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On the plane to Seattle last week
  • Wife: Hey I got us reservations for a sushi place at 7:30 on Friday night.
  • Me: Uhhhh we're going to the game that night at 7
  • Wife: The game isn't until 9 so why do we have to go early?
  • Me: The game starts at 7. What are you talking about?
  • Wife: The pocket schedule says 9pm.
  • Me: Yeah 9pm central time. We're on the west coast.
  • Wife: Oh god.
With your things that make you surly email rant...did you scold her for starting off by saying "hey"?
1 hour ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

We own a small farm about about 10 minutes outside of town. There is no trash service - twice a month or so I will pack up all the trash (usually 1-2 bags) and haul it back to our house in town. (yes, I know it's illegal - call the cops)

There is obviously no recycling service, either. I've told Ms CL more than once that everything needs to go into the trash can and I'm not going to haul in a recycle bin, but she just can't help herself with the virtue signaling.

Magic%20Recycle%20Bin.JPG  

This morning she asked me when I was going to empty out the recycling bin because it's getting too full. 

Goddammit 

 

 

On one hand, I get it. On the other hand, you should recycle. 

3 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

We own a small farm about about 10 minutes outside of town. There is no trash service - twice a month or so I will pack up all the trash (usually 1-2 bags) and haul it back to our house in town. (yes, I know it's illegal - call the cops)

There is obviously no recycling service, either. I've told Ms CL more than once that everything needs to go into the trash can and I'm not going to haul in a recycle bin, but she just can't help herself with the virtue signaling.

Magic%20Recycle%20Bin.JPG  

This morning she asked me when I was going to empty out the recycling bin because it's getting too full. 

Goddammit 

 

 

Wait, It is illegal to bring a few bags of trash back from the ranch and put it in your can at home??? Whaaat?

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As promised, a follow up to "mobile cup cover for music festivals."

So this weekend my wife is on the phone with her business partner, while the rest of the family is putzing around the house.  I'm not really paying attention until I hear " ... like a prophylactic."   So my ears perk up a bit and I hear "mumble, mumble ... Shark Tank ..."   Now she has my full attention and I zero in on the conversation like the Bionic Woman and - I shit you not - she says "Do we know anyone with contacts to Mark Cuban?"

Phone conversation ends and ours begins:

Me:   What was that about?

Wife:  The idea you think will never happen. 

Me:  That's not fair, I think it's a great idea (trying to suppress uncontrollable laughter).

Wife:  Well good, because Shelly (her business partner) is already in contact with an industrial designer in San Francisco.  She's going to look over my sketch and come up with some ideas, maybe even do a 3D printing.

Me:  Sketch?

Wife:   Yeah, I drew something up, want to see it?  (Opens notebook)

250px-Crichton_Leprechaun_Amateur_Sketch

Me:  Wow, interesting.  So who's going to buy this thing again?

Wife:  To start, concerned parents.  You may not remember this because you weren't really listening the first time we discussed this, but it's to prevent some asshole from putting roofies into the drinks of unsuspecting girls' drinks at these music festivals.  Here look (shows me Youtube video of some asshole putting something into the drink of an unsuspecting girl at a music festival).

Me:  But won't the kids just toss them when their parents give it to them?  If it comes from the parents they won't use it.

Wife:  Well then we'll sell them to the music festivals.  And bars too.  Ever heard of liability?

*Previously I wrote a fictitious rant from wife about putting logos on these things, and their environmental friendliness.  Well, I fucking know my wife like the back of my hand and right here she launches into EXACTLY THAT, except the logos are now "branding opportunities" and the cover won''t be plastic, like those dumb lids.*

Wife:  Think of it like a stack of band aids.  You just peel it off and put it over the cup.  Then just toss it when you're done.

Me:  Nodding my head, give her a thumbs up.

Wife:  Fuck you.  You just watch, this is going to be big.

