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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Couldn’t decide which thread this best fits but it goes here. 10 year old is eating dinner and watching tv. He has his hand down his pants (that trait comes from my side of the family). Goes something like this:
 
Wife: what are you doing? Why is your hand down your pants?
 
Kid: dumb look
 
Wife: You’re eating. That’s gross. You’re putting your hands on your private parts and then eating food. You can get sick with the germs.
 
Kid: Removes hands from pants.
 
A few minutes later, with the kid out of earshot.
 
Wife: Don’t you think that’s dirty? Eating after having your hands on your junk?
 
Me: deadpan
 
Wife: I think it’s gross.
 
Me: You know you skip the whole middle part of that process from time to time.
 
Wife: deadpan
 
Me: You put my penis in your mouth.
 
Wife: (hamster wheel turning) Well maybe I won’t do that anymore!
 

Husbands and the stupid shit they say/do thread is over there->->->
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On 3/8/2019 at 1:05 AM, PilotsError said:

Real Frito pie is when the chili and cheese comes from the machine at gas stations or food trucks. You people who do homemade shit are the same who call melts grilled cheese.

I won't disrespect your view, however imo, Real Frito Pie comes from Little League ballparks in the 60's. That and the best dang hot/chili dogs in the universe.

Full disclosure: Haven't tried frito pies out in the wild in 3 decades, although imo hot/chili dogs suck compared to the good old days. 

Edited by SHOOTER12
Boozy fat finger syndrome
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Real frito pie was at the Kangaroo stand across from junior high (it had been the HS in the 50's).  Cut one of the long sides of the bag open and dump the chili in, top with onions.  15c. When my dad would sing the "One Meatball" song, I would always think I would not do the one meatball for 15 cents, I'd be very content with the frito pie.

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2 hours ago, NBMisha said:

Real frito pie was at the Kangaroo stand across from junior high (it had been the HS in the 50's).  Cut one of the long sides of the bag open and dump the chili in, top with onions.  15c. When my dad would sing the "One Meatball" song, I would always think I would not do the one meatball for 15 cents, I'd be very content with the frito pie.

Frito pie in the bag is best frito pie.

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5 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

Frito pie in the bag is best frito pie.

In Michigan that is called a walking taco. More specifically, on University of Michigan’s campus that is called date night because it’s the only warm taco any of those sexless dorks will ever see.

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First contribution here.

Just received a large package from Amazon. Most of it was 3 18 packs of toilet paper.  I carry them to laundry room where I see we already have 3 18 packs of toilet paper. I asked why she thought we needed over 100 rolls of toilet paper. 

Just a shoulder shrug in return.

We will have clean asses when the zombies come. 

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Heading to Austin this Thursday with my wife for a nice overnight in a downtown Austin hotel, a couple of nice meals, then pick up the UT freshman daughter (no pix you slimeballs) for spring break.  I broached the subject of where should we try to eat, and the wife says "SXSW is going on so we won't be able to eat".  OK, so my question to Surly is - is this statement thread worthy or remarkably intuitive on her part?  Can you get reservations at this point for Thursday night?  Any recommendations downtown for dinner?

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26 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

Heading to Austin this Thursday with my wife for a nice overnight in a downtown Austin hotel, a couple of nice meals, then pick up the UT freshman daughter (no pix you slimeballs) for spring break.  I broached the subject of where should we try to eat, and the wife says "SXSW is going on so we won't be able to eat".  OK, so my question to Surly is - is this statement thread worthy or remarkably intuitive on her part?  Can you get reservations at this point for Thursday night?  Any recommendations downtown for dinner?

Pics of the wife?

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First contribution here.
Just received a large package from Amazon. Most of it was 3 18 packs of toilet paper.  I carry them to laundry room where I see we already have 3 18 packs of toilet paper. I asked why she thought we needed over 100 rolls of toilet paper. 
Just a shoulder shrug in return.
We will have clean asses when the zombies come. 

Check out the bidet thread and that TP will last a lifetime
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17 hours ago, GRHorn said:

First contribution here.

Just received a large package from Amazon. Most of it was 3 18 packs of toilet paper.  I carry them to laundry room where I see we already have 3 18 packs of toilet paper. I asked why she thought we needed over 100 rolls of toilet paper. 

Just a shoulder shrug in return.

We will have clean asses when the zombies come. 

