Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Recommended Posts

10 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

Son: I can't find the keys to my safe and I cannot remember the code or find the paper with the code written on it.

Wife: I was cleaning up and I put them in a safe place.

Dad: Where is that?

Wife: I can't remember.

Obviously inside the safe would be the safest place

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 14.1k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Serving #4: as a shot with strawberry jelly I should have used the jelly as a chaser. It was thicker and sunk to bottom so when I took the shot the peanut awfulness came first, which caused me to g

Posted Images

22 hours ago, markstanco said:

So, the youngest asked mom the other day if she could get him a safe. He's 10, so gotta protect that $38 he has for chores and leftover Christmas.

This just came in: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01L7U3SXW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_E52AZYC3KAS0SS342SYW?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Probably a little weird, but I would have loved one of those when I was ten.....and right after I discovered tits

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
Son: I can't find the keys to my safe and I cannot remember the code or find the paper with the code written on it.
Wife: I was cleaning up and I put them in a safe place.
Dad: Where is that?
Wife: I can't remember.

Reminds me of our safety deposit box at the bank. Wife set it up ~4 years ago. She has no idea where the key is. But she says that’s fine because she’s never put anything in it
  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Haha 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, SquishMitten said:


Reminds me of our safety deposit box at the bank. Wife set it up ~4 years ago. She has no idea where the key is. But she says that’s fine because she’s never put anything in it

Nothing safer than that!

Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, SquishMitten said:


Reminds me of our safety deposit box at the bank. Wife set it up ~4 years ago. She has no idea where the key is. But she says that’s fine because she’s never put anything in it

Just cheaper to keep paying the rent rather than the cost to drill out the lock?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Somebody’s wife just missed the target at the car wash in front of me, even though there’s a giant mirror and an attendant giving hand signals.

Cost me 90 seconds, could also be a trivial things that make me surly.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Somebody’s wife just missed the target at the car wash in front of me, even though there’s a giant mirror and an attendant giving hand signals.
Cost me 90 seconds, could also be a trivial things that make me surly.

Driving a Denali XL 747 into a tiny car wash hanger is tough sometimes
  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Just cheaper to keep paying the rent rather than the cost to drill out the lock?

No, cheaper to keep paying the rent rather than to listen to your wife bitch about why they don't have a S.D.B. for all the important shit.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, markstanco said:

I had one drilled out on a office fire safe a few months ago that I bought, it was $125.  What kind of lock was this for 300?

She ordered xtra anchovies.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

  • Like 2
  • Rage+1 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

The wife wanted a new fangled stadium seat - all padded, armrests, and such.  She bought two from Amazon. One that she though she wanted, but wasn't going to be delivered for a week or so.  The second because it was to be delivered in two-days, which she was going to send back eventually.  The second one took 3 days to be delivered and the first one arrived the same day.  Now we have $100 worth of stadium seats sitting on the floor to be tested.  Like one but not the other.

Insert my dumbass - "I thought you wanted one with a built-in heater."  That is what she wanted, but they were $100 each and thought I wouldn't approve of such frivolity.  I told her to get what she want.  I made it much worse.

She purchases two more seats with heaters ~ $100 each.  Decides she likes one over the other.  Now we have ~$300 in fancy stadium seats sitting in our dining room, but she's going to return 3.  Drops one off to be returned.  Next one offers her 30% to keep the chair or she would have to pay for return shipping - we're keeping that one.  Get an email today for the refund for the one she dropped off for return - with the restocking fee she was refunded $9.39.

I think we still have 3 seats and with refunds and adjustments we are only out ~$283.  Oh, and the heated seats didn't come with a battery pack.

I'd rather her be happy, but for fuck sake know the return policies if you are buying just for a test ride. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
  • Haha 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, 52-80 said:

We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

 

1 hour ago, markstanco said:

That's on you.

Yep, 100%.  Don't support stupidity to the tune of $1k.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, markstanco said:

That's on you.

Yep. Get Wifi enabled thermostats and turn it down or off remotely, and then turn it back on remotely before you head back.   Don't ask and don't tell.

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

I'd rather her be happy, but for fuck sake know the return policies if you are buying just for a test ride. 

Every single guy please take note!

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Llogg said:

Or pay a neighbor kids $500 to turn it off and on. Still come out ahead.

This right here.  I am gone quite a bit so I have my neighbor collect my mail and do a walk through through the house a couple of times a week to monitor things.  I give them a nice gift card/cash at the end of the year around Christmas.  It is not that hard to figure out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wife doesn't like to put big items in the trash can, because "it fills it up too fast and it has to be taken out more often".  So, in order to prevent this, she takes the big item to the outside trash bin all by itself...thereby, causing more trips out... 😕

Edited by morehornsepower
oops
  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
25 minutes ago, morehornsepower said:

Wife doesn't like to put big items in the trash can, because "it fills it up too fast and it has to be taken out more often".  So, in order to prevent this, she takes the big item to the outside trash bin all by itself...thereby, causing more trips out... 😕

Your wife actually takes something out to the trash?  GTF outta here with complaining about that.

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Like 3
  • Haha 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, 52-80 said:

We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"

 

To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

are we sure this is not some inception level humble brag about 52-80's 15,500sqft mansion where it actually might take too long to heat back up?  you would leave the heater going in the tiny giraffe's room, right?

