Airplane Etiquette Thread

[RPM 26073]

2 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

I did this on AA three weeks ago when I flew to Texas. I told the FA that if she needed assistance, I was willing and able to do so    

 

I'm old, but I'm big and have a surly attitude. If nothing else I'll slow them down until the young bucks pitch in.

[Celery Man 20535]

For the complaining about winding up next to a fat person, I do have to call out feeling bad for a really big dude who saw the look of disappointment on my face when he zeroed in on the middle seat next to me for a flight to Heathrow. He proceeded to make every conceivable effort to contain himself. I wasn’t comfortable, but I could tell that guy had an awareness that he was the short straw. Being him on a plane probably sucks.

Flying to Des Moines tomorrow, first trip since COVID. Should be fun.

[MirrOlure 14397]

What they need to do is double the price of tickets so the poor trash that isn’t used to flying, can’t afford to do so. Like back in the good old days.

[RPM 26073]

There's fat and there's "a big guy." The sqft allowed per cattle passenger does not take this into account. 

[Gil Bang 25507]

2 hours ago, slorch said:

Where is "steerage" on a plane? On a ship doesn't it mean the lower levels?

Are you meaning "non-1st Class" or seats towards the rear of the plane?  Never have heard it outside of the context of ships.

Tongue-in-cheek reference to the poors in the Titanic movie

2 hours ago, RPM said:

 

"duck" tape?   

/ragey

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

37 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

Tongue-in-cheek reference to the poors in the Titanic movie

"duck" tape?   

/ragey

You should see how strong the ostrich tape is.

[Chopper 15889]

2 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

I did this on AA three weeks ago when I flew to Texas. I told the FA that if she needed assistance, I was willing and able to do so    

 

In the days of yore the FA would've likely taken this as a disguised offer to gift her some blow to do in the lav.

[mininghorn88 2243]

4 hours ago, RPM said:

I kinda feel like I need to tell the FA when I board "I got your back."

I am always friendly with the FA’s, especially  during the boarding process, and since I am a frequent flyer I am boarding early and if there is an advantage to be gained I am all for it. This is especially true if I have a crappy seat due to an impromptu trip or a rebooked flight, etc. and I am looking to move. I usually let them know that I will move if there is a better seat that becomes available. This has worked more than once.

[midtown 3334]

2 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

I am always friendly with the FA’s, especially  during the boarding process, and since I am a frequent flyer I am boarding early and if there is an advantage to be gained I am all for it. This is especially true if I have a crappy seat due to an impromptu trip or a rebooked flight, etc. and I am looking to move. I usually let them know that I will move if there is a better seat that becomes available. This has worked more than once.

Same.   This has actually resulted in many free drinks btw.  

[Steel Shank 9325]

5 hours ago, RPM said:

I'm old, but I'm big and have a surly attitude. If nothing else I'll slow them down until the young bucks pitch in.

"That old timer threw me off."

[RollLeft 5038]

4 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Tongue-in-cheek reference to the poors in the Titanic movie

"duck" tape?   

/ragey

[Sam Lin 3532]

Duct tape happens more often than you'd think. Quick google search finds IcelandAir, S7 twice, AA, UA, China Southern, and this great photo:

[mininghorn88 2243]

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

Duct tape happens more often than you'd think. Quick google search finds IcelandAir, S7 twice, AA, UA, China Southern, and this great photo:

Act stupid on a plane and you get this. No sympathy from me.

[conVINCEd 21468]

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

Duct tape happens more often than you'd think. Quick google search finds IcelandAir, S7 twice, AA, UA, China Southern, and this great photo:

Dipping on a plane has consequences.

[956 Worldwide 33957]

Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).


I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just woken me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

[Sam Lin 3532]

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.”

W. T. F.

Death penalty on the spot.

[RPM 26073]

I thought it would be funnier the 2nd time you posted it. I was wrong.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

13 hours ago, Chopper said:

In the days of yore the FA would've likely taken this as a disguised offer to gift her some blow to do in the lav.

Is that NOT a thing anymore ????!!!

[Redneck Mutha 7832]

Grocery bag guy deserves the duct tape.

[PenelopeWitherspoon 18303]

5 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).


I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just woken me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

Fuck grocery bag guy.  I am all for making coach more expensive. Right now, you can get a LOT of Europe regular economy flights for 500 or 600 from NYC.  Maybe double that price to 1000 or 1200, and keep the business class flights in the 2000 to 2500 range.  If they cannot afford the 1000, the definitely cannot afford the 2000.  

Also, fuck people that do not use proper luggage or bags on planes.  I have seen people boarding with trashbags full of clothes.  Just fucking terrible.  

[Pato del Muerto 51914]

Do they not sell chargers on long flights?  And earbuds?  If not just give them away upon request?

[956 Worldwide 33957]

7 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Do they not sell chargers on long flights?  And earbuds?  If not just give them away upon request?

