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Trivial things that make you surly


elfenix

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Broadly speaking, people who don’t realize that lemons and limes are NOT FUCKING INTERCHANGEABLE.
I use limes in lots of my Mexican and Asian cooking, and in particular cocktails. I use lemons in Italian and African cooking, and in some DIFFERENT cocktails. And when I said for a particular one, that’s what I want. Also, lemons and limes (along with fresh garlic, butter, eggs, and good olive oil) are among the things that I make sure I always have in the kitchen.
Fuckers who give me lemon when I want a lime….make brisket wanna cut a bitch.

When life gives you lemons….
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On 4/8/2022 at 8:04 PM, Hook1997 said:

When there is a lane closed due to construction and they have a sign and traffic backed up for two miles and idiots keep zooming by in the upcoming closed lane!  Hey idiots, we all get out of here faster if you just get in the single file lane like the rest of us.   

Fuck those people. They are cutting in line

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12 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Your birthday is always your birthday whether or not you chose to, or are unable to, celebrate its anniversary

Gotta be honest, it makes me a little sad when facebook, despite the fact that I haven’t been an active user in years, sends me an email reminding me to wish a dead person happy birthday.

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9 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

My iPhone constantly autocorrects “on” to “in”. No, you fucking phone, “on” is a real word.

What pisses me off is when it autocorrects a word I’ve capitalized. Bitch, don’t you think I know what I’m doing when I intentionally capitalize someone’s name? If it’s in the middle of a sentence and I capitalize a word then the AI should assume I know what the fuck I’m doing. 

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1 hour ago, 4doorsMoreWhores said:

Fuck those people. They are cutting in line

Wrong. If the lane is open then it’s legal to drive on it. Merge at the merge point. If they wanted you to merge earlier then they’d close the lane earlier. The zipper method is more efficient. You’re a sucker if you merge earlier and a dope for getting angry at people who do it the right way (and who get to where they’re going more quickly than you).

A proper zipper merge is a thing of beauty. Same with when drivers properly navigate an intersection where the stop lights have lost power. 

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6 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Wrong. If the lane is open then it’s legal to drive on it. Merge at the merge point. If they wanted you to merge earlier then they’d close the lane earlier. The zipper method is more efficient. You’re a sucker if you merge earlier and a dope for getting angry at people who do it the right way (and who get to where they’re going more quickly than you).

A proper zipper merge is a thing of beauty. Same with when drivers properly navigate an intersection where the stop lights have lost power. 

It's never fucking beautiful. You're an idiot

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Wrong. If the lane is open then it’s legal to drive on it. Merge at the merge point. If they wanted you to merge earlier then they’d close the lane earlier. The zipper method is more efficient. You’re a sucker if you merge earlier and a dope for getting angry at people who do it the right way (and who get to where they’re going more quickly than you).
A proper zipper merge is a thing of beauty. Same with when drivers properly navigate an intersection where the stop lights have lost power. 

I think the Sack came up with this hypothesis. Zippering is zippering. Doesn't matter where you do it, but if you bum rush the line you're still an asshole.
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1 hour ago, conVINCEd said:

My power going out for 2 hours yesterday during the final round of The Masters.  Sure, I was able to watch it on my iPad, but I bought a large tv for a reason, and Sunday at Augusta is one of my favorite days of the sports year.

If you bought a large tv just to watch golf then you have already lost at life and you might as well lose power as well

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48 minutes ago, elfenix said:

this has never happened.

Sure it has. I’ve seen it. Many times, really. Sure, sometimes you’ll see some assholes who cheat and drive through the intersection when it’s not their turn, following the car in front of them who waited their turn. But usually when I encounter that situation in my neck of the woods, most drivers handle it properly. When you get through it without any assholes cheating it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

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11 hours ago, DaysOff said:


I think the Sack came up with this hypothesis. Zippering is zippering. Doesn't matter where you do it, but if you bum rush the line you're still an asshole.

So what's the logic in not using the full allotment of lanes as long as possible? Should we be merging 5 miles before the construction? 10 miles before? Merge where the lane ends. Preemptive merging for merging sake is entirely on you and you're helping nothing.

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20 hours ago, Deej said:

Lemons are five for a dollar at the Mexican market by my house. Granted, they are smaller than the limes. 

No price on the Mexicans?

 

What exactly is a "Mexican market?"

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10 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Have you ever seen it executed properly?

I will swear on a stack of bibles I saw a 3 lane zipper merge work pretty politely less than 3 weeks ago while crossing the Monitor Merrimac bridge tunnel in Hampton, Va.  I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it.  

2 lanes of traffic with a 3rd on ramp lane: there was a lane blockage just past the onramp. For the most part it moved well, and we got thru what could have been almost a 45 minutes or more back up in about 10 minutes.  

There were of course those assholes who have to try, and get by everyone, but mostly the onramp lane (shipyard shift change traffic ), and the merge lane alternated vehicles. It fostered hope for humanity in my bruised soul.

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8 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

I will swear on a stack of bibles I saw a 3 lane zipper merge work pretty politely less than 3 weeks ago while crossing the Monitor Merrimac bridge tunnel in Hampton, Va.  I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it.  

