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13 minutes ago, Teamdirtyleg said:

I made all sorts of exceptions when I married her.

How rich is she?

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1 minute ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

How rich is she?

Hot, fun, charismatic and funny.  Was hoping to work on the rest.

15 minutes ago, Teamdirtyleg said:

Hot, fun, charismatic and funny.  Was hoping to work on the rest.

There's a Venn diagram in there somewhere.

Sitting in waitingroom while Getting oil changed in vehicle. Lady walks in and says, “ Igot my oil changed about 2 hours ago and your guy didn’t put the little sticker on my windshield.  How am I supposed to know when to come back?”

 

At least I finally saw in real life, the morons who require said sticker.

I don't know...My wife has always been lame in the sack.  Granted it's gotten even worse.
That's true.
3 minutes ago, slorch said:

Sitting in waitingroom while Getting oil changed in vehicle. Lady walks in and says, “ Igot my oil changed about 2 hours ago and your guy didn’t put the little sticker on my windshield.  How am I supposed to know when to come back?”

 

At least I finally saw in real life, the morons who require said sticker.

Chill. My company prints those stickers. It's morons like your wife that allows me to donate to Surly.

24 minutes ago, Teamdirtyleg said:

Hot, fun, charismatic and funny.  Was hoping to work on the rest.

You married the Human Torch?

NTTAWWI.

2 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Chill. My company prints those stickers. It's morons like your wife that allows me to donate to Surly.

Not my wife, sir.

 

Random lady, but fit the theme of the thread.

 

I’m quite certain job security is pretty solid in your field...

2 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

1. Come home early one day.

2. Rough up the house a bit.

3. Remove some of her valuable stuff (you can claim you bought it off of craigslist later).

4. Show her what happens when you don't lock the house/set the alarm.

5. ????

6. Profit.

8de521f76fc38b094f4a56ebdc0a6d307254db13

 

 

5 hours ago, huge said:

A hide-a-key is too difficult as well I assume?

 

geeezus people

 

th?id=OIP.-lfN2s_5pfPNBzcTnZCPnQHaHa&pid

Edited by tejas60

better yet get one that her cell phone can unlock. 

26 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

better yet get one that her cell phone can unlock. 

We already established she can't remember her birthday as the code on the garage.  And you know where the cell phone is?   She doesn't either.

3 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

1. Come home early one day.

2. Find the locksmith roughing her up a bit, ifyouknowwhatImean

3. Remove all of your valuable stuff.

4. Contact lawyer, commence whoring around.

5. ????

6. Profit.

FIFY

Not sure where to put this and since I have the thread open,

Girl in my office just deadpan goes "What's the name of that green vegetable? The one I didn't eat with my lunch the other day?"

Broccoli. The answer was broccoli. 

14 minutes ago, ABSR said:

We already established she can't remember her birthday as the code on the garage.  And you know where the cell phone is?   She doesn't either.

then i guess divorce?

Sitting in waitingroom while Getting oil changed in vehicle. Lady walks in and says, “ Igot my oil changed about 2 hours ago and your guy didn’t put the little sticker on my windshield.  How am I supposed to know when to come back?”
 
At least I finally saw in real life, the morons who require said sticker.

Sad part is she probably sent her husband 15 text messages about what to do regarding the missing sticker. He finally broke down and told her to fucking go get it to get her out of his ass.
13 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Not sure where to put this and since I have the thread open,

Girl in my office just deadpan goes "What's the name of that green vegetable? The one I didn't eat with my lunch the other day?"

Broccoli. The answer was broccoli. 

Based upon this thread, she's wife material.

1 hour ago, tejas60 said:
 

 

 

geeezus people

 

th?id=OIP.-lfN2s_5pfPNBzcTnZCPnQHaHa&pid

He already said she can't remember the passcode to the one in the garage where it's her own birthday. That wouldn't work. A key fob-operated lock, OTOH, might.

1 hour ago, ztejas said:

Not sure where to put this and since I have the thread open,

Girl in my office just deadpan goes "What's the name of that green vegetable? The one I didn't eat with my lunch the other day?"

Broccoli. The answer was broccoli. 

She sounds hot as fuck.

balloons-garbage.jpg


Please video the trash collectors face on pickup day. AFHV gold
53 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Do they make door locks with facial recognition?

they'd have to have the makeup on/the same every time, you insensitive fuck.

Just now, retread said:

Pics of broccoli girl? <:>)>

Not until I'm at a different job. 

There's a girl I made out with a few times in the "facebook friends" thread if you need something to tide you over. 

It was my daughter's 12th birthday a few days ago. My wife bought her balloons in the shape of a "1" and a "2". They have kept their helium since we bought them. My wife decided to throw them away today. I come home to find the two balloons floating above our garbage can with the ribbon stuck inside the can to keep them from flying away. 


I’m crying. This is so good. And the fact that it’s Mrs Cumsteen takes it to 11. And pics!
4 hours ago, ABSR said:

We already established she can't remember her birthday as the code on the garage.  And you know where the cell phone is?   She doesn't either.

