Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

Recommended Posts

On 9/19/2019 at 3:47 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Hanging pictures with my wife is the worst. Im always the one awkwardly holding up the pic, she stands there and tells me it needs to be 1/64th of inch to the left


And then down 1/32nd of an inch


Ok take this pencil so you know where to put the nail.

 

 

It’s not about the nail.

 

Except when it’s about the nail.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/20/2019 at 12:04 AM, Buffsoldier said:

You know damn good and well, or you ought to after 162 pages of this thread, that she doesn't give 2 shits about your opinion,  and she sure as hell doesn't want your opinion.  She wants to hear HER opinion.....coming from YOUR mouth. 

You fucked up, and wasted precious seconds of football watching time,  the moment you engaged in that conversation with her. 

and you should know after 162 pages that his opinion is absolutely important for her to make a decision to do exactly the opposite of what you think, probably derived from asking a complete stranger what their opinion is.

22 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Can someone please explain what the fuck the Parade of Homes is?

its a subtle way for her to show you what a loser you are for her not being able to live in a home like that.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Well, Mrs. Brat liked to get interior decorating ideas for our own house, but I refused to allow her to suspend a canoe from the living room ceiling and put chrome hubcaps on the bathroom walls.

Are you sure you're thinking about parade of homes and not the visit to Chili's after?

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Mudcat35 said:

We went to the football game this last Saturday night.  We sat in the upper deck and enjoyed a nice cool breeze for most of the game.  Actually pleasant weather, which I was not expecting.

During the 4th quarter, my wife and I decided to head to the concession stand to grab a couple of drinks and a pretzel.   We took the opportunity to sit in some chairs right by the concession stand, relax a little and watch the game on the concession stand monitor.  About halfway through the pretzel, she looks at me and says "I wish it wasn't so windy up here.  It seems like the wind has really picked up".  

3 feet to her left was a giant fan, blowing straight on us.

And this was you...

giphy.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/17/2019 at 4:21 PM, Stuck in CO said:

Then I was watching football over the weekend and she came down to watch for a bit.  Commercial for the new Will Smith movie "Gemini Man" came on.  "They really found someone that looks exactly like Will Smith".  Had to explain that he plays both parts.

At the movies yesterday and this preview came on. I couldn't help myself, "Man, that other actor looks just like a young Will Smith. I wonder where they found him."

Response: "Wait, that's not him? Oh, I guess you're right. He really does look just like him."

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, Mudcat35 said:

We went to the football game this last Saturday night.  We sat in the upper deck and enjoyed a nice cool breeze for most of the game.  Actually pleasant weather, which I was not expecting.

During the 4th quarter, my wife and I decided to head to the concession stand to grab a couple of drinks and a pretzel.   We took the opportunity to sit in some chairs right by the concession stand, relax a little and watch the game on the concession stand monitor.  About halfway through the pretzel, she looks at me and says "I wish it wasn't so windy up here.  It seems like the wind has really picked up".  

3 feet to her left was a giant fan, blowing straight on us.

If ever the was a moment created for the specific use of TLJ face....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wonder what this thread would look like if there were a Surleyette messageboard.  More than 163 pages, to be sure.  My wife would probably be able to write 150 of those pages herself.  Of course, I'd need to unlock her computer for her to be able to do that.  

Edited by nnm
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, nnm said:

I wonder what this thread would look like if there were a Surleyette messageboard.  More than 163 pages, to be sure.  My wife would probably be able to write 150 of those pages herself.  Of course, I'd need to unlock her computer for her to be able to do that.  

Just head on over to Pinterest and find out

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Three months ago something vague named "Rick Riordan" (the children's author) showed up on the ical I share with Mrs CL. 

Three months ago I asked, "What is this?" and was told that my MIL had purchased tickets for some author event and it was meant as a surprise for my kids who apparently like the guy's books.

Three months ago, the time and location of this event was public and known to ticket holders, including Mrs CL. 6:00 on September 26 at Morton Ranch High School (don't ask me why it was in BFE Katy). You would think this would be enough time to, you know, plan an itinerary and a route for the day of the event. 

