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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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1 minute ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

Yessir. 

Oh.  Hahaha ok I get it now.  I mean, what you said is true, but I don’t feel like knowing the songs “Strawberry Fields” and “Scarborough Fair” automatically dates me; both were well before my time.  But yes, she is stuck with my increasingly old ballsack.

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My wife often calls me on her way home from work to discuss our dinner options. It's amazing how many "near wrecks" she sees on the highway, or how many times she has had to avoid an accident. Strangely, all of these terrible drivers seem to stay home whenever I happen to be driving us somewhere. It's almost like she's being overdramatic, but that would be ridiculous.

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1 hour ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

I have a great idea.  Let's buy something we like, yet continue to search for something similar for .04 cents cheaper. 

Mine is the opposite. Buys the first hit on Amazon despite the fact that the "off brand" of the same damn thing is 50% cheaper.

29 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My wife often calls me on her way home from work to discuss our dinner options. It's amazing how many "near wrecks" she sees on the highway, or how many times she has had to avoid an accident. Strangely, all of these terrible drivers seem to stay home whenever I happen to be driving us somewhere. It's almost like she's being overdramatic, but that would be ridiculous.

She's causing the "near wrecks".

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1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

She's causing the "near wrecks".

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

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23 minutes ago, Sandman said:

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

Congrats on marrying a woman.

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5 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Talking about our daughter starting piano lessons.  
 

Mrs Snake Diggity: “You know I took piano lessons when I was a kid.  But only for a year.  Then I took a piano class in college.”

Me: “Can you play any songs?”

MSD: “Maybe.  I had to do a recital for the college class.  I played ‘Strawberry Fields’.”

Me: “oh cool, I like that song.” *hums the chorus of Strawberry Fields by The Beatles*
 

MSD: “Wait…no, not Strawberry Fields.  ‘Scoberry Fields.”

Me: *spends ten fucking minutes guessing song names and singing their chorus lines, then finally…* “You mean Scarborough Fair?”

MSD: “Yes!!! ScarLborough Fair!  Hahahahaha.”

Me: “hahahah I love you.”

MSD: “You’re gonna post this on that fucking website, aren’t you.”

How does that conversation not end in five seconds with her saying, “You know, the one that goes, ‘Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme’”?

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4 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

20230209_184029.thumb.jpg.935711f1ea4c219f31247e6da5824c5e.jpg

I did not ask.

I was about to say - that looks like something I'd do 14 drinks and a joint into the night and wake up to in the morning. 

But even then, I'm not sure why I'd ever put a glass full of ice in the fridge.

I mean we've all left a beer or several in the freezer over our lifetimes. 

This... this is different...

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We have some sort of illness running through the house.  I was in better shape so basically wrangled kids most of the weekend, handled dinner, got the kids to bed etc.  I just got some work prep'd for the week and am headed to bed.

I go in and ask her if she's feeling any better.

W: Oh, yeah, I think my fever finally broke!

M: Great! When's the last time you took Motrin?  About 1 this afternoon when I gave it to the kids?

W: Oh, about 45 minutes ago...

I was able to watch as she figured out exactly what that meant.

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On 2/10/2023 at 11:00 AM, Sandman said:

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

When you're having sexy time does she also tell you how HUGE you are?

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On 2/10/2023 at 11:00 AM, Sandman said:

Nah, I drive with her all the time and she's fine. She's just a drama queen. Raining outside? It's a "torrential downpour!". Windy out there? "The wind is INSANE!". Guy driving really fast on the interstate? "OMG that guy is a FREAK! He almost hit someone!". I tease her all the time about her "script", she won't even deny it.

Only when I am driving...

Person in the left lane ahead of us not perfectly centered in their lane = "Watch this guy!"

Vehicle a quarter mile ahead taps their brakes = "WHY ARE YOU NOT SLOWING DOWN??!?!?"

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This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

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4 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

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Man, fuck them Peeps. 

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So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

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17 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

C91AB097-128C-4B43-9742-AA562FB8A03E.thumb.jpeg.4cb994e19dddc80a38ddb22f32c4c49b.jpeg

What the hell is 13 FF?

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6 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

That’s not how this thread works. 

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2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

My ex was big into decorating for all of the holidays and seasons. I didn’t mind it until she would get hung up on minute details. I told her that half of the people would not care about the decorations because they are dudes. Which left half being women. Of the women maybe half of them would care. So in the end, at best, she was trying to please maybe 25% of the people.

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3 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

FluffyCalmBluegill-max-1mb.gif

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4 hours ago, Celery Man said:

This… again is not stupid but it is related to crazy. Wife was up at 3 in the morning making cookies for the kid to bring to school for valentines. Our daughter is 22 months old, I feel like this is my wife getting in early to exert her type A suburban mom dominance. As far as I am aware, none of the other mostly nonverbal students brought Valentines.

C91AB097-128C-4B43-9742-AA562FB8A03E.thumb.jpeg.4cb994e19dddc80a38ddb22f32c4c49b.jpeg

Damn, didn't realize the kids are texting at 22 months these days.

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18 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

So thankful my wife is not a big fan of holiday celebrations (outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas). Asked her what she wanted to do for Valentines. She was like. When we get home, go grab a couple of drinks at (local bar we frequent), while I try and get the 3 yo to sleep. Then stop and pick up some wine and pizza and lets watch one of th baseball movies you always make me watch before the season starts.

 

Dear Penthouse,...

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