Jump to content

Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity


GhostOfTomJoad

Recommended Posts

16 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Ceviche at Thanksgiving sounds great.

All of our gatherings generally eschew (or at least aren’t hung up on) traditional dishes, and in recent years we’ve had carnitas, brisket, ribeyes, and pork chops for Thanksgiving meals.

That's awesome because turkey sucks.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep. Dumbest damn thing ever. Casserole was too hard for the hoopleheads to spell so hotdish it is.

It’s one of those things where I was close enough to Minnesota to have an awareness of it, but it wasn’t something my family ever called it. Like how they play “Duck, Duck, Grey Duck” instead of “Duck, Duck, Goose”.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Growing up as a military brat, I've never had a thanksgiving or Christmas meal with my extended family, it was always just the 4 of us. Sometimes my wife's family does it and I just don't like it, I'm not used to that. Thanksgiving was just another Thursday and one of my mom's (amazing) homecooked meals, the only difference being it was turkey or ham, which we didn't have that much. Being out of school was nice though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Growing up as a military brat, I've never had a thanksgiving or Christmas meal with my extended family, it was always just the 4 of us. Sometimes my wife's family does it and I just don't like it, I'm not used to that. Thanksgiving was just another Thursday and one of my mom's (amazing) homecooked meals, the only difference being it was turkey or ham, which we didn't have that much. Being out of school was nice though.

Same. We were always out of state.

Wife’s family is massive so it’s a big change from what I was used to. At times I do try to sneak off to a back room and watch football or read the paper by myself for a few minutes.
  • Hook 'Em 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Talked with one of my brothers on Tuesday about Thanksgiving plans. One of our uncles just got a new house so we'll be gathering out there. I asked him if his drama filled cunt sister from his mother's side is coming. He said, "don't get me started on her..." I'm guessing she's not invited or hasn't been told about it which is a huge bullet dodged for me, but bad for this thread. Hopefully my crazy aunt Donna will be there. She's a character. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So my SIL called my wife at 11 PM last night. Her husband had to be transported to the hospital burn unit via ambulance last night. He won’t tell anyone how it happened but it involves a camp fire and gasoline. Half of his face is bandaged up and he has first and second degree burns on his face and arms. This is the one that is almost 40 and has never had an employer or job in his life. Thanksgiving can’t get here soon enough.

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 2
  • Fuck Around and Find Out 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So my SIL called my wife at 11 PM last night. Her husband had to be transported to the hospital burn unit via ambulance last night. He won’t tell anyone how it happened but it involves a camp fire and gasoline. Half of his face is bandaged up and he has first and second degree burns on his face and arms. This is the one that is almost 40 and has never had an employer or job in his life. Thanksgiving can’t get here soon enough.

Jesus, how do you make it 40 without ever having a job?
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, NoRagrets said:

I’m really looking forward to the political arguments and everyone making fun of UT football. Can’t wait. 

Had my first aggy encounter since Saturday. He looked goofier than usual so I knew what was coming. Before he could open his sheep fucking mouth I told him there's nothing he can say I haven't said myself. 

Edited by MissingInAction
  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, pearlandhorn said:

So my SIL called my wife at 11 PM last night. Her husband had to be transported to the hospital burn unit via ambulance last night. He won’t tell anyone how it happened but it involves a camp fire and gasoline. Half of his face is bandaged up and he has first and second degree burns on his face and arms. This is the one that is almost 40 and has never had an employer or job in his life. Thanksgiving can’t get here soon enough.

Shirley there is already a gif of the event, no?

giphy.gif

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Hate said:


Jesus, how do you make it 40 without ever having a job?

His parents literally pay for everything.  He's a mooch.  His brother is one of the hardest working guys I've ever met and truly a good guy.  His sister is in her mid 40s and worked full time up until about 5 years ago and runs a business out of her house.  She's a great lady as well.  BIL is a worthless piece of shit and everyone in the entire family knows it.  He bitched and complained to my SIL that she got fat (and to be fair, she did) and told her she needed to lose weight.  Meanwhile, he's a tub of lard, drunks from sun up to sun down, and is the laziest person I have ever met.  He's told my SIL that she needed to get fake tits, dye her hair and essentially be his barbie doll.  See why I win this thread every year? 

