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Trivial things that make you surly


elfenix

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1 hour ago, Blotto said:

 

So a usual day finds you still at lunch at 2 PM, and that's not considered a late lunch? And currently there's a bunch of you sitting around midday waiting to eat cake, but you cant even accomplish that because the birthday girl is now eating her lunch? What kind of monkeyfuck company do you work for?

i don't have any set schedule so i usually lunch from a bit after 1 to around 2:30. 

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2 hours ago, elfenix said:

"hey can you take lunch late we're having cake at 2 for so and so's birthday and you're usually still out at lunch then"
2 rolls by
"so and so has to be on a conference call that got rescheduled this morning so cake is going to be a bit late"

still sitting here, not having eaten lunch and not having gotten any cake

You want to have your cake and eat it, too?

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3 hours ago, elfenix said:

"hey can you take lunch late we're having cake at 2 for so and so's birthday and you're usually still out at lunch then"
2 rolls by
"so and so has to be on a conference call that got rescheduled this morning so cake is going to be a bit late"

still sitting here, not having eaten lunch and not having gotten any cake

fuck inconsiderate mofos at work who can't stay on schedule.

 

"Slorch we missed you at lunch"

"I go to lunch every day at 11:00.  Y'all fucked around until 1:30. You didn't even get back until 3."

"(no answer)"

Edited by slorch
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Had a team outing at Top Golf today. Got told keep it under 350 and all good. Few fatasses order damn near the whole menu, chill dude we need that for alcohol. Then couple other people couldn't handle alcohol and got kind of fucked up. Fuck I would have rathered stayed at the office

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Survey takers when exiting Whole Foods is now on my list.  No, I do not want to stop and answer your questions while carrying a bag of overpriced produce.  Yes, I care about Saving the Whales, or whatever the fuck you want me to sign, but an additional Fuck You for making me feel guilty for blowing you off because I'm traumatized about shopping in Whole Foods and just want to get to my car to decompress.

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So a usual day finds you still at lunch at 2 PM, and that's not considered a late lunch? And currently there's a bunch of you sitting around midday waiting to eat cake, but you cant even accomplish that because the birthday girl is now eating her lunch? What kind of monkeyfuck company do you work for?
I'm guessing his name is Richard and he works at the CA DOI Bureau of Licensing.
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14 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

Tortillas that come in a bag with the zip lock opening on the bottom. Lots of tortillas have ended up on our kitchen floor as a result.

I know, I know, we should buy brands that don’t do this, but somehow we end up with them. 

Turn the bag upside down. 

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11 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Had a team outing at Top Golf today. Got told keep it under 350 and all good. Few fatasses order damn near the whole menu, chill dude we need that for alcohol. Then couple other people couldn't handle alcohol and got kind of fucked up. Fuck I would have rathered stayed at the office

I hate you at work, why the fuck would I want to socialize with you?

I'll never understand "corporate outings"

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11 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

Survey takers when exiting Whole Foods is now on my list.  No, I do not want to stop and answer your questions while carrying a bag of overpriced produce.  Yes, I care about Saving the Whales, or whatever the fuck you want me to sign, but an additional Fuck You for making me feel guilty for blowing you off because I'm traumatized about shopping in Whole Foods and just want to get to my car to decompress.

Why does anyone shop at Whole "lotta money" Foods in the first place.

Never understood that.

HEB has the same shit at half the price.

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1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I hate you at work, why the fuck would I want to socialize with you?

I'll never understand "corporate outings"

Wasn't my idea but fuck it I will take a day at top golf drinking over sitting in the office answering dumb ass emails. 

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1 minute ago, Zepol87 said:

Wasn't my idea but fuck it I will take a day at top golf drinking over sitting in the office answering dumb ass emails. 

I'd rather be in the office on surly. I can top golf/drink on my own time with people I want to be with other than Janice from Accounting telling me about how her husband is the greatest golfer in the world as she shovels Jalapeno poppers in her fat fucking face.

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42 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I'd rather be in the office on surly. I can top golf/drink on my own time with people I want to be with other than Janice from Accounting telling me about how her husband is the greatest golfer in the world as she shovels Jalapeno poppers in her fat fucking face.

Wait a damn minute.  There is no reason for delicious jalapeño poppers to be drug into this.

 

Edited by VolenteHawk
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1 hour ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

I guess the only positive to the corporate outing is it's not on your dime.  Even that doesn't make it worthwhile in most cases.

Yep that was the only part worth a shit. 

1 hour ago, VolenteHawk said:

I have several people across my teams that go on vacations together.  I will never understand that.

 

You work with a bunch of swingers?

 

 

Edited by Zepol87
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People parking in the driving lanes of parking lots.   I have been having to pick my son up from an after school event several days a week for the last month or so.  I arrive there on time or a few minutes early, pull into a parking spot in the parking lot and wait.   Then other parents roll in and stop in front of me or other parked parents in the lot blocking us in as they decide to wait in the area where cars are suppose to drive.  Of course, there are open parking spots available, but little Johnny would need to walk 5-6 cars down to get there so they decide to block cars in and block traffic until their snowflake gets to their car.

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My wife leaves the driver’s side car visor unhooked. She doesn’t rotate it down to block the sun, she just leaves it unhooked so that it slightly bounces up and down as we travel down the highway. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Kill me.

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18 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Had a team outing at Top Golf today. Got told keep it under 350 and all good. Few fatasses order damn near the whole menu, chill dude we need that for alcohol. Then couple other people couldn't handle alcohol and got kind of fucked up. Fuck I would have rathered stayed at the office

Should have just blown the 350 on alcohol in one order the minute the waitress came over. They can eat when they're dead. 

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10 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

My wife leaves the driver’s side car visor unhooked. She doesn’t rotate it down to block the sun, she just leaves it unhooked so that it slightly bounces up and down as we travel down the highway. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Kill me.

Don't worry, it will snap off soon and she'll need a new car.

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On 4/30/2019 at 12:47 PM, SwanderedTalent said:

I don't have any data to prove this but it seems like officials go out of their way to NOT call a safety when a ballcarrier is tackled in the end zone, via favorable interpretation of forward progress. 

 

I love safeties because the defensive lineman look so fucking stupid doing the safety symbol in celebration.

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6 hours ago, VolenteHawk said:

I have several people across my teams that go on vacations together.  I will never understand that.

 

I have about 5-6 friends at work with whom i would do a vacation.  The rest of them?  No fucking way.

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15 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:


I can’t think of 5 or 6 people that I know period that I would vacation with. I go on vacation to get away from the people I know.

Me too, but my wife and kids keep insisting on coming.

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Went to see ZOSO last night.  What annoys the fuck out of me is when people feel the need to stick their phones in the air and record the entire fucking show, blocking my view, and not EXPERIENCING the fucking greatness of the show.  Get out of my way, and get the fuck off my lawn.

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About two years ago my neighbors went to Jamaica for vacation and the husband left his nice pickup in the street. A big storm was about to roll through and I see he has left the power window behind the cab open. I run and grab some plastic and duct tape (not the best choice but all I could find in a hurry). I seal the window off as it starts raining. When they get back he thanks me. There was some residue from the tape when he pulled it off. Something very easy to clean off. Well goddamn it, 2 years later and the residue is still there. I should have let the rain get in.

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On 5/10/2019 at 2:56 PM, Dbeasy said:

My wife leaves the driver’s side car visor unhooked. She doesn’t rotate it down to block the sun, she just leaves it unhooked so that it slightly bounces up and down as we travel down the highway. Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Kill me.

find your sack and remove the motherfucker.

get her a ballcap.

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