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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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4 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Me: we’re leaving the bucket outside? Is that all of our candy?

wife: you always think we’ll run out of candy, it’s fine

 

welp the fucking bucket got stolen while we were taking the kid around the block and I guess nobody could have seen that coming

Leave the bucket outside, empty, with a "please only take one" note taped to it. 

(adolescent NWB would have taken the note) 

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I think it was my criticism of the completely insane amount of Halloween candy she bought. 

See these are the things you have to logically think through. Of course the candy buy was insane. But is it worth the hassle of pointing it out?

Sometimes that answer is yes, indeed it is.
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10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

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Oct 25:

Me: “Since you’re taking the kids to TWO trunk-or-treats on Saturday and then we’ll be trick or treating again on Halloween, I don’t think we should buy any candy to give out.  We’ll just give out some of what they collect on Saturday.”

Her: “Great idea.  I agree.”

 

Oct 30: 

Me: “What the fuck is all this?!?!”

Her: “Oh, Costco had boxes of 24 full sized candy bars on sale.  I figured we can give those out tomorrow.”

We now have 22 full sized candy bars and 6 GALLONS of assorted Halloween candy.   

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6 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Oct 25:

Me: “Since you’re taking the kids to TWO trunk-or-treats on Saturday and then we’ll be trick or treating again on Halloween, I don’t think we should buy any candy to give out.  We’ll just give out some of what they collect on Saturday.”

Her: “Great idea.  I agree.”

 

Oct 30: 

Me: “What the fuck is all this?!?!”

Her: “Oh, Costco had boxes of 24 full sized candy bars on sale.  I figured we can give those out tomorrow.”

We now have 22 full sized candy bars and 6 GALLONS of assorted Halloween candy.   

Shit dude where you live I'll come take some of that off your hands. 

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8 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

À man who has experienced the thrill of victory, and the agony of the feet.

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11 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

 

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10 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

Oct 25:

Me: “Since you’re taking the kids to TWO trunk-or-treats on Saturday and then we’ll be trick or treating again on Halloween, I don’t think we should buy any candy to give out.  We’ll just give out some of what they collect on Saturday.”

Her: “Great idea.  I agree.”

 

Oct 30: 

Me: “What the fuck is all this?!?!”

Her: “Oh, Costco had boxes of 24 full sized candy bars on sale.  I figured we can give those out tomorrow.”

We now have 22 full sized candy bars and 6 GALLONS of assorted Halloween candy.   

The best people in our little town were the ones who gave out full-sized candy bars. 

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33 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

The best people in our little town were the ones who gave out full-sized candy bars. 

There wasn’t anyone rich enough to give out a full-size candy bar in the little village where I grew up in northern NM. 

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3 hours ago, nnm said:

There wasn’t anyone rich enough to give out a full-size candy bar in the little village where I grew up in northern NM. 

We had parents giving out granola bars this year.  Son came back with freaking Cliff bars.  

 

Wife bought 3 bags of good candy, and on a whim I bought a fourth bag of "kids mix" at HEB, which was the savior of the night.  We got down to about half a bowl of candy left, and I dumped all the kids crap on top, and people really slowed their roll on grabbing handfuls of crap out of the bowl. 

 

The rest of the story probably belongs in the trivial things that make me surly thread.

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5 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

The best people in our little town were the ones who gave out full-sized candy bars. 

I would have been fine with buying full size bars if we ever had enough treaters to actually give them out.  I love the idea of being the house that gives out the good shit. But the houses in our Austin neighborhood are too spread out which makes it a shitty place to trick or treat.  We’ve lived here 9 years and have never had more than 4-5 kids in a single Halloween night.  That combined with the absurd amount of candy our kids haul in made it really stupid for her to go out and buy 24 full sized bars.

We took our kids driving house to house around our neighborhood, it was really surprising the number of houses giving out crummy treats.  Homemade cookies, popcorn balls, trail mix, pencils…that kind of stuff made up probably 25% of everything they got.  Some of the other kids were ruthless, I heard a 6-7 year old say “you’re giving out trail mix?!?!  Gross!!!”.  I pretty much hate Halloween.

In keeping with the thread topic, my wife makes us dress up as a family every year.  I have gone along with it under the condition that she does all the work to make my costume.  This year we were all characters from Alice in Wonderland, and my Mad Hatter “costume” was a plain black felt top hat and plain tan corduroy suit.  I looked nothing the mad hatter, I looked more like somebody with special needs going to a job interview to be a cashier at Costco.  I told her this was the last year I’m doing that shit.

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Last week, was already dealing with the hassle of getting a replacement vehicle after the daughter had a wreck (her fault -- not anything terrible, but the car was old, so not much damage totaled it).  Get a text from wife and daughter -- garage fridge and freezer died.  I ask them to make sure it wasn't a breaker flip.  Nope.  I ask them to use an extension cord to plug it in to an outlet that's working.  Nope, still no juice.  Fine, shuffle everything around to get some inside, and some over to my dad's house, I'll deal with it when I get home (the next day).  I get home late, too tired to mess with it.  Finally, on Saturday, I look it over (having already searched for replacement garage fridge on Craigslist).

