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19 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

God this one hits home so hard. 

 

My wife will be telling a story, then stop/pause, almost like she wants me to say something. Then I'll ask a question related to her story. Then she'll just get this shitty look on her face and stop talking. 

Me: "Are you gonna finish the story?" 

Her: "No because you interrupted me. You know how I hate that." 

 

Fast forward

Her: "So I went with my sister and took the kids to Jungle Jam today...." 

Me: .. nods head..

Her: "So you're just ignoring me today?" 

A few days ago I re-watched “Hostiles”. Christian Bale’s character grunts a lot in response to conversation. I think I am going to try that out. 

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We were sitting on the couch the other night watching baseball, no conversation going on, and wife pipes up, "What do you want to do about her?"  
Turned out she was talking about the dog's annual vet visit, which she was thinking about because the dog was drinking water behind us.

You have to understand she is having a conversation with you in her head, but since you didn’t acknowledge that, she audibly decides to question if you were paying attention.

I think I would absolutely go insane if my wife did the "why are you interrupting me" bit.  That's some crazy ass stuff there


My wife does have a habit of yelling from the other room "What do you want me to do with this?"

Like somehow I know what she's talking about and can see it from the other room.  When I say that though I get told "just look".  Again, not in the same room with her.  So instead of saying "what do you want me to do with this paperwork from the doctor that is on the counter?" I'm supposed to get up and come look at it.  Because clearly that's the easiest way to handle what's going on...

To make it more of a fun game, about 70% of the time I've already explained to her what exactly to do with it, typically more than once.  

Luckily she has spectacular tits, makes a lot of money and has a higher sex drive than I do.  So I got that going for me... 

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1 hour ago, uoftorange said:

Luckily she has spectacular tits, makes a lot of money and has a higher sex drive than I do.  So I got that going for me... 

Uh, we have rules in this establishment that you are brazenly flouting.

I work from home and the wife does not.  She called me about 45 minutes after leaving the house and asked me to look for the master key from her work.  She insisted it was in the upstairs office, which is hers.  I went up to check and it was nowhere to be found.  She insisted that it had to be there because it couldn't possibly be anywhere else.  I just told her "I don't know what to tell you, but it isn't here".  When she got home that night, she looked in the upstairs office, pretty much taking everything out of drawers in her search.  Her search expanded to the kitchen and other places that she randomly leaves shit.  Every so often I'd ask her "Any luck?" with just a touch of snark.  She could not find the key anywhere in the house.  The next morning she found the key, AT HER WORK.  So, instead of thinking that I could have possibly been right about the key not being in the upstairs office and looking at work for it, she waited all day to come home and look for herself in order to prove me wrong.

 

12 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

I work from home and the wife does not.  She called me about 45 minutes after leaving the house and asked me to look for the master key from her work.  She insisted it was in the upstairs office, which is hers.  I went up to check and it was nowhere to be found.  She insisted that it had to be there because it couldn't possibly be anywhere else.  I just told her "I don't know what to tell you, but it isn't here".  When she got home that night, she looked in the upstairs office, pretty much taking everything out of drawers in her search.  Her search expanded to the kitchen and other places that she randomly leaves shit.  Every so often I'd ask her "Any luck?" with just a touch of snark.  She could not find the key anywhere in the house.  The next morning she found the key, AT HER WORK.  So, instead of thinking that I could have possibly been right about the key not being in the upstairs office and looking at work for it, she waited all day to come home and look for herself in order to prove me wrong.

 

Could you either change your name or select an avatar, please?  That you’re not Lobo really throws me off. 

8 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Could you either change your name or select an avatar, please?  That you’re not Lobo really throws me off. 

You betcha!

57 minutes ago, uoftorange said:

My wife does have a habit of yelling from the other room

Nah. Fuck that. If you want to ask me a question, talk to my face. I'm not yelling WHAT back at you 200 times.

49 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

I work from home and the wife does not.  She called me about 45 minutes after leaving the house and asked me to look for the master key from her work.  She insisted it was in the upstairs office, which is hers.  I went up to check and it was nowhere to be found.  She insisted that it had to be there because it couldn't possibly be anywhere else.  I just told her "I don't know what to tell you, but it isn't here".  When she got home that night, she looked in the upstairs office, pretty much taking everything out of drawers in her search.  Her search expanded to the kitchen and other places that she randomly leaves shit.  Every so often I'd ask her "Any luck?" with just a touch of snark.  She could not find the key anywhere in the house.  The next morning she found the key, AT HER WORK.  So, instead of thinking that I could have possibly been right about the key not being in the upstairs office and looking at work for it, she waited all day to come home and look for herself in order to prove me wrong.

 

Well you know what they say. It's always in the first place you don't look. 

1 minute ago, ztejas said:

Well you know what they say. It's always in the first place you don't look. 

