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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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She left the rear window of my car cracked while it was parked outside.  It rained all night last night.

 

I wasn't even mad.  Just asked her to take a hairdryer to it to minimize fucking mould growing in the car.

 

Of course, if I did something as innocuous as leave the house window cracked, or left a light on, it would be tantamount to accelerating Armageddon.

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21 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Went to the sink just now to rinse out a bowl. Saw there was a lemon in the drain that hadn't gone down all the way. I guess Mrs CL was trying to air out the disposal. 

No problem. I'll turn it on and run it for a few seconds.

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Damn thing wouldn't even turn. Just buzzed. 

 

Didn't take long to figure out why.

 

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Don't be so hard on her dude.  That's a Festivus tradition in our home.  After the airing of the grievances, we "clear the air" so to speak by "clearing the drain" with rotten lemons.  

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14 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

First day he just taped up everything, covered the floors etc. He knocked out the actual painting in about 8-9 hours on Saturday. But yeah... cost a grand. I actually dig it and the kids think it's cool so I'm good with it all. 

If you live in a neighborhood that does home tours and if your house is ever on it, I'd pay to see this and everything else in your house.

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44 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

Mitch is here to remind the rest of us that we’re just a bunch of fucking amateurs when it comes to this shit.

Wait until she messes up the mural by wanting to put true ‘vintage’ shiplap on those ceilings.  

Edited by Trey3216
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Don’t know if those goes here or trivial things that annoy me thread.
Helping my wife wrap presents. We’re using some amazon boxes to wrap the gifts in. We’re using clear packing tape to close the boxes. We don’t have a tape holder. Every time I use the tape, I fold the end over so it’s easy to find the edge when you need to use it again. The wife lets the tape stick back on the roll after she tapes a box shut so I spend about 5 mins trying to find the edge and get it started again. This has happened about 3 or 4 times today.
She would be wrapping shit until she learns better.
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19 hours ago, Billy Pilgrim said:

Don’t know if those goes here or trivial things that annoy me thread.

Helping my wife wrap presents. We’re using some amazon boxes to wrap the gifts in. We’re using clear packing tape to close the boxes. We don’t have a tape holder. Every time I use the tape, I fold the end over so it’s easy to find the edge when you need to use it again. The wife lets the tape stick back on the roll after she tapes a box shut so I spend about 5 mins trying to find the edge and get it started again. This has happened about 3 or 4 times today.

Buy a second roll of tape.  Jeesh.

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On 12/25/2018 at 4:43 AM, mulletpelini said:

he's right.  won't do any good to change the woman, next one will do the same thing.  because its selfish.

This is known as the "gay theory" in my house.  When the wife does something annoying, I have to ask myself if I ditch her and get another chick, is that chick going to do the same thing?  If the answer is yes, my options are a) suck it up and deal with it as best I can; b) turn gay and marry a dude who wouldn't do that.  So far, I'm still married to her.  BTW, she has her own "lesbian theory" as well.  Works both ways.

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1 hour ago, Pogo said:

This is known as the "gay theory" in my house.  When the wife does something annoying, I have to ask myself if I ditch her and get another chick, is that chick going to do the same thing?  If the answer is yes, my options are a) suck it up and deal with it as best I can; b) turn gay and marry a dude who wouldn't do that.  So far, I'm still married to her.  BTW, she has her own "lesbian theory" as well.  Works both ways.

Sounds like your wife has the problem licked and you have the problem .....   Well, good luck with that.

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[Not my wife disclaimer]

Setting: FedEx Print/Ship Center.  Couple in front of me discussing batch printing pamphlets with the cashier.

Wife: When it's done, are you able to ship them to me? Or do I have to come here to pick them up?

[FedEx Rep makes a wry smile.  Husband chuckles under his breath]

FedEx Rep: Ummm, yes, ma'am, we can arrange to have the final product shipped to you.

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Brother and SIL are coming to visit. We moved into our house a few months ago and still haven’t finished furnishing the guest bedrooms. Wife left this morning to buy everything to finish out the rooms, bedside tables being the big ticket item. She’s adamant about having everything In order before they get here. Walking out the door she asks what her budget is, I tell her that I just want her to find something she is happy with.

She shows up with mismatching barley twist antique bullshit from a shop in old town Spring and some 80 grit sandpaper that the dipshit in the store told her to buy to “restore” them.

My brother and SIL will be here tomorrow afternoon.

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1 hour ago, Coyote said:

Brother and SIL are coming to visit. We moved into our house a few months ago and still haven’t finished furnishing the guest bedrooms. Wife left this morning to buy everything to finish out the rooms, bedside tables being the big ticket item. She’s adamant about having everything In order before they get here. Walking out the door she asks what her budget is, I tell her that I just want her to find something she is happy with.

She shows up with mismatching barley twist antique bullshit from a shop in old town Spring and some 80 grit sandpaper that the dipshit in the store told her to buy to “restore” them.

My brother and SIL will be here tomorrow afternoon.

What did you say to her?

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1 hour ago, Coyote said:

Brother and SIL are coming to visit. We moved into our house a few months ago and still haven’t finished furnishing the guest bedrooms. Wife left this morning to buy everything to finish out the rooms, bedside tables being the big ticket item. She’s adamant about having everything In order before they get here. Walking out the door she asks what her budget is, I tell her that I just want her to find something she is happy with.

She shows up with mismatching barley twist antique bullshit from a shop in old town Spring and some 80 grit sandpaper that the dipshit in the store told her to buy to “restore” them.

My brother and SIL will be here tomorrow afternoon.

Pics of mismatching barley twist antique bullshit aren't showing up. 

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What did you say to her?

Nothing. She was so proud of her bargain finds. Unlimited budget and this is the shit she comes home with. To her credit, I walked out to the garage this morning to two almost finished tables. Kind of surprised.

 

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The bigger one had this pile of shit inside and weighed 85 lbs.

 

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This goes in the badass shit wives do category imo.  Got some stuff that looks infinitely better than some IKEA bullshit, then followed through on making them look nice, on a tight schedule, without asking for any help.  Plus a cool old sewing machine with a motor to tinker with.  Ought to be thinking about tinkering with her motor out of appreciation (yeah, I know, wife, not gonna happen, etc.).

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