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Last Jedi Was So Bad I Only Saw It Twice


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23 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

OK, let's get this one out of the way right: Critics hated the prequels when they came out. And assuming this is some kind of Disney Conspiracy is a flawless example of having stupid objections that do not fit the facts.

Without quoting your whole mess:

First off, this is an extremely heavy movie. It needed humor as often as possible.

Second, Hux is not now, and has not ever been, The Villain, nor was he ever, nor meant to be, "intimidating." He was a character abused and ridiculed in VII, and he continues that role here. He is yet another in a long line of Bureaucrat leaders that the REAL leaders, guys with names like Darth and Emperor, force-choke and abuse at will. Sure, he gave a "speech" in Episode VII -- where he sounded like a lunatic child in over his head... an outright buffoon. He wasn't intimidating at all. He looked like someone having an orgasm over having The Galaxy's Biggest Laser. He's playing power games with Kylo Ren and Phasma, as if he's not old enough to handle the power.

And there it is again, as I said before: The "it's just a bad film" rhetoric, which cannot possibly stand scrutiny against facts and often even a mere second viewing of the film.

If you were somehow hoping by your response to demonstrate the Error Of My Ways, you could have at least avoided two things I explicitly called out previously when I mocked your foolish point of view.

For Christ's sake, guys. The kind of post I made above should be a softball for Internet Arguing, easily teed off upon. The last thing you should end up doing is actually fulfilling my caricature.

No reason to be a cunt.  Especially over a silly, corporatized, test marketed, mass appeal movie.

Also, you sound like a political zealot refusing to listen to anyone who dares give an opposing viewpoint which matter shatter your ideology.

And like most political zealots you misrepresent your opponent's argument to try and score points.  Never did I say Hux was "THE VILLAIN."  I said he was A villain and supposed to be intimidating.  An over-the-top villain, yes, but a villain none-the-less. 

Remind me, Rimbo, since you're clearly such a Star Wars expert.  Were any of the bureaucrats in the OT the butt of ridiculous jokes?  How about the guy who held ultimate power for the regular ol' humans in the Empire just like Hux in the new films, Grand Moff Tarkin?  Disposable?  Sure.  Playthings to make Vader look more badass?  Sure.  Never just used for comic relief, though.  Besides, Hux clearly isn't just another bureaucrat like those dudes from the OT.  Those guys had all of like two minutes screen time.  Hux is clearly a main character that the films invest serious time in.

And there it is again, as I said before: The "it's just a bad film" rhetoric, which cannot possibly stand scrutiny against facts and often even a mere second viewing of the film.

Are you even listening to yourself?  Or am I getting trolled and I just don't know it?  Facts?  In regards to a fucking movie.  A piece of art which can only be judged subjectively. 

And just to cap this off, here's the opinion of the greatest movie critic of all time on the worst Star Wars movie of all time:

Ebert fucking LOVED Phantom Menace

 

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Al Collins driving a white space bronco. 

 

Making all all of the main characters fucking terrible. Finn is a coward/deserter, Poe a moron who gets people killed and Rey....a no body. 

 

There are are multiple reasons this sucks ass, but having 75% of the movie with Al take the wheel being the driving force is what made it so terrible. 

 

Oh, even hologram Luke fight was seconds long and terrible. 

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I don't really give a shit about whether Rimbo thinks it's a good or bad movie, I just want to hear him explain how TLJ was some sort of ground breaking masterpiece displaying the notion of "the human condition" in a way that makes it a "great" movie. Please elaborate.

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Okay, congratulations, you found exactly one critic liking exactly one of the three prequels. And yet, in the beginning of that review, he himself describes the fact that he's in the minority in liking it.

When I'm taking about facts, I'm taking about the things that actually happened in the movie and what comprises good movie making.

Look, it's okay not to like the movie. Just don't try to claim that, because you didn't like it, that it's because it is a badly made movie. That's like saying that Rush are poor musicians because you don't like their music. Or that Igor Stravinsky was a terrible composer because you hated Rite of Spring.

