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GSU&UT

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As per usual, men trying to overcompensate for tiny dicks with large weapons.

Having said that, my MiL does kinda the opposite.  She will bring out a fucking Kitana sword with which to cut vegetables and fruits.  But their whole family likes their steaks done to absolute insane levels of Well Done+++.  They don't like it charred on the outside because they think that causes cancer.  But if the inside doesn't look a wallet after a nuclear holocaust, they're not happy.  Not just 'no red juice' but 'no juice of any kind, it should sound like we're all eating rubber bands.'  And she'll put away the serious knives and then hand out "steak" knives to us all to cut the leather hide foodstuffs.  These gimpy ass, glorified butter knives that have trouble spreading peanut butter with which to fight this cattle abomination.  

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The whole banksy fad is so cringe. At first its mildly interesting like “oh some clever ‘subversive’ street art, neat”. 

And then it just became a huge gimmick. Oooh nobody knows who he is. Oooh he destroyed his painting before people could buy it. Insert gigantic eye-roll and jerk-off gif here. 

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5 hours ago, ajax said:

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down her throat to make herself puke.

So she starts puking all over me in my dream, and I'm thrashing around in bed going "No! Don't!"

My wife shakes me awake. And then she asked me what my nightmare was about.

I told her I was being chased by tigers.

Ajax wife 20 minutes later "Hey...wake up again!  This tiger chasing you.  What was her name?" 

32 minutes ago, Underdog said:

That time of year to ignore some radio stations that are already playing Christmas music. 

Wife was displeased with my turkey purchase the other day($64.00 bucks!), we found a cheaper one at another grocer, so she dug out the receipt from the trash and took it back.  

I was today years old when I learned you could return a dead turkey.  I knew you could return a live one for store credit, but don't ask how I know that.

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As I stand here freezing my ass off waiting for a soccer game to start I wonder, when did the move where you half ass bend over and wave at the ground with both arms become a ubiquitous warm up move? I’m early 40s and grew up in rural small town, but I don’t recall ever seeing that until my kids started sports.  Seems useless. Whatever.

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On 11/9/2023 at 7:29 PM, Underdog said:

That time of year to ignore some radio stations that are already playing Christmas music. 

Wife was displeased with my turkey purchase the other day($64.00 bucks!), we found a cheaper one at another grocer, so she dug out the receipt from the trash and took it back.  

I would return the wife at that point. My turkey…my rules!

csb time: Our first holiday together, my wife had the nerve to balk at the 28# I brought home to our apartment.  “Why so big?  Such a waste.”

I successfully brined it in a meat bucket packed with ice in the bathtub, and then roasted it beautifully for the holiday. She never complained about the Turkey Tetrazzini later that weekend, or the Gumbo a few weeks later, or the quarts of stock I put up.
 

She, too, wanted me to return it. She, too, was wrong.  

Edited by After irth
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On 11/11/2023 at 4:16 PM, Boss Hogg said:

As I stand here freezing my ass off waiting for a soccer game to start I wonder, when did the move where you half ass bend over and wave at the ground with both arms become a ubiquitous warm up move? I’m early 40s and grew up in rural small town, but I don’t recall ever seeing that until my kids started sports.  Seems useless. Whatever.

ive played basketball since i was a kid, and still dont understand this one

Wiping-basketball-shoes-better-grip.jpg

 

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38 minutes ago, Superhero said:

The Running Man movie is NOTHING like the book other than sharing a few names.

As with most film adaptations, the books is so much better. 

It was not a great movie, but there was something rather surreal about Richard Dawson delivering the following dialogue:

Quote

You look pissed, Ben. Believe me, you got every right to be. But hey, will you just let me explain. This is television, that's all it is. It's nothing to do with people, it's to do with the ratings. For fifty years, we've told them what to eat, what to drink, what to wear... for Christ's sake, Ben, don't you understand? Americans love television. They wean their kids on it. Listen. They love game shows, they love wrestling, they love sports and violence. So what do we do? We give 'em *what they want*! We're number one, Ben, that's all that counts, believe me. I've been in the business thirty years.

when you consider how he basically sexually assaulted women contestants on the air as the host of Family Feud for roughly a decade.

