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Non Seasonal Family Insanity Thread


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8 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Confused Schitts Creek GIF by CBC
 

Im not trying to belittle your family shit bc we all need a place to vent but I can’t understand what’s going on here. And I’m a lawyer used to reading dense and confusing stuff. My take away is your brain damaged brother in law is being a piece of garbage. Especially sucks with an old injured MIL. 
 

Just stop taking storytelling lessons from my wife lol

sounds like you figured it out. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

MIL is a hefty gal. We are talking 5’5” and 400 or so. Always thinks she is an expert on everything and responds to facts or breaking news with “I know”. She’s currently in A Fib. She slams a twelve pack of Bud Light every night. Only vegetables she eats are potatoes and corn. Mostly eats just shitty fast food or makes something equally as unhealthy. She “works out” at the YMCA doing pool aerobics to justify her drinking and shitty eating habits.

Last week she was complaining of dizziness, a common side effect of A Fib. She schedules with her cardiologist to get shocked back in rhythm. Gets hit with the paddles twice and no luck. Cardiologist schedules an appointment for her to figure out the next steps. He recommends an ablation. She refuses. My wife calls her and asks how the appointment went and told wife that “doctor was fine with her just staying on meds and no need to make lifestyle changes”. Obviously it’s utter and complete bullshit. Wife is flustered but doesn’t say anything.
 

MIL calls today and the wife says that she needs to have the ablation. That she wants her around. Etc. MIL goes on a rant and says that she read online that it doesn’t work all the time (around a 90% success rate), she’s not symptomatic, and the doctor “would have told me if I have to do it”.  Wife’s aunt is MIL’s power of attorney and has access to her medical charts. Doctor’s note “patient refused recommended surgery and is against dieting and not drinking because of her exercise regime”. I LOL’d to the extent that the wife got mad, but it’s just so typical.

Fast forward a couple hours and now MIL is dizzy, but she “thinks she might have gotten the flu”. 

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Watching the new season of "The Bear", and Episode 6. "Fishes" reminded me of these threads AND every third family event/holiday dinner I experienced as a kid, in the part of Indiana that most geographers refer to as the "necrotic asscrack of America".

Although, that episode had more "shouting and fork throwing" type drama, and less heartfelt moments such as:

  • uncle pouting because he couldn't watch a re-run of a very special 'Dukes of Hazard' episode
  • bipolar cousin leaving her husband at the house while she left with the guy from the bowling alley she was banging
  • racist aunt proclaiming that "no n*gger could ever play quarterback", only to be told by her brother (my uncle from Dickinson) "Judy, Warren Moon is black" (which led to a robust discussion of whether Mr. Moon was "BLACK, black").

In all, I'd rather have had the flying cutlery...

Edited by NWBuck
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I have a 58YO brother who is emotionally and functionally about 13-14 years old, not because of IQ or developmental limitations, but rather he is one lazy, piece of shit.  Oh, he lives with our mother, BTW.  He lived with our paternal grandmother before that, moochin like a motherfucker and whatnot.

I go visit mom yesterday and we go sit in the dining room, where the table cloth is peeled back and her modest but nice table is permanently stained by the peelings from scratch off tickets my brother does. When i say stained, I mean the color of graphite darkly colored on a white pine toned piece of furniture.  It is 11AM and bro is still in bed from going clubbing the night before.  Yes, at 58. Every Friday and Saturday night, otherwise he has zero social life.  None of that in and of itself is a problem, except that it encapsulates his idiotic mindset perfectly.

The fence has fallen in the back yard from a recent wind storm and my mom's husky escaped with no return. She is understandably heart-broken.  The waterheater needs to be replaced and they somehow can't gather the money to get it done, although my brother pays no rent and only has a car payment. The grass is literally knee high in the yard and been neither edged nor mowed in at least a month.

4 years ago, her husband passed and I started doing all of the upkeep and mowed EOW until my bro moved in with her a year and a half ago.  I had a talk with them that he is a grown ass adult and that he needs to take care of shit.  I might as well have been pissing up a rope.  I can rip his ass for not doing anything and then he just looks at me, just like he has done our whole lives.  If i go do it all, as if to give him the gentle push, "This is how things should be," then he just waits until the next time.  I am getting to a point where I cannot take care of my place AND hers, especially with an allegedly capable person being at her house.

This is only compounded by my 85 YO mother telling me she is carshopping. Her last car was flooded out( totaled) after she drove it into 3' deep water during a huge rain last October. She said she had to drive through it or other drivers would have hit her when she changed lanes. Her license has since expired and when I asked her about this yesterday, she said the cops told her it was OK not to renew it.  "Mom, that was a temporary deal 2 years ago during Covid. because people couldn't get to the DMV.  I won't support your getting a car until you renew your DL.  You're going to hurt someone!  I don't think you will pass, and neither do you."

"Well i just have to go to the bowling alley and the beauty shop.  and the grocery store."