2 lanes of traffic with a 3rd on ramp lane: there was a lane blockage just past the onramp. For the most part it moved well, and we got thru what could have been a almost an hour or more back up in about 10 minutes.  

There were of course those assholes who have to try, and get by everyone, but mostly the onramp lane (shipyard shift change traffic ), and the merge lane alternated vehicles. It fostered hope for humanity in my bruised soul.

Dashcam or gtfo.  The 2 square miles around my house have been a construction zone for the last 3 years despite the fact that there was nothing wrong with the roads.  People suck.

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2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Have you ever seen it executed properly?

Yes. Particularly at a long highway on-ramp near me. Coming from a business district with a mall, hotels, and office buildings, there are two left turn only lanes leading to a two lane on-ramp. After awhile, the two lanes of the on-ramp merge into one before you actually merge onto the highway. It’s crucial for everyone to make full use of both lanes before the merge point or traffic gets backed up before the turn and that can go back two stop lights. When it’s executed properly, it’s a thing of beauty. And it usually is executed properly. Most drivers have it figured out.

I should also add that you self-appointed traffic cops who think everyone should merge early like you do can get pissed all you want. I’m not breaking the law by passing you and merging at the merge point. No actual cop would ticket me for it. And maybe you’re the sort of dickhead that would try to prevent me from merging in, but if there are 10 cars in front of you then someone will let me in ahead of you. So suck it. 

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1 minute ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Yes. Particularly at a long highway on-ramp near me. Coming from a business district with a mall, hotels, and office buildings, there are two left turn only lanes leading to a two lane on-ramp. After awhile, the two lanes of the on-ramp merge into one before you actually merge onto the highway. It’s crucial for everyone to make full use of both lanes before the merge point or traffic gets backed up before the turn and that can go back two stop lights. When it’s executed properly, it’s a thing of beauty. And it usually is executed properly. Most drivers have it figured out.

So it’s a permanent thing?  People adjust after a while.  It’s when it’s temporary that it’ a problem.  My complaint is when a different lane is closed every week because we feel the need to replace one little square of concrete that wan’t broken to begin with and people lose their shit.  I have no idea which lane will be closed on any given day, although it does seem like it takes them a week before they tear up another stretch of perfectly good road.  I live in a pretty decent suburb of DFW and have never had any complaints about road quality.  I would prefer they devote my tax dollars to fixing my alley, which sucks, but I guess I’m not voting for the right people.

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7 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

So it’s a permanent thing?  People adjust after a while.  It’s when it’s temporary that it’ a problem.  My complaint is when a different lane is closed every week because we feel the need to replace one little square of concrete that wan’t broken to begin with and people lose their shit.  I have no idea which lane will be closed on any given day, although it does seem like it takes them a week before they tear up another stretch of perfectly good road.  I live in a pretty decent suburb of DFW and have never had any complaints about road quality.  I would prefer they devote my tax dollars to fixing my alley, which sucks, but I guess I’m not voting for the right people.

That’s my best example and yes, it’s a permanent situation. But people don’t always follow the rules of the proper zipper merge and the negative effects are obvious. There are other anecdotal situations that I couldn’t begin to remember the specific time or place. And nothing is 100%, you’ll always encounter people who think they’re special. But my experience is that when people use the road efficiently, i.e. stay in their lanes until the merge point and then take turns converting two lanes into one, things move most smoothly.

I’ve definitely taken advantage when a bunch of drivers merge way too early before an upcoming merge point. I’ve stayed in my lane until I got to the merge point. I’ve had drivers get pissed like I was doing something wrong. But like I said, I wasn’t, no actual cop would ever ticket me for that, and I’d estimate it wouldn’t take more than ten cars before someone would let me in. (Or be asleep at the wheel, or now be staring at their phone, and not realize that traffic in front of them had moved.)

Another example is when there wasn’t construction but an accident that caused a lane to get shut down. People don’t know why traffic is backing up and they don’t know until they get close which lane is going to be closed. That usually results in a good zipper merge because someone else is in trouble and people aren’t feeling so self-righteous about merging too soon. That goes pretty smoothly. 

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I should add something else. While I have enjoyed the proper zipper merge and people treating an out-of-service stop light like a 4-way stop sign, I still experience lots of other traffic-related annoyances.

Like people who don’t know they can turn right on red. Or who don’t know they can turn left on red from a one-way to a one-way. Or who won’t turn right on a green arrow when the other lights are red. Or who drive 35 on a two lane 45 mph road and then accelerate to 45 when it turns into a 35 mph four lane road. Or who pull out in front of me and then don’t drive the speed limit. Or who get on the open highway and immediately move all the way to the left lane when there’s no traffic in front of them in the right lane. And people who speed up when you’re passing them and then, when you step on the accelerator in order to get by, slow back down again. And every motherfucker who puts on their brakes before they move into the left turn only lane and then MAYBE uses their turn signal.

I’m endlessly amazed. I shouldn’t be, but I always will be.

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