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Posted
On 4/12/2024 at 6:36 AM, locodos said:

Mexican news channel accidentally airs man’s testicles instead of solar eclipse

 

RCG Media’s 24/7 news programme had been using clips submitted by viewers during their coverage of the rare celestial event. However, the show’s hosts realised that they had been pranked by the viewer, who had sent in a shocking video to the news programme.

While the presenter was discussing the cities which had sightings of the eclipse, images of the event were broadcast to viewers.

The show presented images of the phenomenon, in which the moon can be witnessed totally covering the sun.

The segment was quickly cut when the hosts realised they had instead shown a video of a man blocking the sun with his testicles.

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Posted

So who's a fan of Kulture in Houston?

Houston restaurant employee accused of putting his genitals in food items, possessing child pornography

A Houston restaurant employee is accused of sticking his genitals into open food items at a Harris County restaurant and possessing several videos of child pornography on his cellphone, according to charging documents.

Othello Larenzo Holmes, 27, has been charged with five counts of possession of child pornography and indecent assault.

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The investigation was launched on April 4 after a Harris County deputy arrived at the restaurant in downtown Houston to meet with the restaurant’s manager.

The manager showed deputies a video of Holmes placing his penis into open food items at the location, records show.

Holmes reportedly confessed to putting his genitals in jelly, stating “he had a sexual urge, however, he stopped himself before he ejaculated.” He also admitted to having these urges frequently and has a history of sexual offenses, saying he has a problem with these sexual urges and needs help, records show.

According to documents, investigators extracted over 100 images and five videos of child pornography. The videos contained children between the ages of infancy and teens engaged in sexual intercourse and various sexual acts, according to the documents.

Records show an image was also found in the device, showing a chat conversation on Telegram, a social media platform. The conversation was reportedly between Holmes and another username “Princess” in a chat room named the “Devil Lair.”

In the conversation, Holmes says, “Super pervy yesterday. I wish I had access to kids,” and Princess says, “I wish you did too (cry face emoji),” records show.

Two more videos were extracted, which show Holmes fondling his genitals while lying near an unidentified child, who appears to be under 6 years old, according to documents. Investigators stated he was identified as the man in the video by the tattoos on his arm and the bedding seen in other videos.

“We kept investigating this person. And, boy, I’m glad we did, because we got a subpoena for his phone, and we found some really horrible things on his phone. We found child pornography, and we are fearful that he potentially may have and at some point, molested young children,” Precinct 1 Constable Alan Rosen told KPRC 2′s Bryce Newberry.

“When the restaurant found out about this behavior going on, they immediately shut down, to everybody. They had not served a single patron of the restaurant. And they shut down and only had their staff, their cook staff go in and throw away items in the kitchen and or sterilize things and take the appropriate corporate responsible actions to fix the problem,” Rosen said.

Holmes has worked at several restaurants in the area, according to Rosen who also said investigators believe Holmes may have done the same thing at a hotel restaurant where he once worked.

https://www.click2houston.com/news/local/2024/04/26/houston-restaurant-employee-accused-of-putting-his-genitals-in-food-items-possessing-child-pornography/

Posted
On 4/27/2024 at 5:38 AM, RPM said:

Holmes reportedly confessed to putting his genitals in jelly, stating “he had a sexual urge, however, he stopped himself before he ejaculated.”

Oh, well then, no harm, no foul?

Posted

I can just see the defense attorney putting up 2 straight hours of videos of this:

 

 

Your honor and members of the jury, my client didnt train Pookie to drop bricks on people, its just that he, like all dogs, losses his FUCKING MIND when the doorbell goes off and he decided that the only way to stop it from happening was to end the threat.

this wasnt trained, this was instinct. Defense rests.

 

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Posted
On 10/1/2023 at 10:44 PM, Parliament said:

I'm totally not complaining about that scene in the movie, but I can't figure out what the gratuitous nudity did for the story.

It allowed us to see Catalina from My Name is Earl nude.

Posted
16 hours ago, baboso said:

It allowed us to see Catalina from My Name is Earl nude.

Holy shit! I never made that connection until now.

Posted

Worst bus driver I ever had was my 6th grade science teacher in Bridgeport. This guy was mental. He would lose his shit and hit the parking brake while we were still moving then get out of his seat and scream at everyone. He was only around for 1 year. Looking back, I can see where he was coming from.