I go see my mom out of duty and hopefully brightening her day.  I still do stuff like working the flower beds or basic maintenance on stuff.  Before the cold weather, i winterize all of the external shit on the house because my brother can't anticipate that winter is happening again.  I try to go EOW or so, but it is getting more difficult to power through some of the bullshit.  My brother will never move out, which I should be able to write off as a benefit to Mom, right?  I'm not that sure it is any more.

FML.

I love my Mom, and I'm not going to neglect her.  I feel some of the shit going on there is borderline getting there.  I'm at a loss as to what to do with my brother.  It is still a benefit to her( barely) but it is rapidly diminishing on that front.  She's never going to ask him to leave, and I get that.  I do not have the authority to make him leave.  The rest of the family knows it/ sees it too; but if it what she wants/ allows; there is no recourse.  He's just one lazy  slug.  I hate the situation.

Oh yeah, I am adopted, and that motherfucker leaves no doubt.

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I am glad to see this thread. 

I started to reply last night, but I decided against it. But, if @slorch can share his fucked up situation I can too.

My dad lives by himself kinda near my sister. Close enough that she can go check on him in minutes. He's 87. He is why I went to Texas. We call each other during the games. I make certain he knows time and channel. He went in the 50s. He has a thousand stories. All of which I have heard 3 dozen times. 

He's also a narcissistic dumbass at times. He could fix up his little house and car and be chill. But no. He has been taken in by phone scams that have him convinced that he has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes.

For six months running. He withdraws the money. Gets cards. Gives the number and the money is gone. I go look at the account and see what's been done. Six months of me hollering, trying to reason with him, pointing out the obvious.

To no avail. I finally had to pull the trigger and take his money. I'll have to move it back when he has the autopay hit, but..damn. I am glad he has a beater flip phone, but they managed to find him anyway.

Smh

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

@Gatorubet

 

First, let me say that I love my mom and aunt very much. I would not be where I am today if they hadn’t pushed and sometimes kicked me forward. I was raised to be proud of who I am, what I am, and how I am. 

 

So this is going to sound worse than it should but I believe the world will be a better place when one if not both of these women have moved on.

 

The older they get, it seems like the more mean, vindictive, and petty they get. They have been outright feuding since my grandma passed in ’97. Hell, I had to break up a fistfight just days after she passed over the damn obituary.

 

They have argued over trivial shit like quilts, wash pots, and second-hand appliances along with the land and money that was left. For instance, my grandma bought her house in the late ’70s. (I still remember going with her to clean houses in River Oaks when she was saving money for the house.)  As the story goes, my mom chipped in an extra $10k - $12K(from a work injury settlement) with the understanding that if the house was sold she would get her down payment plus half of the house back.  However, none of this was ever written down or recorded. When my grandma gets sick and wants her Medicaid, she doesn’t want the house/land in her name. Well, my mom doesn’t want the whole half in her name because she is getting SSI for my sister. So they come up with the ‘great’ idea to give a third to my Aunt. So now Auntie has 2/3 of the house/land and mom has 1/3. So everyone is happy, right? Hell naw!!

 

The lesson here is don’t be greedy. Don’t sell your soul for a jelly roll. And put shit on paper!

 

Late ’96 after I left UT my grandma started getting sick. So my mom, who wants to run everything starts managing her doctor visits and such. She would take off work and drive to Houston to take my grandma to the doctor. Now according to my momma, her sister didn’t have time or care about her mother. So I would have to drive from Dallas to Houston to take her to the doctor when my mom couldn’t get off. Well, when I talk to my Aunt I get a totally different story about how my mom wants to run everything and dictate instead of coordinating with her sister on doctor visits. And the frustrating thing is my aunt stays right behind my grandma. I could hop two fences and be in her backyard. So why am I driving all the way to Houston? Why am I driving all the way from Dallas? After I talk to my mom about this, she moves my grandma to the country with her. So now she controls Grandma and her money. Which sets my aunt off. 

 

Now when my grandma passes, my aunt decides that since her sister has never been ‘fair’ with her(whatever that means) she is not going to be fair now. Each accuses the other of stealing stuff out of Grandma’s house.

 

When Grandma passes she had about 30+ cows. My mom decides that they are now her cows, mostly because she(me) has been taking care of them for the last 10 years. But she still thinks she should get all of her money for the house in Houston. So after the fist fight, we (stepdad and me) try to make her understand that she needs to negotiate a deal where she takes the cows and gives up the down payment. No dice She even did some sneaky shit like change the brand on the new heifers. But she won’t budge on the money. So Auntie just moves into the house and says F it. It’s my house now. Mind you she already has a house in the country about a football field away from my mom.

