sets of aging parents and just feels less aggressive.  Or maybe it's just that I don't have a love for Oklahoma, so it doesn't break my heart every day like living in Texas would.  

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Texas today is so far removed from the Texas of my youth, that it's hardly fair to still call it Texas.

Back before we were a mecca for new residents, Texas had its own spirit, culture, traditions, its own regional dialects, music, and food...and I was damn proud to be from here.  Whenever I'd travel, being from Texas was a source of pride.

But now, with the influx of newcomers, we're just another state with less and less to be proud of.

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2 hours ago, crash_davis said:

I got a state of Texas shaped tattoo in my mid 20s. It was after my solo trip through Europe. Most everywhere I went, Europeans and especially the younger people LOVED Texas. It inspired me to get the tattoo.

Trip to Greece 2 summers ago. Upon asking, when I responded that I was from Texas, 3 different times the response was, "Ahh, guns." My daughters were embarrassed. I just thought, "eh, we've earned it."

Please tell me you flexed and said “damn right we have guns!” 

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1 hour ago, BabaYaga said:

One of the first.  Bridged a gap between Willie/RWH, Asleep at the Wheel, REK, etc. and the "new breed" such as Pat Green, Corry Morrow, etc.  Saw him @ Gruene Hall with my now wife when he was just starting out.  

Listened to el Cerrito place last night. One of the greatest songs of all time imo.

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1 hour ago, DixonHur said:

Texas today is so far removed from the Texas of my youth, that it's hardly fair to still call it Texas.

Back before we were a mecca for new residents, Texas had its own spirit, culture, traditions, its own regional dialects, music, and food...and I was damn proud to be from here.  Whenever I'd travel, being from Texas was a source of pride.

But now, with the influx of newcomers, we're just another state with less and less to be proud of.

This. It is similar to the change that happened in Austin but has happened to the entire fucking state.

Hell, you see it happening in places you wouldn't expect. I recently went to Port O'Connor for some fishing with my cousin. When we stopped by a bar on that trip we ran into a guy that went all in on the Texas theme and he was a recent transplant from Fucking Ohio.

On another trip to the area I met a family in Victoria that adopted the caricature of a Texan and they were from Indiana.

Weird shit. Although now that I think about it. I have a friend that moved to Colorado and he purchased the Colorado starter pack.

w9nh5wlq80l71.jpg?auto=webp&s=2b0473aee6

 

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So within 24 hours of waxing nostalgic about Texas, Pornhub's #37 subscriber, Brisket...suddenly Pornhub pulls the plug on just Texas?  
Something is rotten in WaffleHouse.

#37? I dropped 8 spots? Aggy musta rigged the poll.
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41 minutes ago, F250 said:

On another trip to the area I met a family in Victoria that adopted the caricature of a Texan and they were from Indiana.

In fairness to people from Indiana, they're always one knee-slap away from a good yee-haw.

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48 minutes ago, F250 said:

This. It is similar to the change that happened in Austin but has happened to the entire fucking state.

Hell, you see it happening in places you wouldn't expect. I recently went to Port O'Connor for some fishing with my cousin. When we stopped by a bar on that trip we ran into a guy that went all in on the Texas theme and he was a recent transplant from Fucking Ohio.

On another trip to the area I met a family in Victoria that adopted the caricature of a Texan and they were from Indiana.

Weird shit. Although now that I think about it. I have a friend that moved to Colorado and he purchased the Colorado starter pack.

w9nh5wlq80l71.jpg?auto=webp&s=2b0473aee6

 

My entire life, “you don’t seem like you’re a Texan?” From out of staters. Texas isn’t a monolith. For me it’s just home. As for the Colorado starter pack, if I get up there full time I hope to live inside the original republic of Texas boundaries. I won’t be obnoxious about it, I might have one of those old maps, but that’s about it, and I’ll feel like I’m still home. 

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2 minutes ago, troph said:

if I get up there full time I hope to live inside the original republic of Texas boundaries. I won’t be obnoxious about it, I might have one of those old maps, but that’s about it, and I’ll feel like I’m still home. 

I didn't think of that loophole.

Season 5 Nbc GIF by The Office

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42 minutes ago, F250 said:

On another trip to the area I met a family in Victoria that adopted the caricature of a Texan and they were from Indiana.

This is a great description.  These new transplants are basically cosplaying what they think a Texan should be based on movies and TV.

To put the migration to Texas in context, when I moved to Austin in 1989, the metro population was about 550,000...today it's almost 2.3 million, which is only 800k more than the entire DFW metroplex when I left (1989) and almost the same as Houston of 1989.  Of course, now the populations of DFW and Houston are 8 and 7 million respectively.  It's crazy.

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29 minutes ago, DixonHur said:

This is a great description.  These new transplants are basically cosplaying what they think a Texan should be based on movies and TV.

To put the migration to Texas in context, when I moved to Austin in 1989, the metro population was about 550,000...today it's almost 2.3 million, which is only 800k more than the entire DFW metroplex when I left (1989) and almost the same as Houston of 1989.  Of course, now the populations of DFW and Houston are 8 and 7 million respectively.  It's crazy.