It's like I've said: It's like the Manson family combined with Eddie's family from Christmas vacation every year.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

His parents literally pay for everything.  He's a mooch.  His brother is one of the hardest working guys I've ever met and truly a good guy.  His sister is in her mid 40s and worked full time up until about 5 years ago and runs a business out of her house.  She's a great lady as well.  BIL is a worthless piece of shit and everyone in the entire family knows it.  He bitched and complained to my SIL that she got fat (and to be fair, she did) and told her she needed to lose weight.  Meanwhile, he's a tub of lard, drunks from sun up to sun down, and is the laziest person I have ever met.  He's told my SIL that she needed to get fake tits, dye her hair and essentially be his barbie doll.  See why I win this thread every year? 
It's like I've said: It's like the Manson family combined with Eddie's family from Christmas vacation every year.

So what is his surly handle?
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

 

.My brother.....40 years old with wife and two kids. He has had at least 30 jobs prior to landing his dream gig as a Budweiser delivery person.

 

 

In and of itself, that is not a bad gig except they work the dogshit out of their folks generally speaking. You don’t see too many old beer guys still working traditional routes.  Job #32 might be imminent.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

48 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...

My Grandmother, God rest her soul, had 4 children. Two boys and two girls whom she name Sherry, Jerry, Garry and Larry. Here is a brief description of each of those individuals.

 

Sherry - Her and her husband are religous freaks, and the parents of twin girls and a very gay son. The girls have each been married 3+ times, have rarely been able to hold down jobs, and each have multiple baby daddies, but they do no wrong in their parents eyes. The son, due to his sexuality, is never spoken to or about, as if he doesn't really exist. 

Jerry - My mother. Married/Divorced 5 times. Unemployed for the last 20 years of her life, which she spent living with my Grandmother and Garry. She passed away this year, about 3 weeks after my grandmother passed.

Garry - Raging redneck alcoholic, supreme racist and unashamed homophobe. He too has been unemployed for the better part of 20 years and lived with my mother and grandmother in her trailer. The same trailer which he burned down only 2 weeks after her death, due to smoking in bed. He now lives in a 5th wheel travel trailer on Sherry's property. He received $30,000 in insurance money for the burned trailer. Spent 20K on the trailer and the rest on "primo weed".

Larry - Chain smoking cardiac patient with severe COPD. Removes his oxygen mask to smoke another unfiltered camel. The outcast of the family, only comes around for these festive holiday times.

other attendees

The Grandchildren -  Sherry's kids -Twin sisters, both pushing 3 bills and each on husbands number 3, and their gay brother and his partner.

My wife and I. I am the only college educated professional person in the family. We will fly into town, rent a car and stay in a hotel. We will each be subjected to countless stares and questions about our personal finances. We are generally looked down upon, because we have been successful. 

My brother.....40 years old with wife and two kids. He has had at least 30 jobs prior to landing his dream gig as a Budweiser delivery person.

Gary's Kids - 1 girl and two boys, all grown. The youngest just finished a 10 year turn for meth possession/distribution. 

Traditional Thanksgiving dinner, served buffet style on paper plates, Budweiser, sweet tea and boxed wine to drink, followed by yelling at the TV for the entire Cowboy game. By halftime, most will be drunk or pissed off, several will have stormed out and headed home and my wife and I will be smelling of second hand smoke, and swearing this is the last year we attend. 

 

Its a family tradition.

 

I scrolled back up to see your handle.  Yup.  Sounds about right.

  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...
My Grandmother, God rest her soul, had 4 children. Two boys and two girls whom she name Sherry, Jerry, Garry and Larry. Here is a brief description of each of those individuals.
 