Three months ago, I was told, "You don't have to go. My mother and I will take care of this on our own." Good. 

Guess who ended up taking the kids to meet Grandma - in rush hour traffic through Cinco Ranch - because Mrs CL didn't bother to learn where "Morgan Ranch" High School was and couldn't get home in time to get them there?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Three months ago something vague named "Rick Riordan" (the children's author) showed up on the ical I share with Mrs CL. 

Three months ago I asked, "What is this?" and was told that my MIL had purchased tickets for some author event and it was meant as a surprise for my kids who apparently like the guy's books.

Three months ago, the time and location of this event was public and known to ticket holders, including Mrs CL. 6:00 on September 26 at Morton Ranch High School (don't ask me why it was in BFE Katy). You would think this would be enough time to, you know, plan an itinerary and a route for the day of the event. 

Three months ago, I was told, "You don't have to go. My mother and I will take care of this on our own." Good. 

Guess who ended up taking the kids to meet Grandma - in rush hour traffic through Cinco Ranch - because Mrs CL didn't bother to learn where "Morgan Ranch" High School was and couldn't get home in time to get them there?

 

Hits close to home.  Was picking up the youngest from dodgeball after school and one of the moms was running around trying to get to her son because he "forgot" to ride the bus home and went to dodgeball instead.  She was trying every door at the school to get in to get the kid early.  Yeah, that wasn't happening.  She's a very nice person and a friend, but it was cracking me up.  I was like, you're going to get from Pearland to Katy in an hour at 5PM??

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Three months ago something vague named "Rick Riordan" (the children's author) showed up on the ical I share with Mrs CL. 

Three months ago I asked, "What is this?" and was told that my MIL had purchased tickets for some author event and it was meant as a surprise for my kids who apparently like the guy's books.

Three months ago, the time and location of this event was public and known to ticket holders, including Mrs CL. 6:00 on September 26 at Morton Ranch High School (don't ask me why it was in BFE Katy). You would think this would be enough time to, you know, plan an itinerary and a route for the day of the event. 

Three months ago, I was told, "You don't have to go. My mother and I will take care of this on our own." Good. 

Guess who ended up taking the kids to meet Grandma - in rush hour traffic through Cinco Ranch - because Mrs CL didn't bother to learn where "Morgan Ranch" High School was and couldn't get home in time to get them there?

 

Quite the odyssey. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, uoftorange said:

Hits close to home.  Was picking up the youngest from dodgeball after school and one of the moms was running around trying to get to her son because he "forgot" to ride the bus home and went to dodgeball instead.  She was trying every door at the school to get in to get the kid early.  Yeah, that wasn't happening.  She's a very nice person and a friend, but it was cracking me up.  I was like, you're going to get from Pearland to Katy in an hour at 5PM??

West park tollway?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, Hawndoh said:

Tomorrow my wife and one of her friends are going to go pay movie theater prices and movie theater concessions to watch several episodes of Friends. A show she has memorized every episode of and can watch on Netflix any time she wants. 

But this is an "event"

Meh I'd go see the Godfather or Shawshank. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My FIL likes to come mow the grass at my farm every weekend. We don’t ask him to do it, he just thinks it’s fun. Mrs CL’s vegetable garden is a joint venture with her and they like working together. 
 

Mrs CL called me just now to complain that I had purchased “shitty gas” that wasn’t working in the push mower and FIL had left to go buy “good gas”. 
 

“What are you taking about? I used it all up. I didn’t have any full cans. What shitty gas?”

 

”In the white metal thing next to the tractor”. 
 

They put diesel in the lawnmower from my transfer tank.

Edited by crimsonlonghorn
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

My FIL likes to come mow the grass at my farm every weekend. We don’t ask him to do it, he just thinks it’s fun. Mrs CL’s vegetable garden is a joint venture with her and they like working together. 
 

Mrs CL called me just now to complain that I had purchased “shitty gas” that wasn’t working in the push mower and FIL had left to go buy “good gas”. 
 

“What are you taking about? I used it all up. I didn’t have any full cans. What shitty gas?”

 

”In the white metal thing next to the tractor”. 
 

They put diesel in the lawnmower from my transfer tank.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...