It's in her other purse. 

Our garbage disposal motor is not turning.  I guess I'm going to have to replace it.  Can't wait to find out what went in it to cause this.

 

8 minutes ago, PantsTent said:

Our garbage disposal motor is not turning.  I guess I'm going to have to replace it.  Can't wait to find out what went in it to cause this.

 

much cheaper than a lawyer

47 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

It's in her other purse. 

Which she also can’t find.

23 minutes ago, PantsTent said:

Our garbage disposal motor is not turning.  I guess I'm going to have to replace it.  Can't wait to find out what went in it to cause this.

 

Take the key that comes with it and spin the bitch. It'll come back to life.

2 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

 


I’m crying. This is so good. And the fact that it’s Mrs Cumsteen takes it to 11. And pics!

 

Or even a 12 

9 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

But she'll leave the written down code in yesterday's purse

One of the people that works for me bought a computer bag at a school consignment sale back last fall. She brought the bag in the next day and there was a sheet stuck in the back pocket that had office door codes, office alarm codes, usernames and passwords for her computer and different websites, etc. written on it with the firm name and the female employees name on the top of the sheet. I just shook my head and was glad my wife isn’t that stupid. I mentioned it to the managing partner of the office and apparently she had been fired at some point after that.

Edited by Brew

3 minutes ago, Brew said:

One of the people that works for me bought a computer bag at a school consignment sale back last fall. She brought the bag in the next day and there was a sheet stuck in the back pocket that had office door codes, office alarm codes, usernames and passwords for her computer and different websites, etc. written on it with the firm name and the female employees name on the top of the sheet. I just shook my head and was glad my wife isn’t that stupid. I mentioned it to the managing partner of the office and apparently she had been fired at some point. 

Which school district?  Asking to make sure it wasn’t my wife.  (She has never been fired btw) 

Take the key that comes with it and spin the bitch. It'll come back to life.


This

Take the key that comes with it and spin the bitch. It'll come back to life.


Well fuck me. Didn't even know I had one of these keys, but sure enough, there was one in a drawer with some other stuff the builder left. My husband was able to free the jam in no time....

I still say she dropped something down there though.
14 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

balloons-garbage.jpg

Garbage men aren’t getting anywhere near that freaky fucking clown. Float my ass. Nope nope nope

I'm pretty sure by this point Mitch's garbage men are desensitized at what they might find on the curb.

3 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

I'm pretty sure by this point Mitch's garbage men are desensitized at what they might find on the curb.

Yep, they’ve already posted it to the “shit the garbage man sees” thread on wasteengineers.com 

9 hours ago, PantsTent said:

 


Well fuck me. Didn't even know I had one of these keys, but sure enough, there was one in a drawer with some other stuff the builder left. My husband was able to free the jam in no time....

I still say she dropped something down there though.

 

Your husband? Who is 'she' then? 

1 minute ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Your husband? Who is 'she' then? 

Just a play on the normal joke around here when somebody doesn't know how to do something simple (like free a stuck garbage disposal) and the response is "have your husband do it".

 

3 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Your husband? Who is 'she' then? 

get-it-together-gif.gif

On 1/15/2019 at 1:51 PM, slorch said:

Sitting in waitingroom while Getting oil changed in vehicle. Lady walks in and says, “ Igot my oil changed about 2 hours ago and your guy didn’t put the little sticker on my windshield.  How am I supposed to know when to come back?”

 

At least I finally saw in real life, the morons who require said sticker.

Shameful admission time.  I love those stickers and would probably go 10,000 miles between oil changes if I didn't have them.   

Shameful admission time.  I love those stickers and would probably go 10,000 miles between oil changes if I didn't have them.   

Me too. I even put little stickers on when I do it myself.

My wife buys a case of bottled water every week.  We have a fridge with a water filter.

That is not good for a variety of reasons

37 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

My wife buys a case of bottled water every week.  We have a fridge with a water filter.

mine gets fiji water and then lets our 10 yo drink it too.  even the whole long story about how future humans are going to look back and jagsfan.gif on our generation for shipping water 6500 miles to be consumed elsewhere for $9-$10 a gallon did nothing to deter this.

mine gets fiji water and then lets our 10 yo drink it too.  even the whole long story about how future humans are going to look back and jagsfan.gif on our generation for shipping water 6500 miles to be consumed elsewhere for $9-$10 a gallon did nothing to deter this.

Bottled water is the biggest scam. John Stossel exposed this about 20+ years ago. No one cared.

I buy a bottled water six pack and then refill them with my fridge-filtered water as long as the plastic holds up. It takes many months before they are beat to shit. The containers are so much easier to tote than hard plastic but it still makes me an ugly American. I need to ween off of them for sure.

My wife just managed to run the washing machine for a full cycle without putting the clothes in it.   She was distracted by planning my daughter’s wedding reception.  Could have been worse I guess.  

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