 

Now while my mom is the asshole in the majority of the story, my aunt just does shit to antagonize her. And it all goes back to when they were kids. Because my mom sided with Grandma in some argument. Or did typical big sister shit. You are 70 years old and holding on to some shit from 55+ years ago? You’re mad a sickle mower that sat in the field for 30 years got sold? If you wanted it, why the hell didn’t you take it? My grandpa had a 54 Chevy truck that sat in the field for over 30+ years. You only cared after it was gone. The wash pots that she complains about were in the same barn that my grandpa built. But she never cared about any of that until the last 20 years. And she has admitted to me and her son that owes my mom the money. But just refuses to give it to her. She has gone so far as to say that she will give it to me when my mom dies or in her will. I told her, I didn’t want it like that. That’s chickenshit. It's at the point that I refuse to be around her unless it is immediate family because she will start bringing up all that old shit. It's like why are you talking about your sister/my mom like that in front of people we don't know? And she loves to tell the story of how my mom made me kill my two dogs because they broke into the hog pen. Yet she forgets that my grandad(her dad) did the same thing when his hound killed a chicken.  Meanwhile, my mom sits around and mopes about money that she screwed herself out of. 

 

We had a temporary cease-fire back in 2016 until my aunt got pissy over a quilt that belonged to my stepdad. She saw Mom’s dog laying on it and just started bringing up the old shit again. I mean we can’t even have a decent family holiday anymore, because of them. Then they get mad that we exclude them.

 

I’ve come to learn that it’s always something. They will never attempt to solve the issues because then they won’t have shit to complain about. If you fix the problem, you can't fuss about the problem. I have suggested that they divorce completely and just enjoy peace of mind. Anything that your sister’s name is on, needs to be taken off. But neither one really wants that. I do not understand how two people who do not want anything to do with each other, will not take the necessary steps to fix the issue. I can't stress enough that their houses are basically a football field apart. If you sit on the porch you can see/hear the other person. 

 

I get drawn into more it than my aunt’s son because he basically just refuses to deal with either one of them. I'm always in the country so I just carry the burden. But we both said the same thing today. My original plan to was to buy an equal amount of land from each of them and build a house. But thankfully my wife talked me out of that. We ended up buying our own land separately so we will never have to deal with their crap.

 

So the latest issue is that my aunt thinks the field should be mowed. I gave her the same advice that I gave my mom when she was complaining about the horses, put a fence up. And just like her sister, her first thought was not about what benefits her but how it benefits her sister. That is the ultimate in pettiness and just overall ignorance. I passed the message along and of course, momma give the whiny speech about doing it so she doesn’t have to hear her sister’s mouth. Now normally, I would mow the pasture(did it last year) but now I have my own to mow, plus a wife and 2 kids. It usually takes about 3-4 days of straight mowing to get it done. And that’s less time for my family, just so those two idiots can be happy. Both of them have their own tractor, but neither wants to solve the problem.

 

 I’m headed to Virginia in the morning, I don’t care. Figure it out.

 

To me the most frustrating part is looking at them now is not how they raised me. The whiney-ass, it’s not my fault shit is something I couldn’t get away with growing. They both taught me to accept responsibility for my actions, accept reality and live my life. So to now watch them act so chickenshit is kind of sad. 

 

Last thing: I watched my aunt give her son shit today because he missed her birthday. Never mind the fact that he had to work(and told her beforehand). She talks about this man like he is the biggest disappointment ever. This is a kid who basically stayed by himself for the last two years of high school. And did nothing but go to school! I used to call him and get on his ass because he wasn't partying! The man stayed out of trouble, graduated college on time, got married had kids, and is probably a member of every organization you can think of.  I'm so proud of that boy, but his momma gives him shit like he stole $5 out of her purse. I hope my sons turn out half as good. He's 9 years younger than me so he is still learning that it's not about him. But more about her failures.  

 

 

 

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19 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

@Gatorubet

 

First, let me say that I love my mom and aunt very much. I would not be where I am today if they hadn’t pushed and sometimes kicked me forward. I was raised to be proud of who I am, what I am, and how I am. 

 

So this is going to sound worse than it should but I believe the world will be a better place when one if not both of these women have moved on.

 

The older they get, it seems like the more mean, vindictive, and petty they get. They have been outright feuding since my grandma passed in ’97. Hell, I had to break up a fistfight just days after she passed over the damn obituary.

 

They have argued over trivial shit like quilts, wash pots, and second-hand appliances along with the land and money that was left. For instance, my grandma bought her house in the late ’70s. (I still remember going with her to clean houses in River Oaks when she was saving money for the house.)  As the story goes, my mom chipped in an extra $10k - $12K(from a work injury settlement) with the understanding that if the house was sold she would get her down payment plus half of the house back.  However, none of this was ever written down or recorded. When my grandma gets sick and wants her Medicaid, she doesn’t want the house/land in her name. Well, my mom doesn’t want the whole half in her name because she is getting SSI for my sister. So they come up with the ‘great’ idea to give a third to my Aunt. So now Auntie has 2/3 of the house/land and mom has 1/3. So everyone is happy, right? Hell naw!!