 

Skip to yesterday, the Amazon lids show up.  I considered going the "prototype" route.  I have a garage workshop that might as well be Area 51 to my wife, but she's too smart to fall for the whole "look what I made for you" deal.  So I just left it on the kitchen counter and held my breath.

47689734972_879eac984e_z.jpg

 

She walked in, took a look at it, kind of stunned.  After a few seconds she looked back to me and said "That isn't disposable."   I said nothing.  You could see all sorts of thoughts were running through her brain and she said "Wait, did you get that for me?"

Me:  Yep , found it on Amazon.

Wife: Oh honey, thank you! (gives me a kiss)

Me: (shocked, not expecting this response). Of course!

Wife:  See?  It's a real product that works! (she takes a picture and sends it to her business partner).  But ours will be different.  Cheaper. More effective.  I'm telling you it's going to be big.

 

So with that, I leave you until my wife appears on Shark Tank.  Thank you NW Buck for the link.

Edited by Mach 1

1 hour ago, Mach 1 said:

As promised, a follow up to "mobile cup cover for music festivals."

So this weekend my wife is on the phone with her business partner, while the rest of the family is putzing around the house.  I'm not really paying attention until I hear " ... like a prophylactic."   So my ears perk up a bit and I hear "mumble, mumble ... Shark Tank ..."   Now she has my full attention and I zero in on the conversation like the Bionic Woman and - I shit you not - she says "Do we know anyone with contacts to Mark Cuban?"

Phone conversation ends and ours begins:

Me:   What was that about?

Wife:  The idea you think will never happen. 

Me:  That's not fair, I think it's a great idea (trying to suppress uncontrollable laughter).

Wife:  Well good, because Shelly (her business partner) is already in contact with an industrial designer in San Francisco.  She's going to look over my sketch and come up with some ideas, maybe even do a 3D printing.

Me:  Sketch?

Wife:   Yeah, I drew something up, want to see it?  (Opens notebook)

250px-Crichton_Leprechaun_Amateur_Sketch

Me:  Wow, interesting.  So who's going to buy this thing again?

Wife:  To start, concerned parents.  You may not remember this because you weren't really listening the first time we discussed this, but it's to prevent some asshole from putting roofies into the drinks of unsuspecting girls' drinks at these music festivals.  Here look (shows me Youtube video of some asshole putting something into the drink of an unsuspecting girl at a music festival).

Me:  But won't the kids just toss them when their parents give it to them?  If it comes from the parents they won't use it.

Wife:  Well then we'll sell them to the music festivals.  And bars too.  Ever heard of liability?

*Previously I wrote a fictitious rant from wife about putting logos on these things, and their environmental friendliness.  Well, I fucking know my wife like the back of my hand and right here she launches into EXACTLY THAT, except the logos are now "branding opportunities" and the cover won''t be plastic, like those dumb lids.*

Wife:  Think of it like a stack of band aids.  You just peel it off and put it over the cup.  Then just toss it when you're done.

Me:  Nodding my head, give her a thumbs up.

Wife:  Fuck you.  You just watch, this is going to be big.

 

Skip to yesterday, the Amazon lids show up.  I considered going the "prototype" route.  I have a garage workshop that might as well be Area 51 to my wife, but she's too smart to fall for the whole "look what I made for you" deal.  So I just left it on the kitchen counter and held my breath.

47689734972_879eac984e_z.jpg

 

She walked in, took a look at it, kind of stunned.  After a few seconds she looked back to me and said "That isn't disposable."   I said nothing.  You could see all sorts of thoughts were running through her brain and she said "Wait, did you get that for me?"

Me:  Yep , found it on Amazon.

Wife: Oh honey, thank you! (gives me a kiss)

Me: (shocked, not expecting this response). Of course!

Wife:  See?  It's a real product that works! (she takes a picture and sends it to her business partner).  But ours will be different.  Cheaper. More effective.  I'm telling you it's going to be big.

 

So with that, I leave you until my wife appears on Shark Tank.  Thank you NW Buck for the link.

 

Congrats on the sex. 