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Posted

"This bum splitting turd (coprolite) was found in 1972 beneath the site of what was to become the York branch of Lloyds Bank and may be the largest example of fossilised human faeces ever found, measuring a whopping 20cm (8 in) long and 5cm (2 in) wide! Analysis of the stool has indicated that its producer subsisted largely on meat and bread whilst the presence of several hundred parasitic eggs suggests they were riddled with intestinal worms. In 1991, York Archaeological Trust employee and paleoscatologist, Dr Andrew Jones, made international news with his appraisal of the item for insurance purposes: "This is the most exciting piece of excrement I've ever seen... In its own way, it's as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels". The layers that covered the coprolite were moist and peaty. They preserved not only the coprolite but also timber, textiles and leather. Put simply, this is a fossilized human turd. Possibly the largest and – bizarrely – most valuable poo on record. It dates back to approximately the 9th century and the person responsible is believed to be a Viking."


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Posted
3 hours ago, Hornius Emeritus said:

"This bum splitting turd (coprolite) was found in 1972 beneath the site of what was to become the York branch of Lloyds Bank and may be the largest example of fossilised human faeces ever found, measuring a whopping 20cm (8 in) long and 5cm (2 in) wide! Analysis of the stool has indicated that its producer subsisted largely on meat and bread whilst the presence of several hundred parasitic eggs suggests they were riddled with intestinal worms. In 1991, York Archaeological Trust employee and paleoscatologist, Dr Andrew Jones, made international news with his appraisal of the item for insurance purposes: "This is the most exciting piece of excrement I've ever seen... In its own way, it's as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels". The layers that covered the coprolite were moist and peaty. They preserved not only the coprolite but also timber, textiles and leather. Put simply, this is a fossilized human turd. Possibly the largest and – bizarrely – most valuable poo on record. It dates back to approximately the 9th century and the person responsible is believed to be a Viking."


445174941_122153001404200825_7478386855212970521_n.thumb.jpg.dcafcedd1e38946edc9c774895f1e8c2.jpgface GIF

 

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Posted
On 5/26/2024 at 10:45 AM, Hornius Emeritus said:

"This bum splitting turd (coprolite) was found in 1972 beneath the site of what was to become the York branch of Lloyds Bank and may be the largest example of fossilised human faeces ever found, measuring a whopping 20cm (8 in) long and 5cm (2 in) wide! Analysis of the stool has indicated that its producer subsisted largely on meat and bread whilst the presence of several hundred parasitic eggs suggests they were riddled with intestinal worms. In 1991, York Archaeological Trust employee and paleoscatologist, Dr Andrew Jones, made international news with his appraisal of the item for insurance purposes: "This is the most exciting piece of excrement I've ever seen... In its own way, it's as irreplaceable as the Crown Jewels". The layers that covered the coprolite were moist and peaty. They preserved not only the coprolite but also timber, textiles and leather. Put simply, this is a fossilized human turd. Possibly the largest and – bizarrely – most valuable poo on record. It dates back to approximately the 9th century and the person responsible is believed to be a Viking."


445174941_122153001404200825_7478386855212970521_n.thumb.jpg.dcafcedd1e38946edc9c774895f1e8c2.jpg

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Posted
On 5/26/2024 at 10:45 AM, Hornius Emeritus said:

"This bum splitting turd...

I'm saving "paleoscatologist" for the next required form with a "profession" entry.

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Posted
19 hours ago, Tex Long said:

I'm saving "paleoscatologist" for the next required form with a "profession" entry.

One of the few latinate  intrusions into proper English one might brook. Surely "paleoscatologist" as a professional title is more elegant than "oldshitworder"...

Posted

So which Surly posters have been vacationing in Spain?

https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/30/travel/spain-tourist-fines-costa-brava-scli-intl/index.html

Quote

The authorities in the town of Platja d’Aro, on Spain’s Costa Brava and around 60 miles northeast of Barcelona, have introduced fines for anyone daring to go out in public in costumes depicting genitalia or carrying sex dolls.

Individuals could be left with a $811 fine (€750) for “walking or standing on a street or public space without clothing, or only in underwear, or for wearing clothing or accessories that represent human genitals, or with dolls of a sexual nature,” a city hall spokesman told CNN Thursday.

 
 

Higher tolls of up to $1,620 (€1,500) could also be levied for anti-social behavior which causes more of a disturbance, though the exact nature of these offenses remains unclear.

and from the comments section of the article

Bruce Springsteen
4 hours ago

It is all just fun and games until someone brings a sex doll.

Posted
10 minutes ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:


Giuliani's ears have grown a little bit.

 

14 minutes ago, nnm said:

The top of my ears have actually been drooping over since I turned 75 a few yearsago.

 

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Posted
28 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

 

The top of my ears have actually been drooping over since I turned 75 a few yearsago.

 

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It's those Magoo glasses dragging down your head flaps.

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