 

The lesson here is don’t be greedy. Don’t sell your soul for a jelly roll. And put shit on paper!

 

Late ’96 after I left UT my grandma started getting sick. So my mom, who wants to run everything starts managing her doctor visits and such. She would take off work and drive to Houston to take my grandma to the doctor. Now according to my momma, her sister didn’t have time or care about her mother. So I would have to drive from Dallas to Houston to take her to the doctor when my mom couldn’t get off. Well, when I talk to my Aunt I get a totally different story about how my mom wants to run everything and dictate instead of coordinating with her sister on doctor visits. And the frustrating thing is my aunt stays right behind my grandma. I could hop two fences and be in her backyard. So why am I driving all the way to Houston? Why am I driving all the way from Dallas? After I talk to my mom about this, she moves my grandma to the country with her. So now she controls Grandma and her money. Which sets my aunt off. 

 

Now when my grandma passes, my aunt decides that since her sister has never been ‘fair’ with her(whatever that means) she is not going to be fair now. Each accuses the other of stealing stuff out of Grandma’s house.

 

When Grandma passes she had about 30+ cows. My mom decides that they are now her cows, mostly because she(me) has been taking care of them for the last 10 years. But she still thinks she should get all of her money for the house in Houston. So after the fist fight, we (stepdad and me) try to make her understand that she needs to negotiate a deal where she takes the cows and gives up the down payment. No dice She even did some sneaky shit like change the brand on the new heifers. But she won’t budge on the money. So Auntie just moves into the house and says F it. It’s my house now. Mind you she already has a house in the country about a football field away from my mom.

 

Now while my mom is the asshole in the majority of the story, my aunt just does shit to antagonize her. And it all goes back to when they were kids. Because my mom sided with Grandma in some argument. Or did typical big sister shit. You are 70 years old and holding on to some shit from 55+ years ago? You’re mad a sickle mower that sat in the field for 30 years got sold? If you wanted it, why the hell didn’t you take it? My grandpa had a 54 Chevy truck that sat in the field for over 30+ years. You only cared after it was gone. The wash pots that she complains about were in the same barn that my grandpa built. But she never cared about any of that until the last 20 years. And she has admitted to me and her son that owes my mom the money. But just refuses to give it to her. She has gone so far as to say that she will give it to me when my mom dies or in her will. I told her, I didn’t want it like that. That’s chickenshit. It's at the point that I refuse to be around her unless it is immediate family because she will start bringing up all that old shit. It's like why are you talking about your sister/my mom like that in front of people we don't know? And she loves to tell the story of how my mom made me kill my two dogs because they broke into the hog pen. Yet she forgets that my grandad(her dad) did the same thing when his hound killed a chicken.  Meanwhile, my mom sits around and mopes about money that she screwed herself out of. 

 

We had a temporary cease-fire back in 2016 until my aunt got pissy over a quilt that belonged to my stepdad. She saw Mom’s dog laying on it and just started bringing up the old shit again. I mean we can’t even have a decent family holiday anymore, because of them. Then they get mad that we exclude them.

 

I’ve come to learn that it’s always something. They will never attempt to solve the issues because then they won’t have shit to complain about. If you fix the problem, you can't fuss about the problem. I have suggested that they divorce completely and just enjoy peace of mind. Anything that your sister’s name is on, needs to be taken off. But neither one really wants that. I do not understand how two people who do not want anything to do with each other, will not take the necessary steps to fix the issue. I can't stress enough that their houses are basically a football field apart. If you sit on the porch you can see/hear the other person. 

 

I get drawn into more it than my aunt’s son because he basically just refuses to deal with either one of them. I'm always in the country so I just carry the burden. But we both said the same thing today. My original plan to was to buy an equal amount of land from each of them and build a house. But thankfully my wife talked me out of that. We ended up buying our own land separately so we will never have to deal with their crap.

 

So the latest issue is that my aunt thinks the field should be mowed. I gave her the same advice that I gave my mom when she was complaining about the horses, put a fence up. And just like her sister, her first thought was not about what benefits her but how it benefits her sister. That is the ultimate in pettiness and just overall ignorance. I passed the message along and of course, momma give the whiny speech about doing it so she doesn’t have to hear her sister’s mouth. Now normally, I would mow the pasture(did it last year) but now I have my own to mow, plus a wife and 2 kids. It usually takes about 3-4 days of straight mowing to get it done. And that’s less time for my family, just so those two idiots can be happy. Both of them have their own tractor, but neither wants to solve the problem.

 

 I’m headed to Virginia in the morning, I don’t care. Figure it out.

 

To me the most frustrating part is looking at them now is not how they raised me. The whiney-ass, it’s not my fault shit is something I couldn’t get away with growing. They both taught me to accept responsibility for my actions, accept reality and live my life. So to now watch them act so chickenshit is kind of sad. 