I'm not sure what I want more - Mach's wife to actually go on Shark Tank or Mach's wife to find this thread.

1 hour ago, Mach 1 said:

So with that, I leave you until my wife appears on Shark Tank.  Thank you NW Buck for the link.

Wait- shouldn't I be getting the "thank you" sex?

As promised, a follow up to "mobile cup cover for music festivals."
So this weekend my wife is on the phone with her business partner, while the rest of the family is putzing around the house.  I'm not really paying attention until I hear " ... like a prophylactic."   So my ears perk up a bit and I hear "mumble, mumble ... Shark Tank ..."   Now she has my full attention and I zero in on the conversation like the Bionic Woman and - I shit you not - she says "Do we know anyone with contacts to Mark Cuban?"
Phone conversation ends and ours begins:
Me:   What was that about?
Wife:  The idea you think will never happen. 
Me:  That's not fair, I think it's a great idea (trying to suppress uncontrollable laughter).
Wife:  Well good, because Shelly (her business partner) is already in contact with an industrial designer in San Francisco.  She's going to look over my sketch and come up with some ideas, maybe even do a 3D printing.
Me:  Sketch?
Wife:   Yeah, I drew something up, want to see it?  (Opens notebook)
250px-Crichton_Leprechaun_Amateur_Sketch.jpeg
Me:  Wow, interesting.  So who's going to buy this thing again?
Wife:  To start, concerned parents.  You may not remember this because you weren't really listening the first time we discussed this, but it's to prevent some asshole from putting roofies into the drinks of unsuspecting girls' drinks at these music festivals.  Here look (shows me Youtube video of some asshole putting something into the drink of an unsuspecting girl at a music festival).
Me:  But won't the kids just toss them when their parents give it to them?  If it comes from the parents they won't use it.
Wife:  Well then we'll sell them to the music festivals.  And bars too.  Ever heard of liability?
*Previously I wrote a fictitious rant from wife about putting logos on these things, and their environmental friendliness.  Well, I fucking know my wife like the back of my hand and right here she launches into EXACTLY THAT, except the logos are now "branding opportunities" and the cover won''t be plastic, like those dumb lids.*
Wife:  Think of it like a stack of band aids.  You just peel it off and put it over the cup.  Then just toss it when you're done.
Me:  Nodding my head, give her a thumbs up.
Wife:  Fuck you.  You just watch, this is going to be big.
 
Skip to yesterday, the Amazon lids show up.  I considered going the "prototype" route.  I have a garage workshop that might as well be Area 51 to my wife, but she's too smart to fall for the whole "look what I made for you" deal.  So I just left it on the kitchen counter and held my breath.
47689734972_879eac984e_z.jpg
 
She walked in, took a look at it, kind of stunned.  After a few seconds she looked back to me and said "That isn't disposable."   I said nothing.  You could see all sorts of thoughts were running through her brain and she said "Wait, did you get that for me?"
Me:  Yep , found it on Amazon.
Wife: Oh honey, thank you! (gives me a kiss)
Me: (shocked, not expecting this response). Of course!
Wife:  See?  It's a real product that works! (she takes a picture and sends it to her business partner).  But ours will be different.  Cheaper. More effective.  I'm telling you it's going to be big.
 
So with that, I leave you until my wife appears on Shark Tank.  Thank you NW Buck for the link.
Hahaha. Forgot about this after the 4k coffee maker story. Looking forward to shark tank
We own a small farm about about 10 minutes outside of town. There is no trash service - twice a month or so I will pack up all the trash (usually 1-2 bags) and haul it back to our house in town. (yes, I know it's illegal - call the cops)
There is obviously no recycling service, either. I've told Ms CL more than once that everything needs to go into the trash can and I'm not going to haul in a recycle bin, but she just can't help herself with the virtue signaling.
Magic%20Recycle%20Bin.JPG  
This morning she asked me when I was going to empty out the recycling bin because it's getting too full. 
Goddammit 
 
 


Why do you even have a recycling bin out at the farm? Don’t you know what burn barrels are for?
1 hour ago, Upgrayedd said:

Looks like a fleshlight. 

