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The Importance of the Iowa State Game


BigOrange1

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25 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Again - we don't even control our own destiny - we could beat ISU by 70 points and still sit at home watching the Mountaineers and Sooners try to hump a doorknob against each other. So no - this isn't remotely the biggest game of the year. 

Whatever that means. It is the biggest game this week and that is all that matters. 

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13 minutes ago, ztejas said:

This entire thread is garbage as is your negging bitchassness. I expect OU to win out and play WVU for the title game. If we somehow sneak in at this point it will be a bonus on the season. I'm more interested in looking at what our 2 deep is going to look like next year. 

Also - your username is fucking retarded and you don't even have a profile pic. 

Good lord you are the biggest fucking bitch on this site. Always whining and crying about something. Crying about a username and lack of profile pic? 

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52 minutes ago, Andy1992 said:

Just curious. As a Cyclone fan I like to read the Nebraska/Texas big 12 championship story every year at this time with it being game week and all. I could not find that story. Anyone have that story saved. It's kind of like my "Twas the night before Christmas" of football.

If you really liked that I will do you one better google

"The top 10 OU meltdowns in the Little bobby stoops era"

RIP

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1 hour ago, Andy1992 said:

Just curious. As a Cyclone fan I like to read the Nebraska/Texas big 12 championship story every year at this time with it being game week and all. I could not find that story. Anyone have that story saved. It's kind of like my "Twas the night before Christmas" of football.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CFB/comments/39wtv8/does_everyone_know_of_the_tale_of_the_overzealous/

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I feel like those saying the defense can't be fixed this year are implying it being fixed next season. If that's the case, here's some buzz to kill...

We lose 8 of the 11 starters this season. Say what you will about those starters but if we really had better options at this point, I'm sure it would've been utilized. Think Donovan Duvernay in the last game. 

So enjoy this game, this crazy season and the position we're in currently. Nothing else is more important until after we beat corn Saturday night on our own fucking network. 

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15 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

 So enjoy this game, this crazy season and the position we're in currently. Nothing else is more important until after we beat corn Saturday night on our own fucking network. 

We don't play corn any more.  Iowa state are the tornado birds.

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Spoiler

 

This is a Texas fan back in 1999

A chronology of events for Saturday, December 4, 1999, and the early morning hours of Sunday, December 5, 1999: Can you relate?????

6:00 Arise, play the Eyes of Texas and Texas Fight at full_freaking blast

6:20 Get in car, drive to New Braunsfel for golf.

7:30 Tee off (me and a buddy were the FIRST tee_time of the morning)

8:50 Turn 9 (crack open first beer)

8:53 Crack open second beer

8:58 Crack open...(you get the idea)

10:30 Finish 18 (holes, as well as beers), sign scorecard for smoooooth 95

10:35 Headed for San Antonio

10:50 Buy three 18packs for pre and post_game festivities

11:10 We decide we don't have enough booze, so we double_back to a liquor store and buy the good ol' 750 ml plastic bottle "Traveler" Jim Beam

11:50 Arrive at the tailgate spot. Awesome day. Not a single cloud in the sky. About 70 degrees.

11:55 I decide that we're going to kick the s**t out of Nebraska.

11:56 I tell my first Nebraska fan to go f**k himself.

12:15 The UT band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. We're on the second floor of a two_story parking garage on the corner (a couple hundred of us). We're hooting and hollering like wildmen. The band doubles back to the street right below us and serenades us with Texas Fight and The Eyes of Texas. AWESOME MOMENT.

12:25 In the post_serenade serendipity, 50_100 grown men are bumping chests with one another, each and every one of them now secure and certain of the fact that we are going to kick the s**t out of Nebraska.

1:00 The Nebraska band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. Again, we hoot and holler like wildmen. Again, the band doubles back and stops right below us to serenade us, this time, however, with the Nebraska fight songs. Although somewhat impressed by their spirit and verve, we remain convinced that we are going to kick the s**t out of Nebraska.

1:30 I begin the walk to the Alamodome, somehow managing to stuff the "Traveler" and 11cans of beer into my pants.

1:47 I am in line surrounded by Nebraska fans. They are taunting me. I am taunting back, still certain that we are going to kick the st out of Nebraska. I decide to challenge a particularly vocal Nebraska fan to play what I now call and will forever be remembered as "Cell_Phone Flop Out." Remember flop out for a dollar? The rules are similar. I tell this Nebraska jacs that if he's so confident in his team, he should "flop out" his cell phone RIGHT NOW and make plane reservations to Phoenix for the Fiesta Bowl. And then I spoke these memorable words: "And not those dang refundable tickets, either! You request those non_refundable, non_transferrable sons_of_bi**es!" He backs down. He is unworthy. I call Southwest Airlines and buy two tickets to Phoenix, non_refundable and non_transferrable. Price: $712. He is humbled. He lowers his head in shame. I raise my cell phone in triumph to the cheers of hundreds of Texas fans. I am KING and these are my subjects. I distribute the 11 beers in my pants to the cheering masses. I RULE the pre_game kingdom.

2:34 Kickoff. Brimming with confidence, I open the Traveler and pour my first stiffy.

2:45 I notice something troubling: Nebraska is big. Nebraska is fast. Nebraska is very pi$$ed off at Texas.

3:01 The first quarter mercifully ends. 9 yards total offense for Texas. Zero first downs for Texas. I'm still talking s**t. I pour another stiffy from the Traveler.

3:36 Four minutes to go in the first half: the Traveler is a dead soldier. I buy my first $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. While I am standing in line, a center snap nearly decapitates Major Applewhite and rolls out of the end zone. Safety.

3:56 Halftime score: Nebraska 15, Texas 0. I wish I had another Traveler.

4:11 While urinating next to a Nebraska fan in the bathroom at halftime, I attempt to revive the classic Brice_ism from the South Bend bathroom: "Hey, buddy, niiiiiiiiice c**k." He is unamused.

4:21 I buy my 2nd and 3rd $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. I share my beer with two high school girls sitting behind me. Surprisingly, they are equipped with a flask full of vodka. I send them off to purchase $5 Sprites, so that we may consume their vodka. I have not lost faith. Nebraska is a bunch of pu****s.