 

Last thing: I watched my aunt give her son shit today because he missed her birthday. Never mind the fact that he had to work(and told her beforehand). She talks about this man like he is the biggest disappointment ever. This is a kid who basically stayed by himself for the last two years of high school. And did nothing but go to school! I used to call him and get on his ass because he wasn't partying! The man stayed out of trouble, graduated college on time, got married had kids, and is probably a member of every organization you can think of.  I'm so proud of that boy, but his momma gives him shit like he stole $5 out of her purse. I hope my sons turn out half as good. He's 9 years younger than me so he is still learning that it's not about him. But more about her failures.  

 

 

 

Lock them both in a room and tell them to figure it out. 

tina turner auntie entity GIF

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  • 2 weeks later...

little bit different than the usual for this thread:

 

GF's 37 year old son-in-law dropped dead yesterday. Heart attack.  2 little kids.  What a shitshow.  He was a great guy, but he didn't stay in good shape, dipped, drank too much, overweight, etc.  

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On 8/9/2023 at 9:05 PM, Gil Bang said:

little bit different than the usual for this thread:

 

GF's 37 year old son-in-law dropped dead yesterday. Heart attack.  2 little kids.  What a shitshow.  He was a great guy, but he didn't stay in good shape, dipped, drank too much, overweight, etc.  

Damn, man...how old is your GF?  Is she your geriatric sugar momma?

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  • 1 month later...

I cannot stand my oldest brother. He is a bum-ass thief, liar and crook. Growing up, whenever we would get together, he always made us feel like it was our fault his daddy wasn't shit. No bitch, our daddy wasn't shit because he wasn't shit to begin with. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my twin sister's fault(3 months older than me), it wasn't the younger brother's fault(8 years younger than me) or the little sister(10 years younger). That muthafucka just wasn't shit! Maybe, you should ask your momma why she couldn't keep a man.

 

Our last living Aunt is sick, so baby brother and I went to Sunnyside to see her. We ran into his punk ass. Now he wants to be all family and shit. After he stole from his brothers and sisters when the old man died. Fuck him. I keep a tire thumper for people like him who aren't worth shooting. And if it wasn't for my lil bro, I probably would have popped his ass. 

 

I know it's wrong, I know I have too much to lose, I know I'm playing into the low impulse control but I just can't stand his ass. And I still got my bail/bullshit fund.

 

And I really can't stand his/my older bougie fake-ass sister.

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41 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

I cannot stand my oldest brother. He is a bum-ass thief, liar and crook. Growing up, whenever we would get together, he always made us feel like it was our fault his daddy wasn't shit. No bitch, our daddy wasn't shit because he wasn't shit to begin with. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't my twin sister's fault(3 months older than me), it wasn't the younger brother's fault(8 years younger than me) or the little sister(10 years younger). That muthafucka just wasn't shit! Maybe, you should ask your momma why she couldn't keep a man.

 

Our last living Aunt is sick, so baby brother and I went to Sunnyside to see her. We ran into his punk ass. Now he wants to be all family and shit. After he stole from his brothers and sisters when the old man died. Fuck him. I keep a tire thumper for people like him who aren't worth shooting. And if it wasn't for my lil bro, I probably would have popped his ass. 

 

I know it's wrong, I know I have too much to lose, I know I'm playing into the low impulse control but I just can't stand his ass. And I still got my bail/bullshit fund.

 

And I really can't stand his/my older bougie fake-ass sister.

Wut?

15 minutes ago, cactusflinthead said:

He ain't worth it. 

1234

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24 minutes ago, cactusflinthead said:

He ain't worth it. 

True in so many ways. however, if there is one sumbitch who needs a good horsewhipping. I just can't get past his ways. When the old man died, he stole the insurance policy(it wasn't much but still) and the car(2000 Monte Carlo). It wasn't the money but stealing from your family(younger siblings who could have used something) and talking trash about them. Especially when the old man didn't trust you to take him to the doctor or get his medicine. He and lil bro were locked up in the county for a couple of weeks at the same time and he basically shitted on him. That's fucked up. And worth a knock upside the head.

 

Now my little bro got himself right. Got his CDL, got married, and is a model citizen these days. But this clown is still struggling. So he is probably trying to get some money.

8 minutes ago, Parliament said:

Wut?

1234

Family joke because we were born in the same year and favor each other. Remember, my biological wasn't shit. Growing up I thought I had a sister, who was 3 months younger than me. Then, I found out she was actually 3 months older than me LOL She was in San Marcos while I was in Austin, so we got to hang out then.

 

The biological couldn't go to her wedding because the man who raised her knows who he is and would have had some very serious questions. Hell, I went to the wedding as a close friend of the groom. And I swear he was eyeballing me all night(people say I look like the biological). All things considered, we have a great relationship and see each other 3-4 times a year, and talk all the time.