With some of her business partner's Guava Infused Coconut and Lavender Oil Lotion from Pyramidus, it can become one.  

Edited by Trey3216

3 hours ago, HOOKEM4 said:

Wait, It is illegal to bring a few bags of trash back from the ranch and put it in your can at home??? Whaaat?

Yeah, same question here.  Every weekend we go to the ranch we bring back some trash.  What the hell is illegal about that?

4 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

I'm not sure what I want more - Mach's wife to actually go on Shark Tank or Mach's wife to find this thread.

Yeah, this is our concern dude.  I'll be private browsing and logging off every time.

Edited by Mach 1
Don't talk about Fight Club

Just caught up, thanks Mach for a fantastic story, cannot wait to see the Missus on Shark Tank!

I feel like there should be a phone call made to a "Mark Cuban" setup.....and it should be recorded and uploaded to youtube.

asking for a friend.

A friend of mines cousin is married to Mark Cuban’s brother. Do I need to put in a call?

lol

17 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

 

47689734972_879eac984e_z.jpg

 

15 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

Looks like a fleshlight. 

9e9.gif

My wife likes to hoard things in her van.  She also rarely cleans it out, and with 3 kids you can imagine the messes.  She gets crap gifted to her by her mother consistently, stuff she never plans on using but she rarely throws it out.  This also includes craft projects and supplies.  I was planning on taking my 93 year old grandmother out for dinner with myself and the kids while the wife was working last weekend, so I would be taking her van for the trip since it's tough to squeeze all 3 kids in the back seat of my car.  I'm not taking my grandmother out in a dirty vehicle, and my wife's half ass cleaning job isn't going to cut it, so I start working on the van on Saturday while she's at work.

Combing through just the trunk was like a archaeological dig.  On the top layer there were goodie bags from the Easter weekend a week back, with Dollar Store toys and candy her sisters gave our kids.  Below that layer there was a  basket with some old food from earlier that same week when she took the kids on a picnic during Spring Break.  Still further down there were frickin' Gingerbread house kits that she bought on sale after Christmas because they were $.26 I guess (Found out later she actually planned on putting them together with the kids a year later, but not eat them...).  Needless to say there was a lot of useless junk and I'm not going to call her at work to find out if I should save any of it, so I make judgement calls and start tossing things.  The Gingerbread houses went to the garbage first of course.  I also found a pool noodle with duct tape on it, along with multiple bags of plastic Easter eggs covered in glitter.  If anyone recalls my previous entry about a month ago, I've  banned glitter from the house and I've warned her if I see it I'm tossing it.  So, I pitch the foam noodle and the eggs.

After about an hour and half of transporting crap from her van into the garbage and house, and then another 3 1/2 hours cleaning upholstery, vacuuming, steam cleaning dirty carpets, wiping up spills in cup holders, hitting the Armor All, etc...I finally finish.  The van looks very worthy, and there are no odd smells.  Fast forward to last night.  I'm getting ready to go out with the bros to see Avengers. 

Her:  "Did you see a pool noodle and some bags of plastic eggs when you were cleaning out the van?"  

Me:  "Yeah, the pool noodle looked like garbage so I pitched it.  I pitched the eggs too because it was a week after Easter and I've already warned you about the glitter."

Her:  "But I was going to use those to make a wreath for my mom!  The bags of eggs weren't even opened yet!"

Me:  "Sorry?"

I finish getting ready, then go to say goodbye and I'm getting the cold shoulder.

Me:  "Are you still upset about $2 in Dollar Store crafts?"

Her:  "..."  Doesn't like tone.

Me:  "Well, I gotta go, gonna be late."