4:51 No more vodka. The girls sitting behind me have fled for their lives. I purchase two more $5 beers from the Alamodome merchants.

5:18 Score is Nebraska 22, Texas 0. I am beginning to lose faith. This normally would trouble me, but I am too drunk to see the football field.

5:27 I call Southwest Airlines: "I'm sorry, sir. Those tickets have been confirmed and are non_refundable and non_transferrable."

5:37 I try to start a fight with every person behind the concession counter. As it turns out, the Alamodome has a policy that no beer can be sold when there is less than 10 minutes on the game clock. I am enraged by this policy. I ask loudly: "Why the fk didn't you announce last call over the fking PA system??!!"

5:49 Back in my seats, I am slumped in my chair in defeat. All of a sudden, the Texas crowd goes absolutely nuts.

"Whazzis?," I mutter, awaking from my coma, "Iz we winnig? Did wez scort?" Alas, the answer is no, we were not winning and we did not score. The largest (by far) cheer of the day from the Texas faithful occurred when the handlers were walking back to the tunnel and Bevo stopped to take a gargantuan s*it all over the letters "S", "K", and "A" in the "Nebraska" spelled out in their end zone. I cheer wildly. I pick up the empty Traveler bottle and stick my tongue in it. I am thirsty.

6:16 Nebraska fans are going berserk as I walk back to the truck. I would taunt them with some off_color remarks about their parentage, but I am too drunk to form complete sentences. With my last cognitive thought of the evening, I take solace in the fact that if we had not beaten them in October, they would be playing Florida State for the national championship.

6:30 Back in the car. On the way back to Austin for the 8:00 Texas_Arizona tip off. We can still salvage the day! I crack open a beer. It is warm. I don't care.

7:12 We have stopped for gas. I am hungry. I go inside the store. I walk past the beer frig. I notice a Zima. I've never had a Zima. I wonder if it's any good. I pull a Zima from the frig. I twist the top off and drink the Zima in three swallows. Zima sucks. I replace the empty bottle in the frig.

7:17 There is a Blimpie Subs in the store. I walk to where the ingredients are, where the person usually makes the sub. There is no one there. I lean over the counter and scoop out half a bucket of black olives. I eat them. I am still hungry. I lean further over the counter and grab approximately two pounds of Pastrami. I walk out of the store grunting and eating Pastrami. The patrons in the store fear me. I don't care.

8:01 We are in South Austin. I have been drinking warm beer and singing Brooks and Dunn tunes for over an hour. My truck_mate is tired of my singing. He suggests that perhaps Brooks and Dunn have written other good songs besides "You're Going to Miss Me When I'm Gone" and "Neon Moon" and that maybe listening to only those two songs, ten times each was a bit excessive. Perhaps, he suggests, I could just let the CD play on its own. I tell him to f**k off and restart "Neon Moon."

8:30 We arrive at the Erwin Center. My truckmate, against my loud and profane protestations, parks on the top floor of a nearby parking garage. I tell him he's an idiot. I tell him we will never get out. I tell him we may as well pitch a f***ing tent here. He ignores me. I think he's still pissed about the Brooks and Dunn tunes. I whistle "Neon Moon" loudly.

8:47 I am rallying. I have 4 warm beers stuffed in my pants. We're going to kick the s**t out of Arizona.

9:11 Halftime score: Texas 31, Arizona 29. I am pleased. I go to the bathroom to pee for the 67th time today. I giggle to myself because of the new opportunity to do "the bathroom Bernice." There are no Arizona fans in the bathroom. I am disappointed. I tell myself (out loud) that I have a "Niiiiiice c**k." No one is amused but me.

9:41 I walk to the bathroom while drinking Bud Light out of a can. Needless to say, they do not sell beer at the Erwin Center, much less Bud Light out of a can. I am stopped by an usher: "Where did you get that, sir?" I tell him (no s**t): "Oh, the cheerleaders were throwing them up with those little plastic footballs. Would you mind throwing this away for me?" I take the last swig and hand it to him. He is confused. I pretend I'm going to the bathroom, but I run away giggling instead. I duck into some entrance to avoid the usher, who is now pursuing me. I sneak into a large group of people and sit down. The usher walks by harmlessly. I am giggling like a little girl. I crack open another can of Bud Light.

9:52 I am lost. In my haste to avoid the usher, I have lost my bearings. I have no ticket stub. I cannot find my seats. Texas is losing.

10:09 Texas is being sc**ed by the refs. I am enraged. I have cleared out the seats around me because I keep removing my hat and beating the surrounding chairs with it. A concerned fan asks if I'm OK and perhaps I shouldn't take it so seriously. I tell him to f*k off.

10:15 After the fourth consecutive "worst f**king call I have EVER seen," I attempt to remove my hat again to begin beating inanimate objects. However, on this occasion I miscalculate and I thumbnail myself in my left eyelid, leaving a one_quarter inch gash over my eye. I am now bleeding into my left eye and all over my shirt. "Perhaps," I think to myself, "I'm taking this a bit too seriously."

10:22 I am standing in the bathroom peeing. I'm so drunk I am swaying and grunting. I have a bloody napkin pressed on my left eye. My pants are bloody. I have my (formerly) white shirt wrapped around my waist. I look like I should be in an episode of Cops.

10:43 Texas has lost. I put my bloody white shirt back on my body and make my way for the exits. I am stopped every 20 seconds by a good samaritan/cop/security guard to ask me why I am covered in blood, but I merely grunt incoherently and keep moving.

10:59 With my one good eye, I have located the parking garage. I walk up six flights of stairs, promise that when I see my friend I will punch him in the face for making me walk up six flights of stairs, find the truck, and collapse in a heap in the of the bed of the truck. I look around and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I take a nap.

11:17 I awake from my nap. I see my friend in the driver's seat. I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I am too tired to punch my friend. I call my friend a "Stupid c******ker."

11:31 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid c*******er."

11:38 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid c*****cker."

11:47 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid c*****cker."