The places I like least are our big cities and the dipshittery I have to put up with.  I intend to spend more and more time in Montana.  I love Flathead County.  

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29 minutes ago, Frank Drebin said:

The places I like least are our big cities and the dipshittery I have to put up with.  I intend to spend more and more time in Montana.  I love Flathead County.  

I was born and bred a city slicker so it's what I know.  I remember when I first arrived in Austin, I hated it because it felt so small, lol.  Times have definitely changed.

But now, if not for my circle of friends, I'd be out of Texas in a heartbeat.  It's just too damn, hot and conservative.

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Posted (edited)
39 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Left the airport a little while ago.  So, that was hard.  And not just the logistics (she's moving her whole life over there, so yeah, we had an extra bag, and both were overweight, one so much so that we had to move a bunch of stuff around, and she had to leave some stuff behind).  It was just fucking hard.  I've put my kids on a plane to go live in another country several times, but it always had an "end date."  This one doesn't.

As we walked out of the airport, my wife asked where to next -- home?  Something else?  Our drive home takes us past the Luby's on Cameron Road.  I said let's hit Luby's for dinner.  It was the good stuff.  Shit, it was the stuff I grew up on (hey, they had their enchiladas tonight!).  Seriously, what good Texan didn't eat 1,000 times at Luby's over the years?

But it was funny, as we were leaving, a long table down from us started singing happy birthday.  A group of maybe a dozen people, and they decided the birthday dinner would be at Luby's.  Which made my wife and me both smile and laugh, and not just because they seemed as happy as could be (and why wouldn't they be?  Everyone could get exactly what they want for $12 a head).  When my daughter was maybe 2 years old, I remember coming home from work on my birthday.  She was so excited that it was my birthday, and we were going to go out for dinner.  She greets me with "Daddy!  For your birthday, we're going to eat at your FAVORITE restaurant!"  I was quite curious as to what she thought my favorite restaurant actually was.  "Oh?  And where is that?"  She grins wide...."LUBY'S!!!"  My wife and I laughed, because clearly, she connected the fact that we ate at Luby's...a lot...to the conclusion that it MUST be my favorite restaurant.  So....that's where we went to dinner for my 30-something'th birthday.  

It's also where we went to dinner on the day she moved away.

Sending my oldest off to Austin in August.  He and his brother just drove down there to see family while I stay at home with the dogs (wife has been down there on business since Sunday).

 

This (all of the thread-above) hits home, and if they hadn't closed down all the Luby's and the quite capable Luby's knockoff in this three-horse, pine-ridden town (trying to stick with the original thematic part of this thread), I'd be at Luby's right now.

 

Good thread, sir. 

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1 hour ago, troph said:

My entire life, “you don’t seem like you’re a Texan?” From out of staters. Texas isn’t a monolith. For me it’s just home. As for the Colorado starter pack, if I get up there full time I hope to live inside the original republic of Texas boundaries. I won’t be obnoxious about it, I might have one of those old maps, but that’s about it, and I’ll feel like I’m still home. 

By those standards, we've pretty much adversely possessed Colorado by now.  Someday, I hope to reverse my dad's migration (partially) from Deadwood, SD to Denver to Houston.  But not to Denver.  I want something smaller, for which there are numerous options.  I just have to convince my wife she'll never be uncomfortably cold. 

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I have been in Washington DC for 22 years. I would never take me daughter back to central Texas to live. I used to believe that being a Texan and leaving Texas was the worst thing that ever happen to me, but it turns out that it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

You locals should learn how to vote.

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I can somewhat relate to Brisket, though I ain’t cryin’ and shit.

My parents lived in Harlingen from 1993 to 2010, so I made the drive from Austin to the Valley many a times, especially while in undergrad and law school. Coming from North Carolina, “Godforsaken” was the label I used for that 5-hour stretch once you exit 35 in San Marcos (I avoided San Antonio because taking 123/181 to 37 shaved off about 20 minutes) all the way to Harlingen. My mom told me that her brother, a Navy pilot, was stationed in Beeville for a time before he went to Vietnam, so I thought, “I actually have some personal connection to this shithole.”

After a time, though, I developed an affinity for that part of Texas, and winding through towns like Segiun, Kennedy, Karnes City, and Stockdale, and the spaces in between, I started to see beauty, and embrace it as sort of a home as I slowly became tied to this state. After my parents moved to Georgetown in 2010, those road trips pretty much stopped. But we went to Port A when my daughter was a toddler, and then to a wedding in Corpus around 2017, and I actually geeked out over making that drive again. For nostalgia sake, I stopped in Mathis for some beef jerky.

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13 hours ago, Frank Drebin said:

The places I like least are our big cities and the dipshittery I have to put up with.  I intend to spend more and more time in Montana.  I love Flathead County.  

Where the locals absolutely loathe out of towners, especially Texans.....;)

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