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Prepuce of Doom

Shart Thread 2019: Year of the Squirt

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1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
6 hours ago, Radical Larry said:
Add the Georgia Bulldogs. 

The mascot or the team?

whynotboth.gif

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Not a shart but I ate so much pizza on NYE that I woke up with a turtle head poking out on NYD.  Had to duck walk to the bathroom.  Never done that before.

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Godspeed surly.  I for one have full confidence in the tautness of my sphincter but I'll follow for the lulz.

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22 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Hopefully my only post in this thread. 

 

eaaaa1ed2df252a2eff06d6242016952.jpg

That park looks shitty.

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Well gentlemen, I almost made it 3 whole days before moistening my underpants.

giphy.gif

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As usual, I am here. Two days of black eyed peas and their fiber content got me. Never trust a high fiber fart.

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On 1/1/2019 at 4:05 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Hopefully my only post in this thread. 

 

eaaaa1ed2df252a2eff06d6242016952.jpg

That's not even a shart

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Boys I'm at Gloria's in Addison surrounded by a bunch of fake titty Latinas and clenching hard. Something bad is gonna happen here

 

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Boys I'm at Gloria's in Addison surrounded by a bunch of fake titty Latinas and clenching hard. Something bad is gonna happen here
 

Quite a tableau

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8 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Boys I'm at Gloria's in Addison surrounded by a bunch of fake titty Latinas and clenching hard. Something bad is gonna happen here

 

Take it to the "Cleveland Steamer 2019" thread.

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Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”

The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class.”

Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, “We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?”

The old man said, “I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.”

The first student said, “I think it’s Peltry Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.”

The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought – but you are wrong.” So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”

The old man said, “I thought it was gas – but I was wrong, too!”

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On 1/3/2019 at 9:15 PM, Bud Davis said:

Never trust a high fiber fart.

if it doesn’t betray you it can be quite exhilarating. 

 

On 1/4/2019 at 3:59 AM, ulukinatme said:

Fighting the flu /w the runs.  Couple close calls, but have not renewed my membership just yet.

the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop sharting. 

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4 minutes ago, futureman said:

the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop sharting. 

giphy.gif

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1 hour ago, futureman said:

the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop sharting. 

Desire and ability are two different things!

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Had Wendy's chili last night for the first time in years, and a bunch of Nashville Hot chicken for lunch today. 

Thinking about going across the street to Walgreens to buy some Elmer's paste to temporarily glue my asshole shut until the danger passes. 

And perhaps a sympathy and/or marital apology card for my wife if this afternoon's farts are any indication of what awaits her when I get home tonight. 

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14 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Had Wendy's chili last night for the first time in years, and a bunch of Nashville Hot chicken for lunch today. 

Thinking about going across the street to Walgreens to buy some Elmer's paste to temporarily glue my asshole shut until the danger passes. 

And perhaps a sympathy and/or marital apology card for my wife if this afternoon's farts are any indication of what awaits her when I get home tonight. 

No card needed... "Through sickness and health".  If she's not in for this then it was going to end sooner or later anyway.  Let them rip!

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Should there be a separate skid mark thread?  I'm back on my marathon training diet with mostly fruits and veggies. No sharts last time but I did have to use shout on some brown treads.

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15 minutes ago, 'stache said:

Should there be a separate skid mark thread?  I'm back on my marathon training diet with mostly fruits and veggies. No sharts last time but I did have to use shout on some brown treads.

You need to head to the bidet thread.  Sharts and railroad tracks are very different things.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Jhawk said:

No card needed... "Through sickness and health".  If she's not in for this then it was going to end sooner or later anyway.  Let them rip!

Normally I would agree, but today's batch is so vile that I'm barely able to stay in my office. It's only the fear of dragging my stench through the hallway that keeps me from fleeing my own miasma every 20 minutes or so.

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

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1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Wendys chili is underrated

2 year veteran employee here.  That chili is surprisingly legit.  (If you ignore the beans, which no God-fearing Texan can do.  Actually, does Wendy's chili in Texas HAVE beans?)

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16 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Actually, does Wendy's chili in Texas HAVE beans?)

Hold on let me check my underwear.

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Wendys chili is underrated

Agreed. 

But the "hot oil" packets it comes with are biological weapons. In the Doom household, they're only deployed during cases of extreme constipation, and during times of peace, they're kept in the medicine cabinet with "pro-diarrheal" written unmistakably on the packaging. 

Edit: no feces in my pants today, just a lot of smoke. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom

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I had a “phantom” shart while crop dusting the produce aisle today. I could feel stinky dribble running down my leg, so I told my wife that I needed to excuse myself. There was nothing running anywhere. It was like a phantom phone vibration, that’s the only way to describe it. 

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I always wondered why these threads existed and sadly, now I know.  To be fair, I'm pretty sure I'm sick, but I had to leave work early and my pants are in the washer and I just got out of the shower.  The fuck.

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Posted (edited)

I would share my great shart story with you weirdos but it's so oddly specific if anyone happened to know me in real life I would surely dox myself.  But long story short, I sharted once.  

Edited by dingleberryswitzer

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6 hours ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

I would share my great shart story with you weirdos but it's so oddly specific if anyone happened to know me in real life I would surely dox myself.  But long story short, I sharted once.  

What's up, Al Roker? 

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Sharted in my flannel lined jeans last night.  Like sitting in a steam room.

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I would share my great shart story with you weirdos but it's so oddly specific if anyone happened to know me in real life I would surely dox myself.  But long story short, I sharted once.  


This you??

0ac3fa879ef0b9c08dcdadd1c60db73d.jpg

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2 hours ago, Fred Willard said:

Welp, guess I’ll call it an early day and head home. Made it through 2018 clean as a whistle. Just wasn’t meant to be this year. 

Even Nick Saban doesn't win the championship every year and he's much better at coaching than you are at not shitting your pants.

Clean up and get back out there hoss.

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