11:58 I am jostled. The truck is moving. I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is beginning to move on the second floor. I jump out of the truck, walk to the edge of the parking facility, and pee off the sixth floor onto the street below. My friend looks at me like I just anally violated his minor sister. I turn around and pee on the front of his truck while singing the lyrics to "Neon Moon."

12:11 We are moving. We are out of beer. I jump from the truck and go from vehicle to vehicle until someone gives me two beers. I am happy. I return to my vehicle.

12:26 We have emerged from the parking facility. We make our way to my apartment and find Ed sitting on the couch with a freshly opened bottle of Glenlivet on the coffee table in front of him. We are all going to die tonight.

12:59 We have finished three_quarters of the bottle of Glenlivet. We decide it would be a wonderful idea to go dancing at PollyEsther's. Ed has to pee. He walks down the hall to our apartment and directly into the full length mirror at the end of the hall, smashing it into hundreds of pieces. We giggle uncontrollably and leave for PollyEsther's.

1:17 The PollyEsther's doorman laughs uncontrollably at our efforts to enter his club. "Fellas," he says in between his fits of spastic laughter, "I've been working this door for almost a year. I've been working doors in this town for almost 5 years. And I can honestly say that I ain't never seen three drunker mother f******s than you three. Sorry, can't let you in." We attempt to reason with him. He laughs harder.

1:44 We find a bar that lets us in. We take two steps in the door and hear "Last call for alcohol!" I turn to the group and mutter: "See, dat wasn't that fkin' hard. Day don't fkin' do that at the Awamo...the awaom...the alab...f**k it, that stadium we was at today.." We order 6 shots of tequila and three beers.

2:15 Back on the street. We need food. We hail a cab to take us one and one half blocks to Katz's. The cab fare is $1.60. We give him $10 and tell him to keep it.

2:17 There is a 20 minute wait. We give the hostess $50. We are seated immediately.

2:25 We order two orders of fried pickles, a Cobb salad, a bowl of soup, two orders of Blueberry blintzes, two Reuben sandwiches, a hamburger, two cheese stuffed potatoes, an order of fries, and an order of onion rings.

2:39 The food arrives. We are all asleep with our heads on the table. The waiter wakes us up. We eat every f**ing bit of our food. Most of the restaurant patrons around us are disgusted. We don't give a f*k. The tab is $112 with tip.

2:46 I'm sleepy.

9:12 I wake up next to a strange woman. She is the bartender at Katz's. She is not pretty.

 

You're doing it wrong?

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Opened it in chrome. Selectomatic, copy to clipboard. Wallah! Enjoy!

