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Airplane Etiquette Thread


956 Worldwide

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2 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

I did this on AA three weeks ago when I flew to Texas. I told the FA that if she needed assistance, I was willing and able to do so    

 

I'm old, but I'm big and have a surly attitude. If nothing else I'll slow them down until the young bucks pitch in.

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For the complaining about winding up next to a fat person, I do have to call out feeling bad for a really big dude who saw the look of disappointment on my face when he zeroed in on the middle seat next to me for a flight to Heathrow. He proceeded to make every conceivable effort to contain himself. I wasn’t comfortable, but I could tell that guy had an awareness that he was the short straw. Being him on a plane probably sucks.

Flying to Des Moines tomorrow, first trip since COVID. Should be fun.

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2 hours ago, slorch said:

Where is "steerage" on a plane? On a ship doesn't it mean the lower levels?

Are you meaning "non-1st Class" or seats towards the rear of the plane?  Never have heard it outside of the context of ships.

Tongue-in-cheek reference to the poors in the Titanic movie

2 hours ago, RPM said:

 

"duck" tape?   

/ragey

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2 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

I did this on AA three weeks ago when I flew to Texas. I told the FA that if she needed assistance, I was willing and able to do so    

 

In the days of yore the FA would've likely taken this as a disguised offer to gift her some blow to do in the lav.

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4 hours ago, RPM said:

I kinda feel like I need to tell the FA when I board "I got your back."

I am always friendly with the FA’s, especially  during the boarding process, and since I am a frequent flyer I am boarding early and if there is an advantage to be gained I am all for it. This is especially true if I have a crappy seat due to an impromptu trip or a rebooked flight, etc. and I am looking to move. I usually let them know that I will move if there is a better seat that becomes available. This has worked more than once.

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2 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

I am always friendly with the FA’s, especially  during the boarding process, and since I am a frequent flyer I am boarding early and if there is an advantage to be gained I am all for it. This is especially true if I have a crappy seat due to an impromptu trip or a rebooked flight, etc. and I am looking to move. I usually let them know that I will move if there is a better seat that becomes available. This has worked more than once.

Same.   This has actually resulted in many free drinks btw.  

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Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).
c3689f9666fdf6da6b7539c0f469a35c.jpg

I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just woken me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

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1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.”

W. T. F.

Death penalty on the spot.

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5 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).
c3689f9666fdf6da6b7539c0f469a35c.jpg

I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just woken me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

Fuck grocery bag guy.  I am all for making coach more expensive. Right now, you can get a LOT of Europe regular economy flights for 500 or 600 from NYC.  Maybe double that price to 1000 or 1200, and keep the business class flights in the 2000 to 2500 range.  If they cannot afford the 1000, the definitely cannot afford the 2000.  

Also, fuck people that do not use proper luggage or bags on planes.  I have seen people boarding with trashbags full of clothes.  Just fucking terrible.  

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For some reason this reminded me of an event from a few weeks ago.   Standard SWA flight from Dallas to SA.  I go to get my bag from the overhead when we land and as I yank it out a cane comes flying out and lands on the dude who was sitting behind me.    The guy gave me a dirty look and I realized pretty quickly it was his.   I apologized immediately about it but in all my years and miles of flying I have never had a cane placed in front of my bag.   And you couldn't really see it unless you are 6'4 and the same height as the bin.

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Can we expand this thread to include airport etiquette?  If you're on one of those moving walkways (aka flat escalators) in a terminal and you're not walking, then move your ass (and your bags) over to the right side so that the people who are actually walking can get by you.

I was recently hustling to catch a flight at Chicago Midway because my connecting flight arrived late.  Get on the moving walkway (which has signs telling stationary people to stand on the right side) and have to start weaving through people because a bunch of them are idiots.  Patience finally ran out with a woman who had herself and her luggage spread out across the walkway, preventing anyone from getting past.  After she moved a bag, the following exchange occurred.

Me (as I'm stepping past):  If you're gonna stand still on this, stand off to the right side!

Her:  Well, excuse me!

Me (back over my shoulder):  No excuses allowed for stupidity.

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12 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

MIA has a lot of those conveyor belts, I see them as a way to "walk" twice as fast.

My wife sees them as impediments to getting her fitbit "steps" in.

She catches up eventually.

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

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22 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

I have seen people just standing and riding the moving sidewalk and talking on their phone or to the person behind, them not paying attention, and taking a spill once the belt gets to the end of the line.

I just step over them and keep moving.

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1 hour ago, Carl Spackler said:

Can we expand this thread to include airport etiquette?  If you're on one of those moving walkways (aka flat escalators) in a terminal and you're not walking, then move your ass (and your bags) over to the right side so that the people who are actually walking can get by you.

I was recently hustling to catch a flight at Chicago Midway because my connecting flight arrived late.  Get on the moving walkway (which has signs telling stationary people to stand on the right side) and have to start weaving through people because a bunch of them are idiots.  Patience finally ran out with a woman who had herself and her luggage spread out across the walkway, preventing anyone from getting past.  After she moved a bag, the following exchange occurred.

