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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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1 minute ago, texashorne said:

Years ago my wife backed out of the driveway and into my F150. It was dark outside, so it was my fault.. I had foolishly purchased a truck that was navy 2 years earlier and parked it in the same spot I always park it in.  Apparently when you have a navy truck, it blends into the night like the Predator blends into the jungle. 

Glad to see you learned the appropriate lessons from the incident.

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2 hours ago, texashorne said:

Years ago my wife backed out of the driveway and into my F150. It was dark outside, so it was my fault.. I had foolishly purchased a truck that was navy 2 years earlier and parked it in the same spot I always park it in.  Apparently when you have a navy truck, it blends into the night like the Predator blends into the jungle. 

My daughter backed into my two-month old at the time F150 because she didn't want to go on the grass. She only had her learner's permit at the time, but still... She's off to a good start!

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My wife scraped the passenger side of the '97 C-1500 (8 ft. bed).  Hit the keypad for the gate @ her parents house.  Zero clue how she managed that because she has come in & out of that same gate with the key[ad setup in place for over 10 years... there is a really nice slice in the bed (level with the keypad weather shield / mounting bracket thing) that runs around 12" long.

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3 minutes ago, Foosters said:

Last week my wife called me in a frantic state saying "the garage door is stuck open! I have a meeting in 10 mins and cannot just leave the garage door like this!"

Could immediately tell that she was irate at having to deal with this. I even contemplated leaving work, driving across town, and closing the door so that she wouldn't leave the garage door open all day.

Turns out she began backing out of the driveway a bit too soon, she crashed into the door, cracking the wooden garage door and sending wooden shards all over the driveway, then couldn't extricate her car from the situation as it was "stuck" to the door.

Her original call just described "the garage door not closing properly."

If you're in the Central Texas area, I have a guy.

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20 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Could be. It's due for an oil change in a few weeks, they will certainly try and sell me some new tires then, needed or not. 

You know, I just had this exact experience at the same German auto dealership.  My vehicle has 16K miles on it.  Took it in for an oil change, and look at a couple of items in the electronics, and walked out with an $850 bill and an offer to install new tires 'cause the old ones are worn out.

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1 minute ago, CycleTex87 said:

You know, I just had this exact experience at the same German auto dealership.  My vehicle has 16K miles on it.  Took it in for an oil change, and look at a couple of items in the electronics, and walked out with an $850 bill and an offer to install new tires 'cause the old ones are worn out.

I bet your husband was pissed. 

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10 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

You know, I just had this exact experience at the same German auto dealership.  My vehicle has 16K miles on it.  Took it in for an oil change, and look at a couple of items in the electronics, and walked out with an $850 bill and an offer to install new tires 'cause the old ones are worn out.

That’s on you for having a German car. I’ve had two of them, and had the same experience both times. No more. 

My 2021 F-150 is nicer, more comfortable, better for passengers, and an overall better vehicle than the last 750 that I had. Not going back. 

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4 hours ago, texashorne said:

Years ago my wife backed out of the driveway and into my F150. It was dark outside, so it was my fault.. I had foolishly purchased a truck that was navy 2 years earlier and parked it in the same spot I always park it in.  Apparently when you have a navy truck, it blends into the night like the Predator blends into the jungle. 

This is an aerial view of our 2 car detached garage. 

\1452466957_ScreenShot2022-01-31at14_42_00.png.92def735139ddc86d5af6a8d63f9fd0c.png

The driveway along the side of the house is only a single car width across. A car parking on the left side of the garage has to make a sharp 'S' turn to get in and out to avoid hitting the house. Takes a little practice but it's very doable. A car parking on the right side can just go straight in and out of the garage. 

When we moved into this house, Mrs CL immediately claimed the right side of the garage because it would be easier to park. Fine, that's her prerogative. I'm the husband, that's my job. 

In the 8 years we have lived in this house, I have never hit either the side of the garage or the rear corner of the house. I've come in and out of the garage at least a couple thousand times, if not many more. 