I just don't understand how they lose shit all the time.  I have one drawer in the kitchen that is mine and mine alone.  That's where I put all of my stuff.  My keys and wallet are in there when I'm at home.  My phone, on the other hand, is next to the couch on the end table charging.  If I forget anything when leaving the house, it's my phone.  I don't have this natural ability to remember everything that keeps me from losing shit.  I don't lose shit simply because I recognize my limitations and know that if I put something where it doesn't belong, I'm going to lose it.

My wife has lost her license a few times.  Social Security card?  Yep, she's had to get more than a few replaced.  Keys?  All the fucking time.  Debit/credit cards?  Yep, I'm surprised the bank doesn't just automatically cancel it and send her a new one every 6 months or so.

1 hour ago, You don't know me said:

If I forget anything when leaving the house, it's my phone.  I don't have this natural ability to remember everything that keeps me from losing shit.

@KeysPhoneWallet

44 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

I just don't understand how they lose shit all the time. 

It's very simple for my wife.  It's because, never in her life has she ever put something back where it belongs.  

I've tried to help her by putting key hooks right by the front door and setting up a phone charging area in a convenient location, but every week, she can't find her keys or her phone and I end up finding them on top of the fridge or in the bathroom.  

2 hours ago, uoftorange said:


Luckily she has spectacular tits, makes a lot of money and has a higher sex drive than I do.  So I got that going for me... 

Does she need a side piece?

3 hours ago, uoftorange said:

I think I would absolutely go insane if my wife did the "why are you interrupting me" bit.  That's some crazy ass stuff there


My wife does have a habit of yelling from the other room "What do you want me to do with this?"

Like somehow I know what she's talking about and can see it from the other room.  When I say that though I get told "just look".  Again, not in the same room with her.  So instead of saying "what do you want me to do with this paperwork from the doctor that is on the counter?" I'm supposed to get up and come look at it.  Because clearly that's the easiest way to handle what's going on...

To make it more of a fun game, about 70% of the time I've already explained to her what exactly to do with it, typically more than once.  

Luckily she has spectacular tits, makes a lot of money and has a higher sex drive than I do.  So I got that going for me... 

First of all, sounds like are unaware of the rules around here. 

And secondly, assuming this post to be true, you could be missing out on a fun opportunity here

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

It's very simple for my wife.  It's because, never in her life has she ever put something back where it belongs.  

I've tried to help her by putting key hooks right by the front door and setting up a phone charging area in a convenient location, but every week, she can't find her keys or her phone and I end up finding them on top of the fridge or in the bathroom.  

Yep. The section of the female brain dedicated to non-emotional memory is about the size of a baby flea. 

I was out prepping food plots and drinking beer Sunday afternoon.  Wife texts that she has a meal plan and click list so we won't have to go back to the store all week.  Guess who left all the meat, cheese, milk in the back of her ride for 24 hrs and then had to pick up another order on Monday?

Edited by dbagg

At least she won't need a car air freshener...

5 hours ago, uoftorange said:

Luckily she has spectacular tits, makes a lot of money and has a higher sex drive than I do.  So I got that going for me... 

So do we.

20 hours ago, Horn Dogg said:

Does she need a side piece?

Probably, but she can't have one

Probably, but she can't have one

That’s not what she told me

Not a one of you can handle that woman.  But best of luck to you trying haha

15 minutes ago, uoftorange said:

Not a one of you can handle that woman.

We all have "that woman".

31 minutes ago, uoftorange said:

Not a one of you can handle that woman.  But best of luck to you trying haha

cute

On 8/16/2023 at 11:01 AM, uoftorange said:

I think I would absolutely go insane if my wife did the "why are you interrupting me" bit.  That's some crazy ass stuff there
 

It’s all part of the female / wife tendency to emasculate and control the man in their life.  Some are blatant about it and others are subtle.  

Wife forgot to take our son his printed parking pass, i saw it on the island. He was able to get another one from a screenshot with the QR code. 

Her: next time we go I need to remember to bring that to him

Me: I can email it to him and he can print it

Her: Well he doesn't need it anymore 

Me: then why did you literally just say you need to take it to him? 

Her: tone

My wife recently got new prescription glasses, both clear and sun glasses, and a nice case to carry them in.  When she had them about three days, we drove to the coast, stopped at Starbucks for a bathroom break on the way.  Back in the car she's trying to find her sunglasses - "I must have left them in the bathroom".  Sure enough there they were.  LATER THAT SAME DAY:  We head to dinner, stopped at a grocery store to pick up some supplies, then on to the restaurant.  "Where are my glasses?"  They must be at the grocery store, "Would you go check?"  Sure dear.  No sign of the glasses.  GONE, never turned up.  Ordered a new pair exactly like the lost new pair.  SMDH.

Edited by CycleTex87

On 8/8/2023 at 6:19 AM, deter said:

What happens if two people win the mega lottery?

They split the pot.

Well, I want to buy 10 tickets with the same numbers.

What????

Well, if I have to share I want to share with myself.

