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That’s why your hair looks like ass.

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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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6 hours ago, Modessit said:
6 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:
How many different Shampoos does one person need????

All of them, plus separate conditioners, 2-in-1's, apricot scrub, foot wash, face wash, body wash, and assorted other washers for various other body parts, plus a loofah, foot rasp, and shower puff.

Plus various moisturizers. Because dousing your body with water doesn’t moisturize, but rubbing oil based cream on your skin does. 

I’m hoping one of these days a combination of those shampoos will form a magic chemical compound that melts all the hair that gets left in the shower drain.  

On 12/6/2018 at 6:21 AM, GottaB said:

 

 


Back to back winners here. Though these both would make me rage.

After the Stella arrived, I would have called for the check. Got back In the car and dragged her to the nearest bar with a television.

 

 

 

Edited by GottaB

the best part is her commenting on the bottle of shampoo I buy.  It's $60 and has active ingredients to help my dry scalp.  It lasts for a year.

somehow though, $60 seems like I'm spending out my league.

60 bucks a year isn't bad. 

It's hard to fathom one bottle a year though. 

Hell, mine probably has 60 bucks in the shower rack. That's not counting the collection on the shelf. There is easily better than a hundred in the shower that is hers. It doesn't come out of my wallet so my level of give a shit is minimal. I move it when it gets in the way and holler about it ~quarterly. It moves to another shelf for a day or so. Repeat performance next quarter. 

There are approximately 543 items in my bathroom. Less than 20 are mine. 

17 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

this sounds like this is going to be my experience for the next 14 days, hopefully with no aunt dying tho.

   This is a rough Holiday season for our family. My mom died last Dec 9th, and then my Aunt decides to go on the same day. Wife not handling it well. I hope your is better than ours.

10 hours ago, Thatguy said:

   This is a rough Holiday season for our family. My mom died last Dec 9th, and then my Aunt decides to go on the same day. Wife not handling it well. I hope your is better than ours.

That's rough @Thatguy.  Condolences.

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Damn, are you a woman

12 actually if I count a towel. That's 

   This is a rough Holiday season for our family. My mom died last Dec 9th, and then my Aunt decides to go on the same day. Wife not handling it well. I hope your is better than ours.

 

Don’t be that guy. Good luck with the wife.

I swear my wife doesn’t know that you can set a stovetop to anything other than high. She made hash browns last night using the refrigerated ones. Half of them were burnt to the pan and what she was able to scrape out was mostly raw.

Pans still soaking......

5 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

I swear my wife doesn’t know that you can set a stovetop to anything other than high. She made hash browns last night using the refrigerated ones. Half of them were burnt to the pan and what she was able to scrape out was mostly raw.

Pans still soaking......

As long as it's not rice.

8 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

I swear my wife doesn’t know that you can set a stovetop to anything other than high. She made hash browns last night using the refrigerated ones. Half of them were burnt to the pan and what she was able to scrape out was mostly raw.

Pans still soaking......

does she let it get all super hot and then throw something in and it spatters all over her and she's surprised EVERY FUCKING TIME

I watched it again tonight and I will never understand the acceleration towards red lights

 

Edited by mulletpelini

18 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

I swear my wife doesn’t know that you can set a stovetop to anything other than high. She made hash browns last night using the refrigerated ones. Half of them were burnt to the pan and what she was able to scrape out was mostly raw.

Pans still soaking......

 

I think half my life is spent scraping eggs off of skillets.

On 12/6/2018 at 11:25 AM, strangulation! said:

like sam the butcher giving alice the meat

nvmd.

Edited by BigDHornfan
ou sucks

 
I think half my life is spent scraping eggs off of skillets.

Dude you gotta get one of this copper bastards they sell on TV. NOTHING sticks to them according to some dumb man

I'm a known old so I want to clarify that the like that I gave was not an endorsement of 4:45 supper. I will usually wait until 5:15.

On 12/10/2018 at 1:45 PM, VolenteHawk said:

You bought her a RR Sport and let her take it to the dealership.  This is partly to mostly on you.  If the service manager has any sense of humor at all, your detailed bill will show up as...

It has been cleared up, $2600 included the oil change and tire rotation (rolling eye emoji should be added.) I agree for it to go them as it’s a diesel (first year they offered it), under warranty and it’s a RR which always has an update/recall/etc. to deal with, no legitimate aftermarket shops around, and they give her a new one to drive which keeps me from having to deal with it or listen to it. Now she is clear on no additional service offerings though.

Wife loves to leave things open.

I came home for lunch and to let the dogs out.  Three kitchen drawers were open.  2 cabinets.

Go to the fridge....yep, not closed all the way. Shit was at 52 deg.

If there were a hidden camera in our house, I wonder how many times it would catch me :jagsfanning to nobody.

 

addendum- she also doesn't screw caps on things all the way tight.

15 minutes ago, Brew said:

It has been cleared up, $2600 included the oil change and tire rotation (rolling eye emoji should be added.) I agree for it to go them as it’s a diesel (first year they offered it), under warranty and it’s a RR which always has an update/recall/etc. to deal with, no legitimate aftermarket shops around, and they give her a new one to drive which keeps me from having to deal with it or listen to it. Now she is clear on no additional service offerings though.

