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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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9 hours ago, SwanderedTalent said:

I like when my wife says "I do it this way" when she means "you should do it this way"

Holy crap I get this all the time.  No matter what I do or how successful I am at doing it, I have to hear how she does it, which as you said means "you should do it this way."  

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On 3/4/2019 at 6:30 PM, Upgrayedd said:

Got back last night from a week-long trip to Colorado skiing.  We drove.

I pack the car.  I also unpack the car.  Luggage, skis, boots, gear, etc.  Skis and poles go in the roof box.  This time so did the boots.  She assists with the unload.

Her:  Why did you put the boots in the roof box?  They were in my boot bag.

Me:  I pulled them out so I could flatten the boot bags.  Easier to see out the back with the rear-view mirror.

H:  They were in the bag though.

M:  Yes.  Yes they were:

H:   I didn't want them up there.

M:  What difference does it make?  It's storage space for shit we don't need in the car.  They were up there on the ride up too.  

H:  I wanted them in the bag.  Especially on the ride up because I don't like putting on cold boots.  You could have put the bag to the side.

M:  The boots had all night to get to room temperature, so that's not a good reason.  Tell you what, next time you can load the gear.

So she doesn't like my tone.  And because she's irritated, instead of setting my skis down on the concrete driveway like they should, she decides to de-tune the edges by setting the tips down and sliding them across the driveway until she puts the tails down.  I know her and she didn't do it on purpose out of spite - more likely she's frosted about the boot thing and not paying attention.

M:  The fuck you do that for?

H:  ????

M:  I could hear the edges grinding on the driveway (someone may accurately point out that edges on the tips should be de-tuned anyway, but it shouldn't be with the driveway method, so that's not the point).

H:  They're fine.

M:  You'd have a conniption if I did that to your gear.  Help me get the roof box off please.

The roof box is light, but bulky.  Helps to have two people.  I slide the front of the box off the rack towards her to grab.  I have the back and am ready to lift.

M:  Ready?

H: . . . . . . . . .

M:  Ok?

H: . . . . . .

M:  It's customary to have a verbal acknowledgment if you are asked if you are ready or not.  Ready?  Yes or no?

H.  Maybe.

Sad part is, if you weren't married to her, you'd be fucking her within :30 after this happened.  

On 3/5/2019 at 8:52 AM, Mudcat35 said:

My wife and I recently bought a really old house that we're going to renovate.  First step is to pull down some badly-installed sheetrock in the entryway to expose the original shiplap boards underneath.  We want to paint those so that we get the effect of having the exposed wood.  She was trying to put together a project plan last night.  For reference, I'm a project manager by trade, so it's clear this wasn't going to go so well.  Two of the steps involve pulling down the existing sheetrock, and finishing the boards underneath, and she could not figure out what order to do this in.  I spent 20 minutes explaining why you had to pull the sheetrock down first before you could paint the boards underneath.  I have no idea how I managed to not run screaming from the building.  She kept saying "I have to think visually".  Ok, I get that, but we finally got to the point where I said "you're ready to paint, but you haven't pulled the sheetrock down yet.  What are  you painting?".  The answer is "sheetrock", not what she was looking for.  I'm still not sure she believes me.

This is me, except my lady gives me the opinions and I tell her what's possible, and she fucking listens and accepts it.  We have a large basement and I explained to her that it will be the first thing renovated, since it has one entry in or out, and that is from the main living room on the first floor.  Once it is completed, we will finish the first floor.

My mother and sister however, insist that I should finish that main living room first, then do the basement whenever.  I've explained that, that would mean dragging waste material across a brand new floor and renovated room, but that basic common sense logic hasn't quite been able to cut through the women logic, nor do I believe it ever will.  Thank god those two aren't my problem, but I really despise the fact that even after I explain the logic, it does not justify the reasoning for them.

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When I'm at work, she often messages me with random nonsense or her work complaints or whatever.  Sure, its our job as husbands to listen and support.  (actually, just listen....)

 

But she'll do this on Facebook Messenger (by the way, fuck you facebook messenger).  Then she'll do this on 1 Skype account.  Then she'll do it on another Skype account provisioned to her by another client.  Then often she'll do it on all 3 platform simultaneously.  I dont even know this is even possible - is she using 2 laptops at once or what.

 

Firstly

(1) respect working hours

(2) respect the communication platforms (work to work, personal to personal)

(3) pick 1 fucking system!

(4) dont pick fucking facebook messenger!

 

 

 

 

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Wife's alarm went off at 6:10am.

Me: Why is the alarm going off so early?

Her: If I'm going to come home before we go to the airport tonight, I'll need to leave work early, so I need to get there early.

It's now 8:33,am and I can still hear her fucking around in the kitchen.  She had been outside checking to see if the potato plants in her little garden froze.  