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gawd...i just need to vent. i'm in tears! and at a loss for what to even say much less do bc this situation has exactly zilch to do with me except i am right in the fucking middle and it fucks with MY life and emotions! motherFUCK.

there is way too much backstory and history to go into... but basically i just spent an hour on the phone each with first my sister then my niece listening to each of their sides of a horrible, hurtful, emotionally traumatic rift that at this point i am not sure will ever be mended. and maybe it just shouldn't be. i don't fucking know other than besides my husband these are the two most important and closest people in my life and i cannot fix this! 

history involves single parenting, a lifetime of alcoholism, unchecked rage, eating disorder and OCD, young person self-centeredness and resentment, and both sides actually vocalizing all those thoughts that you normally know to keep in your head. i mean i actually heard the words 'i should have had an abortion' and 'just bc im related to her doesn't mean i can't hate her' today.

jfc. i can't do shit. my sister told me i'm too 'middle of the road' for her, but i mean wtf! if not for me my niece would have no steady adult to turn to, and she's still only 21!

gotdamn people. my trip to Texas to visit 'family' next week just got tossed into chaos. can't fucking wait. 💔😒

 

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1 hour ago, mchookem said:

gawd...i just need to vent. i'm in tears! and at a loss for what to even say much less do bc this situation has exactly zilch to do with me except i am right in the fucking middle and it fucks with MY life and emotions! motherFUCK.

there is way too much backstory and history to go into... but basically i just spent an hour on the phone each with first my sister then my niece listening to each of their sides of a horrible, hurtful, emotionally traumatic rift that at this point i am not sure will ever be mended. and maybe it just shouldn't be. i don't fucking know other than besides my husband these are the two most important and closest people in my life and i cannot fix this! 

history involves single parenting, a lifetime of alcoholism, unchecked rage, eating disorder and OCD, young person self-centeredness and resentment, and both sides actually vocalizing all those thoughts that you normally know to keep in your head. i mean i actually heard the words 'i should have had an abortion' and 'just bc im related to her doesn't mean i can't hate her' today.

jfc. i can't do shit. my sister told me i'm too 'middle of the road' for her, but i mean wtf! if not for me my niece would have no steady adult to turn to, and she's still only 21!

gotdamn people. my trip to Texas to visit 'family' next week just got tossed into chaos. can't fucking wait. 💔😒

 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this but it's going to be tremendous content.

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  • 3 weeks later...

BIL lives out in California and is having some issues with his steroid jacked up son, kid looks like the villain from Bloodsport so he basically ran away from home to here in NY to visit/stay with 2 of his daughters in Brooklyn.  Came up to visit with us for a couple of days and when it came time to catch the train back down to the City, lo and behold a mud slide is disrupting service between NYC/ Albany and so after not finding trains booked solid today, we decided to drive him down to catch a train in near Yonkers and then turn around and make the trek back home, so about a 6hr RT drive and I hate driving in the dark anymore. 

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  • 3 months later...

MIL announced via group text to family last night that God has told her to move to a house on 5 acres in the middle of a working ranch community outside of Kerrville. Now, it wasn't even 2 years ago that God had instructed her to sell the 250 acre ranch north of Harper and  move into an idyllic, gated 55+ community in Kerrville. All the family applauded that decision and her being 3 minutes from an HEB (when it's open) and 5 minutes to doctors, hospital, etc.  Plus she was getting far more frequent visits from her kids (we're the closest in Austin, the others are in Houston and Dallas) which she appreciated because the house + Kerrville were just more inviting. This was her "dream house" that she was so thankful God had provided for her. 

Welp, apparently her god is easily bored & wants her to move her senior citizen butt 20-30 minutes farther out into the sticks. Which means we get to help pack up her shit again & help her get settled. She'll be farther away from her friends & essential services which is a concern at her age. My wife sent a WTF text to her sis and bro last night and asking if they knew anything about this. Both responded with "it's mom, what are you going to do when God gives her instructions" kinda shrug. When pressed about why she no longer likes her "dream house" she offers taxes and not being able to see the night sky as brilliantly as she could at the old ranch. She just had a new stone patio w/ gas fire pit installed that we all gathered around drinking wine & marveling at the beautiful sunset from the bluff above the river at Thanksgiving.

So only my wife is raising the concern about their 76 YO mom making massive decisions due to instructions from god. Moving from a one-story, senior-designed home that she's pumped $150K into in renovations over the last 12 months to a larger, two-story house on acreage she will have to pay to have maintained that a church friend of hers is trying to unload should be setting off warning alarms everywhere. All I know is that this means I get to help re-pack and move all of her #%^$@ books and knick-knacks again, and then spend countless hours on the phone being her remote IT support again. 

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Good luck!  My dear old mom( 86) ignores anything financial I counsel her on because she hates hearing "No."  It doesn't matter that I have consistently advised her constructively and with collaboration with my brothers, with everything 100% above board and in her best interest.   It's frustrating AF.