It's a recurring order thing.  She ordered it to ship monthly/weekly/whenever and then forgets until the next one shows, then is too lazy to cancel it.  That's how we wound up with a couple hundred k-cups.  Log into the account and cancel it yourself, and she'll never even realize it.

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My wife has developed a habit lately of watching something on her phone while I'm driving and listening to tunes or a podcast (our mutually agreed to rule is that whomever drives controls the stereo), and not using head phones.  So it's blaring off the shitty phone speaker and creating a cacophony in the car.  In passive aggressive Midwestern fashion, I just slowly turn the stereo louder to drown it out.  Eventually she gets the hint, and gets mildly indignant about it.  Thank Christ she doesn't do this in public, but it's annoying as hell.

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10 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife has developed a habit lately of watching something on her phone while I'm driving and listening to tunes or a podcast (our mutually agreed to rule is that whomever drives controls the stereo), and not using head phones.  So it's blaring off the shitty phone speaker and creating a cacophony in the car.  In passive aggressive Midwestern fashion, I just slowly turn the stereo louder to drown it out.  Eventually she gets the hint, and gets mildly indignant about it.  Thank Christ she doesn't do this in public, but it's annoying as hell.

My wife tends to do this on the couch while I’m watching basketball.  

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42 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife has developed a habit lately of watching something on her phone while I'm driving and listening to tunes or a podcast (our mutually agreed to rule is that whomever drives controls the stereo), and not using head phones.  So it's blaring off the shitty phone speaker and creating a cacophony in the car.  In passive aggressive Midwestern fashion, I just slowly turn the stereo louder to drown it out.  Eventually she gets the hint, and gets mildly indignant about it.  Thank Christ she doesn't do this in public, but it's annoying as hell.

I am in favor of a law that allows physical assault on individuals who play videos on their phones in public with the sound blasting.  Headphones/ear buds exist for a reason.

Fucking inconsiderate morons.

Sorry, back to bitching about wives...

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2 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My disgust is always clearly verbalized.  I just like seeing if she can figure it out before I say something.

Shitty headphones are basically free, keep them in your car and jam her up when she does this garbage

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Just now, huge said:

Shitty headphones are basically free, keep them in your car and jam her up when she does this garbage

She did this on our last long road trip.  It was great.

But for some reason she took them out of the car, and was back at it the other day.

Edited by Al_4_ISU
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I got hit with the stomach flu that had me on the toilet every 10-20 minutes for about 30 hours. So very little sleep, cant eat, forcing myself to drink a little water and tea to avoid caffeine withdrawal. I “sleep” on the couch as to not disturb her. Morning comes and I am worn the fuck out. I start watching QB1 on netflix and tell her we can plan on leaving in the morning to see her parents. I help where i can around house. Get packed and pack for the big kid.

We leave at 1:30pm.

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Me:* watching random CAA game on CBSSN*

 

W: lots of basketball this month, huh?

 

Me: yea...its march. Tournament starts next week

 

W: are we filling out pyramids?

 

M: laughs

 

W: what are they called?

M: brackets...sure.

 

 

 

 

 

She's going to beat me despite watching 0 seconds of college basketball in her entire life

 

 

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3 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Me:* watching random CAA game on CBSSN*

 

W: lots of basketball this month, huh?

 

Me: yea...its march. Tournament starts next week

 

W: are we filling out pyramids?

 

M: laughs

 

W: what are they called?

M: brackets...sure.

 

 

 

 

 

She's going to beat me despite watching 0 seconds of college basketball in her entire life

 

 

W: I chose these teams because their names sounded cute

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Ding Dong had a meeting in Pearland this morning at 8. She calls me at 7:45 complaining that she is stuck in traffic. GPS routed her downtown(BW 8, I-10, 45, 288). She could have easily taken the beltway all the way to 288. But GPS wouldn’t let her go that way. Now, she wants me to figure out why.

BTW, this is a drive she has made at least 10 times.

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1 hour ago, Brothahorn said:

Ding Dong had a meeting in Pearland this morning at 8. She calls me at 7:45 complaining that she is stuck in traffic. GPS routed her downtown(BW 8, I-10, 45, 288). She could have easily taken the beltway all the way to 288. But GPS wouldn’t let her go that way. Now, she wants me to figure out why.

BTW, this is a drive she has made at least 10 times.

She does understand that the GPS doesn't dictate the way she has to go and that it will recalculate automatically if she chooses a different route? Or maybe not. 

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