Just to check, I run an extension cord inside to an outlet I know is working.  Boom, fridge fires up.  Confused, I go outside.....and see the other outlet they had tested it on.  It's a GFCI protected outlet, and it had been tripped for some reason.  That outlet is connected to the fridge outlet, so both had been offline.  I press the button, plug the fridge in where it usually goes, and all is well.

Yeah, it's on me because I shouldn't have trusted their work.  But still. I asked them to check by plugging it into an outlet they knew was working.  That didn't happen.

At least I didn't have to spend a couple hundred on a replacement fridge.  So, yay.  Freed up my Saturday to shop for and buy a replacement car.

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Not putting that on them. My house has outlets tied through GFCI in all kinds of mysterious places, and zero way to know.

Which is why I told them to test it in an outlet they knew was working. Like, plug a light into it first to make sure it has juice, then test the fridge on it. They didn’t do that first part. But I now realize they just don’t think that way. Because wife and daughter.
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Last week, was already dealing with the hassle of getting a replacement vehicle after the daughter had a wreck (her fault -- not anything terrible, but the car was old, so not much damage totaled it).  Get a text from wife and daughter -- garage fridge and freezer died.  I ask them to make sure it wasn't a breaker flip.  Nope.  I ask them to use an extension cord to plug it in to an outlet that's working.  Nope, still no juice.  Fine, shuffle everything around to get some inside, and some over to my dad's house, I'll deal with it when I get home (the next day).  I get home late, too tired to mess with it.  Finally, on Saturday, I look it over (having already searched for replacement garage fridge on Craigslist).
Just to check, I run an extension cord inside to an outlet I know is working.  Boom, fridge fires up.  Confused, I go outside.....and see the other outlet they had tested it on.  It's a GFCI protected outlet, and it had been tripped for some reason.  That outlet is connected to the fridge outlet, so both had been offline.  I press the button, plug the fridge in where it usually goes, and all is well.
Yeah, it's on me because I shouldn't have trusted their work.  But still. I asked them to check by plugging it into an outlet they knew was working.  That didn't happen.
At least I didn't have to spend a couple hundred on a replacement fridge.  So, yay.  Freed up my Saturday to shop for and buy a replacement car.

I’m amused that you thought this plan might have a chance of working.

Good on you though for the high confidence.
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4 hours ago, Snake Diggity said:

I would have been fine with buying full size bars if we ever had enough treaters to actually give them out.  I love the idea of being the house that gives out the good shit. But the houses in our Austin neighborhood are too spread out which makes it a shitty place to trick or treat.  We’ve lived here 9 years and have never had more than 4-5 kids in a single Halloween night.  That combined with the absurd amount of candy our kids haul in made it really stupid for her to go out and buy 24 full sized bars.

We took our kids driving house to house around our neighborhood, it was really surprising the number of houses giving out crummy treats.  Homemade cookies, popcorn balls, trail mix, pencils…that kind of stuff made up probably 25% of everything they got.  Some of the other kids were ruthless, I heard a 6-7 year old say “you’re giving out trail mix?!?!  Gross!!!”.  I pretty much hate Halloween.

In keeping with the thread topic, my wife makes us dress up as a family every year.  I have gone along with it under the condition that she does all the work to make my costume.  This year we were all characters from Alice in Wonderland, and my Mad Hatter “costume” was a plain black felt top hat and plain tan corduroy suit.  I looked nothing the mad hatter, I looked more like somebody with special needs going to a job interview to be a cashier at Costco.  I told her this was the last year I’m doing that shit.

Make sure to tell us what you are next year.

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22 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

So the men had trick or drink while the kids did their thing, not a damn thing wrong with that.

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6 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


Which is why I told them to test it in an outlet they knew was working. Like, plug a light into it first to make sure it has juice, then test the fridge on it. They didn’t do that first part. But I now realize they just don’t think that way. Because wife and daughter.

I am so with you here. That shit is infuriating. All she/they had to do is plug in a fucking lamp or blow dryer into that outlet and they didn't bother. Then they pretend not to understand what you asked or claim it was some extreme engineering project you demanded.

We have two ISPs at the house here (Telmex and Megacable) due to constant outages caused by local assholes climbing telephone poles and stealing copper cable to sell for beer money.

So we have a mesh system with one ethernet cable plugged into it from whichever ISPs modem happens to be working. I have walked her through it multiple times, but swapping ONE bright yellow cable when the service goes out is just WAY too hard to remember.

So if I'm not there and one of the services drops, we have no internet until I get back.