Dutchrudder, you contradicted yourself. You said you don't care whether I think it's a good movie, but then you want to hear why I think it's a good movie. Since you've already decided what you believe, why should I waste my time?

As for the rest of y'all, careful not to cut yourselves on that edge, there.

 

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Saying a movie is good or bad has nothing to do with the way the content is displayed and what it says about the characters or theme. There are plenty of mediocre movies out there that have outstanding characteristics and features. There's more that goes into rating a movie than the overall tomato score. 

You suggested that this was a great movie because of how it portrayed "the human condition" in the other thread. I want to know what the hell you are talking about, because the only redeeming qualities in this movie to me were Rey and Ren. I thought everyone else was miscast or had unnecessary subplots that didn't add anything to the movie. I thought Finn should have sacrificed himself, and saved the day. That would have been a fitting end to his character.

Leia should have been the one to sacrifice herself too, she shouldn't have been on the bridge when it got blown up into space, and she should have been the one to stay behind and have the brilliant plan of evacuating everyone on small cloaked ships. Instead they have the slowest car chase in the history of cinema, a contrived secret "plan" that they won't share with the top leader of the Rebel squadrons, and an even more contrived melodramatic Rose-saves-Finn twist.  None of it makes me excited to root for these characters, and I'll be indifferent if they die in 9. 

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14 hours ago, Rimbo said:

We'll just have to agree to disagree.

There's a reason -- a bunch of reasons, really -- why the critics gave it such an overwhelmingly high rating (91% on the Tomatometer, and 96% among Top Critics).

I mean, if this thread is going to be an echo-chamber of people going:

Dumbfuck A: Oh God, that movie was SO STUPID.
Dumbfuck B: I know, right? It was JUST DUMB. And I hated that Korean chick, she was fat.
Dumbfuck C: Movie was THE WORST.
Someone Else: I really enjoyed how they set up the theme of failure and growth with all of the principals, how each was the person they needed to become at the end, and showing exactly how they had to learn from...
Dumbfuck A: NO IT'S STUPID AND YOU ARE STUPID. Also I hate Fat Korean Chick.
Dumbfuck D: Why couldn't this movie have been GOOD?

Yeah, not really interested in participating in that kind of discussion.

If the movie's so stupid, why is it that the people who hate it can't really intelligently explain what they dislike about it? Y'all keep mentioning "plot holes," and yet no one ever mentions what those plot holes supposedly are, usually because as soon as someone does, someone with an actual brain shows where if you actually paid attention to the movie, there was no plot hole there.

That’s it Rimbo, it was a dystopian, SJW masterpiece that should be lauded for pushing the boundaries of film and making us uncomfortable.   

 

Or it it was a piece of fucking dogshit that had a watermelon on a tee and little Rian swung and missed but the whiff caused the watermelon to land on his foot.  

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11 hours ago, Rimbo said:

When I'm taking about facts, I'm taking about the things that actually happened in the movie and what comprises good movie making.

Look, it's okay not to like the movie. Just don't try to claim that, because you didn't like it, that it's because it is a badly made movie. That's like saying that Rush are poor musicians because you don't like their music. Or that Igor Stravinsky was a terrible composer because you hated Rite of Spring..

Except it is a poorly made movie.

I just fucking explained how shitty the opening sequence was from a movie making perspective.  Past that, there are numerous other portions of the film that are just outright poorly done.  The entire Casino Planet subplot doesn't fit.  Almost everyone agrees that it looked like something out of the Prequels.  It should have never been in there.  The overly stupid "Holdo has a secret plan (which gets almost everyone killed anyway) and won't tell Poe because reasons" is also just bad movie making.  It's one of the worst TV tropes there is.

Idiot Plot

I've liked all of Johnson's other work.  I was really excited for this movie because he was at the helm.  But he blew it.  Whether that was because of Disney interference or because he couldn't handle a project this big, I don't know.  He clearly wanted to break the mold of Star Wars, which is cool and all, but he just did a poor job.  From the tone, the awful humor, the basic structure of the film, the nonsensical plot, all the way down to how he handled the characters. 