Sherry - Her and her husband are religous freaks, and the parents of twin girls and a very gay son. The girls have each been married 3+ times, have rarely been able to hold down jobs, and each have multiple baby daddies, but they do no wrong in their parents eyes. The son, due to his sexuality, is never spoken to or about, as if he doesn't really exist. 
Jerry - My mother. Married/Divorced 5 times. Unemployed for the last 20 years of her life, which she spent living with my Grandmother and Garry. She passed away this year, about 3 weeks after my grandmother passed.
Garry - Raging redneck alcoholic, supreme racist and unashamed homophobe. He too has been unemployed for the better part of 20 years and lived with my mother and grandmother in her trailer. The same trailer which he burned down only 2 weeks after her death, due to smoking in bed. He now lives in a 5th wheel travel trailer on Sherry's property. He received $30,000 in insurance money for the burned trailer. Spent 20K on the trailer and the rest on "primo weed".
Larry - Chain smoking cardiac patient with severe COPD. Removes his oxygen mask to smoke another unfiltered camel. The outcast of the family, only comes around for these festive holiday times.
other attendees
The Grandchildren -  Sherry's kids -Twin sisters, both pushing 3 bills and each on husbands number 3, and their gay brother and his partner.
My wife and I. I am the only college educated professional person in the family. We will fly into town, rent a car and stay in a hotel. We will each be subjected to countless stares and questions about our personal finances. We are generally looked down upon, because we have been successful. 
My brother.....40 years old with wife and two kids. He has had at least 30 jobs prior to landing his dream gig as a Budweiser delivery person.
Gary's Kids - 1 girl and two boys, all grown. The youngest just finished a 10 year turn for meth possession/distribution. 
Traditional Thanksgiving dinner, served buffet style on paper plates, Budweiser, sweet tea and boxed wine to drink, followed by yelling at the TV for the entire Cowboy game. By halftime, most will be drunk or pissed off, several will have stormed out and headed home and my wife and I will be smelling of second hand smoke, and swearing this is the last year we attend. 
 
Its a family tradition.
 

Username checks out
  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Leaving to Anchorage tomorrow at 6am, her fucking sister told her in-laws we wanted to join their friendsgiving tomorrow night? WTF I don't even know you yet much less those fucking people and everything I have been told hasn't been great. Also they had another friendsgiving last week and the food looked like shit. Trying to get out of this but it may set the tone for the next few weeks, I just want to hang out with her Venezuelan famliy members for a few days and arepas and tequenos until I can't move. Not off to a great start 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LOL...it damn sure does, but home is Texas and that is where the festivities and family is at. Grew up a little south of Dallas, but the entire family now lives on one 20 acre compound in Maypearl.

Hell, I can’t judge. I know plenty of people here who are the exact same way.

I’m just not related to them.
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

His next job is always imminent, and it's always "the last job he will ever have."

 

At the age of 16, I dared to bring my little girlfriend to the family Thanksgiving. After several Budweisers, but before the meal was eaten, Redneck Uncle Gary asked my dear friend had she "let me get a little stinky on my pinky yet?"

The only time I brought a gf to a family function, my asshole father called her a fine split tail. Luckily she was out of ear shot or pretending not to hear. I'd warned her about him on the drive up.

Admittedly she had an ass you could set your watch to, but God damn..

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, pearlandhorn said:

So my SIL called my wife at 11 PM last night. Her husband had to be transported to the hospital burn unit via ambulance last night. He won’t tell anyone how it happened but it involves a camp fire and gasoline. Half of his face is bandaged up and he has first and second degree burns on his face and arms. This is the one that is almost 40 and has never had an employer or job in his life. Thanksgiving can’t get here soon enough.

I'm going to go ahead and cast my vote:  he was lighting another dude's farts.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

48 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Leaving to Anchorage tomorrow at 6am, her fucking sister told her in-laws we wanted to join their friendsgiving tomorrow night? WTF I don't even know you yet much less those fucking people and everything I have been told hasn't been great. Also they had another friendsgiving last week and the food looked like shit. Trying to get out of this but it may set the tone for the next few weeks, I just want to hang out with her Venezuelan famliy members for a few days and arepas and tequenos until I can't move. Not off to a great start 

Thank them for Jose Altuve and Luis Garcia.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, FloridaHorn said:

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...

My Grandmother, God rest her soul, had 4 children. Two boys and two girls whom she name Sherry, Jerry, Garry and Larry. Here is a brief description of each of those individuals.

 

Sherry - Her and her husband are religous freaks, and the parents of twin girls and a very gay son. The girls have each been married 3+ times, have rarely been able to hold down jobs, and each have multiple baby daddies, but they do no wrong in their parents eyes. The son, due to his sexuality, is never spoken to or about, as if he doesn't really exist. 

Jerry - My mother. Married/Divorced 5 times. Unemployed for the last 20 years of her life, which she spent living with my Grandmother and Garry. She passed away this year, about 3 weeks after my grandmother passed.

Garry - Raging redneck alcoholic, supreme racist and unashamed homophobe. He too has been unemployed for the better part of 20 years and lived with my mother and grandmother in her trailer. The same trailer which he burned down only 2 weeks after her death, due to smoking in bed. He now lives in a 5th wheel travel trailer on Sherry's property. He received $30,000 in insurance money for the burned trailer. Spent 20K on the trailer and the rest on "primo weed".