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On 11/1/2023 at 4:54 PM, msucolt45 said:

10-15 years ago, I’d sit out front, by the front entrance, as the Corgi went nuts hearing the door bell. My kids & wife would be walking the neighborhood.

I had a cooler next to me, behind the hedges, for me an all the “tired” looking Dads. Yes it was cheap ass Budweiser, but to see the looks on Dad’s faces was priceless! Not a one turned down a cold one!

Trick or Treat mo fo’s!

Hook’em!!!

What kind of fucking asshole turns down a free, cold, budweiser?  

If some asshole turns up his nose at my offer of a cold bud, I'm kicking him in the nuts and telling him to never come back.

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I am so with you here. That shit is infuriating. All she/they had to do is plug in a fucking lamp or blow dryer into that outlet and they didn't bother. Then they pretend not to understand what you asked or claim it was some extreme engineering project you demanded.
We have two ISPs at the house here (Telmex and Megacable) due to constant outages caused by local assholes climbing telephone poles and stealing copper cable to sell for beer money.
So we have a mesh system with one ethernet cable plugged into it from whichever ISPs modem happens to be working. I have walked her through it multiple times, but swapping ONE bright yellow cable when the service goes out is just WAY too hard to remember.
So if I'm not there and one of the services drops, we have no internet until I get back.
Way back when we were still dating and living together, we had one of those push-on coaxial cables to connect the cable box to the TV. The cat would sometimes try to hide behind the entertainment center and would knock the cable loose. It was a WHITE cable - the only white cable back there.

I was working night shift and slept during the day. Then-gf-now-wife was still in college and would usually be 'studying' in the living room after morning classes but was really watching TV. She woke me up once to tell me the cable wasn't working. I told her to look at the back of the cable box and make sure the white cable was connected. She came back and said it was. I again asked her if she was sure the white cable was connected. She went and checked again and came back and said it was. So - I got up and went out there and looked and found the white cable was disconnected.

Me: I thought you said the white cable was connected.

Her: Oh, the WHITE cable...


This is the same woman who again woke me up another day to tell me the dryer wasn't working. I walked out to find her pushing the button to show me. I told her she might want to shut the door first.
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2 hours ago, rage-a-holic said:

I am so with you here. That shit is infuriating. All she/they had to do is plug in a fucking lamp or blow dryer into that outlet and they didn't bother. Then they pretend not to understand what you asked or claim it was some extreme engineering project you demanded.

We have two ISPs at the house here (Telmex and Megacable) due to constant outages caused by local assholes climbing telephone poles and stealing copper cable to sell for beer money.

So we have a mesh system with one ethernet cable plugged into it from whichever ISPs modem happens to be working. I have walked her through it multiple times, but swapping ONE bright yellow cable when the service goes out is just WAY too hard to remember.

So if I'm not there and one of the services drops, we have no internet until I get back.

It seems like if you’re not there then she is the one that has no internet

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7 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

It seems like if you’re not there then she is the one that has no internet

I hear him. All the stuff he controls remotely (door, alarm, cameras, pool equipment, etc.) is offline also. That happens out here in rural ETX when our crappy “People’s Internet” POS service periodically and regularly goes down. 

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11 hours ago, Modessit said:

Way back when we were still dating and living together, we had one of those push-on coaxial cables to connect the cable box to the TV. The cat would sometimes try to hide behind the entertainment center and would knock the cable loose. It was a WHITE cable - the only white cable back there.

I was working night shift and slept during the day. Then-gf-now-wife was still in college and would usually be 'studying' in the living room after morning classes but was really watching TV. She woke me up once to tell me the cable wasn't working. I told her to look at the back of the cable box and make sure the white cable was connected. She came back and said it was. I again asked her if she was sure the white cable was connected. She went and checked again and came back and said it was. So - I got up and went out there and looked and found the white cable was disconnected.

Me: I thought you said the white cable was connected.

Her: Oh, the WHITE cable...


This is the same woman who again woke me up another day to tell me the dryer wasn't working. I walked out to find her pushing the button to show me. I told her she might want to shut the door first.

She's gotta be hot.

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My rationale is if it's something she know I like, buy enough for both of us.

Especially peanut butter crunch Quest bars.
Kind of what I do. The wife buys the healthy pint of ice cream, but somehow, my whole quart is gone after I eat one bowl. So I buy two and hide one in the garage freezer.
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3 hours ago, Celery Man said:

If I had a weird little plastic nail for every time my wife bought IKEA furniture, took everything out of the box and dumped the hardware everywhere, and then completed 2 steps before telling me to finish it, I’d be able to put together this fucking baby dresser.


R Snitch GIF
 

IMG_4871.thumb.jpeg.4d44caba3b3eff7626aca42ac158accb.jpeg

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19 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

What kind of fucking asshole turns down a free, cold, budweiser?  

If some asshole turns up his nose at my offer of a cold bud, I'm kicking him in the nuts and telling him to never come back.

And this is the last AA meeting Gil was allowed to attend.

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