Be honest with yourself, man.  In 20 years are people going to remember jack shit about this film?  Other than it was where Luke noped the fuck out and became a Force Ghost?  No.  This movie is going to be an afterthought that only gets mentioned when people rank all the Star Wars films and put it right above the Prequels.  I think the only thing people are going to really remember from this film is the green titty milk.  It'll be a joke where people go "Remember that time Luke drank green milk out of an alien's tit?  Yeah, I can't believe they fuckin' did that silly shit."

 

 

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7 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

That’s it Rimbo, it was a dystopian, SJW masterpiece that should be lauded for pushing the boundaries of film and making us uncomfortable.   

 

Or it it was a piece of fucking dogshit that had a watermelon on a tee and little Rian swung and missed but the whiff caused the watermelon to land on his foot.  

Yup, those are the only two options.

Oh wait that's incorrect, this is just typical shaggy/surly bullshit hyperbole.

Here's an example of a positive review from a critic I like who doesn't have anything to fear from TWDC. He just does this on Youtube:

 

Here's another example of some non-critics discussing what they liked and didn't like:

https://www.wired.com/story/star-wars-the-last-jedi-crosstalk/

What I take away from this is that TLJ is generally not for Surly, aka a bunch of middle-aged (predominantly white) guys. Younger folks and a more diverse crowd seem to really like it, even specifically liking some of the things that Surly seethingly loathes.

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19 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Younger folks and a more diverse crowd seem to really like it, even specifically liking some of the things that Surly seethingly loathes.

 

Of course younger and more diverse folks like it.  They don't know any better.  I'm sure this guy would love it too ..   Why?  Because it was made specifically for him.  

 

giphy_2.gif

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23 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

Yup, those are the only two options.

Oh wait that's incorrect, this is just typical shaggy/surly bullshit hyperbole.

Here's an example of a positive review from a critic I like who doesn't have anything to fear from TWDC. He just does this on Youtube:

 

Here's another example of some non-critics discussing what they liked and didn't like:

https://www.wired.com/story/star-wars-the-last-jedi-crosstalk/

What I take away from this is that TLJ is generally not for Surly, aka a bunch of middle-aged (predominantly white) guys. Younger folks and a more diverse crowd seem to really like it, even specifically liking some of the things that Surly seethingly loathes.

read the comments, about 80% hated it.....the ones who weren't paid to give reviews

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huge part of the problem was the director who decided he had to have three scenes in the movie before a script was written....

Rich casino planet was one. Fucker forced his political shit down everyone's throat, the SW movie and universe were afterthoughts.  No wonder it is completely out of place.  Get someone to make a movie instead of a political statement.

Just a big pile of shit

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What I take away from this is that TLJ is generally not for Surly, aka a bunch of middle-aged (predominantly white) guys. Younger folks and a more diverse crowd seem to really like it, even specifically liking some of the things that Surly seethingly loathes.


Diverse audiences, which I assume is code for non-white, demand the same level of sophistication as children? Interesting take. What does the data say?
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There are parts of the prequels that I could watch again, for example the fight between Obiwan and his mentor and Maul, or some of the scenes with Christopher Lee, because he’s awesome. But there isn’t a single scene in TLJ that I would bother to watch again. The humor is terrible. Leia Poppins. Snoke’s unceremonious death. Purple hair. Grumpy, bitchy, cowardly old Luke. This movie was a big fuck you to all the people who watched the original movies as kids. Duly noted.

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4 hours ago, XYZ said:

There are parts of the prequels that I could watch again, for example the fight between Obiwan and his mentor and Maul, or some of the scenes with Christopher Lee, because he’s awesome. But there isn’t a single scene in TLJ that I would bother to watch again. The humor is terrible. Leia Poppins. Snoke’s unceremonious death. Purple hair. Grumpy, bitchy, cowardly old Luke. This movie was a big fuck you to all the people who watched the original movies as kids. Duly noted.