This is a Texas fan back in 1999
A chronology of events for Saturday, December 4, 1999, and the early morning hours of Sunday, December 5, 1999: Can you relate?????
6:00 Arise, play the Eyes of Texas and Texas Fight at full_freaking blast
6:20 Get in car, drive to New Braunsfel for golf.
7:30 Tee off (me and a buddy were the FIRST tee_time of the morning)
8:50 Turn 9 (crack open first beer)
8:53 Crack open second beer
8:58 Crack open...(you get the idea)
10:30 Finish 18 (holes, as well as beers), sign scorecard for smoooooth 95
10:35 Headed for San Antonio
10:50 Buy three 18packs for preand post_game festivities
11:10 We decide we don't have enough booze, so we double_back to a liquor store and buy the good ol' 750 ml plastic bottle "Traveler" Jim Beam
11:50 Arrive at the tailgate spot. Awesome day. Not a single cloud in the sky. About 70 degrees.
11:55 I decide that we're going to kick the s**t out of Nebraska.
11:56 I tell my first Nebraska fan to go f**k himself.
12:15 The UT band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. We're on the second floor of a two_story parking garage on the corner (a couple hundred of us). We're hooting and hollering like wildmen. The band doubles back to the street right below us and serenades us with Texas Fight and The Eyes of Texas. AWESOME MOMENT.
12:25 In the post_serenade serendipity, 50_100 grown men are bumping chests with one another, each and every one of them now secure and certain of the fact that we are going to kick the s**t out of Nebraska.
1:00 The Nebraska band walks by on the way to the Alamodome. Again, we hoot and holler like wildmen. Again, the band doubles back and stops right below us to serenade us, this time, however, with the Nebraska fight songs. Although somewhat impressed by their spirit and verve, we remain convinced that we are going to kick the s**t out of Nebraska.
1:30 I begin the walk to the Alamodome, somehow managing to stuff the "Traveler" and 11cans of beer into my pants.
1:47 I am in line surrounded by Nebraska fans. They are taunting me. I am taunting back, still certain that we are going to kick the st out of Nebraska. I decide to challenge a particularly vocal Nebraska fan to play what I now call and will forever be remembered as "Cell_Phone Flop Out." Remember flop out for a dollar? The rules are similar. I tell this Nebraska jacs that if he's so confident in his team, he should "flop out" his cell phone RIGHT NOW and make plane reservations to Phoenix for the Fiesta Bowl. And then I spoke these memorable words: "And not those dang refundable tickets, either! You request those non_refundable, non_transferrable sons_of_bi**es!" He backs down. He is unworthy. I call Southwest Airlines and buy two tickets to Phoenix, non_refundable and non_transferrable. Price: $712. He is humbled. He lowers his head in shame. I raise my cell phone in triumph to the cheers of hundreds of Texas fans. I am KING and these are my subjects. I distribute the 11 beers in my pants to the cheering masses. I RULE the pre_game kingdom.
2:34 Kickoff. Brimming with confidence, I open the Traveler and pour my first stiffy.
2:45 I notice something troubling: Nebraska is big. Nebraska is fast. Nebraska is very pi$$ed off at Texas.
3:01 The first quarter mercifully ends. 9 yards total offense for Texas. Zero first downs for Texas. I'm still talking s**t. I pour another stiffy from the Traveler.
3:36 Four minutes to go in the first half: the Traveler is a dead soldier. I buy my first $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. While I am standing in line, a center snap nearly decapitates Major Applewhite and rolls out of the end zone. Safety.
3:56 Halftime score: Nebraska 15, Texas 0. I wish I had another Traveler.
4:11 While urinating next to a Nebraska fan in the bathroom at halftime, I attempt to revive the classic Brice_ism from the South Bend bathroom: "Hey, buddy, niiiiiiiiice c**k." He is unamused.
4:21 I buy my 2nd and 3rd $5 beer from the Alamodome merchants. I share my beer with two high school girls sitting behind me. Surprisingly, they are equipped with a flask full of vodka. I send them off to purchase $5 Sprites, so that we may consume their vodka. I have not lost faith. Nebraska is a bunch of pu****s.
4:51 No more vodka. The girls sitting behind me have fled for their lives. I purchase two more $5 beers from the Alamodome merchants.
5:18 Score is Nebraska 22, Texas 0. I am beginning to lose faith. This normally would trouble me, but I am too drunk to see the football field.
5:27 I call Southwest Airlines: "I'm sorry, sir. Those tickets have been confirmed and are non_refundable and non_transferrable."
5:37 I try to start a fight with every person behind the concession counter. As it turns out, the Alamodome has a policy that no beer can be sold when there is less than 10 minutes on the game clock. I am enraged by this policy. I ask loudly: "Why the fk didn't you announce last call over the fking PA system??!!"
5:49 Back in my seats, I am slumped in my chair in defeat. All of a sudden, the Texas crowd goes absolutely nuts.
"Whazzis?," I mutter, awaking from my coma, "Iz we winnig? Did wez scort?" Alas, the answer is no, we were not winning and we did not score. The largest (by far) cheer of the day from the Texas faithful occurred when the handlers were walking back to the tunnel and Bevo stopped to take a gargantuan s*it all over the letters "S", "K", and "A" in the "Nebraska" spelled out in their end zone. I cheer wildly. I pick up the empty Traveler bottle and stick my tongue in it. I am thirsty.
6:16 Nebraska fans are going berserk as I walk back to the truck. I would taunt them with some off_color remarks about their parentage, but I am too drunk to form complete sentences. With my last cognitive thought of the evening, I take solace in the fact that if we had not beaten them in October, they would be playing Florida State for the national championship.
6:30 Back in the car. On the way back to Austin for the 8:00 Texas_Arizona tip off. We can still salvage the day! I crack open a beer. It is warm. I don't care.
7:12 We have stopped for gas. I am hungry. I go inside the store. I walk past the beer frig. I notice a Zima. I've never had a Zima. I wonder if it's any good. I pull a Zima from the frig. I twist the top off and drink the Zima in three swallows. Zima sucks. I replace the empty bottle in the frig.
7:17 There is a Blimpie Subs in the store. I walk to where the ingredients are, where the person usually makes the sub. There is no one there. I lean over the counter and scoop out half a bucket of black olives. I eat them. I am still hungry. I lean further over the counter and grab approximately two pounds of Pastrami. I walk out of the store grunting and eating Pastrami. The patrons in the store fear me. I don't care.
8:01 We are in South Austin. I have been drinking warm beer and singing Brooks and Dunn tunes for over an hour. My truck_mate is tired of my singing. He suggests that perhaps Brooks and Dunn have written other good songs besides "You're Going to Miss Me When I'm Gone" and "Neon Moon" and that maybe listening to only those two songs, ten times each was a bit excessive. Perhaps, he suggests, I could just let the CD play on its own. I tell him to f**k off and restart "Neon Moon."
8:30 We arrive at the Erwin Center. My truckmate, against my loud and profane protestations, parks on the top floor of a nearby parking garage. I tell him he's an idiot. I tell him we will never get out. I tell him we may as well pitch a f***ing tent here. He ignores me. I think he's still pissed about the Brooks and Dunn tunes. I whistle "Neon Moon" loudly.
8:47 I am rallying. I have 4 warm beers stuffed in my pants. We're going to kick the s**t out of Arizona.
9:11 Halftime score: Texas 31, Arizona 29. I am pleased. I go to the bathroom to pee for the 67th time today. I giggle to myself because of the new opportunity to do "the bathroom Bernice." There are no Arizona fans in the bathroom. I am disappointed. I tell myself (out loud) that I have a "Niiiiiice c**k." No one is amused but me.
9:41 I walk to the bathroom while drinking Bud Light out of a can. Needless to say, they do not sell beer at the Erwin Center, much less Bud Light out of a can. I am stopped by an usher: "Where did you get that, sir?" I tell him (no s**t): "Oh, the cheerleaders were throwing them up with those little plastic footballs. Would you mind throwing this away for me?" I take the last swig and hand it to him. He is confused. I pretend I'm going to the bathroom, but I run away giggling instead. I duck into some entrance to avoid the usher, who is now pursuing me. I sneak into a large group of people and sit down. The usher walks by harmlessly. I am giggling like a little girl. I crack open another can of Bud Light.
9:52 I am lost. In my haste to avoid the usher, I have lost my bearings. I have no ticket stub. I cannot find my seats. Texas is losing.
10:09 Texas is being sc**ed by the refs. I am enraged. I have cleared out the seats around me because I keep removing my hat and beating the surrounding chairs with it. A concerned fan asks if I'm OK and perhaps I shouldn't take it so seriously. I tell him to f*k off.
10:15 After the fourth consecutive "worst f**king call I have EVER seen," I attempt to remove my hat again to begin beating inanimate objects. However, on this occasion I miscalculate and I thumbnail myself in my left eyelid, leaving a one_quarter inch gash over my eye. I am now bleeding into my left eye and all over my shirt. "Perhaps," I think to myself, "I'm taking this a bit too seriously."
10:22 I am standing in the bathroom peeing. I'm so drunk I am swaying and grunting. I have a bloody napkin pressed on my left eye. My pants are bloody. I have my (formerly) white shirt wrapped around my waist. I look like I should be in an episode of Cops.
10:43 Texas has lost. I put my bloody white shirt back on my body and make my way for the exits. I am stopped every 20 seconds by a good samaritan/cop/security guard to ask me why I am covered in blood, but I merely grunt incoherently and keep moving.
10:59 With my one good eye, I have located the parking garage. I walk up six flights of stairs, promise that when I see my friend I will punch him in the face for making me walk up six flights of stairs, find the truck, and collapse in a heap in the of the bed of the truck. I look around and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I take a nap.
11:17 I awake from my nap. I see my friend in the driver's seat. I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I am too tired to punch my friend. I call my friend a "Stupid c******ker."
11:31 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid c*******er."
11:38 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid c*****cker."
11:47 I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is lined up all the way around the garage, six whole flights, and no one is moving. I call my friend a "Stupid c*****cker."
11:58 I am jostled. The truck is moving. I lift my head to look out the bed of the truck and notice that traffic is beginning to move on the second floor. I jump out of the truck, walk to the edge of the parking facility, and pee off the sixth floor onto the street below. My friend looks at me like I just anally violated his minor sister. I turn around and pee on the front of his truck while singing the lyrics to "Neon Moon."
12:11 We are moving. We are out of beer. I jump from the truck and go from vehicle to vehicle until someone gives me two beers. I am happy. I return to my vehicle.
12:26 We have emerged from the parking facility. We make our way to my apartment and find Ed sitting on the couch with a freshly opened bottle of Glenlivet on the coffee table in front of him. We are all going to die tonight.
12:59 We have finished three_quarters of the bottle of Glenlivet. We decide it would be a wonderful idea to go dancing at PollyEsther's. Ed has to pee. He walks down the hall to our apartment and directly into the full length mirror at the end of the hall, smashing it into hundreds of pieces. We giggle uncontrollably and leave for PollyEsther's.
1:17 The PollyEsther's doorman laughs uncontrollably at our efforts to enter his club. "Fellas," he says in between his fits of spastic laughter, "I've been working this door for almost a year. I've been working doors in this town for almost 5 years. And I can honestly say that I ain't never seen three drunker mother f******s than you three. Sorry, can't let you in." We attempt to reason with him. He laughs harder.
1:44 We find a bar that lets us in. We take two steps in the door and hear "Last call for alcohol!" I turn to the group and mutter: "See, dat wasn't that fkin' hard. Day don't fkin' do that at the Awamo...the awaom...the alab...f**k it, that stadium we was at today.." We order 6 shots of tequila and three beers.
2:15 Back on the street. We need food. We hail a cab to take us one and one half blocks to Katz's. The cab fare is $1.60. We give him $10 and tell him to keep it.
2:17 There is a 20 minute wait. We give the hostess $50. We are seated immediately.
2:25 We order two orders of fried pickles, a Cobb salad, a bowl of soup, two orders of Blueberry blintzes, two Reuben sandwiches, a hamburger, two cheese stuffed potatoes, an order of fries, and an order of onion rings.
2:39 The food arrives. We are all asleep with our heads on the table. The waiter wakes us up. We eat every f**ing bit of our food. Most of the restaurant patrons around us are disgusted. We don't give a f*k. The tab is $112 with tip.
2:46 I'm sleepy.
9:12 I wake up next to a strange woman. She is the bartender at Katz's. She is not pretty.