Larry - Chain smoking cardiac patient with severe COPD. Removes his oxygen mask to smoke another unfiltered camel. The outcast of the family, only comes around for these festive holiday times.

other attendees

The Grandchildren -  Sherry's kids -Twin sisters, both pushing 3 bills and each on husbands number 3, and their gay brother and his partner.

My wife and I. I am the only college educated professional person in the family. We will fly into town, rent a car and stay in a hotel. We will each be subjected to countless stares and questions about our personal finances. We are generally looked down upon, because we have been successful. 

My brother.....40 years old with wife and two kids. He has had at least 30 jobs prior to landing his dream gig as a Budweiser delivery person.

Gary's Kids - 1 girl and two boys, all grown. The youngest just finished a 10 year turn for meth possession/distribution. 

Traditional Thanksgiving dinner, served buffet style on paper plates, Budweiser, sweet tea and boxed wine to drink, followed by yelling at the TV for the entire Cowboy game. By halftime, most will be drunk or pissed off, several will have stormed out and headed home and my wife and I will be smelling of second hand smoke, and swearing this is the last year we attend. 

 

Its a family tradition.

 

spacer.png

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

At my local pub having a beer. Small talking the bartender, I asked her what she was doing for Thanksgiving next week.

"If my boyfriend doesn't at least order a pizza and eat my pussy before I work a 5 to close I'm going to cut his balls off."
 

Pics of bartender?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, FloridaHorn said:

LOL...it damn sure does, but home is Texas and that is where the festivities and family is at. Grew up a little south of Dallas, but the entire family now lives on one 20 acre compound in Maypearl.

I've been to Maypearl once....cross-bred, in-bred, all-bred.....yeah.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Leaving to Anchorage tomorrow at 6am, her fucking sister told her in-laws we wanted to join their friendsgiving tomorrow night? WTF I don't even know you yet much less those fucking people and everything I have been told hasn't been great. Also they had another friendsgiving last week and the food looked like shit. Trying to get out of this but it may set the tone for the next few weeks, I just want to hang out with her Venezuelan famliy members for a few days and arepas and tequenos until I can't move. Not off to a great start 

 

if you get married in Alaska, I don't think it counts in Texas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, FloridaHorn said:

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...

My Grandmother, God rest her soul, had 4 children. Two boys and two girls whom she name Sherry, Jerry, Garry and Larry. Here is a brief description of each of those individuals.

 

Sherry - Her and her husband are religous freaks, and the parents of twin girls and a very gay son. The girls have each been married 3+ times, have rarely been able to hold down jobs, and each have multiple baby daddies, but they do no wrong in their parents eyes. The son, due to his sexuality, is never spoken to or about, as if he doesn't really exist. 

Jerry - My mother. Married/Divorced 5 times. Unemployed for the last 20 years of her life, which she spent living with my Grandmother and Garry. She passed away this year, about 3 weeks after my grandmother passed.

Garry - Raging redneck alcoholic, supreme racist and unashamed homophobe. He too has been unemployed for the better part of 20 years and lived with my mother and grandmother in her trailer. The same trailer which he burned down only 2 weeks after her death, due to smoking in bed. He now lives in a 5th wheel travel trailer on Sherry's property. He received $30,000 in insurance money for the burned trailer. Spent 20K on the trailer and the rest on "primo weed".

Larry - Chain smoking cardiac patient with severe COPD. Removes his oxygen mask to smoke another unfiltered camel. The outcast of the family, only comes around for these festive holiday times.

other attendees

The Grandchildren -  Sherry's kids -Twin sisters, both pushing 3 bills and each on husbands number 3, and their gay brother and his partner.

My wife and I. I am the only college educated professional person in the family. We will fly into town, rent a car and stay in a hotel. We will each be subjected to countless stares and questions about our personal finances. We are generally looked down upon, because we have been successful. 

My brother.....40 years old with wife and two kids. He has had at least 30 jobs prior to landing his dream gig as a Budweiser delivery person.

Gary's Kids - 1 girl and two boys, all grown. The youngest just finished a 10 year turn for meth possession/distribution. 

Traditional Thanksgiving dinner, served buffet style on paper plates, Budweiser, sweet tea and boxed wine to drink, followed by yelling at the TV for the entire Cowboy game. By halftime, most will be drunk or pissed off, several will have stormed out and headed home and my wife and I will be smelling of second hand smoke, and swearing this is the last year we attend. 

 

Its a family tradition.

 

 

strong

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...