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Haha 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

Yea dunno man... the holidays ended over 9 weeks ago. How much celebrating is there left to do?
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, davidg said:

Your wife actually takes something out to the trash?  GTF outta here with complaining about that.

We have a large, plastic trash can for recyclables on our fenced in back porch.  Guess who has to constantly bend over, pick up boxes or plastic, then open the back door to drop it in?  Daily.  48 fucking inches from the "drop spot" to the plastic container.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/10/2021 at 5:51 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Yea dunno man... the holidays ended over 9 weeks ago. How much celebrating is there left to do?

Well I let their teeny minds think
That they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
And I dress this way just to keep them at bay
'Cause Halloween is everyday
It's everyday
  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.

Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!

Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!

Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?

Her: <makes face>

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 7
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.

Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!

Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!

Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?

Her: <makes face>

How do you not have 2-3 Thai dishes that are good enough at most places that you don’t have to trust your wife to order? 

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

How do you not have 2-3 Thai dishes that are good enough at most places that you don’t have to trust your wife to order? 

You can literally order any Thai dish for me and I'll like it.  That's why I told her to order.  Never Never Again.  

(See what I did there?  https://www.yelp.com/menu/thai-thai-cafe-san-marcos/item/17-thai-never-never-again-kra-prao-ta-lay)

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.

Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!

Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!

Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?

Her: <makes face>

This. So much this with my ex. I'm cool with pretty much any fast food. Two things I can't stand - BBQ on anything that's not a pulled pork sandwich. And shredded iceberg lettuce.  I swear to god every other meal she got me had one or both of those

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

This. So much this with my ex. I'm cool with pretty much any fast food. Two things I can't stand - BBQ on anything that's not a pulled pork sandwich. And shredded iceberg lettuce.  I swear to god every other meal she got me had one or both of those

Huh?

A pulled pork sandwich IS barbecue.  What is this "BBQ" that you are putting on barbecue?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/10/2021 at 8:23 AM, Jerry Callo said:

The wife wanted a new fangled stadium seat - all padded, armrests, and such.  She bought two from Amazon. One that she though she wanted, but wasn't going to be delivered for a week or so.  The second because it was to be delivered in two-days, which she was going to send back eventually.  The second one took 3 days to be delivered and the first one arrived the same day.  Now we have $100 worth of stadium seats sitting on the floor to be tested.  Like one but not the other.

Insert my dumbass - "I thought you wanted one with a built-in heater."  That is what she wanted, but they were $100 each and thought I wouldn't approve of such frivolity.  I told her to get what she want.  I made it much worse.

She purchases two more seats with heaters ~ $100 each.  Decides she likes one over the other.  Now we have ~$300 in fancy stadium seats sitting in our dining room, but she's going to return 3.  Drops one off to be returned.  Next one offers her 30% to keep the chair or she would have to pay for return shipping - we're keeping that one.  Get an email today for the refund for the one she dropped off for return - with the restocking fee she was refunded $9.39.

I think we still have 3 seats and with refunds and adjustments we are only out ~$283.  Oh, and the heated seats didn't come with a battery pack.

I'd rather her be happy, but for fuck sake know the return policies if you are buying just for a test ride. 

I have two in the garage that we've never used that I would have given you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I have two in the garage that we've never used that I would have given you.

So instead of you having two in your garage that were never used, he would have five in his garage that will never be used.   Sounds like a win-win.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Last night, my wife started an argument about whether I like Orange Chicken or not.
Her: You do like Orange Chicken, I've seen you order it!
Me: The closest I've ever gotten to ordering Orange Chicken was last year when you were having lunch at the Thai restaurant with Vicki, and you called and asked if I wanted you to bring something home for me.  I said yes and mistakenly told you to choose the dish, and then I got pissed at you because you brought home a fake Chinese dish that I don't even like from a fucking Thai restaurant!
Me: Think about what you're doing -- you're arguing with *ME* about whether *I* like something or not!  Have you lost your fucking mind?   Why would you be arguing about this?
Her:

Picks of Vicki? This place has rules.
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/12/2021 at 10:15 AM, Beau Vine said:

You can literally order any Thai dish for me and I'll like it.  That's why I told her to order.  Never Never Again.  

(See what I did there?  https://www.yelp.com/menu/thai-thai-cafe-san-marcos/item/17-thai-never-never-again-kra-prao-ta-lay)

That's one of the most fucked up gringo-ized Thai menus I've ever seen.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
We left our residence before Christmas to spend the holidays with family.  I suggested that we turn the thermostat/heater off, or atleast significantly down.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
A month later, due to covid and all this shit, looked like we'll spending atleast another month or 2 away from our place.  I suggested to ask the neighbor to turn off thermostat/heater off.  She said, "No, it will take too much time and consume more electricity to re-heat the entire place again when we're back"
 
To this point, I've now paid over $1,000 to heat a place that remains completely unoccupied.  Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.


I never realized that you’re a lesbian. Only two women could make this happen.
  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/10/2021 at 8:36 AM, TrashMaster G said:

Out of some bizarre excuse from a woman with an advanced degree in physics, who occasionally nitpick over a dimmed lightbulb that I intentionally leave on.

Isn't there an urban myth about light bulbs using more power to turn on than remain on? Try that one on her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, Nolacycling said:

Isn't there an urban myth about light bulbs using more power to turn on than remain on? Try that one on her.

What is the world did you just do?  You quoted me on something I never posted.

You're a woman, aren't you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...