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Shit My Kid Says


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I picked my kids up the other day from the sitter and my three year old got in the car going on and on about Jake. I asked her who Jake is and she looked me dead in the eye and said “Jake from farm”. Last night she had a toy phone and she was calling Jake from farm.

That commercial is on every ten minutes and she never noticed it. Now she will be talking about/to Jake from farm for months. It’s amazing what they can either ignore completely or latch on to.
My 4yo daughter had been going on about "Dave" lately. She picked it up from the movie "Abominable" ("Really, Dave?" "You darted Dave." Etc). Then apparently she overheard me playing Cheech and Chong's "Dave's not here" bit for my wife and now it's all a blend. She'll not mention it for days and then suddenly, "Let's talk about Dave!"
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51 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Said while talking trash during a BattleBots match - "I'm going to eat your butt like scissors in the microwave!" 

He eventually came back from an 0-2 deficit to win three games to two. 

Can he gave pregame or halftime speeches to our football team

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On 7/9/2020 at 10:10 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

I can't recall whether I've mentioned it before, but Doomlet has pretty close to whatever the musical equivalent of a photographic memory is.

He and I were listening to the Judgment Night soundtrack today (highly underrated, by the way) and when the Slayer/Ice-T song came on, he said, "oh good, it's Slayer and tea cup!" 

Got damn, Talk about a good flick from my formative years .. just hesitant to call it old school but I guess that also applies 

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Apparently my 5 year old has walked into my wife showering or changing...

Today he says to her: Mommy, you should shave your pee pee. It's really hairy.

 

I nearly died laughing. FWIW, my wife is not a hairy person and doesn't have a Demi Moore like bush, but having it trimmed back occasionally would be nice. 

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My son comes down after being in bed for a little bit (reading National Geographic - How Things Work) and he’s crying. He proceeds to tell us the sun is going to explode one day and that while he won’t be around, what’s the point of life and that everything is meaningless.

Seriously... my 9 year old had an existential crisis. He asked why are we here. He wants to know the meaning of life.... at 9.

Lots of fun at 9:45 at night.

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1 hour ago, Goofyboy said:

My son comes down after being in bed for a little bit (reading National Geographic - How Things Work) and he’s crying. He proceeds to tell us the sun is going to explode one day and that while he won’t be around, what’s the point of life and that everything is meaningless.

Seriously... my 9 year old had an existential crisis. He asked why are we here. He wants to know the meaning of life.... at 9.

Lots of fun at 9:45 at night.


oh hell, just get him one of these:

 

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Was just arguing with the boy about the importance of eating his breakfast before online kindergarten starts in 20 minutes, I got fed up and stormed out to go take my morning constitutional, and as I left the room, he yelled, "I hope you have mudbutt!!!" 

Pretty ballsy for a person who still requires outside assistance wiping his own ass. I was sorely tempted to respond with, "bitch, I have a bidet in my bathroom - fuck your mudbutt!" but of course I didn't. 

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Chad Jr. ripped a pretty good one at the dinner table. Mrs. F was rightfully appalled. She chastised him and he hopped up, pointed his bum at her, then pointed a finger at said bum and said, “Don’t talk to me, talk to the gaaaaas station!”

Also, if you haven’t checked out “Nathan Hale’s Hazardous Tales” do so. Chad Jr. was reading one about Lafayette and he started talking about he wanted to be General “why-ANN.” I was focused on something else and and was completely befuddled. “You know, ‘Mad Anthony why-ANN.” Wayne, CJ. Wayne.

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1 hour ago, Chad Fuck said:

Chad Jr. ripped a pretty good one at the dinner table. Mrs. F was rightfully appalled. She chastised him and he hopped up, pointed his bum at her, then pointed a finger at said bum and said, “Don’t talk to me, talk to the gaaaaas station!”

Also, if you haven’t checked out “Nathan Hale’s Hazardous Tales” do so. Chad Jr. was reading one about Lafayette and he started talking about he wanted to be General “why-ANN.” I was focused on something else and and was completely befuddled. “You know, ‘Mad Anthony why-ANN.” Wayne, CJ. Wayne.

He is almost ready for the Surly. Lol

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