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22 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife's alarm went off at 6:10am.

Me: Why is the alarm going off so early?

Her: If I'm going to come home before we go to the airport tonight, I'll need to leave work early, so I need to get there early.

It's now 8:33,am and I can still hear her fucking around in the kitchen.  She had been outside checking to see if the potato plants in her little garden froze.  

Trust me, it's your fault.

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46 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

Wife's alarm went off at 6:10am.

Me: Why is the alarm going off so early?

Her: If I'm going to come home before we go to the airport tonight, I'll need to leave work early, so I need to get there early.

It's now 8:33,am and I can still hear her fucking around in the kitchen.  She had been outside checking to see if the potato plants in her little garden froze.  

One of the only things that really, truly pisses me off is when her alarm is set early and she hits snooze four times.  

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1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

If loving frito pie is wrong, I don't want to be right. 

Give me a cold rainy dreary day late in the Fall, fireplace going, some random college football game on TV, an ice cold beer and a Frito pie while sitting in a lounge chair with my feet up on the ottoman with the dog asleep under my feet, in my living room with every inch of it covered in garish art and call me satisfied.

It's called Stockholm Syndrome.  Look it up.

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26 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Time for a video breakdown: 

:17 in and she's using lightly salted fritos with less sodium. Already losing points here. Also refers to them as "corn chips" and says you can use whatever brand you want.

I'm pretty sure that if you use a brand other than fritos and call it frito pie you will be sued to oblivion by FritoLay

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13 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

 

Sad part is, if you weren't married to her, you'd be fucking her within :30 after this happened.  

This is me, except my lady gives me the opinions and I tell her what's possible, and she fucking listens and accepts it.  We have a large basement and I explained to her that it will be the first thing renovated, since it has one entry in or out, and that is from the main living room on the first floor.  Once it is completed, we will finish the first floor.

My mother and sister however, insist that I should finish that main living room first, then do the basement whenever.  I've explained that, that would mean dragging waste material across a brand new floor and renovated room, but that basic common sense logic hasn't quite been able to cut through the women logic, nor do I believe it ever will.  Thank god those two aren't my problem, but I really despise the fact that even after I explain the logic, it does not justify the reasoning for them.

Their logic is that you do the room the guests see first, so she can parade her friends and family and frienemies through to show them all how great her life is. 

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13 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

 

Sad part is, if you weren't married to her, you'd be fucking her within :30 after this happened.  

This is me, except my lady gives me the opinions and I tell her what's possible, and she fucking listens and accepts it.  We have a large basement and I explained to her that it will be the first thing renovated, since it has one entry in or out, and that is from the main living room on the first floor.  Once it is completed, we will finish the first floor.

My mother and sister however, insist that I should finish that main living room first, then do the basement whenever.  I've explained that, that would mean dragging waste material across a brand new floor and renovated room, but that basic common sense logic hasn't quite been able to cut through the women logic, nor do I believe it ever will.  Thank god those two aren't my problem, but I really despise the fact that even after I explain the logic, it does not justify the reasoning for them.

the problem here is that they never have to feel the consequences for their stupid thinking. the man of the house or some fucking contracter takes care of taping down cardboard and shit so all they see is the finished product. and then they congratulate themselves for their great vision and accomplishment.

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2 minutes ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Cheese is *not* optional 

True.  Mine is homemade deer or elk chili, Fritos, fresh grated cheddar (tillamook medium), a little chopped red onion, and some Louisiana hot sauce.  

A small dollop or sour cream is optional.  I don’t.  But offer it.  

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30 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

True.  Mine is homemade deer or elk chili, Fritos, fresh grated cheddar (tillamook medium), a little chopped red onion, and some Louisiana hot sauce.  

A small dollop or sour cream is optional.  I don’t.  But offer it.  

Sorry, but this absolutely ruins the concept of frito pie.  Frito pie is meant to be tasty crap food using fritos, canned chili, and fake cheese.

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47 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Sorry, but this absolutely ruins the concept of frito pie.  Frito pie is meant to be tasty crap food using fritos, canned chili, and fake cheese.

That sounds like aggy pie.

Proper frito pie is an unhealthy amount of fritos and hot, beef-only Texas chili (not canned) followed by a fistful of shredded cheese and diced onions. 

Japs, sour cream optional. 

If you REALLY feel the need to have beans be a part of it for God's sake at least cook the beans IN the chili. Don't plop them on top like some hysteric Midwestern widow. 

I also accept Johnny Sack's game meat variation.

Edited by ztejas
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Even the lazy version of frito pie with canned chili is pretty tasty.  I can do both.  I tend to always have elk or venison chili in the fridge or freezer as it is what I eat for lunch most days (sans fritos and cheese).  So I usually use that.  But I ain't to fancy to enjoy canned chili frito pie.

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