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Shart 2023: The Quickening

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
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  • 2 weeks later...
twosheds

twosheds 370

Posted
Posted

So I was in the yard this morning after coffee. Just watering what flowers are still alive and putzing around. I had already taken care of the bowel movement earlier and was just enjoying my early day. I farted, or so I thought, and immediately felt dampness in the buttock area. It seemed as if my rectum had coughed, or sneezed(?). Very peculiar. My drawers had a bit of shart mucus that was the consistency of phlegm. I cleaned up and continued my day. Welcome to the club now, I guess.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104,219

Posted
Posted

Managed to keep it clean (so far) today, but goddamn.....whenever I eat greek food, especially if there's a good amount of tabouli and hummus.....I have had it two nights in a row, and I've been ripping ass nearly constantly for 2 days.  I mean, I'm farting so hard it wakes me up at night.  This is ridiculous.  And it's only a matter of time before a shart sneaks through (I had one cooking up yesterday morning that I ALMOST trusted....then thought better of it).

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

Posted
Posted
33 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Managed to keep it clean (so far) today, but goddamn.....whenever I eat greek food, especially if there's a good amount of tabouli and hummus.....I have had it two nights in a row, and I've been ripping ass nearly constantly for 2 days.  I mean, I'm farting so hard it wakes me up at night.  This is ridiculous.  And it's only a matter of time before a shart sneaks through (I had one cooking up yesterday morning that I ALMOST trusted....then thought better of it).

You should dm this post to Susanna Hoffs.

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11,704

Posted
Posted
On 8/22/2023 at 5:49 PM, Brisketexan said:

See, if you rip one just right, it's musical inspiration, and Susanna is an artist:

 

 

I've laughed in my life.

But rarely have I laughed so much that I've shed a tear and ceased to make an audible noise.

Bravo sir.

Bravo.

 

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Sandman

Sandman 3,401

Posted
Posted

I'm here to turn in my badge. Or apron, undies, whatever.

Got up yesterday and felt off. No desire for breakfast, which is highly unusual. Went to costco and came home, still not hungry. But immediately had the shits. Had another bout within 20 mins. Then I was hit with some horrible gut cramps, I couldn't do anything but writhe in my recliner. Went to bed at 9, no relief in sight. Cramps, bloating shitting, I got 40 mins or so of sleep every hour. Around 5am, I thought maybe I had turned a corner. Then as I was laying in bed, I decided to trust a fart. Why? We all know this is a rookie move. I'm blaming the lack of sleep. It was only a nickel or quarter sized spot in my drawers but I'm a man of integrity. 

To those of you who are still clean in 2023, God speed. 

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Bozo_Casanova

Bozo_Casanova 26,146

Posted
Posted
On 9/4/2023 at 11:53 AM, nnm said:

 

 

On 9/5/2023 at 7:23 PM, nnm said:

 

So ... we have a Delta employee in the family:

---------

Wife: I can't believe I'm asking you this but Bozo* wants to know about the Diarrhea plane
Cousin: Oh my gosh do not be embarrassed. I've had like 10 people ask me about that flight via text. It was a flight coming in from Madrid and the guy actually had a major medical. He was sitting up at the front not in first class but in comfort plus, and pretty much just lost control of his bowels so he literally pooped from one into the plane to the back labs on that aircraft which are halfway in the middle of a widebody. So there was poop all in the plane which causes a biohazard issue so they had to turn around it landed.
Wife: Poor man. Okay - I think Bozo is satisfied**  with this explanation

<later>

Wife: Okay my 12 year old husband wants to know how so much poop got past his pants
Cousin: Because it was a major medical emergency. Basically poop waters. Like an enema. 
------------

*my real name
** Not even a little

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21,690

Posted
Posted

I haven’t reported all my misgivings.  The immunotherapy I took to battle cancer triggered in a very significant way the colitis that for years has been held at bay with the Remicade I’ve been taking.  But I had horrific diarrhea for months that actually hospitalized me.  Steroids have gotten things somewhat under control,  but my issue now is when I have to go, it goes from zero to 100mph in about 3 seconds.  It’s brutal.  Usually if I shit 3-4 times in the morning I’m good for most of the day.  But I have to really listen to the guts.  If there is even the slightest knock at the door, get to stepping to the hopper.  I’ve shat myself once at work where I just immediately left.  I’ve shat myself in the car.  I’ve shat myself going the 15 feet to the bathroom.  It’s been fun.  Not reporting any recent shit, but fessing up to numerous incidents.

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2,250

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Sbbruin said:

I haven’t reported all my misgivings.  The immunotherapy I took to battle cancer triggered in a very significant way the colitis that for years has been held at bay with the Remicade I’ve been taking.  But I had horrific diarrhea for months that actually hospitalized me.  Steroids have gotten things somewhat under control,  but my issue now is when I have to go, it goes from zero to 100mph in about 3 seconds.  It’s brutal.  Usually if I shit 3-4 times in the morning I’m good for most of the day.  But I have to really listen to the guts.  If there is even the slightest knock at the door, get to stepping to the hopper.  I’ve shat myself once at work where I just immediately left.  I’ve shat myself in the car.  I’ve shat myself going the 15 feet to the bathroom.  It’s been fun.  Not reporting any recent shit, but fessing up to numerous incidents.

Sounds like Dr. Seuss wrote this part.

E3BFC840-3822-4EC8-AD5E-F331E35E0417.thumb.webp.196c9d505c312db7bc4fba4779025da3.webp

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  • 4 weeks later...
Scraps

Scraps 13,518

Posted
Posted

Just found this thread.

My tight group of guy friends....which is like 5 of us all in our 40s...have had numerous shart convos and 1 of these motherfuckers claims he has never sharted.

Like ever.

We call him out on his bullshit because every dude 40+ has sharted at some point.

Anyway....i don't recall sharting this year but got close like 2 days ago. I am a pro of never trusting a fart so I knew i needed to roll to the shitter asap and let it explode.

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