29 minutes ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife likes to hoard things in her van.  She also rarely cleans it out, and with 3 kids you can imagine the messes.  She gets crap gifted to her by her mother consistently, stuff she never plans on using but she rarely throws it out.  This also includes craft projects and supplies.  I was planning on taking my 93 year old grandmother out for dinner with myself and the kids while the wife was working last weekend, so I would be taking her van for the trip since it's tough to squeeze all 3 kids in the back seat of my car.  I'm not taking my grandmother out in a dirty vehicle, and my wife's half ass cleaning job isn't going to cut it, so I start working on the van on Saturday while she's at work.

Combing through just the trunk was like a archaeological dig.  On the top layer there were goodie bags from the Easter weekend a week back, with Dollar Store toys and candy her sisters gave our kids.  Below that layer there was a  basket with some old food from earlier that same week when she took the kids on a picnic during Spring Break.  Still further down there were frickin' Gingerbread house kits that she bought on sale after Christmas because they were $.26 I guess (Found out later she actually planned on putting them together with the kids a year later, but not eat them...).  Needless to say there was a lot of useless junk and I'm not going to call her at work to find out if I should save any of it, so I make judgement calls and start tossing things.  The Gingerbread houses went to the garbage first of course.  I also found a pool noodle with duct tape on it, along with multiple bags of plastic Easter eggs covered in glitter.  If anyone recalls my previous entry about a month ago, I've  banned glitter from the house and I've warned her if I see it I'm tossing it.  So, I pitch the foam noodle and the eggs.

After about an hour and half of transporting crap from her van into the garbage and house, and then another 3 1/2 hours cleaning upholstery, vacuuming, steam cleaning dirty carpets, wiping up spills in cup holders, hitting the Armor All, etc...I finally finish.  The van looks very worthy, and there are no odd smells.  Fast forward to last night.  I'm getting ready to go out with the bros to see Avengers. 

Her:  "Did you see a pool noodle and some bags of plastic eggs when you were cleaning out the van?"  

Me:  "Yeah, the pool noodle looked like garbage so I pitched it.  I pitched the eggs too because it was a week after Easter and I've already warned you about the glitter."

Her:  "But I was going to use those to make a wreath for my mom!  The bags of eggs weren't even opened yet!"

Me:  "Sorry?"

I finish getting ready, then go to say goodbye and I'm getting the cold shoulder.

Me:  "Are you still upset about $2 in Dollar Store crafts?"

Her:  "..."  Doesn't like tone.

Me:  "Well, I gotta go, gonna be late."

she sounds fat.

Just now, PilotsError said:

You're the one who also gave up syrup, right?

Yeah, more or less.  She makes a big breakfast on Christmas day and it's allowed then, but otherwise it's not used the other 364 days a year.  All syrup has to be properly disposed of, and I clean the plate afterwards so she doesn't have to deal with it.

My wife likes to hoard things in her van.  She also rarely cleans it out, and with 3 kids you can imagine the messes.  She gets crap gifted to her by her mother consistently, stuff she never plans on using but she rarely throws it out.  This also includes craft projects and supplies.  I was planning on taking my 93 year old grandmother out for dinner with myself and the kids while the wife was working last weekend, so I would be taking her van for the trip since it's tough to squeeze all 3 kids in the back seat of my car.  I'm not taking my grandmother out in a dirty vehicle, and my wife's half ass cleaning job isn't going to cut it, so I start working on the van on Saturday while she's at work.
Combing through just the trunk was like a archaeological dig.  On the top layer there were goodie bags from the Easter weekend a week back, with Dollar Store toys and candy her sisters gave our kids.  Below that layer there was a  basket with some old food from earlier that same week when she took the kids on a picnic during Spring Break.  Still further down there were frickin' Gingerbread house kits that she bought on sale after Christmas because they were $.26 I guess (Found out later she actually planned on putting them together with the kids a year later, but not eat them...).  Needless to say there was a lot of useless junk and I'm not going to call her at work to find out if I should save any of it, so I make judgement calls and start tossing things.  The Gingerbread houses went to the garbage first of course.  I also found a pool noodle with duct tape on it, along with multiple bags of plastic Easter eggs covered in glitter.  If anyone recalls my previous entry about a month ago, I've  banned glitter from the house and I've warned her if I see it I'm tossing it.  So, I pitch the foam noodle and the eggs.
After about an hour and half of transporting crap from her van into the garbage and house, and then another 3 1/2 hours cleaning upholstery, vacuuming, steam cleaning dirty carpets, wiping up spills in cup holders, hitting the Armor All, etc...I finally finish.  The van looks very worthy, and there are no odd smells.  Fast forward to last night.  I'm getting ready to go out with the bros to see Avengers. 
Her:  "Did you see a pool noodle and some bags of plastic eggs when you were cleaning out the van?"  
Me:  "Yeah, the pool noodle looked like garbage so I pitched it.  I pitched the eggs too because it was a week after Easter and I've already warned you about the glitter."
Her:  "But I was going to use those to make a wreath for my mom!  The bags of eggs weren't even opened yet!"
Me:  "Sorry?"
I finish getting ready, then go to say goodbye and I'm getting the cold shoulder.
Me:  "Are you still upset about $2 in Dollar Store crafts?"
Her:  "..."  Doesn't like tone.
Me:  "Well, I gotta go, gonna be late."