Mrs CL on the other hand, has - multiple times - WHILE PARKING ON THE STRAIGHT IN AND OUT SIDE - backed into the garage door itself, backed into the wood siding along the edge of the door, clipped her passenger mirror on the same edge, clipped the corner of the back of the house, backed into the basketball goal on the other edge of the driveway, and backed into the wrought iron gate across the driveway at the front of the house. Part of her problem is that she doesn't use her mirrors at all, she just stares at the camera screen and guns it. 

She also regularly - at least once a week - parks 5-6 feet out from the wall of the garage, thus blocking my ability to park at all without having to get out and re-park her car. At the end of the driveway, she regularly cuts her wheels too soon before she gets to the street and she's rutted out the grass. I had to put concrete pavers there to keep it from getting worse.

Her excuse for all of that is that when she is back up the car all of the "dumb loud beeping" coming from the parking assist is disconcerting. 

 

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3 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

This is an aerial view of our 2 car detached garage. 

\1452466957_ScreenShot2022-01-31at14_42_00.png.92def735139ddc86d5af6a8d63f9fd0c.png

The driveway along the side of the house is only a single car width across. A car parking on the left side of the garage has to make a sharp 'S' turn to get in and out to avoid hitting the house. Takes a little practice but it's very doable. A car parking on the right side can just go straight in and out of the garage. 

When we moved into this house, Mrs CL immediately claimed the right side of the garage because it would be easier to park. Fine, that's her prerogative. I'm the husband, that's my job. 

In the 8 years we have lived in this house, I have never hit either the side of the garage or the rear corner of the house. I've come in and out of the garage at least a couple thousand times, if not many more. 

Mrs CL on the other hand, has - multiple times - WHILE PARKING ON THE STRAIGHT IN AND OUT SIDE - backed into the garage door itself, backed into the wood siding along the edge of the door, clipped her passenger mirror on the same edge, clipped the corner of the back of the house, backed into the basketball goal on the other edge of the driveway, and backed into the wrought iron gate across the driveway at the front of the house. Part of her problem is that she doesn't use her mirrors at all, she just stares at the camera screen and guns it. 

She also regularly - at least once a week - parks 5-6 feet out from the wall of the garage, thus blocking my ability to park at all without having to get out and re-park her car. At the end of the driveway, she regularly cuts her wheels too soon before she gets to the street and she's rutted out the grass. I had to put concrete pavers there to keep it from getting worse.

Her excuse for all of that is that when she is back up the car all of the "dumb loud beeping" coming from the parking assist is disconcerting. 

 

Well done. Perfect example of what this thread is for. 
I offer a suggestion for Mrs. CL’s next vehicle:

mrap_bae_2.jpg

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That’s on you for having a German car. I’ve had two of them, and had the same experience both times. No more. 

My 2021 F-150 is nicer, more comfortable, better for passengers, and an overall better vehicle than the last 750 that I had. Not going back. 

This right here. Fuck Mercedes.

Subaru Outback has everything I need, is reliable as hell, and I wouldn’t know how expensive they are to fix because I haven’t had a single issue in over 100,000 miles. Just change the oil and rotate the tires. Go ahead with the lesbian jokes. Don’t care. I’m not on the side of the road waiting for AAA.
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I had a BMW E-34, and I'm convinced that it is the greatest car ever made.  Rock fucking solid. 

I have a Mercedes now, a 2014 model coming up on 100k miles.  Aside from a tranny replaced under warranty, it's been really good.  I get that a tranny is a big exception, but no problems other than  that. 