What an incredible coincidence that the things that needed fixing were all unwarranted, and that didn’t require ordering parts or otherwise risking you finding out before they performed the service. 

<shocked.jpg>

What an incredible coincidence that the things that needed fixing were all unwarranted, and that didn’t require ordering parts or otherwise risking you finding out before they performed the service. 


Actually the service department likes warranty and recall work. It’s easy money for them because every customer agrees to the work and they get to bill corporate for the work.

At a set rate. No overbilling.  No claiming 6 hours of labor because chiltons says 6 hours with hand tools, but the tech did it in 3 with pneumatics. 

I've overheard my wife tell 3 separate people that her and my daughter ,"are laying reefs at Arlington National Cemetery this weekend."

6 minutes ago, PhillyD said:

I've overheard my wife tell 3 separate people that her and my daughter ,"are laying reefs at Arlington National Cemetery this weekend."

i know reefs. he's a pretty nice guy with a huge caulk.

2 hours ago, PhillyD said:

I've overheard my wife tell 3 separate people that her and my daughter ,"are laying reefs at Arlington National Cemetery this weekend."

Trixie?

8 hours ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

I'm a known old so I want to clarify that the like that I gave was not an endorsement of 4:45 supper. I will usually wait until 5:15.

I’m a 5:30 guy myself.

On 12/11/2018 at 12:02 AM, Thatguy said:

   This is a rough Holiday season for our family. My mom died last Dec 9th, and then my Aunt decides to go on the same day. Wife not handling it well. I hope your is better than ours.

karma to you

Wife: I really want to drive in the Macau Grand Prix

Me: really, are you sure that’s a good idea? You have no experience. Could be dangerous.

Wife: you never support me...


Holy shit!

Had the cuntiest fight of our almost 5 year marriage today. 

 

I come home from working out and put clothes on top of dirty clothes hamper. Normally there is a basket beside the hamper ( for sweaty clothes)  but there wasn’t I swear.   

 

her: please put wet clothes in basket. I moved it back. 

Me: it wasn’t there this morning warden

her: well it is moved back 

Me : it wasn’t there 

her : it’s moved back now 

Me : wouldn’t you agree that to move something back that it was moved to begin with ?

her: mad 

2 hours ago, Clintonaldo said:

Had the cuntiest fight of our almost 5 year marriage today. 

 

I come home from working out and put clothes on top of dirty clothes hamper. Normally there is a basket beside the hamper ( for sweaty clothes)  but there wasn’t I swear.   

 

her: please put wet clothes in basket. I moved it back. 

Me: it wasn’t there this morning warden boss

her: well it is moved back 

Me : it wasn’t there 

her : it’s moved back now 

Me : wouldn’t you agree that to move something back that it was moved to begin with ?

her: mad 

fif cool hand luke

Watching the news, a Ford ad came on:

Me: Hey, explorers at 0% for 72 months, not bad.

Her: Well, then you have to pay that huge balloon payment at the end.

Me: This isn't a lease, it's a 72 month loan. You won't have a balloon payment.

Her: I know.

Facepalm and out.

My wife didn’t know Ireland was an island.

She also thought a block in the back was a block in the backfield. Even after I’ve explained it to her before, she still thought that.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

My wife didn’t know Ireland was an island.

Well if you’re referring to the country of Ireland, technically it’s not an island. Northern Ireland is part of the country of The United Kingdom.

Well if you’re referring to the country of Ireland, technically it’s not an island. Northern Ireland is part of the country of The United Kingdom.


Touché


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
At least she knows what the backfield is


That’s where she likes me to line up.
14 minutes ago, luke duke said:

 


That’s where she likes me to line up.

 

You have to wait in line?

5 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:


Well if you’re referring to the country of Ireland, technically it’s not an island. Northern Ireland is part of the country of The United Kingdom.

Which is also an island.

Wife loves to leave things open.
I came home for lunch and to let the dogs out.  Three kitchen drawers were open.  2 cabinets.
Go to the fridge....yep, not closed all the way. Shit was at 52 deg.
If there were a hidden camera in our house, I wonder how many times it would catch me :jagsfanning to nobody.
 
addendum- she also doesn't screw caps on things all the way tight.


This is a staple of every woman on the planet. Caps and cabinets.

Forgot a good one from a couple of years ago.  

My wife is Tennessee born and bred.  We were traveling through W. Texas on our way to Phoenix.  She kept looking at the windmills with a puzzled look on her face.  Finally, she let go...

Wife:  Why are the windmills in such odd places on each farm?

Me:  What do you mean?

Wife:  Seems like they'd want the windmills to be in an easier spot to get the grain to and from.

Me:  What do you think the windmills are for?

Wife:  Grinding grain?

In her defense.  She had only ever seen windmills on tv and assumed they served the same purpose as those in Northern Europe.

We have two sets of Christmas cards because the first set wasn’t correct. Apparently “Shutterfly” makes a lot of mistakes when they print cards. Both sets are still on the table in the dining room.

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