We held on to my wife’s car for my daughter to drive when she turned 16 (no pics). Last week she turned 16 and started to clean out her mothers crap (which has been in there for 6 months or more since she drove it regularly)

Daughter was calling mom a hoarder (true) and making fun of what she found in there. I just smiled because she hast realized there’s a trunk attached to the car.

The trunk is crammed full of bags of clothes that my wife was going to donate a year or so ago (I know this because I told her to get that shit out of my garage where it sat for 6 months prior). So a year in Florida heat and humidity will probably cause my daughter to throw up when she finally finds the trunk and opens it up.

TL;DR: All wives are hoarders.
11 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

I’ll bet she doesn’t swallow your syrup either.

You'd lose that bet.  There's a reason I keep her around.

22 hours ago, Mach 1 said:

As promised, a follow up to "mobile cup cover for music festivals."

So this weekend my wife is on the phone with her business partner, while the rest of the family is putzing around the house.  I'm not really paying attention until I hear " ... like a prophylactic."   So my ears perk up a bit and I hear "mumble, mumble ... Shark Tank ..."   Now she has my full attention and I zero in on the conversation like the Bionic Woman and - I shit you not - she says "Do we know anyone with contacts to Mark Cuban?"

Phone conversation ends and ours begins:

Me:   What was that about?

Wife:  The idea you think will never happen. 

Me:  That's not fair, I think it's a great idea (trying to suppress uncontrollable laughter).

Wife:  Well good, because Shelly (her business partner) is already in contact with an industrial designer in San Francisco.  She's going to look over my sketch and come up with some ideas, maybe even do a 3D printing.

Me:  Sketch?

Wife:   Yeah, I drew something up, want to see it?  (Opens notebook)

250px-Crichton_Leprechaun_Amateur_Sketch

Me:  Wow, interesting.  So who's going to buy this thing again?

Wife:  To start, concerned parents.  You may not remember this because you weren't really listening the first time we discussed this, but it's to prevent some asshole from putting roofies into the drinks of unsuspecting girls' drinks at these music festivals.  Here look (shows me Youtube video of some asshole putting something into the drink of an unsuspecting girl at a music festival).

Me:  But won't the kids just toss them when their parents give it to them?  If it comes from the parents they won't use it.

Wife:  Well then we'll sell them to the music festivals.  And bars too.  Ever heard of liability?

*Previously I wrote a fictitious rant from wife about putting logos on these things, and their environmental friendliness.  Well, I fucking know my wife like the back of my hand and right here she launches into EXACTLY THAT, except the logos are now "branding opportunities" and the cover won''t be plastic, like those dumb lids.*

Wife:  Think of it like a stack of band aids.  You just peel it off and put it over the cup.  Then just toss it when you're done.

Me:  Nodding my head, give her a thumbs up.

Wife:  Fuck you.  You just watch, this is going to be big.