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My favorite cultural half-lore is the Japanese are such obsessive perfectionists, the best of everything in the world exists in that country alone. 
 

Like you can plausibly believe that in the suburbs outside Osaka theres a middle aged man who spent 15 years and half his life savings apprenticing in a Budapest etterem, and now he cooks a pork goulash so good it’ll make a Hungarian grandma cry. 

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Note to self: Don't ever try to look at you tube and fix your plumbing yourself again!
My toilet has been running for a week now in the master bath. Back about 8 months ago, then other toilet was running and I called a plumber about it and another bigger issue. He could not fix the bigger issue and when he went to change the fill valve in my toilet, it wouldn't fit and he said he'd have to go to home depot to get a new one that would. I did not want to pay him for his trip and time at Home Depot so he did what he could to make it run less and was gone. Fucking service call for nothing, really.

This time I go to Home Depot and buy 2 fucking toilet kits for my low flow fucking toilets. 
I was going to call a plumber but thought hey, maybe I can make it stop running until he comes out and I watched a you tube and tried adjusting things like it said. Bad plan, man! Now the valve to cut off the water does not seem to be working and the bitch is running like a russian race horse. For a while, it was squirting on the wall from the back tank but I fixed that at least. Fuuuuuuck, hurry up and get here Mr. 24 hour plumber man. Sheesh
 

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That’s the worst. Have to kill the water at the street to fix it. Had the exact same problem while fixing a fill valve myself.

Other than that, replacing/tuning your fill valves is probably something you should get comfortable doing. I’ve probably done a dozen by now. They just don’t last

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14 minutes ago, Lurch said:

That’s the worst. Have to kill the water at the street to fix it. Had the exact same problem while fixing a fill valve myself.

Other than that, replacing/tuning your fill valves is probably something you should get comfortable doing. I’ve probably done a dozen by now. They just don’t last

Modern toilets all seem to be so stupidly proprietary with their fill valve mechanisms. I have learned the hard way that it's important to match the exact same part number - not merely a part with the same name from the same company that's allegedly cross-compatible (but in reality isn't, due to a very minor difference....)

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1 hour ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Modern toilets all seem to be so stupidly proprietary with their fill valve mechanisms. I have learned the hard way that it's important to match the exact same part number - not merely a part with the same name from the same company that's allegedly cross-compatible (but in reality isn't, due to a very minor difference....)

Yep, so I just replace the whole mechanism rather than just parts

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3 hours ago, Lurch said:

That’s the worst. Have to kill the water at the street to fix it. Had the exact same problem while fixing a fill valve myself.

Other than that, replacing/tuning your fill valves is probably something you should get comfortable doing. I’ve probably done a dozen by now. They just don’t last

That is exactly what I tried to do but I don’t have man hands and the right tool so I couldn’t budge it. The plumber had the tool and did it when he arrived. By then I was just flushing the tank and it was under control.

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40 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

That is exactly what I tried to do but I don’t have man hands and the right tool so I couldn’t budge it. The plumber had the tool and did it when he arrived. By then I was just flushing the tank and it was under control.

seinfeld-jerry-seinfeld.gif

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I have something called an ejector pump for my plumbing. Because the sewer in the street is above my house, there needs to be a pump to get it up there to then gravity flow on from there.

Well it quit working the other day. Turned out not be not a simple fix as many of the parts had deteriorated. My guy spent three solid days (they first was 12 hours) like this

51d3533ce884e146ab86f81ab52c2a5d.jpg

With his head in this
ce2f9091eff87366c2225867b56c5153.jpg

To make what used to look like this
8406043d710a8b9702de0487a643442f.jpg

Now look like this.
14bfb2bd48b7ee3eeb28851d8a61a0b1.jpg

Surprise expense of $8,100 was fun. And after seeing what all he had to deal with, I think I was under charged. No wonder there a no new plumbers these days.

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I have a similar setup - my personal Shittorium is in our basement. 

We had a plumber out for one thing or another a while back, and he kept asking us oblique questions about how often the basement toilet gets used, etc., in such a manner that it became clear that he didn't exactly believe our answers. After a few rounds of his gentle interrogation, I finally asked him what he was getting at, and he admitted that there was a surprising dearth of toilet paper in the ejector pump holding tank, which in his view was inconsistent with a daily beshitment. 