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This is an aerial view of our 2 car detached garage. 
\1452466957_ScreenShot2022-01-31at14_42_00.png.92def735139ddc86d5af6a8d63f9fd0c.png
The driveway along the side of the house is only a single car width across. A car parking on the left side of the garage has to make a sharp 'S' turn to get in and out to avoid hitting the house. Takes a little practice but it's very doable. A car parking on the right side can just go straight in and out of the garage. 
When we moved into this house, Mrs CL immediately claimed the right side of the garage because it would be easier to park. Fine, that's her prerogative. I'm the husband, that's my job. 
In the 8 years we have lived in this house, I have never hit either the side of the garage or the rear corner of the house. I've come in and out of the garage at least a couple thousand times, if not many more. 
Mrs CL on the other hand, has - multiple times - WHILE PARKING ON THE STRAIGHT IN AND OUT SIDE - backed into the garage door itself, backed into the wood siding along the edge of the door, clipped her passenger mirror on the same edge, clipped the corner of the back of the house, backed into the basketball goal on the other edge of the driveway, and backed into the wrought iron gate across the driveway at the front of the house. Part of her problem is that she doesn't use her mirrors at all, she just stares at the camera screen and guns it. 
She also regularly - at least once a week - parks 5-6 feet out from the wall of the garage, thus blocking my ability to park at all without having to get out and re-park her car. At the end of the driveway, she regularly cuts her wheels too soon before she gets to the street and she's rutted out the grass. I had to put concrete pavers there to keep it from getting worse.
Her excuse for all of that is that when she is back up the car all of the "dumb loud beeping" coming from the parking assist is disconcerting. 
 
At this point it might be cheaper to just have her park in the front part off the house and you can back her car until the garage when you get there. Then she can just pull out straight forward.
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1 hour ago, Modessit said:
On 1/30/2022 at 1:02 PM, crimsonlonghorn said:
This isn’t the first time Mrs CL has beat up her car. She regularly has banged into the side of the garage and scraped curbs and shopping carts and poles. You’d think she’d take better care of a $70,000 German SUV. I guess I should count my blessings that she hasn’t hit another car yet. 

Quit fixing it. Let her drive the banged up car.

I haven't fixed it once and to her credit, she hasn't asked. She knows she's a shit driver and she'll just beat it up again. That thing has dings and scratches all over it. 

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Last week my wife called me in a frantic state saying "the garage door is stuck open! I have a meeting in 10 mins and cannot just leave the garage door like this!"
Could immediately tell that she was irate at having to deal with this. I even contemplated leaving work, driving across town, and closing the door so that she wouldn't leave the garage door open all day.
Turns out she began backing out of the driveway a bit too soon, she crashed into the door, cracking the wooden garage door and sending wooden shards all over the driveway, then couldn't extricate her car from the situation as it was "stuck" to the door.
Her original call just described "the garage door not closing properly."

I’ve been reading this thread for a loooooong time and this might be the best/worst post I’ve ever read.
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5 hours ago, harpercollins said:


I’ve been reading this thread for a loooooong time and this might be the best/worst post I’ve ever read.

The sad part for me was that I read it completely without emotion. From start to finish, imagining the same situation at my house, “Yep. Sounds about right.” and just slowly nodded my head and moved on with life. 

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18 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

This is an aerial view of our 2 car detached garage. 

\1452466957_ScreenShot2022-01-31at14_42_00.png.92def735139ddc86d5af6a8d63f9fd0c.png

The driveway along the side of the house is only a single car width across. A car parking on the left side of the garage has to make a sharp 'S' turn to get in and out to avoid hitting the house. Takes a little practice but it's very doable. A car parking on the right side can just go straight in and out of the garage. 

When we moved into this house, Mrs CL immediately claimed the right side of the garage because it would be easier to park. Fine, that's her prerogative. I'm the husband, that's my job. 

In the 8 years we have lived in this house, I have never hit either the side of the garage or the rear corner of the house. I've come in and out of the garage at least a couple thousand times, if not many more. 

Mrs CL on the other hand, has - multiple times - WHILE PARKING ON THE STRAIGHT IN AND OUT SIDE - backed into the garage door itself, backed into the wood siding along the edge of the door, clipped her passenger mirror on the same edge, clipped the corner of the back of the house, backed into the basketball goal on the other edge of the driveway, and backed into the wrought iron gate across the driveway at the front of the house. Part of her problem is that she doesn't use her mirrors at all, she just stares at the camera screen and guns it. 