They will give you earbuds. Seat back has a USB port and some seats have an outlet but you need a cable to plug into it. 

[midtown 3334]

For some reason this reminded me of an event from a few weeks ago.   Standard SWA flight from Dallas to SA.  I go to get my bag from the overhead when we land and as I yank it out a cane comes flying out and lands on the dude who was sitting behind me.    The guy gave me a dirty look and I realized pretty quickly it was his.   I apologized immediately about it but in all my years and miles of flying I have never had a cane placed in front of my bag.   And you couldn't really see it unless you are 6'4 and the same height as the bin.

[mininghorn88 2243]

In 2009 I am flying out of Moatize, Mozambique.  At that time Moatize was little more than a village and was just opening up to new development due to the influx of international mining companies coming in.

I am booked on a commuter flight from Moatize to Maputo.  As we are going through security I notice a villager carrying about 30 lbs of raw meat with him wrapped in newspaper and in a cardboard box without a top.  Security lets him through.

Once on the plane this individual places the box in the overhead bin.  I am watching with fascination as I notice that the box is noticeably dark and wet on the bottom.  As the plane is steeply climbing it goes into a sharp banked turn and out from the overhead bin all of this "meat juice" begins to pour out from the bin.  It was disgusting.  Fortunately for me I was sitting on the opposite aisle so I was not drenched in the fluid.

[Celery Man 20535]

10 minutes ago, mininghorn88 said:

In 2009 I am flying out of Moatize, Mozambique.  At that time Moatize was little more than a village and was just opening up to new development due to the influx of international mining companies coming in.

I am booked on a commuter flight from Moatize to Maputo.  As we are going through security I notice a villager carrying about 30 lbs of raw meat with him wrapped in newspaper and in a cardboard box without a top.  Security lets him through.

Once on the plane this individual places the box in the overhead bin.  I am watching with fascination as I notice that the box is noticeably dark and wet on the bottom.  As the plane is steeply climbing it goes into a sharp banked turn and out from the overhead bin all of this "meat juice" begins to pour out from the bin.  It was disgusting.  Fortunately for me I was sitting on the opposite aisle so I was not drenched in the fluid.

i have this same story but instead of meat juice it's the contents of my wife's purse spilling out everywhere as it topples over, and instead of one time in 2009 it's literally every single time she rides with me in the car

[Carl Spackler 3455]

Can we expand this thread to include airport etiquette?  If you're on one of those moving walkways (aka flat escalators) in a terminal and you're not walking, then move your ass (and your bags) over to the right side so that the people who are actually walking can get by you.

I was recently hustling to catch a flight at Chicago Midway because my connecting flight arrived late.  Get on the moving walkway (which has signs telling stationary people to stand on the right side) and have to start weaving through people because a bunch of them are idiots.  Patience finally ran out with a woman who had herself and her luggage spread out across the walkway, preventing anyone from getting past.  After she moved a bag, the following exchange occurred.

Me (as I'm stepping past):  If you're gonna stand still on this, stand off to the right side!

Her:  Well, excuse me!

Me (back over my shoulder):  No excuses allowed for stupidity.

[midtown 3334]

STAND RIGHT!   

Stand left on a NYC subway escalator and you will get a shive.  I avoid those for that reason alone

Edited July 12, 2021 by midtown

[BearSchlong 7964]

MIA has a lot of those conveyor belts, I see them as a way to "walk" twice as fast.

My wife sees them as impediments to getting her fitbit "steps" in.

She catches up eventually.

[conVINCEd 21468]

12 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

MIA has a lot of those conveyor belts, I see them as a way to "walk" twice as fast.

My wife sees them as impediments to getting her fitbit "steps" in.

She catches up eventually.

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

[mininghorn88 2243]

22 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

I have seen people just standing and riding the moving sidewalk and talking on their phone or to the person behind, them not paying attention, and taking a spill once the belt gets to the end of the line.

I just step over them and keep moving.

[956 Worldwide 33957]

1 hour ago, Carl Spackler said:

Can we expand this thread to include airport etiquette?  If you're on one of those moving walkways (aka flat escalators) in a terminal and you're not walking, then move your ass (and your bags) over to the right side so that the people who are actually walking can get by you.

I was recently hustling to catch a flight at Chicago Midway because my connecting flight arrived late.  Get on the moving walkway (which has signs telling stationary people to stand on the right side) and have to start weaving through people because a bunch of them are idiots.  Patience finally ran out with a woman who had herself and her luggage spread out across the walkway, preventing anyone from getting past.  After she moved a bag, the following exchange occurred.

Me (as I'm stepping past):  If you're gonna stand still on this, stand off to the right side!

Her:  Well, excuse me!

Me (back over my shoulder):  No excuses allowed for stupidity.

Yep, posted this in the trivial things thread. Also- elevators are for people with large bags, strollers, and the infirm. Take the escalator and don’t clog them up if you are able bodied and only moving with a carryon.