HAH! Fuck you reddit, got it anyway. OU sucks.

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https://columbustelegram.com/nebraska-fans-hurt-by-angry-texas-faithful/article_44213ebf-15b1-527d-b0ae-cffa1dac191f.html

AP

Nebraska fans hurt by angry Texas faithful

Dec 7, 1999

 

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SAN ANTONIO (AP) — Members of a Nebraska family claim they were attacked at the Alamodome by drunken University of Texas backers angry about their team's loss in the Big 12 championship game.
The family first leveled the accusations in the Omaha World-Herald, saying a mob of about 15 Longhorn fans attacked them as they tried to leave the stadium Saturday.
The article set off a flurry of messages to the Nebraska newspaper's Internet site. Some messages called Longhorns "classless" and cast a shadow over Texans in general.

By late Sunday, the sparring between loyalists of both teams had spread to the Web pages of the Austin American-Statesman. Some Longhorns played down what they saw as a typical post-game scuffle. Others were embarrassed by the allegations.
The incident started with heckling and ended with a broken nose, a chipped tooth, a swollen jaw, bruises and cuts for the family members, said Don Losole Jr., 30, a San Antonio food salesman who moved here two years ago.
His father and three brothers were visiting from Omaha over the weekend, and they attended the game at the Alamodome.
The Nebraska family was seated in the Texas section and openly cheered.
Taunts started immediately, but the tone turned increasingly mean as Nebraska closed in on its bruising 22-6 victory, Losole said.
"They were ranting and raving about how they wanted to beat us up," he said. "It got worse with the alcohol. I'd say 90 percent of it had to do with alcohol being served at the Alamodome."

When the game ended and a physical confrontation seemed imminent, the Losoles hung back from the crowds leaving the stadium in hopes of avoiding a fight, Losole said.
The assailants waited for them at an exit, the family said.
Somebody shouted, "We're going to show you how to make a Texas sandwich," according to the Losoles.

Dave Losole, 29, said he spotted a San Antonio police officer at a lower level wearing a full uniform and gun and asked him for help, but the officer brushed off his request. He reportedly told Dave Losole to "calm down."
As the Losole family tried to leave, the Longhorn fans rushed the group, the Losoles said.
"It was the scariest moment of my life," Dave Losole was quoted as saying in today's San Antonio Express-News.
Both Losole brothers estimated about four or five Longhorn fans tackled each of them. Don Losole said he saw his 51-year-old father, the owner of an Italian restaurant in Omaha, get punched in the side of the head.
Security guards broke up the melee, Dave Lasole said. Police ordered the group to scatter, but made no arrests.
The family members said they filed a report with Alamodome security officers and later with police at Methodist Hospital. Police would not immediately confirm the filing of the reports.

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19 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

I feel like those saying the defense can't be fixed this year are implying it being fixed next season. If that's the case, here's some buzz to kill...

We lose 8 of the 11 starters this season. Say what you will about those starters but if we really had better options at this point, I'm sure it would've been utilized. Think Donovan Duvernay in the last game. 

So enjoy this game, this crazy season and the position we're in currently. Nothing else is more important until after we beat corn Saturday night on our own fucking network. 