Me (as I'm stepping past):  If you're gonna stand still on this, stand off to the right side!

Her:  Well, excuse me!

Me (back over my shoulder):  No excuses allowed for stupidity.

Yep, posted this in the trivial things thread. Also- elevators are for people with large bags, strollers, and the infirm. Take the escalator and don’t clog them up if you are able bodied and only moving with a carryon.

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I have seen people just standing and riding the moving sidewalk and talking on their phone or to the person behind, them not paying attention, and taking a spill once the belt gets to the end of the line.
I just step over them and keep moving.

Has this been posted yet? I skipped ahead.

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On 7/11/2021 at 11:49 AM, PenelopeWitherspoon said:
On 7/11/2021 at 11:46 AM, RPM said:
 

Apparently, she had a mental break mid-flight and tried to open the door.

So she went full Michelle Herman?

Everyone knows you never go full Michelle Herman.

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2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

I'd rather watch the youtube video of this than the Tour de France spill.

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10 minutes ago, pch said:

I'd rather watch the youtube video of this than the Tour de France spill.

It was a while ago.  Don’t think I had a phone with a camera yet.  You could see it coming and I would’ve had enough time to get it out and catch the ending.

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9 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

I did this in a Paris train station one night when I was stupid drunk. Tried to long jump it. Total fail, and it was hilarious.

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2 hours ago, Cap33 said:

I did this in a Paris train station one night when I was stupid drunk. Tried to long jump it. Total fail, and it was hilarious.

Did you shake it off, or was there collateral damage?  The kids popped up pretty quick, but I was concerned briefly.  Not concerned enough to double back and make sure they were OK and possibly miss my flight, but some level of concern was present.  Figured that their parents were in a trailing pattern.

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9 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Did you shake it off, or was there collateral damage?  The kids popped up pretty quick, but I was concerned briefly.  Not concerned enough to double back and make sure they were OK and possibly miss my flight, but some level of concern was present.  Figured that their parents were in a trailing pattern.

As is customary when herding and driving stock. 

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8 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Did you shake it off, or was there collateral damage?  The kids popped up pretty quick, but I was concerned briefly.  Not concerned enough to double back and make sure they were OK and possibly miss my flight, but some level of concern was present.  Figured that their parents were in a trailing pattern.

Did I mention how drunk I was? No, I shook it off pretty quickly. Just thankful no cell phone cameras in 1996 -- or Metro Police in the vicinity.

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On 7/12/2021 at 9:30 AM, conVINCEd said:

Saw two kids racing on one of the conveyor belts.  Built up too much speed and when they hit terra firma they both went down in spectacular fashion.

Seen this many times at DIA from bored kids.  It's hilarious.

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On 7/12/2021 at 2:24 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).
c3689f9666fdf6da6b7539c0f469a35c.jpg

I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just woken me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

Flew HOU-CVG on Friday, and bro boarded with a wal-marks sack as his carryon.  And yes, I watched him try to put it in the overhead bin.  

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On 7/12/2021 at 2:24 AM, 956 Worldwide said:

Some vignettes from a Very Special IAH-FRA flight and boarding. We will start with this dude’s “carryon”, which is a reusable grocery sack stuffed with clothes. A lot of this shit ended up falling out as he tried to get it in the overhead. Maybe you’re not quite ready for jet travel bro. (He will make a repeat appearance).
c3689f9666fdf6da6b7539c0f469a35c.jpg

I arrive at my aisle seat and find it occupied, by someone who is closer to three bills than she is to two bills. Awesome. She is pretty sure that she has the aisle and I have the middle. Ok, we will do this pantomime, I’ll let you stare intensely at your boarding pass and then the seating chart as we establish that yes, I am indeed in the aisle seat.

Grocery bag guy has been loudly talking on his phone at boarding, while seating, and while taxiing. This will be relevant later.

Two rows up there is a middle four seat row with one person in it. All I have is a personal item. I am off like a rocket to claim a seat as soon as the fasten seatbelt sign is off. Three bills lets out an audible sigh of relief as I leave her behind. I feel you, this is better for all of us.

Flight is not so bad, a middle aged woman and I claim opposite aisle seats and spread out. Meal service is uneventful. I rack out with headphones shortly after the trash is collected.

Five hours into this nine hour flight I am shaken awake with a hand to my shoulder. I come to and find grocery bag guy standing in front of me. He loudly tells me “I need an iPhone charger.” Mine is currently plugged into my own phone and the USB port in the seat back.

This is a dicey request to make of me when in a good mood, it’s an absolute “you can’t have mine” if you have just wokeIn me up on a gotdamn airplane. Grocery bag guy is taken aback and informs me “but my phone is out of batteries.” Very clearly now: “No, you can’t have mine.” He shuffles on back and shakes someone else awake to ask the same favor. He should be pushed out the emergency door.

Nothing especially relevant until taxi, when grocery bag guy opens the overhead bin and more of his clothes fall out all over the cabin. We need to make these flights more expensive.

Flew HOU-CVG on Friday, and bro boarded with a wal-marks sack as his carryon.  And yes, I watched him try to put it in the overhead bin.  

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