[Buzzrock 14775]

I have seen people just standing and riding the moving sidewalk and talking on their phone or to the person behind, them not paying attention, and taking a spill once the belt gets to the end of the line.
I just step over them and keep moving.

Has this been posted yet? I skipped ahead.

[wood 10786]

On 7/11/2021 at 11:49 AM, PenelopeWitherspoon said:

On 7/11/2021 at 11:46 AM, RPM said:

 

Apparently, she had a mental break mid-flight and tried to open the door.

So she went full Michelle Herman?

Everyone knows you never go full Michelle Herman.

[pch 1259]

2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

I'd rather watch the youtube video of this than the Tour de France spill.

[midtown 3334]

Can we talk about backpacks coming down the aisle?    I carry one as my primary so I get it.   But you can not swing around oblivious and smack people in the head.  Oh is this my row?   Happens almost every flight.  

[conVINCEd 21468]

10 minutes ago, pch said:

I'd rather watch the youtube video of this than the Tour de France spill.

It was a while ago.  Don’t think I had a phone with a camera yet.  You could see it coming and I would’ve had enough time to get it out and catch the ending.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

On 7/11/2021 at 12:26 PM, RPM said:

I kinda feel like I need to tell the FA when I board "I got your back."

[Cap33 380]

9 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

I did this in a Paris train station one night when I was stupid drunk. Tried to long jump it. Total fail, and it was hilarious.

[Gil Bang 25507]

getting on an AA 787 tomorrow morning. 

I will report back

[conVINCEd 21468]

2 hours ago, Cap33 said:

I did this in a Paris train station one night when I was stupid drunk. Tried to long jump it. Total fail, and it was hilarious.

Did you shake it off, or was there collateral damage?  The kids popped up pretty quick, but I was concerned briefly.  Not concerned enough to double back and make sure they were OK and possibly miss my flight, but some level of concern was present.  Figured that their parents were in a trailing pattern.

[Pato del Muerto 51914]

9 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Did you shake it off, or was there collateral damage?  The kids popped up pretty quick, but I was concerned briefly.  Not concerned enough to double back and make sure they were OK and possibly miss my flight, but some level of concern was present.  Figured that their parents were in a trailing pattern.

As is customary when herding and driving stock. 

[CooterBrown 17695]

getting on an AA 787 tomorrow morning. 
I will report back

That flight’s been canceled.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

6 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

getting on an AA 787 tomorrow morning. 

I will report back

I wouldn't be too sure about that.....  

farewell and adieu you fine Spanish lay-dees.... farewell and adieu you lay-dees of Spain.....

[Cap33 380]

8 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Did you shake it off, or was there collateral damage?  The kids popped up pretty quick, but I was concerned briefly.  Not concerned enough to double back and make sure they were OK and possibly miss my flight, but some level of concern was present.  Figured that their parents were in a trailing pattern.

Did I mention how drunk I was? No, I shook it off pretty quickly. Just thankful no cell phone cameras in 1996 -- or Metro Police in the vicinity.

[TornACL 7652]

When it comes to airport etiquette, my primary pet peeve is when people are deplaning, they walk just outside the jet bridge door, two steps into the airport, and they think that's a good place to stop and get their bearings, look around with mouth agape trying to figure out where they need to go. 

Hmmm do I go left, do I go right?  Dude, go somewhere, because there are 100 people behind you trying to get around you. 

[kilroydos 266]

16 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

getting on an AA 787 tomorrow morning. 

I will report back

I'm supposed to be on one in November.  Thanks for your QA efforts.

[Chewbacca 7612]

On 7/12/2021 at 9:30 AM, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

Seen this many times at DIA from bored kids.  It's hilarious.

[Pancho 41818]

On 7/12/2021 at 2:24 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).


I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just woken me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

Flew HOU-CVG on Friday, and bro boarded with a wal-marks sack as his carryon.  And yes, I watched him try to put it in the overhead bin.  

[Pancho 41818]

On 7/12/2021 at 2:24 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).


I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just wokeIn me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

Flew HOU-CVG on Friday, and bro boarded with a wal-marks sack as his carryon.  And yes, I watched him try to put it in the overhead bin.  

[Party_Taco 3660]

Actually had a great encounter on Sunday coming back from Asheville, so here’s some positivity for this salty group:

Waiting for the endless cattle call as we’re in group 6 and this country lookin’ dude comes up and asks if we’re in his group (he’s 7). We tell him to hang tight and he proceeds to tell us this is his first REAL flight. I inquire what that means and he says that him and a buddy took a Cessna over the local hills once, just spotting the trees to mark their line.

Anyway, I get a chuckle from that, assume he’s BSing and board the flight. Dude ends up with the last row in coach and as we’re about to take off he pipes up…

“Oh… oh… OHHHHHH… YEE HAWWWWWWWWWW!”

Lasted a good ten seconds and made me appreciate the ascent. Dude had him a time!