When I pointed out the bidet, it all finally made sense to him. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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18 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

I have something called an ejector pump for my plumbing. Because the sewer in the street is above my house, there needs to be a pump to get it up there to then gravity flow on from there.

Well it quit working the other day. Turned out not be not a simple fix as many of the parts had deteriorated. My guy spent three solid days (they first was 12 hours) like this

51d3533ce884e146ab86f81ab52c2a5d.jpg

With his head in this
ce2f9091eff87366c2225867b56c5153.jpg

To make what used to look like this
8406043d710a8b9702de0487a643442f.jpg

Now look like this.
14bfb2bd48b7ee3eeb28851d8a61a0b1.jpg

Surprise expense of $8,100 was fun. And after seeing what all he had to deal with, I think I was under charged. No wonder there a no new plumbers these days.

Folks don't realize how challenging ejector pumps, or any pump for that matter, can be.  Especially when they are installed in a space like that one.  Thank you for understanding the challenge the plumber faced.

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The thing I learned about ejector pumps is a) try not to buy a house with one, b) if you do, expect problems because c) there is no standard design and builders will throw whatever together to pass inspection without thought to workability over time, how easy/hard it is to work on, etc etc. Then no one will ever do any maintenance to it whatsoever until it breaks. Then good luck finding an old ass plumber who understands them because they will all be retired soon. The two young guys that looked at first had zero clue what to do.

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If you live on the side of a cliff why doesn’t your shit just run downhill?

Because a they can’t run a pipe down the cliff and b the road below is a major arterial and they would never allow residential laterals to tap into the main under a big road like that.
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Ikea vs B&P.

Their idea use some type of cushion to protect the "veneer" and work off your knees.  Nope.  Quick check with a tape measure, looks like it will work off the kitchen countertop.  My back and knees say, "thank you".   Round 2, they want me to use their little chicken shit gadget tool to screw in 20 fasteners.  Nope.  DeWalt says "I got this".  Fingers say, "thank you". 

 

their way.jpg

my way.jpg

their tool.jpg

my tool.jpg

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15 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Driving down 35 back from a wedding in Dallas. Passed through Waxahachie, and had a thought:

If I ever opened a depilatory studio there, I’d call it “Wax My Hachie.”

 

15 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

Or open a strip club called Watch My Hoochie.

Probably a shopping center somewhere in Waxahachie that has space for both.  Seems like having a depilatory studio next door to a strip club would just make good business sense.

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4 minutes ago, mchookem said:

there are few culinary failures i hate more than a disappointing cinnamon roll 😠  (dry/hard, packed with raisins, not enough cinnamon, bad icing, etc.)


When I make cinnamon rolls I coat the shit out of it with cinnamon. To the point where I think “that’s a fuckin shitload of cinnamon,” and then I hit it a few more times.

Icing is always a cream cheese base, never butter. Not a fan of buttercream.

 

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In law Thanksgiving pushed to Friday before UT game.  Cool with me.  So the plan to eat light tonight is scrapped.  They bought NY strips and asked me grill them.  So here we go.  
 

gotta cook nine of them well done+ with no char marks and no juice running of any kind.  While trying to parallel grill mine to medium rare and pull them all at the same time so they don’t see what I’ve done.  Just seeing a red/pink steak; they’ll think I did them all like that.  
 

I’m no Aaron Franklin but ain’t no fucking Doug Henning either.  

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13 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

In law Thanksgiving pushed to Friday before UT game.  Cool with me.  So the plan to eat light tonight is scrapped.  They bought NY strips and asked me grill them.  So here we go.  
 

gotta cook nine of them well done+ with no char marks and no juice running of any kind.  While trying to parallel grill mine to medium rare and pull them all at the same time so they don’t see what I’ve done.  Just seeing a red/pink steak; they’ll think I did them all like that.  
 

I’m no Aaron Franklin but ain’t no fucking Doug Henning either.  

Dude, return their strips and buy some skirt or flank steak, which you can cut in the shape of a strip. Pocket the difference. There is no sense in mutilating a good cut of meat like that. At well done, no one can tell the difference anyway. 
Keep your strip and cook it the way God intended. 

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