 

On 8/9/2023 at 9:51 PM, txhorns said:

The lottery wife isn’t actually wrong though.  If she bought 10 tickets and won but shared with 1 other ticket she would get 10/11 of the prize money.  If she only bought 1 ticket and had to share then they get an equal 50/50.  

 

On 8/15/2023 at 8:15 PM, Beau Vine said:

But what if the other winner bought 100 tickets?

so it turns out... the wifes idea was already tried out by a 65yo man.

 

who won the Maryland Lottery Top Prize 15 fucking times

 

Quote

A Maryland man has hit big money in a lottery drawing after purchasing multiple tickets and playing the same numbers on each.

"He plated the same numbers on 15 different tickets for the same drawing and won a $50,000 top-prize 15 times," the Maryland Lottery shared in a recent press release about the Accokeek, Maryland, man's win.

The "grand total" came out to $750,000 in winnings, the release continued.

 

 

20 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

My wife recently got new prescription glasses, both clear and sun glasses, and a nice case to carry them in.  When she had them about three days, we drove to the coast, stopped at Starbucks for a bathroom break on the way.  Back in the car she's trying to find her sunglasses - "I must have left them in the bathroom".  Sure enough there they were.  LATER THAT SAME DAY:  We head to dinner, stopped at a grocery store to pick up some supplies, then on to the restaurant.  "Where are my glasses?"  They must be at the grocery store, "Would you go check?"  Sure dear.  No sign of the glasses.  GONE, never turned up.  Ordered a new pair exactly like the lost new pair.  SMDH.

Congrats she sounds hot

This fire is about 4 miles from my house. The smoke is moving directly over our house. My wife is pissed because I haven't taken her to dinner 

IMG_2085.jpg

This fire is about 4 miles from my house. The smoke is moving directly over our house. My wife is pissed because I haven't taken her to dinner 
IMG_2085.thumb.jpg.2b60ca61108490f20a1e06604e34b907.jpg
Holy shit.

Why haven't you taken her to dinner?

2 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Why haven't you taken her to dinner?

Because he is an insensitive asshole 

14 hours ago, Crapinon said:

This fire is about 4 miles from my house. The smoke is moving directly over our house. My wife is pissed because I haven't taken her to dinner 

IMG_2085.jpg

What's wrong with your oven?

1 hour ago, Dennis Taylor said:

What's wrong with your oven?

Coffee on my t-shirt. Thank you. 

12 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:


Who would stand guard then??

97a7065051fa640272f6edd44f9edbd4.jpg

This was looking at the end of our street a couple of years ago. It was about 2.5 miles from the house and the wind was blowing it our direction. She couldn't understand why I thought it was a good idea to pack the vehicles in case we had to leave in a hurry. Because prairie fires move so slow....

fire.jpg

Edited by Crapinon

8 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

Why haven't you taken her to dinner?

LOL. I did. She kept saying well if you want to stay home and monitor the situation we can. I told her hell no I felt like eating a burger, which just made her madder. 

1 minute ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Sheesh…where the hell do you live??

Abilene. We've never had this problem in all the years we've been here. But there have been some pretty serious prairie fires all around us over the years. The Carbon fire and Cross Plains from a few years ago killed people and tons of livestock.

1 hour ago, Crapinon said:

Abilene. We've never had this problem in all the years we've been here. But there have been some pretty serious prairie fires all around us over the years. The Carbon fire and Cross Plains from a few years ago killed people and tons of livestock.

I think I found the root of your problem.  You need to move out of fucking Abilene.

On 8/9/2023 at 11:17 PM, Hook1997 said:

They married when I was in high school already and my siblings were already out of the house, her kids were pretty much grown too

Have y’all offered to buy it from him? I don’t see how he would want it to pass out of his bloodline. 

At a resort hotel with the family visiting with a friend of ours and her boys. We are finally packed up after some drama, and the ladies promise the kids ice cream. Fine. Challenge is my eldest kid lactose intolerant. I finish packing and walk up to see the kid opening an ice cream. I start to make a comment but my wife and friend stop me, “he was so confident” they tell me. I shut up. 10 minutes later the kid is walking back to me saying it was a bad idea and he feels sick. Thanks honey! Only a 3+ hour drive ahead of us.

Paper towels and vomit bag here we go!

This fire is about 4 miles from my house. The smoke is moving directly over our house. My wife is pissed because I haven't taken her to dinner 
IMG_2085.thumb.jpg.2b60ca61108490f20a1e06604e34b907.jpg
Grill some steaks
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We are fairly low key on weekends. Wife has been sick all week so been trying to keep our distance from each other so I don't get sick.

I go downstairs in the AM, run errands, work-out, etc.

Around 11, she comes downstairs and follows me around the house all day. I move rooms to read, clean, whatever and shortly afterwards she follows me. Even when I take the dog outside, she follows.

just now - she asks me, "Can I get some alone time?"

me, !@$!@$!@, you are the one following me around the house!

15 minutes ago, wackawacka said:

"Can I get some alone time?"

Yes is the only correct response here. 

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