Look at the replacements on the OLine, RB, and even QB to an extent this year. I'll admit it is blind faith because we won't know until we see them play, but you can't tell me our defense is going to be any worse next year with guys like Anthony Wheeler, PJ Locke, and Kris Boyd gone. Brandon Jones, Caden Sterns, BJ Foster, and Anthony Cook all return. Add to that Jalen Green, Demarvion Overshown, Ayodele Adeoye all redshirted and will probably contribute in some capacity next year. Then guys like Keondre Coburn (listed at 330lbs) and Jamari Chisholm could ball out. A healthy Malcolm Roach returns as well. I know one thing is for sure, a lot of the guys that have played support roles this year or that have redshirted, are likely going to be baptized by fire next year against LSU, fortunately it is at home and we get a warm up game against Louisiana Tech. 3 of our first 4 games are at home (4/4 if you include the game in Houston against Rice), the schedule sets up nicely. We also get Oklahoma State and West Virginia early and both will be replacing QBs.

I'm most concerned about LB and whether or not Coburn can be the cog in the middle of the defense I believe he is capable of being.

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2 hours ago, ztejas said:

Again - we don't even control our own destiny - we could beat ISU by 70 points and still sit at home watching the Mountaineers and Sooners try to hump a doorknob against each other. So no - this isn't remotely the biggest game of the year. 

True, but i'd rather watch us win by 70 and know we have an outside shot at playing in the CCG than losing by 1 and knowing we don't. 

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Wow... came here to read about the ISU game and ending up commenting on the Losole brothers.  🤣
Fuck those fat fucks I remember that story when it came out.  You don't get jumped by 15 Texas fans
for cheering for the other team. You get jumped for talking major shit the entire game.... like they were. 

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46 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

I feel like those saying the defense can't be fixed this year are implying it being fixed next season. If that's the case, here's some buzz to kill...

We lose 8 of the 11 starters this season. Say what you will about those starters but if we really had better options at this point, I'm sure it would've been utilized. Think Donovan Duvernay in the last game. 

So enjoy this game, this crazy season and the position we're in currently. Nothing else is more important until after we beat corn Saturday night on our own fucking network. 

This is where fan / booster impatience drives me insane.  We will be suffering the consequences of Herman's transition year recruiting class and the scheme change on D for a long-ass time. 

I don't want to get into the merits or lack thereof of Strong or any other coach, but pulling the plug on any coach at any program less than four years in to their tenure is rash. It's rash, and we should all know it because Tennessee has been out there circling the drain since forever. It looks like the Noles are heading in that direction too -- there is already talk of firing Taggart. 

Bottom line: Strong recruited really well, especially on D, and a lot of those guys left early last year and a few quality seniors will leave this year. That the D would regress this year was predictable -- personnel loss will do that to a unit. Just as personnel gains will aid a struggling unit -- having a QB who was no longer a true frosh playing behind a bolstered OL leads to happier results than what we've seen over the last decade in that regard.

Again, you have to take the long view when you look at a program. Mack burned the whole thing down from 2009 on. From that point forward, he recruited one QB worth a shit -- Ash --  who sadly did not work out. His recruiting / coaching on the OL was absolutely atrocious. An alarm bell went off for me when Bruce Matthews took his kids to visit a practice and literally came away laughing at how terrible our OL coaching was. And then, of course, he sent his kids to aggy instead.

Yeah, we might have still had "good kids who graduated," but they did so while sitting around getting stoned and were not too concerned about maximizing their football careers.

Sheeit, some of this makes me wonder about if we can ever get back. I come from a music background and I know musicians who avoided ever moving to Austin because it was just too easy to get lost in the pussy and drugs there. A son of a Texas music legend once told me, "They come to town full of piss and vinegar, and then they find a pot dealer, get a hot girlfriend and a job at Thundercloud,  and that's the last you ever hear of them."

And that's just if you are gigging on Red River....I imagine it might be a whole lot harder if you are strutting around campus as a football player.  

Getting back to the original point, I played HS ball for a program that was a little like this. There had been a glory period a few years before I arrived there, and I am not sure if that coach was fired for being a little too gung-ho or if he was tempted away by a higher salary, but he is still coaching today, 30 years later, at a school that churns out blue-chips, including many that have starred for UT and a few NFL all-pros. 

After he left it was one shitty replacement after another, each one bringing in new systems with them. Effectively, you have to relearn football again and again, and it sucks, and the team sucks as a result. And then that coach gets fired. Repeat as necessary. 

 

 

 

 

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14 minutes ago, Rockethorn1978 said:

True, but i'd rather watch us win by 70 and know we have an outside shot at playing in the CCG than losing by 1 and knowing we don't. 

Optimally I'd rather we are 2 deep in the secondary and Dline and had beaten WVU by 20 points and get ready to lube up for a good ol' OU rematch. 

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On the defense - I can't imagine we will be worse next year. We are oozing with teenage talent that needs to spend a summer getting their ass chewed out in the weight room and fatten up on some late night Whata. 

On top of that - we are adding at least 6 4stars on D next season that could have an impact on the 2 deep.

But - we still won't be that experienced or deep. There is no fucking reason for freshmen to be starting on D for Texas. That's bush league shit (outside of Sterns who would start on all but 6-7 teams in the country). 

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58 minutes ago, WBT said:

We don't play corn any more.  Iowa state are the tornado birds.

The corn you're referring to isn't the corn of today. ISU would beat Nebraska handedly. 

41 minutes ago, Texas25 said:

Look at the replacements on the OLine, RB, and even QB to an extent this year. I'll admit it is blind faith because we won't know until we see them play, but you can't tell me our defense is going to be any worse next year with guys like Anthony Wheeler, PJ Locke, and Kris Boyd gone. Brandon Jones, Caden Sterns, BJ Foster, and Anthony Cook all return. Add to that Jalen Green, Demarvion Overshown, Ayodele Adeoye all redshirted and will probably contribute in some capacity next year. Then guys like Keondre Coburn (listed at 330lbs) and Jamari Chisholm could ball out. A healthy Malcolm Roach returns as well. I know one thing is for sure, a lot of the guys that have played support roles this year or that have redshirted, are likely going to be baptized by fire next year against LSU, fortunately it is at home and we get a warm up game against Louisiana Tech. 3 of our first 4 games are at home (4/4 if you include the game in Houston against Rice), the schedule sets up nicely. We also get Oklahoma State and West Virginia early and both will be replacing QBs.

