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Shit My Kid Says

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23 hours ago, demos said:

Son (7): Can I have dessert?

Wife: What's dessert? [Meaning what was he getting]

Son: Dessert is what you eat after you finish your dinner.

Wife: tone

Me:

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Bonus points if he'd have finished with, "...but that's not important right now. "

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Doomlet (4,m): Mom is going to be a firefighter for Halloween because she has all the right parts. 

Me: What parts are those?

Doomlet: A green shirt and a bucket of hair.

*Mrs. Doom is not dressing as a firefighter, nor has the topic ever come up before. Also, she does not have a bucket of hair. Just a green shirt on... 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

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Took my 7 yo to the TCU game a couple of weekends ago. We sit down amongst the mostly UT fans in our section and he yells out of nowhere, "OU Sucks!"

He got many high fives and I may or may not have shed a tear.

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On 11/4/2019 at 2:50 PM, Whatever said:

Took my 7 yo to the TCU game a couple of weekends ago. We sit down amongst the mostly UT fans in our section and he yells out of nowhere, "OU Sucks!"

He got many high fives and I may or may not have shed a tear.

Needs to go in the shit my genius kid says

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Doomlet (4,m) is under the weather, so Mrs. Doom plopped him in the bath last night to soak up some steam and relax. 

She left the room for a few minutes, and when she came back, Doomlet had a worried look on his face, which led to the following exchange. 

Mrs: What's wrong? 

Doomlet: I'm very concerned about something Guy told me. 

[Note: Guy is his stuffed animal/security blanket item, and as far as we know, lacks the ability to speak.] 

Mrs: Oh yeah, what's that? 

Doomlet: Guy told me that eleven was really twelve. 

 

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3 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet (4,m) is under the weather, so Mrs. Doom plopped him in the bath last night to soak up some steam and relax. 

She left the room for a few minutes, and when she came back, Doomlet had a worried look on his face, which led to the following exchange. 

Mrs: What's wrong? 

Doomlet: I'm very concerned about something Guy told me. 

[Note: Guy is his stuffed animal/security blanket item, and as far as we know, lacks the ability to speak.] 

Mrs: Oh yeah, what's that? 

Doomlet: Guy told me that eleven was really twelve. 

 

He has reason to be worried.  I mean, if 7 ate 9.....

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10yo: "I need to show you something on my iPad"

Me: What is it?

10yo: "It starts with P and ends in Y"

 

Spoiler

It was a puppy you dirty minded fuck.

 

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File under "Awesome shit my kid says":

Roxette tells me today that she joined the BBQ Cooking club @ her HS.

I told her to check with the teacher & we can use my smoker rig for some test runs & come 2020, I'll get them hooked up with a backstage tour for a bunch of teams for the Rodeo Austin cookoff in March.

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19 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

My 3 yr old walks up with some hot wheels track hanging out the front of his pajamas saying "Look dada, it's my big penis"

How devastated was he when you explained genetics?

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7 hours ago, Clackles said:

How devastated was he when you explained genetics?

He'a walked in on me pissing before so he knows the disappointment he is in for. This may be his way of coping. 

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I was waiting with my kids for the bus this morning.  My 7 year old son was asking when Thanksgiving was and I was explaining that it falls on the 4th Thursday of November every year.  My 11 year old daughter starts telling us that 2020 is going to be awesome because Halloween, Christmas, and New Years all fall on a Friday.  Then she adds "Also, hopefully Trump won't be President anymore".

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I was waiting with my kids for the bus this morning.  My 7 year old son was asking when Thanksgiving was and I was explaining that it falls on the 4th Thursday of November every year.  My 11 year old daughter starts telling us that 2020 is going to be awesome because Halloween, Christmas, and New Years all fall on a Friday.  Then she adds "Also, hopefully Trump won't be President anymore".
Did you tell her she was wrong because:

1) Jan 1, 2020 is a Wednesday.

2) Win or lose - Trump will still be President until January 2021.

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19 hours ago, Stuck in CO said:

I was waiting with my kids for the bus this morning.  My 7 year old son was asking when Thanksgiving was and I was explaining that it falls on the 4th Thursday of November every year.  My 11 year old daughter starts telling us that 2020 is going to be awesome because Halloween, Christmas, and New Years all fall on a Friday.  Then she adds "Also, hopefully Trump won't be President anymore".

User name checks out

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This thread is one of the beat things on the internet for several years running...

Keep making babies.

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