She also regularly - at least once a week - parks 5-6 feet out from the wall of the garage, thus blocking my ability to park at all without having to get out and re-park her car. At the end of the driveway, she regularly cuts her wheels too soon before she gets to the street and she's rutted out the grass. I had to put concrete pavers there to keep it from getting worse.

Her excuse for all of that is that when she is back up the car all of the "dumb loud beeping" coming from the parking assist is disconcerting. 

 

this shit is just unacceptable

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36 minutes ago, huge said:

I just got a really good deal on a golf cart because the previous owner's wife kept hitting it no matter where he parked it.

Yeah, that’s on him. He should have known about the magnetic attraction between golf carts/side-by-sides and mom cars. It’s a scientifically-verified fact, documented in a peer reviewed study by Newton and Einstein. 

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I have a rather long driveway at my house which is about 175’ long or so. When my son first got his license he was backing out at the same time one of his buddies was backing out of the driveway. His buddy stopped before he got to the end of the driveway and my son backed into him. The wife, now ex, and I were in the house when we heard the collision. She was outside yelling at him before he could even get out of the truck.

I felt bad for him because she was letting him have it right in front of his friends and in a very not so kind way. Having to be somewhat diplomatic at the time, I knew that I was going to have to counter her words with some understanding words but also some education with it.

A bit later I got the “Rolodex” out to let him know that she has backed into things too such as a friends car, neighbor’s brick mailbox, multiple toys, bicycles, lawn chairs, etc. Of course each time that she collided with something there were extenuating circumstances that were totally  unavoidable.

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5 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

I have a rather long driveway at my house which is about 175’ long or so. When my son first got his license he was backing out at the same time one of his buddies was backing out of the driveway. His buddy stopped before he got to the end of the driveway and my son backed into him. The wife, now ex, and I were in the house when we heard the collision. She was outside yelling at him before he could even get out of the truck.

I felt bad for him because she was letting him have it right in front of his friends and in a very not so kind way. Having to be somewhat diplomatic at the time, I knew that I was going to have to counter her words with some understanding words but also some education with it.

A bit later I got the “Rolodex” out to let him know that she has backed into things too such as a friends car, neighbor’s brick mailbox, multiple toys, bicycles, lawn chairs, etc. Of course each time that she collided with something there were extenuating circumstances that were totally  unavoidable.

Why were they backing up 175'?  Don't you have a way to turn around and drive out?

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4 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Am I allowed to say that your wife is a dumbass?

She is a chemical engineer IP attorney. Very book smart. Very attractive. Great mom to our kids. Just finished her Christmas thank you notes. 

But she's also dumb as a brick and a terrible driver. 

She would say similar things about me that would all be true. That's the beauty of marriage.

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21 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

I have a rather long driveway at my house which is about 175’ long or so. When my son first got his license he was backing out at the same time one of his buddies was backing out of the driveway. His buddy stopped before he got to the end of the driveway and my son backed into him. The wife, now ex, and I were in the house when we heard the collision. She was outside yelling at him before he could even get out of the truck.

I felt bad for him because she was letting him have it right in front of his friends and in a very not so kind way. Having to be somewhat diplomatic at the time, I knew that I was going to have to counter her words with some understanding words but also some education with it.

A bit later I got the “Rolodex” out to let him know that she has backed into things too such as a friends car, neighbor’s brick mailbox, multiple toys, bicycles, lawn chairs, etc. Of course each time that she collided with something there were extenuating circumstances that were totally  unavoidable.

Yeah the last 3 times the wife almost smoked us out of the house by burning something that had dropped down to the bottom of the oven it was absolutely not her fault at all

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18 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I mean, I guess I should credit her for saving wear and tear on the barstools by preventing anyone from using them. But goddamn.  Every day I see this.  When there are both a coat closet and a coat rack within 15’.  

spacer.png

You should start dropping your coat on her favorite LR chair.

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19 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I mean, I guess I should credit her for saving wear and tear on the barstools by preventing anyone from using them. But goddamn.  Every day I see this.  When there are both a coat closet and a coat rack within 15’.  

spacer.png

Move the coat rack to the corner of the counter and say nothing else. 😄 

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