All you can do is keep loving them and being the son that she needs.  You can't make em listen, until that time comes. Uggggh!!!!

 

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I hear ya, and since I'm only the SIL (least tenured at that) I keep my mouth shut when it comes to her finances. I'm here to support my wife as she tries to manage it. Her older brother is the Chosen Child and both parents have always deferred to his input. Since their dad died 3 years ago his influence has only grown. The sister is almost as much as a holy roller as their mother so whenever their mom says "God instructed me" she clams up and bows her head in servitude.

The MIL did well when she sold the old ranch. For the first time in her life she was flush (the FIL was a financial idiot and unemployed by choice by his mid 40s). She bought the place she's in now w/ cash, paid for the renovations, and oh yeah, replaced her car twice inside of 2 years with newer (but smaller...yay) models. She should die with plenty of money in the bank which makes the reduced property taxes as a reason for moving ring hollow.

So thankfully, her money shouldn't be an issue. She's agreed on a price for her friend's place and it's less than what she should get for her place. The bigger concern is her moving farther away from the amenities a woman her age needs. The more I look at it, the more I see the fingerprints of her son influencing a lot of this. The ranch community has features that he exclusively would benefit from. He may be positioning himself for a great inheritance while my wife & his sister get the shaft. That was the what their father intended to happen originally, BTW. But after his death & the MIL's relocation her will was supposed to have been updated for a clean, 3-way split. I'll let the other BIL dig into that deeper (he has zero qualms about putting his nose into the finances).

Fun days ahead...

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12 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

MIL announced via group text to family last night that God has told her to move to a house on 5 acres in the middle of a working ranch community outside of Kerrville. Now, it wasn't even 2 years ago that God had instructed her to sell the 250 acre ranch north of Harper and  move into an idyllic, gated 55+ community in Kerrville. All the family applauded that decision and her being 3 minutes from an HEB (when it's open) and 5 minutes to doctors, hospital, etc.  Plus she was getting far more frequent visits from her kids (we're the closest in Austin, the others are in Houston and Dallas) which she appreciated because the house + Kerrville were just more inviting. This was her "dream house" that she was so thankful God had provided for her. 

Welp, apparently her god is easily bored & wants her to move her senior citizen butt 20-30 minutes farther out into the sticks. Which means we get to help pack up her shit again & help her get settled. She'll be farther away from her friends & essential services which is a concern at her age. My wife sent a WTF text to her sis and bro last night and asking if they knew anything about this. Both responded with "it's mom, what are you going to do when God gives her instructions" kinda shrug. When pressed about why she no longer likes her "dream house" she offers taxes and not being able to see the night sky as brilliantly as she could at the old ranch. She just had a new stone patio w/ gas fire pit installed that we all gathered around drinking wine & marveling at the beautiful sunset from the bluff above the river at Thanksgiving.

So only my wife is raising the concern about their 76 YO mom making massive decisions due to instructions from god. Moving from a one-story, senior-designed home that she's pumped $150K into in renovations over the last 12 months to a larger, two-story house on acreage she will have to pay to have maintained that a church friend of hers is trying to unload should be setting off warning alarms everywhere. All I know is that this means I get to help re-pack and move all of her #%^$@ books and knick-knacks again, and then spend countless hours on the phone being her remote IT support again. 

You need to hire the best, toughest home inspector that you can find to rip that house to shreds.  I'm talking Bud fucking Ferguson*.  Convince her dumb ass that the negative inspection report is a message from Christ himself to back the fuck off of the place.

 

 

*Bud Ferguson

maxresdefault.jpg

 

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On 2/10/2024 at 8:49 AM, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Fun days ahead...

Wow; I have no words because the reasoning of MIL is just not going to have anything with which to rebut. However, James Earl Jones, at age 93 and pretty much retired, for a small ok maybe not so small fee may be convinced to record or call a message to your MIL strongly worded to the effect that God is not amused with her leaving the abode where she was surrounded by love to go wander in the desert.

 

@mchookem That is heartbreaking. Some of the same issues to which you referred have happened in my family background and it's a rough road with a lot of suffering. Hang in there. Vent in the Help thread or here if you need to...