I'm most concerned about LB and whether or not Coburn can be the cog in the middle of the defense I believe he is capable of being.

 

All I read was "we'll still be good but I'm concerned about LB and NT." 

6 minutes ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

This is where fan / booster impatience drives me insane.  We will be suffering the consequences of Herman's transition year recruiting class and the scheme change on D for a long-ass time. 

I don't want to get into the merits or lack thereof of Strong or any other coach, but pulling the plug on any coach at any program less than four years in to their tenure is rash. It's rash, and we should all know it because Tennessee has been out there circling the drain since forever. It looks like the Noles are heading in that direction too -- there is already talk of firing Taggart. 

Bottom line: Strong recruited really well, especially on D, and a lot of those guys left early last year and a few quality seniors will leave this year. That the D would regress this year was predictable -- personnel loss will do that to a unit. Just as personnel gains will aid a struggling unit -- having a QB who was no longer a true frosh playing behind a bolstered OL leads to happier results than what we've seen over the last decade in that regard.

Again, you have to take the long view when you look at a program. Mack burned the whole thing down from 2009 on. From that point forward, he recruited one QB worth a shit -- Ash --  who sadly did not work out. His recruiting / coaching on the OL was absolutely atrocious. An alarm bell went off for me when Bruce Matthews took his kids to visit a practice and literally came away laughing at how terrible our OL coaching was. And then, of course, he sent his kids to aggy instead.

Yeah, we might have still had "good kids who graduated," but they did so while sitting around getting stoned and were not too concerned about maximizing their football careers.

Sheeit, some of this makes me wonder about if we can ever get back. I come from a music background and I know musicians who avoided ever moving to Austin because it was just too easy to get lost in the pussy and drugs there. A son of a Texas music legend once told me, "They come to town full of piss and vinegar, and then they find a pot dealer, get a hot girlfriend and a job at Thundercloud,  and that's the last you ever hear of them."

And that's just if you are gigging on Red River....I imagine it might be a whole lot harder if you are strutting around campus as a football player.  

Getting back to the original point, I played HS ball for a program that was a little like this. There had been a glory period a few years before I arrived there, and I am not sure if that coach was fired for being a little too gung-ho or if he was tempted away by a higher salary, but he is still coaching today, 30 years later, at a school that churns out blue-chips, including many that have starred for UT and a few NFL all-pros. 

After he left it was one shitty replacement after another, each one bringing in new systems with them. Effectively, you have to relearn football again and again, and it sucks, and the team sucks as a result. And then that coach gets fired. Repeat as necessary. 

 

 

 

 

Well that was...a different direction than I was taking it. Not that I disagree, but to that same end, the argument can be made for the defense could be better in year 3 under Orlando. But I was more or less talking experience. It could get scary without a couple key positions being held by GTs.

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4 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

The corn you're referring to isn't the corn of today. ISU would beat Nebraska handedly. 

 

All I read was "we'll still be good but I'm concerned about LB and NT." 

Well that was...a different direction than I was taking it. Not that I disagree, but to that same end, the argument can be made for the defense could be better in year 3 under Orlando. But I was more or less talking experience. It could get scary without a couple key positions being held by GTs.

Yep, now we are a program that needs Jucos and GTs. Under Peak Mack, we were redshirting five-stars. Redshirting five-stars is what it takes to be back. 

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6 minutes ago, ztejas said:

On the defense - I can't imagine we will be worse next year. We are oozing with teenage talent that needs to spend a summer getting their ass chewed out in the weight room and fatten up on some late night Whata. 

Eh. We said the same thing as the 2012 season drew to a close. Then we gave up 42 to K-State and Diaz was fired two games into the following season. Losing experienced starters always hurts, no matter how poorly they may be playing now.

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6 minutes ago, ztejas said:

On the defense - I can't imagine we will be worse next year. We are oozing with teenage talent that needs to spend a summer getting their ass chewed out in the weight room and fatten up on some late night Whata. 

On top of that - we are adding at least 6 4stars on D next season that could have an impact on the 2 deep.

But - we still won't be that experienced or deep. There is no fucking reason for freshmen to be starting on D for Texas. That's bush league shit (outside of Sterns who would start on all but 6-7 teams in the country). 

So you can't imagine being worse yet acknowledge the lack of experience returning? 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it'll be a shitshow. I do think they'll get their fare share of lumps along the way. Improvement? Maybe as the season goes but it's hard to imagine a better defense than this season (not including the last couple games) or last. 

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19 minutes ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

This is where fan / booster impatience drives me insane.  We will be suffering the consequences of Herman's transition year recruiting class and the scheme change on D for a long-ass time. 

I don't want to get into the merits or lack thereof of Strong or any other coach, but pulling the plug on any coach at any program less than four years in to their tenure is rash. It's rash, and we should all know it because Tennessee has been out there circling the drain since forever. It looks like the Noles are heading in that direction too -- there is already talk of firing Taggart. 

Bottom line: Strong recruited really well, especially on D, and a lot of those guys left early last year and a few quality seniors will leave this year. That the D would regress this year was predictable -- personnel loss will do that to a unit. Just as personnel gains will aid a struggling unit -- having a QB who was no longer a true frosh playing behind a bolstered OL leads to happier results than what we've seen over the last decade in that regard.

Again, you have to take the long view when you look at a program. Mack burned the whole thing down from 2009 on. From that point forward, he recruited one QB worth a shit -- Ash --  who sadly did not work out. His recruiting / coaching on the OL was absolutely atrocious. An alarm bell went off for me when Bruce Matthews took his kids to visit a practice and literally came away laughing at how terrible our OL coaching was. And then, of course, he sent his kids to aggy instead.

Yeah, we might have still had "good kids who graduated," but they did so while sitting around getting stoned and were not too concerned about maximizing their football careers.

Sheeit, some of this makes me wonder about if we can ever get back. I come from a music background and I know musicians who avoided ever moving to Austin because it was just too easy to get lost in the pussy and drugs there. A son of a Texas music legend once told me, "They come to town full of piss and vinegar, and then they find a pot dealer, get a hot girlfriend and a job at Thundercloud,  and that's the last you ever hear of them."