Hell the 20 minute podrace was better than this whole fucking movie.  I don't know what the fuck that guy in the video watched, but he seems to have fallen in love with the way the movie was filmed as opposed to the fact that the story sucked.  You can give me all the great fucking fight scenes you want, if theres not a fucking story worth a shit behind it, it won't fucking matter.

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On 4/7/2018 at 11:52 AM, Buzzrock said:

The bombs were magnetic. And there were zero G bombs in two other SW movies.

They can fly at light speed (and even track at light speed), can blow up entire planets, but they have to fly bombers at 2 mph and be directly on top of their targets to drop said magnetic bombs?

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4 minutes ago, Don Johnson said:

They can fly at light speed (and even track at light speed), can blow up entire planets, but they have to fly bombers at 2 mph and be directly on top of their targets to drop said magnetic bombs?

 

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They can fly at light speed (and even track at light speed), can blow up entire planets, but they have to fly bombers at 2 mph and be directly on top of their targets to drop said magnetic bombs?


Yes. They can also move things just by thinking about it and speak fluent robot.
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20 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Hell the 20 minute podrace was better than this whole fucking movie.  I don't know what the fuck that guy in the video watched, but he seems to have fallen in love with the way the movie was filmed as opposed to the fact that the story sucked.  You can give me all the great fucking fight scenes you want, if theres not a fucking story worth a shit behind it, it won't fucking matter.

I wasn’t going to get involved in this shit until this post. 

 

Now mullet, you know we all can tell you‚Äôre lying when you say something like ‚Äúthe podrace scene was better than‚ÄĚ and follow it with anything at all.¬†

 

I get why people¬†didnt like it. But now people are actually coming back to say ‚Äúthe prequels were better‚ÄĚ and it is so far past the realm of overcorrecting it‚Äôs ridiculous. ¬†There were very few redeeming qualities about the prequels, and TLJ is better than all those movies and it‚Äôs not close.¬†

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In case no one else mentioned it the resistance should be the government.  Remember everyone dancing at the end of RotJ? Shit Syria has a bigger army than the thousands of star systems that made up the galactic senate. Spaceships in the previous 8 movies ran on (magic?) But now the resistance can't find a gas station?  The new emperor can't read kylo's mind and save himself? These things plus what other people brought up make for a crap movie.

The greatest hero of all (It's a trap!) Dies off screen?

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On 4/11/2018 at 8:01 AM, Don Johnson said:

They can fly at light speed (and even track at light speed), can blow up entire planets, but they have to fly bombers at 2 mph and be directly on top of their targets to drop said magnetic bombs?

no idea why,  but the 2mph bomber thing bothers me more than most anything in the movie ..well except that purple headed twat 

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On 4/10/2018 at 8:34 PM, Buzzrock said:

Rey/Kylo duel and the Holdo kamikaze are definitely rewatchable.

Fortunately both these scenes happen in the same 4 minute stretch so you can just fast forward your TiVo about 80% through the movie, then maybe watch the last two minutes and dwell on how terribly sad Luke’s life turned out. 

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Finally saw it tonight. Meh...

Still very much a ripoff/loose rewrite of the original trilogy, which I guess is expected. Lots of goofy shit, some cool stuff, but not epic cool you would expect in a good Star Wars movie. Characters are plastic, difficult to give much of a rat's ass about.

I guess it was worth the 80 cent rental with Redbox coupon. It was obviously made for a bigass movie 3D screen, all flash and cheap thrill with very little spirit underneath the facade of shiny things.

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Why does Yoda keep looking cheaper and shittier the better movie technology gets? And they can't even fix Carrie's fucked up teeth and her terrible lisp.

That Mary Poppins shit was not only stupid, it was completely unnecessary. I was laughing my ass off, so I guess that's something.

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  • 1 month later...

Damn, as always, I admire you guys' exegesises regarding shit like this.