 

Skip to yesterday, the Amazon lids show up.  I considered going the "prototype" route.  I have a garage workshop that might as well be Area 51 to my wife, but she's too smart to fall for the whole "look what I made for you" deal.  So I just left it on the kitchen counter and held my breath.

47689734972_879eac984e_z.jpg

 

She walked in, took a look at it, kind of stunned.  After a few seconds she looked back to me and said "That isn't disposable."   I said nothing.  You could see all sorts of thoughts were running through her brain and she said "Wait, did you get that for me?"

Me:  Yep , found it on Amazon.

Wife: Oh honey, thank you! (gives me a kiss)

Me: (shocked, not expecting this response). Of course!

Wife:  See?  It's a real product that works! (she takes a picture and sends it to her business partner).  But ours will be different.  Cheaper. More effective.  I'm telling you it's going to be big.

 

So with that, I leave you until my wife appears on Shark Tank.  Thank you NW Buck for the link.

It’s incredible- she thinks she’s put sleeves on a blanket. No one is just waiting for a different cup lid to hit the market. And what’s the best case for profit margin per unit? 

2 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife likes to hoard things in her van.  She also rarely cleans it out, and with 3 kids you can imagine the messes.  She gets crap gifted to her by her mother consistently, stuff she never plans on using but she rarely throws it out.  This also includes craft projects and supplies.  I was planning on taking my 93 year old grandmother out for dinner with myself and the kids while the wife was working last weekend, so I would be taking her van for the trip since it's tough to squeeze all 3 kids in the back seat of my car.  I'm not taking my grandmother out in a dirty vehicle, and my wife's half ass cleaning job isn't going to cut it, so I start working on the van on Saturday while she's at work.

Combing through just the trunk was like a archaeological dig.  On the top layer there were goodie bags from the Easter weekend a week back, with Dollar Store toys and candy her sisters gave our kids.  Below that layer there was a  basket with some old food from earlier that same week when she took the kids on a picnic during Spring Break.  Still further down there were frickin' Gingerbread house kits that she bought on sale after Christmas because they were $.26 I guess (Found out later she actually planned on putting them together with the kids a year later, but not eat them...).  Needless to say there was a lot of useless junk and I'm not going to call her at work to find out if I should save any of it, so I make judgement calls and start tossing things.  The Gingerbread houses went to the garbage first of course.  I also found a pool noodle with duct tape on it, along with multiple bags of plastic Easter eggs covered in glitter.  If anyone recalls my previous entry about a month ago, I've  banned glitter from the house and I've warned her if I see it I'm tossing it.  So, I pitch the foam noodle and the eggs.

After about an hour and half of transporting crap from her van into the garbage and house, and then another 3 1/2 hours cleaning upholstery, vacuuming, steam cleaning dirty carpets, wiping up spills in cup holders, hitting the Armor All, etc...I finally finish.  The van looks very worthy, and there are no odd smells.  Fast forward to last night.  I'm getting ready to go out with the bros to see Avengers. 

Her:  "Did you see a pool noodle and some bags of plastic eggs when you were cleaning out the van?"  

Me:  "Yeah, the pool noodle looked like garbage so I pitched it.  I pitched the eggs too because it was a week after Easter and I've already warned you about the glitter."

Her:  "But I was going to use those to make a wreath for my mom!  The bags of eggs weren't even opened yet!"

Me:  "Sorry?"

I finish getting ready, then go to say goodbye and I'm getting the cold shoulder.

Me:  "Are you still upset about $2 in Dollar Store crafts?"

Her:  "..."  Doesn't like tone.

Me:  "Well, I gotta go, gonna be late."