And that's just if you are gigging on Red River....I imagine it might be a whole lot harder if you are strutting around campus as a football player.  

Getting back to the original point, I played HS ball for a program that was a little like this. There had been a glory period a few years before I arrived there, and I am not sure if that coach was fired for being a little too gung-ho or if he was tempted away by a higher salary, but he is still coaching today, 30 years later, at a school that churns out blue-chips, including many that have starred for UT and a few NFL all-pros. 

After he left it was one shitty replacement after another, each one bringing in new systems with them. Effectively, you have to relearn football again and again, and it sucks, and the team sucks as a result. And then that coach gets fired. Repeat as necessary. 

 

 

 

 

Out of reps but this is the best post I've seen on here in some time. 

With Charlie we were kind of damned if we did and damned if we didn't fire him. He wasn't the answer. Herman has already proved that and then some. The fallout is shitty but Herman will recruit and we actually have a coaching staff that at least has an idea of what to do with the roster. 

The point about Austin hits very close to home. I grew up there and the main reason I didn't go to UT was because I knew I would get lost. Every weekend I spend down there now is full of drugs and whoooores to where I probably would end up at Thundercloud sleeping on my mom's couch if I moved back. 

That said - for the football players - nut up and get with the fucking program. There are distractions in a lot of cities that have great football teams. If you want to get laid and be stoned off your ass while giving 85% there are schools in San Marcos, Lubbock, San Antonio and Dallas that you would be a better fit at. 

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5 minutes ago, BigHorn'13 said:

So you can't imagine being worse yet acknowledge the lack of experience returning? 

Yes. Winning is contagious as is good culture and good coaching. I would venture to say we will be better by default - that said - only making that statement because of how fucking piss poor we have been on D since RapeU. 

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The problem to me is the team struggles with handling any type of success. A startling trend has happened this season, we started  preseason ranked and feeling good about things, no way we can lose to Maryland again right? and boom we find a way to lose right out of the gate. Then once we were "out of the discussion" we rattled off wins against OU, USC, TCU, and KSU where we played "spoiler" either based on passed results or rankings.  Then notice once the "Texas is back" and playoff talk started the team starts missing meetings and being late. We had to lick our wounds after two close losses, but we found a way to win on the road in Lubbock once we were "out of the discussion" again. Well we are creeping our way back into it again with a possible big 12 championship on the line this weekend.. hope we can reverse the trend. 

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I wish my dad posted here so he could verify, but I told him on the phone back in August: a few steps back on D, a step forward on O, about 8-4. Hell, I might have posted that. So all this drama is just the result of expectations raised by taking down the fucking gooners. Back in the summer, it looked like the front end of the schedule was loaded, and it was, with paper tigers. The back end is where the good teams are, this year. 

 

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5 minutes ago, UTEX_ME said:

The problem to me is the team struggles with handling any type of success. A startling trend has happened this season, we started  preseason ranked and feeling good about things, no way we can lose to Maryland again right? and boom we find a way to lose right out of the gate. Then once we were "out of the discussion" we rattled off wins against OU, USC, TCU, and KSU where we played "spoiler" either based on passed results or rankings.  Then notice once the "Texas is back" and playoff talk started the team starts missing meetings and being late. We had to lick our wounds after two close losses, but we found a way to win on the road in Lubbock once we were "out of the discussion" again. Well we are creeping our way back into it again with a possible big 12 championship on the line this weekend.. hope we can reverse the trend. 

I get this line of thinking but I don't really think it's a mentality issue. We just aren't that good yet or consistent. This was a 9-10 win season in August and it's a 9-10 win season in November.

Okie Lite is pretty good - especially at home- and we got outcoached.

WVU is one of the beat 10 teams in the country and straight up a better football team than we are.

We've lost games I didnt expect us to this season but we've also won games I didn't expect. That's just kind of what 9-3 teams do. We're like Clemson pre Deshaun.

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4 hours ago, Andy1992 said:

Just curious. As a Cyclone fan I like to read the Nebraska/Texas big 12 championship story every year at this time with it being game week and all. I could not find that story. Anyone have that story saved. It's kind of like my "Twas the night before Christmas" of football.

https://247sports.com/college/texas/Board/21/Contents/Diary-of-a-Texas-fan-12665080/

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1 hour ago, BigHorn'13 said:

So you can't imagine being worse yet acknowledge the lack of experience returning? 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it'll be a shitshow. I do think they'll get their fare share of lumps along the way. Improvement? Maybe as the season goes but it's hard to imagine a better defense than this season (not including the last couple games) or last. 

I don't find it hard to imagine a better defense at all. Not including the last couple games? Then lets revisit our two huge early wins (and Maryland) again. JT Daniels has 11 TDs and 9 INTs this year. Shawn Robinsonhas thrown 9 TDs and 8 INTs this year, before being benched. Maryland has been held to 14, 0 and 3 points this year (and none of those teams that kicked their asses are ranked right now). I'm not saying this to rehash our failures, I'm saying this year has been one big failure on defense. This isn't some new phenomenon that came after Kyler Murray, this defense has been suspect all year and finally played some teams with an offensive pulse.  Therefore expecting our defense to not be a big failure next year again would be a pretty low bar I'd be willing to set.

The only player I'm really worried about replacing is Nelson. Everybody else has production that is replaceable. I wish I could add G. Johnson to the list, but even he has had a pretty shitty 2nd half of this season.

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When I'm wrong it's because of cheating or unparalleled weirdness or because I'm being selfish. I don't feel like the Big 12 will cheat Texas like they have in recent years because they need the bowl game TVs, I think both Iowa State & Texas have already experienced enough weirdness of late (Iowa State's grand upsets have already been many and Texas' odd coaching issues and struggles to "get back" have to end at some point) and I'm not being selfish because Texas hasn't won shit in a decade.

College Football needs a good/great Texas. Meaning, they need a great team in the west. The PAC is awful and USC is faltering. And Michigan is not a western program.

Clemson vs Alabama is getting boring. And OU, Notre Dame and Ohio State are each just too unloveable.

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