I left with two observations.

I surprisingly like Adam Driver in everything I've seen him except this. 

Lucas is kind of getting obsessive with suicide missions.  Like some weird, sick infatuation with young people killing themselves for the cause. In the times we live in, I am not a fan of this.

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18 minutes ago, tantric superman said:

Damn, as always, I admire you guys' exegesises regarding shit like this.

I left with two observations.

I surprisingly like Adam Driver in everything I've seen him except this. 

Lucas is kind of getting obsessive with suicide missions.  Like some weird, sick infatuation with young people killing themselves for the cause. In the times we live in, I am not a fan of this.

Lucas? He has no control over these movies.

Personally I think Adam Driver's Ren is one of the high points of these movies.

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Driver’s portrayal of Ben/Ren was probably the best part of the film.  The way he spoke to Rey immediately after betraying Snoke was perfect.

 

Recast Rose to someone attractive and delete the Leia Poppins scene and this movie goes from C to B.  I can’t believe the powers that be allowed those 2 things.  So stupid.

The plot has too much going on and there were parts of virtually every storyline that would need significant changes in order for this movie to be more than just ‚Äėgood‚Äô. ¬†But as is, it was entertaining and FAR more watchable than the prequels.

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Hot sports opinion coming through.  I like the Star Trek reboots better than the Star Wars.  Zero ties to either from my youth.  Saw all the original Star Wars films around the time the prequels came out.  Thought they were okay, thought the prequels were kind of dumb.  Never watched anything Star Trek before Abrams did the reboot.  I'll take either over another Marvel movie though.

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I stopped watching Star Wars when they introduced that stupid character with eyes on stalks.  Then I read young girls where taking the dolls and using the eyes as dildos, which of course tweaked my interest.


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Driver’s portrayal of Ben/Ren was probably the best part of the film.  The way he spoke to Rey immediately after betraying Snoke was perfect.
 
Recast Rose to someone attractive and delete the Leia Poppins scene and this movie goes from C to B.  I can’t believe the powers that be allowed those 2 things.  So stupid.
The plot has too much going on and there were parts of virtually every storyline that would need significant changes in order for this movie to be more than just ‚Äėgood‚Äô. ¬†But as is, it was entertaining and FAR more watchable than the prequels.


Rose character needed to be deleted. Lot more fat to be trimmed, more plot, more action, more suspense, less dead ends.
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Agree with most on here that it was really bad, watched it over the weekend.

I will say that it was better than the worst Star Wars and maybe the worst movie I’ve been seen, The Phantom Menace. Pod race, jar jar binks, awful.

If you want humor, the correct way is Rogue One and K-2SO who is the greatest sidekick in any Sc-Fi movie.

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On 4/10/2018 at 2:05 PM, Buzzrock said:

Yup, those are the only two options.

Oh wait that's incorrect, this is just typical shaggy/surly bullshit hyperbole.

Here's an example of a positive review from a critic I like who doesn't have anything to fear from TWDC. He just does this on Youtube:

 

Here's another example of some non-critics discussing what they liked and didn't like:

https://www.wired.com/story/star-wars-the-last-jedi-crosstalk/

What I take away from this is that TLJ is generally not for Surly, aka a bunch of middle-aged (predominantly white) guys. Younger folks and a more diverse crowd seem to really like it, even specifically liking some of the things that Surly seethingly loathes.

 

nm

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On 4/9/2018 at 1:24 PM, BlueGreySky said:

TLJ was not great.  But come on, I just don't get people who think this was worse than the prequels.  Even my 7 year old refuses to acknowledge they exist.  

Thumbs_up!.gif

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M4t.gif

 

I actually am okay with the prequels

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I just saw TLJ recently (Netflix).  Garbage.  It was a mess and TPTB in shaping the movies for this franchise have lost their way.  Reminds me a lot of what happened to the James Bond franchise.  I'm not going to hold my breath that Disney gets a fucking clue and reigns it in with a Casino Royale 'esque overhaul though.

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