Sounds like you should have squeezed three kids in the back of your car

4 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife likes to hoard things in her van.  She also rarely cleans it out, and with 3 kids you can imagine the messes.  She gets crap gifted to her by her mother consistently, stuff she never plans on using but she rarely throws it out.  This also includes craft projects and supplies.  I was planning on taking my 93 year old grandmother out for dinner with myself and the kids while the wife was working last weekend, so I would be taking her van for the trip since it's tough to squeeze all 3 kids in the back seat of my car.  I'm not taking my grandmother out in a dirty vehicle, and my wife's half ass cleaning job isn't going to cut it, so I start working on the van on Saturday while she's at work.

Combing through just the trunk was like a archaeological dig.  On the top layer there were goodie bags from the Easter weekend a week back, with Dollar Store toys and candy her sisters gave our kids.  Below that layer there was a  basket with some old food from earlier that same week when she took the kids on a picnic during Spring Break.  Still further down there were frickin' Gingerbread house kits that she bought on sale after Christmas because they were $.26 I guess (Found out later she actually planned on putting them together with the kids a year later, but not eat them...).  Needless to say there was a lot of useless junk and I'm not going to call her at work to find out if I should save any of it, so I make judgement calls and start tossing things.  The Gingerbread houses went to the garbage first of course.  I also found a pool noodle with duct tape on it, along with multiple bags of plastic Easter eggs covered in glitter.  If anyone recalls my previous entry about a month ago, I've  banned glitter from the house and I've warned her if I see it I'm tossing it.  So, I pitch the foam noodle and the eggs.

After about an hour and half of transporting crap from her van into the garbage and house, and then another 3 1/2 hours cleaning upholstery, vacuuming, steam cleaning dirty carpets, wiping up spills in cup holders, hitting the Armor All, etc...I finally finish.  The van looks very worthy, and there are no odd smells.  Fast forward to last night.  I'm getting ready to go out with the bros to see Avengers. 

Her:  "Did you see a pool noodle and some bags of plastic eggs when you were cleaning out the van?"  

Me:  "Yeah, the pool noodle looked like garbage so I pitched it.  I pitched the eggs too because it was a week after Easter and I've already warned you about the glitter."

Her:  "But I was going to use those to make a wreath for my mom!  The bags of eggs weren't even opened yet!"

Me:  "Sorry?"

I finish getting ready, then go to say goodbye and I'm getting the cold shoulder.

Me:  "Are you still upset about $2 in Dollar Store crafts?"

Her:  "..."  Doesn't like tone.

Me:  "Well, I gotta go, gonna be late."

The tldr version is you spent 5 hours cleaning her van out and now she gets to go buy all new crap...

Undefeated 

Edited by Dennis Taylor

  • Popular Post

 she tells me some of my daughters friends left the prom, went to a hula bar and got in trouble.

Me: Oh yeah, it's the latest thing, teenage girls go put on grass skirts and coconut shell tops and dance to ukulele music. Scandalous!

Her: Sounds fun to me.

Me: It's a Hookah bar for fucks sake. You heard "hula bar" and had no follow up question with her? 

10 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

 she tells me some of my daughters friends left the prom, went to a hula bar and got in trouble.

Me: Oh yeah, it's the latest thing, teenage girls go put on grass skirts and coconut shell tops and dance to ukulele music. Scandalous!

Her: Sounds fun to me.

Me: It's a Hookah bar for fucks sake. You heard "hula bar" and had no follow up question with her? 

Oh, Trixie!

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’d have just put one in the trunk before I went through that shit

Something, something, your mom's truck last night.

4 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

Something, something, your mom's truck last night.

I fucked your mom's truck last night? I don't get it

2 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I fucked your mom's truck last night? I don't get it

Dammit.

4 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I fucked your mom's truck last night? I don't get it

TRUCK NUTZ!!!!

25 minutes ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I fucked your mom's truck last night? I don't get it

giphy.gif

2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Can we replace you with Trixie?  She can't hear worth a shit but she sounds fun.

She says these chat rooms are evil.

A friend of mines cousin is married to Mark Cuban’s brother. Do I need to put in a call?
lol

It’s a small world after all.
26 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

There should be hula bars. 

There should be hula baristas.  That morning cup o’ joe would coincide with some other great morning enterprises 

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