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On 10/4/2023 at 4:48 PM, mchookem said:

gawd...i just need to vent. i'm in tears! and at a loss for what to even say much less do bc this situation has exactly zilch to do with me except i am right in the fucking middle and it fucks with MY life and emotions! motherFUCK.

there is way too much backstory and history to go into... but basically i just spent an hour on the phone each with first my sister then my niece listening to each of their sides of a horrible, hurtful, emotionally traumatic rift that at this point i am not sure will ever be mended. and maybe it just shouldn't be. i don't fucking know other than besides my husband these are the two most important and closest people in my life and i cannot fix this! 

history involves single parenting, a lifetime of alcoholism, unchecked rage, eating disorder and OCD, young person self-centeredness and resentment, and both sides actually vocalizing all those thoughts that you normally know to keep in your head. i mean i actually heard the words 'i should have had an abortion' and 'just bc im related to her doesn't mean i can't hate her' today.

jfc. i can't do shit. my sister told me i'm too 'middle of the road' for her, but i mean wtf! if not for me my niece would have no steady adult to turn to, and she's still only 21!

gotdamn people. my trip to Texas to visit 'family' next week just got tossed into chaos. can't fucking wait. 💔😒

 

Pardon me if this is callous:

You can’t fix what you didn’t break.  If helping these two people is impacting your own mental health, you need to pull back some.  Letting them drag you down only perpetuates the cycle.

What especially gets my attention is your sister telling you you’re too middle of the road for her.  Maybe you are.  Maybe you can’t do anything for her.

”Pulling back some” doesn’t mean completely disengaging.  It means not getting drawn into hour-long phone calls/text exchanges.  It might mean waiting a hour+ before replying.  Let them start figuring it out themself.

Or maybe it DOES mean completely disengaging.  If this is killing you, then it’s time to send a, “Sry can’t help bye,” text.

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  • 1 month later...
Posted (edited)

Welp, got back this afternoon after helping w/ the MIL's move Fri - Sun. The "turnkey" place she bought is, umm...interesting. She's just gonna need a few minor updates like:

  • adding an acre +/- of fencing (post & wire). That's actually far more than she needs to do to accommodate her 2 old dogs but she's decided that she'll install the max allowed by covenant
  • redo the driveway so delivery vehicles can access the house
  • gut the entire kitchen including all of the 30 year old appliances
  • replace all of the existing tiny, low-height commodes 
  • replace 75% of all of the light fixtures, install new CFs, a new garage door and opener and while the electrician is there she might as well spring for him to actually label the two breaker panels--one in the garage, one in the master closet which currently have handy notes like "plugs and lights upstairs" and "kitchen" with an arrow through 6 different breaker slots
  • replace upstairs carpeting (downstairs is all tile) that previous owners' dogs used as a toilet and now one of her dogs pisses/shits on whenever he gets a chance. She's installing a baby gate for a temp fix but the upstairs stinks to high heaven

That's just the must-do list. She's also talking about the clearing of agarita bushes and scrub trees, installing raised planter and flower beds, finding a way to cohesively connect 3 separate covered porches that wrap around 2/3 of the back of the house. They currently have multiple levels and steps that are incredibly unsafe in addition to looking like the designer was a failed Escher disciple. Then there's the repainting (interior and exterior), installing new bathroom fixtures, safety-proofing her bathroom that features a jacuzzi tub she accesses by walking up 3 tile steps without a single safety railing in sight. By code she should also have to install new tempered glass windows in the tub area but I'm guessing she'll balk at that. Speaking of safety, she's probably going to need more than the current two total smoke detectors--one per floor, installed in hallways--if any of us want to get a restful night's sleep when we're away.

So an easy six figures worth of renovations are coming. But I suspect it's more about her trying to find a way to get her kids to visit & help her with these projects which is just not physically possible at the level she's expecting. Mrs GOTJ is already fuming about what a money pit this "turnkey" place is going to be. I almost wish she'd go the route of other old people with some money & take up traveling to a casino when she's bored. She'd at least get some decent comps and she'd probably light less money on fire in the process.

Edited by GhostOfTomJoad
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19 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Welp, got back this afternoon after helping w/ the MIL's move Fri - Sun. The "turnkey" place she bought is, umm...interesting.

You and Mrs. GOTJ are saints. Just know this.

It's funny because all I can think about (with our children growing up and moving far away) is how to rid ourselves of a lifetime of possessions and flotsam and jetsam so that we can transition into less care for "things" as our need for care for ourselves increases. Some of these "things" hold a lot of memories and yet when it comes down to it...it's just extra trouble for those we care about. Sorry you've got this on your plate. Maybe it will go better than you think but regardless, vent here because it's a rocky road to navigate with those we love.

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  • 4 weeks later...

But doesn’t God tell folks to sell or pack their shit up and wander the desert on the reg? 

On 2/12/2024 at 8:23 AM, Mrs Whiggins said:

Wow; I have no words because the reasoning of MIL is just not going to have anything with which to rebut. However, James Earl Jones, at age 93 and pretty much retired, for a small ok maybe not so small fee may be convinced to record or call a message to your MIL strongly worded to the effect that God is not amused with her leaving the abode where she was surrounded by love to go wander in the desert.

 

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10 minutes ago, troph said:

But doesn’t God tell folks to sell or pack their shit up and wander the desert on the reg? 

I don’t know about God. But Jesus did.

Matthew 19:21 (New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition)

21 Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money[a] to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.”

Footnote:

[a] 19.21 Gk lacks the money

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